She had eaten very little before she came, but she forced herself to make it enough. Lately, it had become harder to stand, and even harder to ignore the grumble of her stomach. But she would not eat the dwarf food. Though she could not place just what was wrong with it, she knew that there was something not right about it. And she did not want to know.
Everyone else ate heartily. Bilbo had made no comment to her that night; perhaps he had already forgotten about what occurred earlier. Already, he was busy eating away. He had finished off three plates of food, and a servant was coming with his fourth. Ori had smiled at her and she had nodded back. Kili had given her a curious look, but that was all.
Thorin sat at the head of the table. He too was eating, stuffing meat into his face. He ate with precision, timing his bites, and cutting his meat in equal sized pieces. His cold eyes would occasionally run over the table, as if he thought that everyone would just vanish. Kili did not seem bothered and continued to eat. Every once in a while, he would not so subtly push a plate of food towards her, and she would just as subtly push it back. At first, everyone's eyes fell over them, but soon enough they stopped looking.
The silence was suffocating. The only sound she could hear was of chewing, and the clink of eating utensils on plates. All she wanted was to get away, and quickly. Her stomach rumbled again; she could not keep this up forever.
She had tried talking to Dis, hoping that if anyone had any sense it would be her. Surely she would not allow her son to do something so terrible. But she had simply brushed Tauriel off when she went to speak with her. Tauriel did not even get one word out before the woman ignored her.
She did not try to find pity; there was none. With a sigh, she walked back to the library.
He visibly ran his eyes over her, stopping in certain places for a bit too long. "You look awful."
"Oh, thank you." She sneered. "You look rather dead."
He frowned. "Tauriel, you need to eat something."
She still had some supplies left. If she could just figure a way out, then she could go home.
"Are you sick?"
She groaned. "I am still standing." It was hard, but she could still do it.
"Really, if you need medicine or-"
"I am perfectly healthy!" She stepped forward. "Do I look like I am going to collapse at any second?"
He shut his eyes. "Really, I do not mean you any harm. I just want you to be healthy."
"I am healthy." She ground her teeth together. "I am so healthy that I could beat you in archery."
She expected him to defend himself, to tell her that she was wrong, or at least that it would be a close match. However, all he did was silently lean down and pick up his quiver full of arrows and his bow. "Come on. This time, we do the original prizes. If you win then you do not have to eat. If I win, you do."
It was the final shot; if she got this then she won. At first, Kili had gone above his regular skills (Tauriel refused to believe that she was doing worse), but she had caught up. With a slightly trembling hand, she released her arrow. The only noise was what it made as it hit the target. After that, all she could hear was her rapid heartbeat.
"You missed," he said. "You barely even got the edge of the target, and you were lucky for that." He walked over to her and touched her arm. "If you need help on how to stand, then just-"
"I do not need your help." She glared at him. "That was my own accident." Before he could gloat about his victory, she left him.
"Tauriel, where are you going?" Perhaps, if he were different, she would have believed that the concern in his voice was genuine.
"It does not matter. I promise that I will be on time for dinner."
"Will any of you listen to me?" Legolas roared. These training soldiers might as well have been children, and considering some of their ages probably were. How the hell did Tauriel put up with this every day? Sge gad complained about it, but he had never imagined that it could be as bad as she described it to be. "I am Thranduil's son! I could have your lives for this!"
That quieted them down.
"I know that recently we have been having problems with fighting spiders and finding a new position for the captain of the guard." The words felt wrong to say. He half expected for Tauriel to just stroll back in and say that she was back. Sometimes she dived headfirst into bad situations, and she always managed to get herself back out. Some part of him wanted to believe that she was fine; another part of him, a part that actually was thinking clearly, realized how foolish this was. She had not jumped headfirst into a terrible decision; she had been forcibly dragged in by something else.
He just wished that he knew what.
"Now," he said, "if we are to kill the spiders, we must work as a group. I know some of you are having trouble with this." He leaned his head down, looking at all the Silvan elves below him in the eye. "Do not ever think that just because you have a bow does not mean that they will not kill you. Every day, me and my trusted group of elves risked our lives. Many have fallen to spiders, and others we cannot even be sure. All we know is that this was once a prosperous wood, green and full of life. Now, are you going to help us return this to that?"
The cheers afterwards brought him no comfort.
If any men fell, which many probably would, then he would just not hold it against himself.