AN: Some plot revealed and more background into the relationship of HG and SS, HG and Draco Malfoy. Although one part of the accident is explained, there are still major gaps- don't think this story is over yet! Warnings: episodes of PTSD, character deaths, mentions of miscarriage. Thank you for reading!
SSHGSSHGSSHG
(celebrating Hermione's birthday early in her first year)
Martin brought the cake in from the kitchen, glowing with twelve candles brightly in the dimly lit room as Jane began singing. He followed her in song, both staring at their sweet daughter going to Hogwarts the next day, her eyes larger than her father could remember suddenly. When she blew out the candles, he hugged her tightly then put his arm around Jane. They ate the german chocolate cake and vanilla bean ice cream before sitting together and watching the tele for an hour before Hermione wanted to try sleeping, even though she knew she wouldn't sleep even if she laid still all night.
"Dear, do you want some sleeping medicine?" Jane asked opened Hermione's door and finding her a bit morose sitting on top of her plaid bedding.
"No thank you, I just-" Hermione reached for her, pulling her close like they did frequently when things were stressful or overwhelming, when Hermione became aware that she was dramatically different than the people at her primary school.
"You will be wonderful. Think about how much power you felt at the wand at Ollivander's shop; don't fear, darling." Hermione held her mother tightly, thinking about all the friends she didn't have, aside from her friend Ebony who was supposed to have gone to Hogwarts with her, but when her parents moved to France, they were sending her to Beauxbatons instead.
"You're right, Mum. I'm just nervous." Jane kissed Hermione's forehead and continued to cradle her like she was an infant. When Hermione finally fell asleep, Jane went into the master bedroom and saw Martin with his planner open, hair wild and crazy like Hermione's.
"She's asleep?" He asked, taking his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, she's nervous but I'm sure she'll be fine." Jane changed into her pajamas, washed her face, and came back in the bedroom and joined Martin looking at their crazy schedule for September.
"Time's like these, I wish we'd had another after Hermione." Jane whispered into the void as Martin looked over from his work and leaned in to kiss her softly.
"I know, me too, but she will be fine. We both survived boarding school."
"You're right, I'm just not ready for her to go." Putting his planner on the nightstand, Martin turned the light out and held Jane, just as she'd held Hermione earlier. Although neither could imagine what would become of their precocious daughter, both supported her through everything even when they didn't understand her life nearly as well as they had when she was small.
SSHGSSHGSSHG
Weeks passed in an odd dance of normality and function. Hermione wasn't granted permission to speak with Lucius until the end of November, which felt eons away, and as far as she was told, he was still their only suspect. It was a frustration she could only explain when Albus wasn't around, and even then she hated to dwell on the case unless it meant closure. She and Charlie traded off meal prep, but she found that Albus enjoyed helping cook and even prepared a meal, supervised of course, for them the night before her birthday. She wouldn't even have thought of her birthday if Charlie hadn't woken her with blueberry pancakes and a song, just as Ron had done for all the years of their marriage. And though it made her cry, she felt loved. Lily and Winnie seemed to prefer the same cot but feeding and eating enough herself kept Hermione busy most of the time. Between lessons with Albus and taking care of the girls, she wondered if she'd ever get over the exhaustion she felt, even with help every now and then from Severus and Charlie, she thought she might crack under the pressure of practical twins at nineteen days- she couldn't imagine what it would be like when they were mobile. Charlie left for Romania once his leave was up but came back every other weekend in October to make sure things were going smoothly. Aside from being extremely frustrated with the case and feeling like a shut-in, Hermione was surprised at how well things were going with the girls and Albus.
After finishing all the remaining paperwork she had from her cases, Hermione began to fill her little free time with creating lessons for Albus and trying to investigate a bit of the case on her own. She'd never been involved directly with criminal law, aside from Lucius Malfoy's case, all of her other work had involved legislation and precedents; she never thought she'd get involved with the criminal side of law again after Lucius, but she couldn't help but feel personal pressure to figure out who was behind the attack. Although she knew Severus could most likely fix Albus' memory, he hadn't yet and it made her wonder if he was told not to by Kingsley. The worry over what be unlocked in her nephew's mind only bothered her at night, when she was alone feeding the girls. It made her want to try for herself, to push the boundaries of his mind and memory to discover the missing piece, but she simply couldn't bring herself to. She thought perhaps it might be better to borrow a pensieve and extract the memory for further viewing.
Draco and Scorpius had come over several times since their initial visit, but for Albus' sake, Hermione wished they could come every day. It was obvious Scorpius wanted to get away from the sadness in his home and found an ally with Albus, who had already lost his parents. She watched him go through the motions, finish his work and play outside, but she could tell he was lonesome and missing his brother and parents. When James and Rose wrote letters, typically on the same parchment, they also seemed to be going through the motions, playing the game of life. She hated that they'd had to go back to school so soon after the accident, but she didn't worry about them as much as she worried about Albus. She was completely surprised when, after a light lunch and work with Albus, that Charlie offered to take care of the girls in a secret dinner with Severus. She didn't ask where they were going, she simply took his hand and they arrived in Hogsmeade, where Hagrid was standing with James and Rose at the Three Broomsticks.
