Disclaimer: Don't own it...don't want to own it...these guys' are a hand full...geeze...
Ana Maria finally made it to her room, limp and all. She went to her bathroom to inspect the horrible bite on her right leg. Wobbling to the toilet she put her seat down and placed her leg on it to examine the battle scares.
"I can't believe that they didn't kill that fucking little creature." Maria mumbled as she struggled to reach a bottle of Peroxide on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet. "Fuck!" she groaned when her hand accidentally hit the bottle of rubbing alcohol instead.
Trying to catch it was out of the question so she just waited for the sound of the container hitting the floor, but it didn't come. Slowly Maria looked to the cold tile and saw a pair of unfamiliar boots. Her eyes made their way up the intruders form until her eyes locked on his crystal blue orbs.
"Would you like some assistance, Milady?" Legolas asked cautiously. He held the bottle in his left hand. Shocked by his surprise appearance, Maria lost her balance and was also caught by the skilled archer.
"Why do you always have to save the goddamn day all the time?" She yelled in frustration.
"I'm… well…" He stammered to explain himself when Ayumi burst into Maria's bathroom.
"We are all… in… the living room… what the hell is going on in here?" Ayumi questioned taking in the scene before her. There stood Legolas with a bottle of rubbing alcohol in one hand and Maria leaned against the other, that is until he dropped her.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH" Maria screamed causing Legolas to drop the bottle of rubbing alcohol as well and collapse to the floor in pain while covering his ears. Ayumi rushed to help Maria off the hard floor and onto the edge of the tub. When she was seated she sent a deadly stare in the direction of the elf who was now in the fetal position in the middle of the floor.
Without taking her daggered stare from the elf, she asked Ayumi to hand her the Peroxide and the other things needed to clean the now tingling scar on her leg. When he finally regained his ability to hear correctly he stood and straightened his clothes, returning the gaze that Maria laid so thickly.
"Sometimes I think you do that on purpose." Legolas growled between gritted teeth as he turned to leave the ladies alone.
"Sometimes you make me want to hit a higher note!" With that Legolas retreated mumbling about women of all species having the same mood swing problems. He reached the hallway and decided that he would just leave Maria alone for the remainder of their stay.
Back in the bathroom, Ayumi helped Maria take care of her injuries.
"What the hell bit you?" Ayumi asked as she disposed of the used supplies.
"I don't wanna talk about it," she sighed. "Where is Akiera?"
Ayumi tried her hardest to stifle a laugh, "She is a little busy right now. "
Caught up in his thoughts of Ana Maria, Legolas continued to walk to what the mortal girls called a 'living room' when his sensitive ears picked up another high pitched sound. Before he could even move out of the way he was knocked up against the hallway wall by the small creature that he hated. Behind him was the screaming tornado that the others called Akiera.
"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!" Akiera blew past Legolas just as quickly as the critter before had. She was waving a small metal bat and almost hit Legolas in her attempt to catch the trouble making Gollum. Legolas cringed a moment later when another high pitched scream punctured his ears once again. "GOT'EM!" Akiera sang from some distance.
When entering the living room Legolas was surprised to see that Gandolf, Elrond, Arwen, Elrohir, Frodo, Samwise, and Gimili scattered around talking amongst themselves along with the others. He made his way towards Elrond and Elrohir who stood together examining the surroundings
"If I spend one more second in this place I think that I may possibly go mad!" Legolas confessed to the older elves.
"How long have you been here?" Elrohir asked.
"It seems like an eternity." Legolas complained.
A moment later Akiera entered the room dragging Gollum along in a kennel. "Does this thing belong to anyone here?" She stopped pulling and began to kick the box to the center of the room. Inside you could hear the faint cries of the trapped.
Frodo jumped toward the tan box but was stopped before he could reach the lock on the front. "Wait, is he fixed?... Did he get all his shots?... I need to know these things before I let him go." She questioned the fearful looking hobbit.
"Um… I don't know what you mean Ma'am." He looked up at her in confusion. "What are shots?"
"Oh come on Frodo…we do shots all the time back at the ol' pub…" Merry replied, a big smile of accomplishment spreading across his face.
"Then what does she mean by fixed? I don't think Gollum broke anything…unless he broke something in the process of running from you…" Frodo started, still looking somewhat confused.
"Um…no…that's not what I meant." Akiera replied a bit agitated as she rubbed her temples. " I don't mean shots, as in, drinking shots. I mean has he been given any type of medication so that he doesn't give any one rabies or something."
"Oh…what are rabies?" Frodo asked looking up innocently at Akiera.
"It's a disease you get when crazy animals bit you."
"But he's not crazy…he's just…"
"Useless…" Legolas through in from across the room.
"Well what did you mean by fixed?" Frodo asked, still looking at the girl innocently.
"Well...you…see…" Akiera bends down and whispers it in his ear and Frodo's expression starts to change from innocent and confused to just plain disturbed.
