Chapter 7 – Blame

'Boss, Sergeant Barnes is currently sitting in the kitchenette with a bottle of whiskey and a gun on the side in front of him,' FRIDAY's voice interrupts Tony's train of thought just as he's reaching a 'eureka' moment with an improvement to his flight navigation system.

'This better not be some weird way of saying the interior décor sucks,' Tony mutters, glancing at the clock and surprised to see it's nearly three in the morning. 'Hey FRIDAY didn't I tell you to let me know when it got to midnight?'

'I did, but you ignored me.'

'Why did you let me?

'You muted me, I had no choice.'

'Why does every AI I create end up learning sarcasm?' Tony wonders aloud as he quickly leaves his workshop. 'Make sure you save all of that, FRIDAY, I was close to a break through.'

'Already done, boss.'

When he reaches the common area he finds Bucky where FRIDAY says he would be. 'If you're trying to decide between the scotch and the gun I'd go for the scotch. Tastes better,' he says, going to a cabinet and taking out two glasses. 'Plus it's easier to share the scotch,' he puts the two glasses down in front of Bucky and pours some of the amber liquid into each.

'I'm not sure I can get drunk,' Bucky says with a dark smile, 'I know Steve can't. I assume they used similar stuff on me.'

'Won't know if you don't try,' Tony says, raising his glass for the other man to meet. 'What's eating you, Barnes?'

'What you think it's a walk in the park reliving all the people you killed under someone else's control?' the soldier snaps.

This could be a long morning, Tony thinks as he lets the amber liquid run down his throat, relishing the burn. He's just going to have to make sure he doesn't drink too much that he can't be of some help. Maybe I should get a job as a shrink. 'You weren't to blame, Barnes.'

'Yeah so Steve kept telling me,' he sighs, 'I don't believe you any more than I do him.'

'Yeah well as much as I love Capsicle, he isn't exactly speaking from any kind of experience whatsoever.' He notices the curious look Bucky tries to hide and sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. 'How much do you know about how I became Iron Man?'

'What the hell does that have to do with anything?' Bucky's voice isn't quite as bitter as it was earlier, which Tony takes as a good sign.

'It's a bit of a long story, but I'll shorten it as much as possible, bear with me and you'll see why I'm telling it. So…if you're sitting comfortably, I'll begin,' Tony adds with a smile, trying to ignore the nerves building in his stomach. 'As I'm sure you know from working with my dear old dad back in the day, Stark Industries was first a weapons company. All of my billions came from manufacturing things that could blow up hundreds of people in a single hit. They used to give me a lot of names in the media, but you know what the worst bit was? My favourite one used to be 'The Merchant of Death'.

'It's not the fact that we made the weapons that makes it hard for me to sleep at night now, it's the fact that I enjoyed doing it. Enjoyed the parties they got me into, the wine, the girls, the attention, everything. I never even thought about what my creations were actually doing to other people. And if I did I justified it to myself by saying I was doing it to keep the people of America safe.

'I was out in Afghanistan on a weapons demonstration,' Tony pauses to down the rest of the liquid in his glass. 'Rhodey was in the group but I insisted on travelling back to the base separately. I think he still blames himself for what happened,' he continues as he refills their glasses. Bucky is silent as he tells his story, immobile save for the rise and fall of his chest as he breaths.

'The convoy was attacked. The soldiers I thought I was protecting killed in front of me as they tried to protect me. I managed to make it out of the car and one of the shells landed right in front of me. Want to take a guess at what it said on the side?'

Bucky says nothing; doesn't even blink at Tony's question.

'Stark,' he answers into the silence. 'The bastards were using my weapons to kill our soldiers.'

'You were selling to both sides,' Bucky states, not a trace of accusation in his tone.

'I wasn't,' he replies, voice laced with bitterness. 'But my partner was. I didn't find out until after I got back and he tried to shut me out of the company.' He allows the time to finish his drink to wallow in self-disgust.

'What happened at the convoy?' Bucky asks quietly.