"Oh my goodness, what a surprise!" She immediately ran for them, wrapping both children in a tight hug, kissing their cheeks and then giving Hagrid a big hug as well.
"I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye last time, Hagrid or even tell you about Winnie, we gave her a middle name for you; Winifred Ruby."
"That's awfurly sweet, 'Ermione. Think nothing of it, go enjoy yer belated birthday dinner. I'll be waiting ter walk you back to Hogwarts." Hagrid smiled at her and for a moment she was transported back to simpler times, before they'd all lost so many people. James and Rose told stories of their time at Hogwarts and though it had only been a short time, Hermione could tell they loved being at Hogwarts as much as she had.
"Aunt Hermione, why didn't you tell us about the troll your first year?" James smiled over his pumpkin juice, the same smirk Harry had often displayed when being mischievous and Hermione couldn't help but laugh with him.
"Your dad never told you about that?" Hermione asked, taking a bite of her steak pie and watching as James nodded. "Well it was all his fault, no not really, it was your Uncle Ron's, I heard him making fun of me and as a muggleborn going to Hogwarts, I had enough trouble fitting in. I had such high expectations for myself and before I even left, I had read everything so many times I could recite it. Anyway, without that troll who knows if we would've become friends; I almost asked to be re-sorted before that night since the hat tried to put me in Ravenclaw."
"You were almost Ravenclaw?" Rose piped in, having heard the story about the troll in bits and pieces but never fully.
"Yes, and even though I'd read Hogwarts: A History many times, I didn't quite know which house I belonged in. The hat debated for a while, but must've seen something in me I didn't quite see." An odd smile played on Hermione's face as she watched the children absorb her words, both exchanging a look that signaled that they couldn't imagine Hermione as anything but a Gryffindor.
"What about you, Mister Severus?" James asked, looking to the austere man who had said very little thus far in the evening.
"Yes, Severus, tell them about your hat experience." Hermione teased, hoping he was in the right kind of mood to deal with the children.
"I asked for Slytherin, but the hat considers all possibilities." She grinned and touched his arm.
"That's all? The hat considers all possibilities." Jokingly, she turned completely towards him, challenging him to tell them more.
"Fine, I was almost Gryffindor, the hat practically begged me to change my decision."
"You would've been a great Gryffindor, but I am glad you were Slytherin." Rose commented.
"And why is that, Miss Granger-Weasley?"
"Because you might not have learned chess and strategies as you have, and I appreciate the ways you've helped me over the years, especially talking Mum into things." Severus grinned in the only way he knew and folded his arms, looking between Rose and her mother.
"Just wait until your brother is a Slytherin, Jamie, you'll have a Slytherin wannabe in Rose and Alby and Scorpius in Slytherin proper. Good luck." Hermione pretended to toast to them and laughed, it felt so good to see Rose and James, to be out in public for food with her friend, even if things between them were tense; although she missed the girls, it was nice to not have one attached to her breasts while she ate.
"Alby is such a Slytherin. I wonder if Mum and Dad figured he would be or if they thought we'd all be Gryffindor." James' contemplative question made them all pause.
"Your dad asked me about it once, because they'd had a fight and it was nasty, like he said some things to Alby that he felt really guilty about. He would've been proud regardless, I know, whether you all were in Gryffindor or any house, he just wanted you to be happy." Hermione felt her voice break a bit, realizing again how terrible it was that Harry was missing out on seeing his children become adults, that Ron and Harry would never know their youngest children; it suddenly felt like too much. She stood and went to the loo, where her tears fell without abandon until she heard the door open after several minutes passed.
"Mum?" Rose's voice, like a perfect song, rang out through the loo. "Mister Severus asked me to check on you."
"I'm okay, sweetie, just hormonal." Hermione wiped her eyes and walked out of the stall to find her daughter standing by the sink, her large blue eyes full of tears as well. "Oh, darling, I didn't mean to make you sad."
"You didn't, I was just thinking how lucky I am that you're still here. Jamie and Alby lost both their parents." Hermione pulled Rose into a hug and smoothed her hair, soft and full like Ron's had been.
"I am very happy to still be here, darling, and to be able to love all of you. I know I'm not perfect, but I promise to do my best." Rose squeezed her tightly before they both splashed their faces and returned to the table. Hermione could tell it was time to pump or feed her girls since her chest felt far heavier than normal, so she finished her food quickly. Each time she looked across the table to James and Rose, she couldn't help but see Harry and Ron, goofy and mischievous, daring and sometimes a bit foolhardy. James didn't have Harry's green eyes, but he certainly looked so much like him that she had to look away for a moment in fear that she might cry again. Peering at Rose, the face of her daughter she'd practically memorized, she couldn't help but want to hold her as she did when she was small, to be able, if she could even for a moment, to relieve some of her pain.
After they ate, Hagrid walked them all to the castle and Hermione paid her respects to the Weasleys and Potters, wondering if she was raising the children well enough. The girls were almost two months old and it was hard for her to believe so much time had passed as she sat on Ron's grave, telling him all about Winnie. Severus had remained with them, but aloof neither participating nor fading into the background, he watched and protected, hoping no evil would befall them after he'd taken great pains to organize the dinner before the Halloween celebration.
