Seven

"So where do we sit?" Anna asked as we walked into the cafeteria. She was watching the natural bustle around us — of everyone looking for a table and buying lunch, throwing the football across the room and the teachers trying, but failing, to stop them. The lunch line snaked around the room and a bunch of kids were cutting each other and rough housing. Laughter and yelling filled up the room, making it hard to hear. It seemed like a typical lunch at a high school, but of course I knew better.

A football player bumped into me, but he just trotted away like he hadn't noticed me. In another lifetime, this would have bothered me. But now I notice them even less than they notice me. It's become an unwritten law — I don't talk to them and they don't talk to me. Of course, the girls who I always seem to forget their names are an exception.

"Watch it!" Anna called to him from behind me.

I looked at her, trying to send her the shut up signal with my eyes. She either didn't receive it or chose to ignore me. And from the small amount of time I've known Anna, I'm betting it's the latter.

"Watch where you're walking!" Anna yelled after him again, but he was already halfway across the cafeteria, his arm around some blonde cheerleader. We walked to the lunch line and she let out an exasperated sigh.

"Are people always like this?" she asked as she grabbed a tray.

"It's hard to tell. I don't notice."

She stopped mid-line and stared at me. "Christ," she said. "Forget the shovel. I need a freaking fort lift."

I figured this was another jab at my lack of conversation skills and decided to ignore it and move on.

"Do you buy every day?" Anna wondered.

"No, I usually don't buy lunch at all. I just figured you would so I did, too. For today."

"For today," she repeated. I nodded.

We paid for our lunches and emerged from the lunch line, only to run into Scott Fields. Literally.

"Whoa there, awwww-nuuuhh," he said, exaggerating her name. I sighed and inched closer to the door. "What're you, stalking me?"

Anna giggled and I said, "Hardly."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"We were just buying our lunches and heading outside."

"Ah, your secret hiding spot?"

I looked at the door again. "Excuse me?"

"Annaleigh has a secret hiding spot?" Anna wondered.

Scott leaned closer, as if he was telling her a huge secret. "Every day at lunch Annaleigh disappears. No one knows where she goes. Stories have been told, rumors have been spread, but no one knows where she really goes."

"Stop," I said.

He grinned. "'Maybe she eats lunch in the bathroom!' some say. 'Maybe she goes into town and meets up with her secret boyfriend,' other say. Or, my personal favorite: 'Maybe she found a unicorn and she's having lunch in the sky.'"

"You're ridiculous. No one really says that. Everyone knows that I eat lunch outside by a tree listening to my iPod."

"Is that where we were going?" Anna asked.

"It's where I'm going. You can eat lunch wherever you'd like."

"Dis!" Scott chanted.

"Shut up," I said.

"Crap," Anna said, looking down at her tray, "I forgot a drink. I'll be right back — don't go to your secret hiding spot without me!"

I sighed, and looked up at the ceiling. Scott winked at her.

As soon as she left, I could feel Scott's eyes on me.

"What?" I asked, but when I looked at him, I could see all traces of teasing were gone.

"You know you could sit wherever you'd like, right?"

"What?" I asked again, more gently.

"Any table would welcome you like that." He snapped his fingers. "They would be lucky to have you at their table."

"Why?"

He waited until he had our eyes locked. "Because you're goddamn gorgeous."

I almost dropped my tray. "So?"

"What do you mean?"

"They'd welcome me because I'm pretty?"

He nodded.

"Ever think maybe that's why I don't sit with anybody?"

He stared at me for a long time after that, trying to read my expression. I sighed, fed up with his antics. "Tell Anna I went outside."

I left then, leaving him with what he thought was my goddamn gorgeousness. But I knew enough about the people at this school to know that he had it all wrong. I sat against my tree, feeling the bark press into my spine and hearing the music blast in my ears. It felt like a typical day. But for some reason, it felt different. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, a small part of me knew why.

I didn't want Anna to go to drama with me after school. I didn't want her to meet Riley. By first look, Anna would be able to tell that something happened between Riley and me. She would use her God-given talent, and declare him hot, saying how into me he is. It would even more when I couldn't disagree.

That's all anyone really cares about in this school. How someone looks. Sometimes I wish people could see for how I really am. And it's not "drop dead gorgeous" or "goddamn gorgeous." The ugly truth is exactly what it is — ugly.

I didn't want Anna to give me another reason to involve Riley in my life. As far as I knew, he was out. And I would rather live happily in my own world than miserably in reality. I knew someday reality would crash down on me, knocking me in the head until I eventually won't be able to take it anymore; but until then I would believe what I wanted to believe.

I walked into the drama room and threw my backpack backstage. As I was getting the new script out of my backpack, I heard a voice behind me.