'Shell exploded,' Tony shrugs, 'when I came to I was in a cave, a magnet in my chest and a car battery powering the magnet.' Then he tells him about the time spent as a captive in Afghanistan, about Yinsen and making the first suit, and briefly what happened with Stane when he returned. For the large part Bucky is silent and unmoving, only occasionally asking questions, though avoiding any related to the arc reactor that had once kept him alive.

'Not that I don't appreciate the trust you're showing in telling me all of this, Stark,' Bucky says as the story draws to an end. 'But why are you telling me of all people?'

'So you might understand when I say there's a difference between something being yourfault, and you being at fault for something,' he explains, refilling the glasses with the last of the scotch in the bottle. 'For a long time I thought it was my fault that I had killed people with the weapons I created, and for not realising Stane was dealing under the table. But what I came to realise was that the blame was not solely on my shoulders. Yes I should have known there was double dealing going on and stopped it, but I wasn't the one doing the deals. Maybe I shouldn't have made all of those weapons, but I wasn't the one to fire them.

'Did Wanda ever tell you how she and her brother came to be orphaned? Their apartment building was shelled, it killed their parents outright but they were trapped under rubble. It was one of my shells that destroyed their home in the hands of people they should never have been sold to. They spent days looking at a shell with my name on it, waiting for me to kill them. Honestly? Don't know how she can stand to be in the same building as me, let alone look at me. I think, I hope, she decided that, although I am to blame for making and selling the weapons, I'm not to blame for the people firing them.'

'And what does that have to do with me? I killed people with my bare hands, Stark,' Bucky's voice rises as he continues to talk. Then, in a much softer, more broken tone: 'I killed your parents.'

Tony closes his eyes and nods, then looks back at Bucky. 'Let me put it another way: is it the gun or the shooter that kills a person? A gun doesn't choose to kill anything, the person holding it does. The gun is the instrument.

'The way I look at it Barnes, is that you are the gun. You are not the shooter. Can you honestly tell me that you would have chosen to kill my parents of your own free will?'

Bucky shakes his head.

'There you go then,' Tony says as if they've just found the meaning of life. 'I mean I wouldn't have blamed you for shooting my dad, God knows I wanted to a couple of times. But you didn't choose to. Hence gun, not shooter. You may have been the instrument, but it is not your fault those people died.'

Bucky nods showing he understands what Tony is saying, though he doesn't look particularly convinced of the truth in the statement. Though honestly, Tony is not sure he's making the most sense.

Taking that as good enough for now he stands and stretches, taking his empty glass to the sink. 'Well that's enough serious talk for one night. For one year if I'm honest. I'm off to bed. I'd appreciate you not telling anyone all of this, Barnes. I haven't told anyone the full story, tends to make them feel bad and I hate it when people bring the pity party.'

Bucky nods again, a small painful smile of complete understanding on his lips. As Tony starts to leave he hears the soldier say, 'Tony? The person who makes the gun doesn't kill the person either.'

Tony allows himself a small smile. 'Goodnight, Bucky. Put the gun away, yeah? You're making FRIDAY nervous.'

Two weeks after their late night chat finds Tony and Bucky lounging on the sofas of the common area with Rhodes; the latter two are nursing beers, but Tony's being sensible and sticking with soft drinks.

'Stop acting like a dad waiting up for their daughter to get back,' Bucky laughs as he checks his phone yet again.

'Oh sod off,' he grumbles as the other two laugh at him. 'I'm just trying to be sensible looking out for our two youngest team members.'

'Wanda and Vision have gone to a restaurant,' Rhodes says, 'and you're acting like they've gone to take on a supervillain. They've gone on a date, chill out.'

'They're going to let me know when they want picking up,' he tries to defend himself.

'Yeah and FRIDAY will put it straight through no matter where you are. Relax,' Bucky throws some of the popcorn they've made intending to watch trash until they got the call from the two lovebirds.

'Honestly, Tony. From being the guy who said he'd never have kids, you've sure decided to adopt a few without their consent. You've already got Wanda and Peter, any more you want to pull out the woodwork on us? Maybe we should be getting Clint to name you godfather to their next kid,' Rhodes teases.