"I'm sorry, but we must go." Severus whispered, leaning down and getting Hermione's attention. She immediately stood and hugged Rose and James, made them promise to write and then gave them pictures of Albus and the girls.
"How did you manage this?" Hermione asked as they walked towards the gates, she felt her feet pinched in her shoes but no amount of discomfort could remove the happiness she felt.
"Charlie mentioned we didn't really do much for your birthday and reminded me how nice it would be to get out after being cooped up at the house." It reminded her of Sirius during her fifth year when he'd felt so useless. She didn't feel useless, but knowing that she was being protected by the Ministry, as well as her children, it seemed things so far out of her control, and it was a feeling she didn't enjoy one bit. She hadn't wanted to talk about the case or things that would ruin the pleasant mood, but she was incredibly frustrated.
"I just don't understand how there are no other leads, and they won't let me talk to Malfoy until next month, they won't let you fix Alby's memory...it's incredibly suspicious to me." Hermione took his arm as they reached the gates, and for a moment she thought of him as a Death Eater, leaving Hogwarts to go to the Dark Lord and she shuddered.
"They are being cautious for good reason, though I concur that it's suspicious." He pulled her close and apparated to Grimmauld Place where she couldn't shake the feeling of his former life for a moment, the nightmares he'd had in the infirmary and his rooms following the war, and how he wept. They'd both suffered lingering effects of the cruciatus curse, but Hermione's wounds had been healed by the time Severus awoke, he'd never seen the pain she'd been in and for that she was grateful. It worried her, then, that he would blame himself for not being able to stop Voldemort or his followers from hurting them. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that he would've stopped Bellatrix LeStrange from cursing her if he could have. The thought stayed with her, the blade at her arm, the feeling of a thousand blades across her body, opening up the hexed skin; she suddenly felt ill.
"You're suddenly troubled?" He lifted her chin but Hermione didn't meet his gaze.
"It's nothing, only, thank you. I really needed to see them." With that she walked through the door and saw Albus and Charlie feeding the girls, and all her misgivings vanished for a moment.
"Were they good?" She asked, taking Winnie from Albus and kissing her cheeks, running her hand over her soft curls and looking over to Lily, who was completely asleep.
"Of course, they are always good for Uncle Charlie." Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek as well, then took Winnie to the nursery, coming back for Lily before telling Albus she would make sure he got his story before bed. She spent around an hour with the girls, bathing and changing them, giving them one last feeding and hoping this might be the first night they slept through. After climbing the steps to Albus' room, she found Severus telling him a story about his grandmother, Lily. She listened, her hand on the doorframe as he told Albus about he and Lily Evans fishing in a dammed lake, how she was clever and used the magic she didn't really understand yet to entice the fish over. He told him a few other stories until Albus' eyes began to droop.
"Did you always stay friends?" Albus asked innocently, rubbing his eyes before pulling his covers back and sliding back on the bed sitting cross legged.
"No, unfortunately, I'm surprised your father never told you. I'm sure you'll hear about it when you get older, but no. I made some poor choices, ones that altered my life path, and did things your grandmother found difficult to forgive, not that I blame her. I hope that whichever house you end up in you choose to be a diligent and forgiving friend." Hermione was surprised by the tone of his voice, the way he mentioned Lily with calm and composure when she knew how painful the situation had been for him.
"Will you tell me, someday? About being a spy? I mean, I know it's personal."
"When you are older, though if you have questions once you get to Hogwarts, because I'm sure there are many tall tales about my efforts, I will answer them."
"Thank you, sir. Goodnight, Mister Severus, Dad never talked about his mum." He said, yawning and pulling his covers up.
"He didn't know her as I did. Goodnight, Albus." When Severus stood to leave the room, he found Hermione at the door with tears in her eyes, which wasn't an abnormal sight for her but still, it had been a few weeks since he'd seen her cry so hard. It felt suddenly like the room was too small and so was she, she looked young and innocent, as though none of the bad things that had happened in that last years had affected her at all. Before saying a word, she turned from him and started down the stairs, to check on the girls and say goodbye to Charlie who was returning to Romania until Christmas. Wiping her eyes, she threw her arms around him and tried not to think of Ron and Harry, how it had been them together for years working together, experiencing their lives together since they were eleven, and though she knew she would be strong enough to move on, to live life for their children, in the moment she just wanted to escape. The night had been perfect, her girls happy, Albus and Severus getting to know each other better, and dinner with her Hogwarts kids; but as she watched Charlie grabbing his things, she felt so distraught, as though she was being abandoned. It definitely felt to her like just when she needed them most, when both girls were home and her meeting with Lucius Malfoy was a month away, they were abandoning her.
"I'll be back at Christmas, I promise. George said something about coming to see you tomorrow to talk about some things at the Burrow; I wish I could be here for that, but I know you can do it." Charlie's hands were cold, but Hermione didn't mind as he held hers for a moment before letting go and grabbing his duffle, walking to the door and leaving. There was an immediate, eerie silence in the house; it made her suddenly uncomfortable, until Severus' voice broke the void.