"I thought you didn't need your script."

I stood up slowly and turned around to face Riley. "Who says it's for me?"

He laughed. "Ouch." He took the script from me and said, "I thought I did pretty good last time."

"You did fine."

"Fine! What a compliment from the world-famous actress!"

I resisted the urge to stomp on his feet and childishly stick my tongue out at him. Instead I said, "Just stick to the script this time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, only kiss me if it's there in print."

"So if I go home and retype the script, you'd kiss me?"

"No, because then I wouldn't be Rosalina. I'd be Annaleigh."

He laughed. "You got the whole best of both worlds, Hannah Montana thing going on. Well I don't care which one kisses me."

"You don't want Annaleigh to kiss you."

"Why? I've done it before."

"You haven't kissed Annaleigh when she's mad."

"Why are you mad?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, I could feel my heart drop in my chest. A lump rose in my throat as I remembered what had made me so mad, why I couldn't bear to look in his eyes. The eyes of the reason why I lost my best friend. And as I could feel my expression change from mad to hurt, I saw his expression change, too.

"Annaleigh, I—" But no more words followed. He was finally beginning to realize what his actions did to me, but he wasn't mature enough, didn't have the heart to apologize. He couldn't admit what he did, and that it changed my life permanently.

I just shook my head. I didn't know what to say.

"Where's your friend?" I heard Scott say, coming up behind Riley.

I saw Riley look at me. I could see what he was thinking, despite his previous emotions. Friend? Annaleigh has a friend?

I stared at the two boys in front of me. Riley Fillmore and Scott Fields — boys that had at one point hurt me, but both in different ways. They stood there, looking at me with the same expression. I sighed, looking at my shoes. I couldn't deal with this.

I turned around, then, walking away from both of them, leaving them wondering what the hell had just happened. I couldn't help but wonder the same thing.

"How 'bout some popcorn?" Candy asked when I walked in after school that day.

"No thanks," I said. I could feel my stomach growling, but I just didn't feel like eating. Too much had happened.

"Pish!" Candy exclaimed. She always left out the 'posh.' "Of course you want some popcorn. Who wouldn't? It's movie theater butter. Extra calories."

I cringed.

"Damn, girl. You better not be watching your weight. You're like a stupid twig. If anything, you should be watching your weight so you don't become one of those dang models. You're too damn skinny and if you don't eat this movie theater buttered popcorn then I'm gonna be forced to call that model agency and tell them you'd love the job they offered to you last year. How 'bout that?"

"Fine!" I exclaimed, walking into the kitchen. "Make the popcorn."

She smirked. "I knew I'd get you with the modeling dig." She pulled out a popcorn bag and placed it in the microwave, pressing some random buttons to get it to start. I doubt Candy knows how to work half the appliances in her kitchen. The microwave started up and it was silent for a few moments.

"So how was Anna's first day?" Candy asked as I sat at her kitchen table. She was watching the lit-up microwave, as the popcorn crackled and popped.

"It was…fine," I said.

"Girl you are the worst liar ever. You get that from Cynthia."

At the sound of her name, my head snapped up. I expected Candy to be backtracking, apologizing for mentioning her — we never talked about my mother — but she was still watching the popcorn bag go round and round in the microwave, spinning in a circle until the time ran out. It didn't even seem like she knew she said it aloud.

But I guess that was the difference between Candy and my dad. Why they never really got along. With my father, everything was unspoken: words and thoughts and actions. Candy was the exact opposite. Words and even thoughts that were meant to remain unspoken always ended up escaping her mouth. It never seemed like she regretted it, though. She always knew what she was saying, and I always knew she meant it.

I just shrugged.

"So how was it really?"

I sighed, tracing the cracks in the table. "Really, Candy. It wasn't amazing but it wasn't horrible. It was just fine."

She gave me a disbelieving look. The popcorn dinged behind her, but she ignored it.

"I have the modeling agency on speed dial."

I snorted. "Do you really?"

"Well…I could never really figure out how to work that dang speed dial. But I know their number and I could call them any time I want."

"Why, Candy," I said in a mocking tone, "I didn't know you were interested in modeling."

"No jokes, Anny."

"The popcorn dinged," I told her.

"What?"

"The popcorn."

"Oh whatever," she said, walking over to the table. "You didn't want it anyways."

I just rolled my eyes as she took a seat with me. "I'm gonna find out even if you don't tell me."

"How?"

"I can always talk to Anna."

"You're making this a bigger deal than it really is."

"No, you're just making this a smaller deal than it really is."

I groaned as someone knocked on the door. I smiled.

"Don't think I'm gonna forget this li'l convo, Annaleigh!"

I continued smiling.