'Maybe we should start calling him Papa Stark,' Bucky suggests, the grin on his face threatening to break it in two.

'Why is it when I start trying to be an actual responsible adult I get just as much grief as when I'm a reckless and selfish asshole?'

'Oh don't worry, Tony, you're still an asshole,' Rhodes assures him.

'You know what? I don't have to sit here and listen to you two. I'm going to listen to the kid's report,' he says, feigning hurt.

'Stick on it here, Tony. I'd quite like to hear how your adopted son is getting on,' Rhodes leans back in the seat.

'He is not my adopted son, he's a kid I'm mentoring.'

'Practically adopted him,' Rhodes mutters.

'This is the one from Germany right?' Bucky clarifies. 'Spider-Man?'

'That's the one,' Tony says, aware of the obvious pride in his voice. 'Stole Cap's shield and managed to tie you up on his first day out with the team.'

'When he brings the paperwork to say he's adopted him I'm getting the biggest 'I told you so' ready.'

'Just how old is the kid exactly?' Bucky asks, ignoring Rhodes' comment.

'Nearly seventeen,' Tony answers. 'His birthday is in a couple of months.'

'Wait you remember his but you can barely remember everyone else's?' Rhodes demands.

'I remember Cap's,' Tony tries to defend himself.

'Everyone remembers Cap's,' Rhodes gives him a look. 'Something to do with it being July the fourth.'

'I remember the month yours is in,' he tries again. 'And Pepper's.'

'Ok what month is my birthday?'

'September?'

'My birthday is 6th October, Tony.'

'Hey I was only one month out, that's an improvement!'

'So when's the wedding?' Bucky interrupts, laughing as both of them turn glares on him. 'Anyway I thought we were supposed to be listening to Spider-Man's report?'

'FRIDAY pull up the kid's latest voicemail to Happy would you?' Tony says, leaning back on the sofa.

'Certainly, boss,' FRIDAY's voice is soon replaced by Peter's.

'Hey Happy, it's me. Just giving you my daily report.'

'Wow he sounds thrilled to be doing this,' Bucky laughs.

'So pretty slow day overall. Alright, I'll be honest it was boring as hell. A kid had her cat stuck in the tree, and I swear she nearly wet herself when I got it down for her. Damn thing nearly scratched the suit up though so next time it can just stay up there.' The three of them all share a laugh at how annoyed Peter sounds. 'Then there was just an old lady who was struggling with her shopping so I helped her home after she dropped some of the bags. She did give me an amazing piece of homemade pie though, way better than Aunt May's. Oh god please don't tell her that, she won't feed me and I'll starve. She doesn't get to hear these right?

'So, yeah, that's pretty much been it for today. Except for dodging a weird fan. Hey Happy do you think Mr Stark could give me some pointers on how to deal with weird fans? Like surely he must have had some psychos after him before right? I mean not that he should – I don't mean that only psychos would be interested – I mean he's probably had lots of attention in the past before right? Like not cos I think he's someone who'd sleep around a lot, but – oh god I need to shut up.'

'Oh if only he knew the truth,' Rhodes says between laughter. Tony gets FRIDAY to pause the recording until the three of them can calm down.

'Damn the kid can talk,' Bucky says, wiping at his eyes. 'And like talk himself into so much trouble.'

'I'm pretty sure we should be taking this more seriously if he's actually got a psycho fan stalking him,' Rhodes points out, finally calming down enough.

'So yeah anyway what I'm trying to say is, I've got this person who is apparently a huge fan of Spider-Man and they're, like, everywhere I go. And they're not necessarily a bad person as such, I mean they haven't tried to kill me yet so that's all good. Ok I've just realised how weird this sounds.'

'Why the hell would a fan want to hurt him?' Bucky frowns.

'So my Spidey-sense has never gone off around them and, like, that thing goes off when Aunt May's like super mad, so I'm not too worried. It's just I'm not really sure how to handle the whole situation.