"Seamus will be here in an hour to strengthen the wards. He has been asked to stay as I need to take care of some errands." Scrunching her brow, his tone reminded her of September, when he'd told her he couldn't always protect her. Errands, the phrase Charlie always used when he went to visit Billy; Hermione wondered what kind of errands Severus was being sent on or if they were errands of his own. Why did it feel like she was being left alone at Grimmauld Place when before she hadn't been allowed more than an hour or two without a guardian.
Turning from him, Hermione didn't know why her emotions were so raw or why the smallest things were making her weepy. Wrapping her arms around her midsection, she took a deep breath and nodded, she couldn't form the words to tell him she wished he wouldn't leave because it made her feel alone, even with the children in the house. She understood he had many other responsibilities; she understood that making him stay and guard her all the time was all-consuming, she didn't even know if he returned to his home frequently and hadn't asked about anything in his private life at all. She was filled with guilt, selfishness- how had she not even asked him about his home or how he was getting fresh clothes or even keeping up with work? Grief had made her so short-sighted and the well-being of others had been first in her mind, but somehow she'd lost the humanity of her caretakers.
Yet, even with rationality of thought, Hermione felt his loss and he hadn't even left. Before leaving him she turned again and saw clearly on his face that he didn't want to leave or if it wasn't that, he was doing a pretty good impression of someone who looked lost. How could both Charlie and Severus be leaving her at the same time?
"Do you plan to be gone long?" She asked, worried that she sounded desperate.
"It's not my plan to be gone at all, but I must do what the Ministry asks." His reply was straightforward but she felt consumed by guilt- always the guilt.
"Will you be safe, please?" Her voice was low, calm, and pleading as she tried to decide if what she wanted to say was appropriate.
"I always endeavor to be safe." Annoyed, she wondered if he was incapable of admitting that he wanted to return. But part of her worried he really did want to leave, and if that was the case, she wished he wouldn't return.
"I guess nothing left to say, then." Arms still wrapped around her center, she started to walk away but heard him curse behind her and then quietly whimper, as though he'd hurt himself. When Hermione turned, he was already using his wand to heal the cuts on his hands from the vial he'd been holding. It took for only moments to decide whether she should help him, so when she walked over, she was surprised it had been in his direction.
"What happened?" But instead of an answer, she simply got his infamous scowl. "Fine, do what you want and you accuse me of being irrational and emotional. Goodbye." She left immediately, beyond frustrated with the situation but devastated that she had lost her temper with him again. Of course, at that moment in her anger, she didn't understand that he would be gone for almost two full months.
Entering her room, Hermione immediately went to loo and washed her face and when she changed into her pajamas, she noticed that she was having her first regular period since the birth of Winnie, and that made her feel a little less annoyed with herself for being so emotional. When she felt the wards shift and then calm, she climbed into her bed and tried not to think about the things she needed to do, the trial that seemed like would never happen, the crippling loneliness she'd only felt once before in her life, and the person she was leaning on too often was someone who being forced to. It had also been the hardest afternoon with the girls, neither would calm and both fussy babies kept Albus awake that night. She was sure her own misgivings weren't making it easier to take care of the girls, but she was thankful when she found breakfast made by Kreacher in the morning.
When George came later in the day, he gave Hermione all of Ron's childhood toys and anything else connected to him, like his "R" sweaters from infancy and any pictures that were his or copies of family pictures.
"George," she placed her hand on his and looked into his bright eyes, still mischievous but holding so much sadness, " each time I think I've mastered an emotion or done just one thing right it hits me again. I honestly don't know how you are braving this, any of you." George brought his other hand to rest on hers and sandwich it, unable to form words for a moment.
"Without Angelina and the girls, it would be impossible, but life must go on. We can't sacrifice the living for the dead, you know." She couldn't look him in the eye again as his insightful, painful words washed over her. They sat in silence a while longer as she waited for the girls to wake again, finally sleeping after a rough night and morning, and when George left, she hugged him hard, thankful there were still Weasley men around.
Although it was bittersweet, Hermione thought it would be sweet to put Winnie and Lily in their father's or mother's sweaters for a picture. The rest of the day she spent going through the motions, taking care of the girls and Albus, supervising his homework and teaching him about the dragons that Charlie tamed in Romania. When she finally went to bed late that night, she couldn't get to sleep so she looked through the pictures George had brought her and eventually fell asleep with his picture in her hand. Each time she glanced at a tiny, toddler Ron playing in the garden at the Burrow, fresh tears formed and she felt overwhelmed; the care of two infants was finally catching up to her and it was then she realized how much help just having another, consistent adult in the house was, even if the Weasley brothers checked in and Seamus as well, no one was at the house with her at night, when Albus needed to run outside or help with lessons, when the girls were screaming and it seemed nothing she could do would calm them.
SSHGSSHGSSHG
(Hermione's first Christmas home after starting at Hogwarts)
"Hermione dear, what has you so focused?" Jane Granger asked her precocious twelve year old, knowing that it could be a myriad of things. Since she'd first received her letter, Jane had known Hermione was destined for a far different like than she and her husband had experienced.
"Just reviewing, we have some exams when we return." Hermione lied, and Jane knew this because when Hermione lied she refused to make eye contact and scrunched her nose or blinked incessantly.