"OH MY VALAR!" Frodo screams as he continues to take it all in. "That's…that's…just wrong…it's…it's wrong…" Frodo said as he started to tear up a little.
"What's wrong?" Merry asked as he stepped closer. Frodo whispers it into his ear.
"No…n..no..that…that's no…not right. Why would someone do something like that?" Merry started to whimper as he clenched he's goods. The men of the room stared at Merry as they tried to get the meaning of being fixed. Though they didn't fully get the meaning they understood it meant something very, very painful for them and their most valuable of goods.
Maria and Ayumi walk or limp into the room only to find all the men looking as if they are close to tears.
"What the hell? Why the hell are all these guys so emotional?" Maria took another glance around the room. "Why…the hell is Merry holding his shit? Fucking pervert hobbit…" Maria shook her head in disgust as Akiera made her way over.
"Um…they all found out the meaning of She sat down on the couch next to her, crossing her legs.
"Oh…he's still a fucking pervert hobbit."
"Are we missing something?" Nicole stated as she entered the room and stared at the odd scene in front of her.
"Looks like we weren't invited." Anah replied as she started to pout.
"Shut the hell up and sit the fuck down." Maria said bitterly as she glared at her friend. Anah ignored the remark and makes for the kennel in the middle of the room.
"Aww…a doggy…here little doggy, doggy…" Anah makes for the lock on the front.
"NNNOOO!" Maria and Akiera screamed at the same time. But it was too late, Gollum was released from he's tiny prison as he leaped toward the one behind his imprisonment.
"Oohh shit…not again…" Ana Maria replied as she sat there frozen and as Akiera pulled off her boot to use as a weapon.
"SOMEONE GET THIS FUCKER!" Akiera screamed as she used the couch as a shield and clutched her boot tightly ready to swing.
"Make one more move and it will be your last." Legolas replied as he aimed a bow at the back of the head of the angry creature.
"FOR GODSAKES…KILL HIM AND GET IT OVER WITH!" Akiera screamed, Maria began inching slowly behind the couch, not sure of what the outcome might be but not wanting to get hurt any worse than she already was. Ayumi clutched tightly to a very happy Faramir and Nicole hide behind Elladan. Anah just stood there still holding the door of the kennel blinking every once and a while.
"Gollum will be good…precious…wes swears…" Gollum replied, slowly backing away from the girl.
"DAMN IT! Why won't anyone just kill the damn thing?" Ana Maria whined, slowly moving from behind the couch, making her way over to the elf as he continue to aim he's bow and arrow, not sure if he could trust the conniving creature.
"Come on…kill it…you know you want to…it'll make you fell so much happier…" Maria evilly whispered into the elf's ear, hoping he would give in and put the poor thing out of its misery. "…you know you can't trust it…"
"Maria! Enough…I'm not going to kill it because you want me to…everything doesn't revolve around you…you know…" Legolas snapped as he placed he's bow and arrow in their rightful place.
"Well excuse me if I'm looking out for my life…and I would think everyone one else's well being, as well, by seeing the damn defect in nature get put out of his misery…besides you want to get rid of him just as much as I do."
"That's not the point…and don't give me that bloody excuse about looking out for everyone else's well being…you care for no one but your self. All you do is bloody bitch and moan…"
"Well lately I have a lot to bitch and moan about…and don't you use that language with me mister."
"What are you my mum?"
"No…because if I was I would have killed myself or you a long time ago…"
"I can say likewise for you…the people that are the cause of your being should die a very painful and slow death."
Maria froze as the pictures from her father's tragic accident played in her head. Her father did die a slow, agonizing and painful death.
She bolted out the room leaving elf and everyone else standing there.
"God…you are such a jerk…" Akiera hissed as she glared at the elf.
"Um…this might be late…and a bad time to say this…but you too fight like an old married couple…" Nicole stated.
"You haven't been around a lot of old married couples have you?" Pippin asked.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because all the ones I know are really happy…bit scary…and boring…but happy."
"What old married couple is that?" Merry asked looking a bit confused.
"Galadriel and Celeborn." Pippin said happily.
"I'll probably go mad if I was married to that woman…I would be mad to marry her in the first place." Legolas replied somewhat baffled that she ran off in the middle of their argument. He's face turned to concern when he heard faint cries in the distance. "By the valar…" Legolas mumbled under his breath as his kindness kicked in and he made his way towards the girl room to apologize…as much as he didn't want to.
Anah grab a piece of newspaper and rolled it tightly as she made her way over to the creature Gollum.
"Bad…bad…doggy…bad…" She kept whacking Gollum on the nose with the paper as everyone watched in shock. "Bad…(whack)…very bad dog…(whack whack)…"
"Ouch…precious…it hurts…we swears we won't…we swears…" Gollum whined as he curled up into the fetal position.
"Um…Anah…!"
"Yeah?" Anah smiled at Ayumi.
"Gollum's…um…he's not…not a dog…sweetie…"
"Oh…well that explains a lot…"