I heard Candy's footsteps as she opened the front door.

"Why, Anna!" she cried. "This is certainly a surprise! Come on in."

"I'm sorry for barging in," Anna apologized as she walked into the kitchen, "but no one was home at Annaleigh's house so I figured she might be here."

"Of course li'l girl. Just like li'l Anny, you're always welcome here!"

Anna took a seat next to me.

"Would you like some popcorn?" Candy asked Anna.

"Sure!"

"See?" Candy said to me. "That's a normal human being for ya." She retrieved the popcorn bag from the microwave and emptied it into a bowl. Then she placed it in front of us and took a huge handful. I just stared at it.

"I'm glad you came, Anna," Candy said while trying to chew and swallow at the same time. "I was tryin' to get it outta her what happened at that school of yours today, but she wouldn't tell me anything."

Anna looked at me. "There wasn't anything to say," I said, shrugging.

"There's always something to say," Anna told me.

"Amen!" Candy cried and they toasted their popcorn. "So tell me what really happened, li'l Anna girl."

"Oh my god, Candy. It's crazy there!" Candy raised an eyebrow at me. "Our homeroom teacher, Ms. McCafferty was like, 20 minutes late! And during those 20 minutes the whole class was like, freaking out!"

"Did they set the place on fire?" Candy interjected.

"Uh…no."

Candy smiled at me. "Sophomore year."

"'88," I finished. I knew the story well.

"Anyways," Anna continued, "they were finishing their homework, putting on makeup, throwing footballs, and one couple was making out in the corner!"

"Good ol' Steph and Brian," Candy amended.

"It wasn't like I cared, or anything. I mean I had no problem with it. But the teacher didn't even care, either! She just waltzed in, 20 minutes late, like this whole thing was all routine!"

"That's because it is," I told her.

"Not for me! Oh and then there was the ass comment."

"I'm pretty sure it was a compliment."

"Ms. McCafferty complimented your ass?" Candy exclaimed.

"No," I said. "She said Anna had a good personality, not like the other whores at our school."

"It was very unusual."

"I like Ms. McCafferty," I said.

"Oh-em-gee," Candy said. "Anna, you have to like her. When Annaleigh likes someone, that someone's an angel on the freaking earth."

"I guess that makes Scott Fields the devil from hell," Anna said.

I shot her a death glare, but at the same time I agreed with her.

"Scott Fields?" Candy tilted her head. "Annaleigh introduced you to Scott Fields?"

Anna nodded. "Well not really introduced as much as he threw himself at her," I clarified.

"Oh please," Anna said. "He was incredibly polite. Plus he loves you, not me."

Death glare again.

"I would love it if Scott Fields loved me," Candy said. "He is hot!"

Anna giggled. "I know, right?"

I sighed; I couldn't disagree.

"Oh and then there was the reason why Annaleigh didn't want me to watch her at play rehearsal, today."

"Play rehearsal?" Candy asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Yeah. She was all mysterious about it, saying I would be bored."

"I think I know why," Candy said, still watching me.

"Yeah?"

"Two words," she said. "Riley. Fillmore."

I winced.

"Riley Fillmore?"

"Riley Fillmore."

"Who's Riley Fillmore?"

"Stop saying his name," I said.

They ignored me.

"Riley Fillmore is Annaleigh's ex lover. They were together for a year and then they broke up. A tragedy."

"It wasn't a tragedy that we broke up. It was because of a tragedy, we broke up."

"Excuse me?" Anna asked.

"Candy, just stop talking about it. Please."

"Why? Everyone knows you won't ever."

"There's a reason for that."

"I am feeling very left out of the conversation," Anna complained.

Candy and I just stared at her.

Anna sighed. "Well I guess I'll go then. You'll have to tell me later about this Riley Fillmore guy, Annaleigh." I winced.

"Bye, Anna," Candy said.

"See you tomorrow," she said.

Anna closed the door and she was gone.

I continued to stare at Candy. "Twice in one day," I said, finally.

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about, and you know there are boundaries that I work hard to keep. Don't cross them."

"I hate to be serious with you, Annaleigh, but when you set boundaries, they're screaming to be crossed. It's why they're invented. It's like when you say, 'don't eat a cookie.' Of course I'm gonna want a cookie!"

"This is more important then a cookie and you know it."

She exhaled. "Annaleigh," was all she said.

We never talked about my mother. It was understood. She knew what happened, though; I could see it in her eyes. I could see it in the way she looked at me when I was having a bad day — those days when my dad wasn't home and all I wanted to do was leave Cornflower Way with him in my mom's truck. She could see me hurting, when my mom's disappearance was burning right through me, like a fire spreading from tree to tree. Every second I become closer to ashes, ashes. And we all fall down.