"So what is your favorite thing about Hogwarts?" Jane tried to pull her from her text and watched as Hermione reluctantly closed her book, set aside her parchment and quill, and came to sit next to her mother on her bed.
"Well, I really love the lessons, and my professors, I mean some are really strict. My potions professor is really clever, but he doesn't really like my house, urm Gryffindor house, and my head of house and he sometimes seem at odds. And I've made some friends, Harry and Ron, they're really funny." Hermione loved when her mother played with her hair, it was instantly calming, something she missed greatly in her room at Hogwarts, surrounded by girls who cared more about their looks than brains.
"Your headmaster wrote us about Halloween." Jane's tone was clear; Hermione hadn't written her parents about the incident with the troll, but she should've known Dumbledore would tell them, it was the responsible and professional thing to do.
"I was upset because Ron had made a joke about me, several in fact, and I was crying in the bathroom, and we worked together to stop a troll. It's how we became friends, actually." Jane didn't pretend to understand everything about Hermione's life, she worried for her safety but chose to believe that nothing truly terrible would befall her daughter while she was away at school.
"Daddy wants to take us to ice cream, what do you say to some mint chocolate chip?" Hermione smiled broadly, ice cream was certainly a treat from her dentist parents. Grabbing her jumper, she followed her mother out of her room, forgetting about her research and her life at Hogwarts for an evening and spending time with her parents. It was the first time she truly realized that her life would continue down a clear path separately from them and she worried they'd lose each other in the end if she didn't try to include them.
The next day they had Christmas dinner with extended relatives, none of whom knew she was a witch and even though she could sense a real disconnect between herself and them, it was still nice to be around family. They were planning to go to Paris the next morning, so Hermione didn't let a single thing get in the way of her happiness. She hoped Ron and Harry were spending their Christmas holidays researching like she was, though she was frustrated she couldn't figure out where she'd seen the name Nicholas Flamel.
"Hermione dear, tell me about this school you go to." Hermione's maternal grandmother, who she called Nonny, asked bringing a plate of pastries to share with her. Of all of her grandparents, she loved her Nonny the most; although she knew no one else in her family was magical, if there had been a chance for someone else to be, she believed it was Ruth Cooper.
"It's in Scotland, as you know. We are divided into groups and there's some competition for points for the end of the year celebration. I love my classes so far." Nonny smiled softly and took Hermione's hand in hers.
"Your mother has called me twice a week since you left asking how I dealt with her going to boarding school. You must promise to always be honest with her so she won't worry." Hermione's eyes flashed to her mother's, bright blue and happy amidst all of their relatives, her brothers and sisters.
"Of course, Nonny, I do love it there and I'm learning so much." It wasn't a lie, nothing Hermione told her could be misconstrued for truth, but Hermione did feel a bit guilty because she normally told her Nonny everything and now it was against the law to do so.
"Janie said you were researching Nicholas Flamel, is that for your science class?" Hermione was shocked; how did her mother know she was researching Nicholas Flamel and how did either of them know who that was?
"Not exactly researching him, something he's connected with but I am at a loss, and yes it's for Science." Nonny took a bite of the lemon bar and smiled sweetly towards Hermione.
"He's a famous alchemist, dear, you should be able to find him in any historical text. There are all kinds of rumours and myths about him, quite intriguing really." It dawned on Hermione immediately. They didn't need the restricted section, they just needed 'Hogwarts: A History'. Kissing her Nonny's cheek, she put her desserts down and ran to her room, opening the massive text and found him. Although she was thankful to have finally made the connection, she couldn't help but question how her Nonny knew anything about Nicholas Flamel or alchemy for that matter.
"Hermione, your grandparents are leaving." Hermione heard her father call out, she'd been so engrossed in her writing and reading that an hour had passed in what felt like seconds. Scampering quickly down the hallway, Hermione hugged and kissed both sets of her grandparents, then sat with her parents as other guests filtered out, until it was just the three of them again.
"Are you packed for France, dear?" Jane asked as Hermione sat between them, her father's arm extending across Hermione's shoulder to touch Jane.
"Yes. I'm so excited, we haven't been in years." Martin and Jane exchanged a glance, one that Hermione unfortunately missed; they were going to renew their vows in the small church where they'd married twenty years before, dedicating their lives to each other again as the absence of their only child had made them reassess what they were to each other. Jane was first to voice her concerns, that they'd focused so much on Hermione and her magic that they'd forgotten to love each other and take time to work on things. That was when Martin suggested they remarry, rededicated themselves to each other and Hermione. Although both knew their marriage was far from perfect, they wanted Hermione to have a positive example for a lasting relationship, and were happy that they still loved each other after twenty years married.
SSHGSSHGSSHG
When she was finally able to meet with Lucius Malfoy, she was nervous but ready to ask him all the questions that had been floating around her brain since she'd first seen into Albus' mind. Though it also made her realize she'd never gotten a copy of the letter he'd written her. It seemed that almost nothing Kingsley Shacklebolt had told her when he came to Grimmauld Place was true, aside from the one part of Severus' 'prison' sentence, she'd figured the rest out on her own. It made her wonder what else he was keeping from her, from the wizarding world for that matter. Although she still trusted Kingsley, she certainly believed him as crooked as Fudge and Scrimgeour and it saddened her because she'd admired him since she was young, when she first knew what the Order of the Phoenix was, but then again, she was the worst for putting people on pedestals, giving them too much leeway and trusting that they had her best interest at heart.