'I don't want to be mean and tell them to just go away cause they seem kind of lonely; but at the same time they can be super annoying and inappropriate and I just want to get on with patrol and school work you know? So, yeah, I guess I'm asking for advice on how to tell them to take a step back sometimes?' Peter sighs. 'And make sure Mr Stark knows I'll let him know the minute something bad does happen, so he doesn't have to worry about me having an insane stalker or anything. Like I know he has a lot to worry about with helping Sergeant Barnes at the moment but, after what happened with the Vulture, I don't want to keep this kind of stuff to myself all the time. Because that didn't exactly go too well last time. See? I'm learning.

'Oh and before I forget Ned and I think I may have stumbled across some people using those same kind of weapons as the terrorists that were holding us at the science event with Dr Monroe. We're not certain – and I swear I'm not going to go after them alone or without telling you Happy – but I just want to make sure we're right before we bother Mr Stark and the Avengers. So, yeah, anyway glad to have got all that off my chest. Hey Happy maybe you should become a shrink or something, you're pretty good at it even when you're not actually talking! Speak to you tomorrow, Happy – or, you know, leave you a message tomorrow – I'm going to go see if Aunt May's made Italian for dinner. Nothing beats her pasta!'

Bucky shakes his head. 'That right there sums up why I am so happy I left my teenage years behind like, a hundred years ago.'

'What we going to do about the fan, Tony?' Rhodes asks.

Tony still hasn't moved from when he stood up, and he rubs the back of his head thinking. 'The kid seems to be sensible about the situation, and looks like he's got a good read on it. For now let's trust his judgement and I'll get Happy to give him some pointers.'

'And the weapons?' Bucky asks.

'Again, I'm going to try and trust the kid and see what he comes back with when they've done some more digging. If there's one thing I can be certain of it's that if Ned's involved he's going to be super cautious so his friend doesn't get hurt.'

'That's a lot of trust to place on a sixteen year old,' Bucky observes.

Tony sighs. 'I underestimated him before and treated him like a little child, and it nearly got him killed. But he got through it on his own merits and, so far, has been making pretty mature decisions when it comes to doing things as Spider-Man. I'll let him continue to prove himself,' he sits back down. 'Besides, FRIDAY will let me know if anything really bad happens. It'll set off a warning from his suit and we can go get him out of whatever situation he's got himself in.'

Just as they're about to talk some more Tony's phone pings with a message from Wanda asking to be picked up. 'Time to go get the kids,' he says, pocketing his phone and heading for the door. 'Behave yourself while Daddy's out, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.'

He casts one look back over at the two when he reaches the door. Bucky's been doing well in the healing process, but they've still got a long way to go and only two weeks left to do it. He's still not able to stop himself from falling under someone's control when the trigger words are said, but he can go further through the list before they start taking effect. Tony's glad he's more at ease with the rest of the team though, and watching him and Rhodes start to swap war stories he feels hopeful that they can manage this.

A/N: So I found this quite difficult to get down how I had it in my head; I think I succeeded, but you'll have to let me know. I find it interesting how Tony copes with changing everything about his company when he's back from Afghanistan, and I wonder how he manages to sort it all out in his head. This is one idea I have for it: he tries to keep some of the blame, but not enough that it'll eat away at him. I'm sure it still does, hence why he always tries to put safety measures in place (and how we ended up with Ultron and the Accords). I'd love to hear your thoughts.

So I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those writers that kept asking for reviews, but honestly it's difficult to know if I'm on the right track when you don't really hear anything back. I'm assuming I must be doing alright seeing as people keep coming back to read this, and I've got lots of followers and thank you so much to everyone who is reading and following this story. Throw me a bone people. Tell me what you think!

L x

I forgot the sneak peak last time. So here's this week's:

'Oh my gosh, you're Tony Stark, right?' an overly excitable voice pierces his thoughts. 'Can I, like, get your autograph? Please?'

He opens one eye and cracks a smirk. 'Nice get up. You here to save me from the evil government men, Agent Romanoff?'

Natasha scowls as she takes off her sunglasses. 'You really need to work on your undercover skills,' she grumbles, taking the offered seat on the bench next to him.