Title: Mistaken for: A Hostage Negotiator.
Timeline: Three years after DMC3. AU where Vergil returns to the human world.
Characters/Pairings: Vergil, OCs, Dante.
Genre: Humor.
Summary: Vergil can do good deeds.

Mistaken for: A Hostage Negotiator.

"Please don't do this!"

There were a lot of things that ticked Vergil off, and one of them was waking up at three in the morning at the sounds of sirens and gunshots. It wasn't enough that on top of it, Dante's bed squeaked at every single move he made, the springs popping from the mattress stabbing him mercilessly. How his brother managed to sleep on it was beyond him, but then again, Dante was known for the ability to sleep just about anywhere.

Vergil would bet his life that the dimwit was comfortably sleeping in the guest room right now, oblivious to the ongoing drama happening outside.

He tossed and turned right and left, hoping to gain a bit of sleep but to no avail.

"You don't have to kill them, you can have more chances if you turned yourself in."

He ignored it.

"We will not get any closer. Just leave them be."

He tried to ignore it.

"Don't!"

BANG!

BANG!

THAT'S IT! he snapped, getting up and taking Yamato with him. "Oh, there will be a hell to pay."

As he was leaving, the opened door of the guest room showed Dante peacefully snoring despite all of the noise. And this room was much worse state than the one he was sleeping in!

Just hearing his snores made him irrationally angry.

The chief of the police was desperate to say the least; the guy they were after held two women as hostages, and unlike other situations like this, the kidnapper didn't demand a thing. All they got from him is: "Get closer and they die."

They needed a negotiator and fast; the kidnapper shot two bullets a moment ago.

He then heard some noises coming from behind.

"There is a situation here, sir, you need to leave the area."

"It's dangerous to stay here!"

It looked like his team was holding a civilian back from entering, and it seemed that the said civilian was not listening.

Turning around, he got closer and said, "Why are you here kid? Don't you see that the police is working here?"

"I am here to end this." The civilian smirked in a very creepy way.

He was about to tell him to go back home but then something clicked back in his mind. The station said that they were sending a negotiator soon, and they said that although he was the best in his job, his appearance would unnerve some. He thought they were sending him a guy in a monkey or a clown suit, but certainly not what would be a twenty-year-old kid with strikingly white hair and a blue shirt saying 'I'm better than you. Sue me'.

Not to mention a freaking sword! (Is that thing even real?)

He had to make sure. "You're ending this?"

"Did you not hear what I have just said? Or were too busy being a human to listen?"

Hmmm, he got guts. The chief had to admit. "Alright then, get this thing over with." And he handled him the speakerphone.

What the hell is wrong with these humans? I tell them that I'm going to end them and they hand me a speakerphone?

Strange...

But then again, when was little, he always wanted one to boss Dante around. But his mother didn't allow something that will get the house even more noisy.

So earning his new power he tried it, "Testing, testing. 1 2 3. Die.

It's perfect.

The man who gave him the tool looked at him weirdly, and clearing his throat he asked, "When, exactly, are you going to talk to the kidnapper?"

Vergil only raised an eyebrow. "Kidnapper?"

"The one you were suppose to talk to? What kind of a negotiator are you anyway?"

"Negotiator?"

The man started turning red with anger, and before he could reply, the kidnapper spoke over a speakerphone he had himself. "Um, are you two fighting?Because I really want to state my demands. And who on earth are you?" he asked pointing at Vergil.

"Apparently, I am a negotiator," Vergil noted over the speakerphone too.

"Oh, that's nice," said the kidnapper.

"What do mean 'apparently'? And by any chance, are you bonding with someone who could be a murderer?"

"Friendship is a mysterious thing," the half demon answered, deciding that trolling these men would lift his mood up. Turning towards the window the kidnapper was speaking through, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Well, I need to you to tell my boss not to fire me tomorrow."

That made Vergil twitch. "What?"

"I was late for work today so he threatened that he will fire me," the kidnapper said.

Snatching the speakerphone - an act Vergil did not appreciate at all - the chief of the police asked skeptically, "And you kidnapped two women for that?"

"Yes."

"You, sir, are the worst criminal ever!" Vergil exclaimed, getting a hold of the speakerphone again. "You could get whatever you wanted, and you chose that? I'm seriously done with the human race," he continued, muttering the last part to himself.

"They have dental insurance." The kidnapper tried to reason.

"DENTAL INSURANCE MY ASS! What about the money? And getting away without being caught? Being the most wanted man in the world? Ruling the world?Gaining that sweet, sweet power." For a moment, he seemed that he was talking to more about himself than the kidnapper. "And you dare call yourself a criminal?"

Unknown to him, his little outburst made the police question about who exactly was the criminal here.

"You are right!" the kidnapper exclaimed.

"Of course I am, now kill those-" he was cut off by the voice of the kidnapper exclaiming again.

"I'm no criminal! I'm just a pathetic guy who didn't want to lose his job. Thank you for clearing that up Mr. Negotiator! I'll turn myself in!"

Vergil nodded in agreement, not realizing what the other was saying. "Yes, yes. I'm great- Wait... what?! No! That wasn't what I meant! I want murder happening dammit!"

But that didn't stop the kidnapper from releasing the two unharmed women and getting out of the building. It seemed that the gunshots he shot were just a warning after all. Just when he was passing Vergil to get on the police car, the kidnapper turned towards him smiling. "I'll be forever grateful to you."

And with that, he rode the car and it took off immediately.

The half demon stood there, mouth agape and eyes twitching. The police officers in the area decided to thank him one by one, the chief being the last.

"I got to hand it to you, you really are the best at what you do. Sorry if I seemed too doubtful." Patting his back, he grinned brightly at him.

Trying to keep his sanity in check, Vergil started walking towards the Devil May Cry. Voices behind him rambling"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE THE NEGOTIATOR?"

Walking to what he could probably consider a home, Vergil was full with thoughts.

His ability to make anyone do his bidding was a two-edged sword apparently.

I can do good things?

He shuddered at the thought.

Entering the shop, he headed to get some sleep at last, but then an idea came to him. Grabbing the speakerphone - which was still in his hold - he opened the guest room's door, and as expected, his brother was still sleeping.

Good deeds...

Please.

Getting the speakerphone near Dante's ears, he spoke loudly through it, "RISE AND SHINE DANTE,EMBRACE THE SWEET FOUR O'CLOCK WAKE UP CALL!"

What followed was a series of curses, acrobatic flips, and Ebony's tip pointed to his head.

"You chose the wrong person to wake!"

Fun fact about his brother: he is pure evil when you wake him the wrong way. But luckily, it's a five-second phase.

"Oh, Verge. What the hell are you doing here? And why did you wake me up with a speakerphone?" he asked, rubbing his eyes so he could see him better.

"I am sleep walking," Vergil replied.

"Too bad you're as much of an ass as an awake Verge, huh?" Then Dante noticed something; the shirt his brother was wearing.

One day while walking home, he saw it displayed in some shop and he thought the words fitted with his older brother's nature. It was also a good thing that it was cheap.

"You're wearing the shirt I gave you. How nice of you!" He pointed out, amused beyond belief due to the fact Vergil refused it earlier.

But instead of a sarcastic comeback like 'Desperate times take desperate measures', or just plain denial like 'Shirt? What shirt?', the older Sparda just had a horrified expression on his face and he hurriedly got out of the room shouting, "Noooo,I can't be good!"

"What the...?" Dante wondered.

That was weird, even weirder than the dream he had where he became the demon king.

Whatever. He shrugged and went back to sleep.