Seamus escorted her to Azkaban, as Severus still hadn't returned from his errands he was apparently running which she was convinced were connected to the case. He'd never been absent from her for so long since coming to the MLE offices. It bothered her that there had been no communication from him, not even to check on the girls; although she assumed he was communicating with Seamus and the Ministry, she wondered why he wasn't communicating with her. She wondered if this particular jaunt away from her was connected to his first five years working for the Ministry, when he worked with the aurors and Unspeakables. It bothered her more than she could express that even after all his years of service as a spy, the Ministry was using him to their advantage.
George and Angelina watched the girls and Albus while she went to Azkaban prison; even without the dementors, it was still an unbearable place. She'd almost asked Draco to accompany her as well, but she knew things between father and son were still a bit unsettled. Although she'd seen him in Albus' memory, seeing him sit before her in the holding room unnerved her; she'd defended him and had spent hours with him, she felt completely unnerved.
"You are looking well, Ms. Granger." His voice still dripped syrupy sweet.
"That's a lie, but I'll thank you all the same. And, it was Hermione years ago, it should be now." Hermione took her notes out and wondered if he would talk as freely as he once had. It had never occurred to her that he would be so open when she was defending him against the Ministry, but hard-fought case brought them closer together.
"I assume you know why I'm here."
"Of course, your dear nephew saw me trying to stop the lorry from flipping and then later, when they took me into custody because they knew they were holding me without proper evidence, when I came to Grimmauld Place to explain everything, Rabastan LeStrange decided to follow me. He and his brother are to blame for the lorry explosion, citing some vendetta against Molly and Arthur, though I still believe you were the ultimate target. I haven't quite figured out why, but I was warned hours before by Rabastan's wife, which is why I showed up at all really, but since I came to Grimmauld Place, they assume I am somehow connected. They are holding me here for parole violation." Hermione was surprised by his candor, but not surprised that the LeStrange family was connected. It was clear he hadn't spoken to anyone in a while because his speech was erratic and quick, as though terrified he may not speak again.
"And why did she feel the need to contact you? Did you tell the Ministry before you showed up where she told you they'd be?" Hermione eye's narrowed in on him, wondering why these former Death Eaters had targeted her family at all, and certainly why the wife of someone she'd never seen warned Lucius to stop her husband and brother-in-law.
"I have no real answer to that, except she knew that they would be caught and killed. Perhaps she wanted to save his hide. They've taken her into custody, but Kingsley probably won't tell you that. And I did alert the aurors and the Minister for Magic himself, though you can see what good it did. I knew there was danger and reported it, as all citizens are asked to do, yet here we are." She contemplated him and wrote a few things down; if she were to take his word, it would mean that someone at the Ministry had allowed them to be targeted and die.
"Who is your representation?"
"It was to be Severus until Shacklebolt sent him away, and I supposed asking you would be a major conflict of interest, so at the moment I'm completely unrepresented, which doesn't seem to be doing me much good since it took them two months to let me speak to someone aside from Severus." Her face felt permanently scrunched; she hadn't realized Severus had been there so often visiting, especially since he hadn't mentioned going to visit him at all.
"No one from our office has been? That is shocking." She watched him cross and uncross his legs, then rest his head on his hand as he normally did.
"Really? You don't find it odd that they've kept me from having legal counsel. They tried last time-"
"Sure, but this is completely different. You haven't murdered anyone and you are entitled to legal counsel; these aren't Death Eater days, though knowing that the LeStrange's are involved makes my stomach turn. How did Rabastan escape? And which brother, Rodolphus died." He could see the wheels turning in her mind.
"Hermione, they will not let you represent me, so as much as I appreciate your mind working at Hogwart's Express speed, I would hate for you to waste your time."It was hard to shift her eyes from his, they'd always drawn her in like Severus', they were the gateway to his soul, what was left of it.
"My mind has been numbed by babies and mourning, so do excuse me for a moment because I quite thought there weren't any active Death Eaters out to get my family anymore and certainly not one I hadn't ever heard of." Writing a few things down, she kept her eyes on Lucius and felt for a moment what it had been like to be in her early twenties, defending him even though she despised most things about his beliefs.
"His name is Reynaldo and he is the youngest; he hid out in Ukraine while the rest of us answered the call, and before you go trying to research him, you won't find much. Severus could barely find his name mentioned in the family's records. Listen, dove, I know I was really only exonerated because my former wife told Voldemort Harry Potter was dead, so my hopes aren't quite so high right now." She watched him fold and unfold his slender, long fingers and wondered if there was anything she could do for him while he seemed completely fine with the hand he'd been dealt. His mentioning Ukraine made her shiver with memories.
"It's illegal, though, what is happening. I will at least petition for your release and I can defend you if I choose, there are no laws preventing me from doing so. I just wish they'd let Severus fix Alby's memory because I'm sure we'd see Mr. LeStrange. I remember now, the night you came to Grimmauld Place that there were other men there, not just you." She watched as his face softened and spark of sorts returned to his eyes. There was no way she could let him suffer in prison when he hadn't committed a crime.
"What is their justification for your parole violation?" She asked, writing a few more notes before looking at his piercing blue eyes again.
"They claim that using my wand, even if it was in defense of you and your family, violates the oath I made not to use my wand outside of my home. Technically, they are completely within their right to keep me here on those terms, though I think the mitigating circumstances trump the parole rules. Besides, I'm only one month away from the parole rules applying." Nodding and writing more down, Hermione mentally flipped through her memory of the parole terms they'd settled so many years prior and knew she could free him, though he'd be under house arrest.
"Not that I mind at all, but why are you so willingly helping me?" His voice pierced her concentration, forcing her to look at him again, to think of her motives and the people the LeStranges had hurt who were so dear to her and the answer was clear.
"Funny, I asked Severus the same thing not so long ago." She wrote a series of bulleted steps she knew she'd need to follow to get his release and then put her notepad away. "You know I'm hopelessly a bleeding heart for a cause and though we may not have seen eye to eye on much, you aren't the man who picked on my muggle parents at a bookshop any longer and I'm not a bright-eyed girl with such naivety. Life is not completely black and white, you know; you and I fall into this gray area." Hermione extended her hand to him and felt both of his grasp hers.
"You've paid your debt to society already, Lucius, you shouldn't be here. I will contact you with any updates." Hermione looked upon him with empathy but all Lucius saw was her grief.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop the accident from happening altogether; I realize now how devastated you must be- there's something about this place that makes it hard for me to feel anything, but with you here, darling I just don't know how you're coping." Without a second thought, he stood and walked to the door connecting to the hallway of cells, leaving Hermione in the room alone, wondering how she was keeping it together as well. She knocked on the door and found Seamus on the other side. They didn't speak, he knew just as well as she did that Malfoy was being kept there to appease the public while the Ministry floundered trying to hide a Death Eater plot. It seemed like something Cornelius Fudge would've done and not Kingsley. It made her stomach weak, it made her want to swoon and as soon as they left the prison, she vomited in the bushes.
"You okay, Granger?" Seamus offered her his hand and saw the anguish on her eyes, threatening tears, and whisked her away.
"Funny that Severus isn't normally allowed to leave my side yet he's been sent away at this particular time. Something isn't right at all, Seamus." Hermione said as they landed on the stoop of Grimmauld Place.
"If you can, contact Severus and tell him I'm petitioning the Wizengamot on behalf of Lucius Malfoy." Seamus merely nodded as she went inside, found Albus studying his history lesson with George and the girls napping sweetly in their cot. Without a pause, she went to her desk and began filling out the forms required to petition the Wizengamot and sent the forms with Harry's owl Tyrus immediately to the Ministry and then wrote to Draco, waiting for the owl to return. She hoped he'd stay true to his word and help her exonerate his father, even if it meant having to help her defend him. The thought of the LeStranges focusing on her family made her stomach continue to churn; she sat for a moment longer then went to the kitchen to start dinner and hope she was doing the right thing. The only Death Eater she could imagine having a vendetta against her or at least one who she'd had a run in with before was Antonin Dolohov or even Fenrir Greyback, but they were both dead. Of course, she'd thought the LeStranges dead as well. Unless, of course, it was something connected to Bellatrix, but even then Hermione couldn't make the connection.
Stirring the beef stroganoff, Hermione thought deeper on Albus' memory and realized immediately that when he was looking in the opposite direction of Lucius, he'd obviously seen Reynaldo or Rabastan; if he hadn't been obliviated, they'd definitely used a charm to confuse his memory just as they'd done the night she and Severus returned from the hospital. But, just she'd almost completely lost herself in thought, she felt Albus' arm at her waist.
"Can I chop the gherkins?"
"Of course, here, just be careful." Kissing his crazy hair, she watched him slice up the gherkins as though he were preparing a potion. It made her think of Severus and how different the house seemed since he'd been gone. Perhaps the compulsion spell really did work both ways because at odd times, she felt his anxiety, his fear and though she'd always imagined him fearless, she knew he was worried about catching the people responsible and keeping her and the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place safe. It made her guilt surge, to feel that once again he was obligated to a cause, compelled to action without a choice and she hated it; yet, part of her didn't want anyone else to assume the role. If nothing else, she knew how dedicated Severus was to his duties, she just wished it wasn't because the Ministry was making him.
SSHGSSHGSSHG
(7 months into pregnancy with Winnie)
Hermione sat in the loo crying; she hated the tears and the fear that seemed to accompany every surge of hormones was a smothering feeling she was losing her child. Blood, not red and not heavy, but still there. She didn't recall this with Rose; it didn't seem like Ginny was experiencing the same things. So she sat, the weak woman she'd become during this pregnancy and her fear everyday made her worry.
"Hermione? The Ballantynes are here for their briefing. Are you alright?" Seamus yelled through the loo door.
"I'll be right out." She squeaked, blowing her nose, then washing her face and trying to calm her nerves. When she finally felt a little less red, she walked into the hallway and saw Severus waiting for her.
"The Ballantynes rescheduled suddenly. Would you like to get some tea?" She shuffled to her office, this pregnancy had been the worst yet and most days she was just so thankful to have carried their new girl so long she couldn't contain her happiness, but when there were hiccups in her typical day, she felt those emotions overwhelm her.
Walking down to the commissary, Hermione tried to remind herself that everything was fine, it was all normal and every time she felt little Winifred Ruby kick it made her heart soar.
"Has something happened?" Lost in thought Hermione looked over to Severus and signed.
"Lady business." She replied curtly, feeling the roundness of her seven-month belly.
"Lady business? Seriously, Granger, I've held your hair while you've vomited more than once. And besides that, I'm one step away from a healer at this point, so if it's something I can help with, let me." He scanned the room as he spoke. "Besides, neither Seamus nor I can handle the Ballantynes without you and your sharp quill."
"I've had some bleeding, light but still...when I lost the last one I bled for days." Severus stirred his tea with magic from middle finger and watched her face go through the entire gamut of emotions. "And you don't need me for the Ballantynes."
"We'd like you around all the same, especially since you'll be on leave for six months, lazy layabout." Normally Hermione loved his teasing, his sardonic sense of humor was far superior to the asskissers she encountered most of the time at the Ministry, but that day Hermione felt too sore and emotional to laugh.
"Do you need me to-"
"No, I don't need anything." She grabbed her tea and went back to their office swiftly, it was too warm in the commissary and she felt too exposed by Severus, as usual he knew the exact thing to say to make her lose her wits. Shuffling papers for a moment, she felt an odd chill fill the room and when she thought she might shiver into hysterics, she almost fainted. With no voice or power to call out, she lay there on her office floor in professional dress, completely immobilized. When Severus showed up seconds later, she was sure he was going to berate her for storming out of the commissary or for whatever had caused her sudden chill and paralysis.
"Hermione, you are in shock. Look at me, look at my lips, listen to me breathe." He slowly brought her head up and forced her into his arms, yelling to Seamus to floo Ron.
"Breathe, Hermione, count in your head, four in and six out." Ten minutes later Ron showed up and found Hermione wrapped in Severus' arms, her face pale and sickly, her entire body quivering. Severus had sent his patronus because he wasn't sure if Seamus had gotten Ron through the floo.
"I think she's had a panic attack, Weasley." Ron dipped next to his wife and cupped her face, leaning down to kiss her softly and then push her curls from her face.
"Were you bleeding, love?" Hermione silently nodded looking between the man holding her and the one cupping her face.
"It's going to be fine, the doctor said the other day if she came now it wouldn't be great but her chance of survival is high. Come now, let's sit you up and we'll go home. Fleur can floo over and check you, unless you want to go to St. Mungos?" Hermione couldn't speak, she felt trapped and her breathing hitched again, her vision blurred and before she passed out, she saw dark eyes and a worried expression.
"There, Mynee, we're home. Fleur came and everything's fine." She heard Ron's voice, felt him at her side gently massaging her arms then taking her hand in his and kissing her palm.
"Snape made some potions to help and brought them. I'm so thankful he was there for you; I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Her eyes filled with tears and she felt foolish, her worry had turned into a panic and that panic had just made things worse.
"I'm sorry, love, so sorry. I just worry so much she'll be taken."
"I know, I worry, too, but we can't. I love you, stubborn as you are." Hermione smiled and leaned up on her elbows to kiss him, his soft familiar lips only the second she'd ever known.
"Is Severus still here?"
"Yes, he wanted to cast a charm, some kind of anxiety thing he learned after the war." Ron kissed her forehead and went down the stairs. Before Hermione could really take a breath, Severus was at the door, looking impossibly tall and foreboding but also a kind and wanted figure.
"Are you here to charm me?" She laughed, imagining him trying to charm any woman.
"Mock all you'd like, I didn't pass out in my office today." As soon as the words had left his lips, he regretted them. She'd been far more sensitive during this pregnancy than any other time he'd known her.
"I'm sorry, really, you shouldn't have to be in these situations. Maybe I should take leave early." He simply rolled his eyes and cast a few charms on her, strengthening charms and then one to protect her cervix.
"Stop trying to shirk your duties." He did one more diagnostic and then helped her to the loo door, seeing a fair amount of blood on the spot where she'd lain and then he worried, which he did so rarely felt, and felt her fear as well. When she exited the bathroom, he'd already taken care of the sheets and helped her back into bed.
"Stay home tomorrow." She saluted him in mocking and watched as he bent down to check her temperature and found instead the steady breath flowing in and out of her nostrils, the light perfume of Lavender and vanilla, and the freckles- they seemed to represent all of the stars in the great wide sky. If she had been almost any other woman, he would kissed her, ardently with finesse he reserved for women he actually cared for. He opted to kiss her forehead then left her room, saying hello to Rose and goodbye to Ron as he left. Hermione Granger had given him a chance at a second life, but he felt truly that she would be the death of him.
Next chapter: Christmas, SS returns, Lucius leaves Azkaban.