DISCLAIMER: don't own it so don't sue

A/N: oh wow this is probably going to be the hardest chapter (well, hardest besides my other story, Graduation, Love, and Many Changes, their chapters, that is…BTW, for that story, I totally had to like plan everything out about that story so that I would know what I was writing in the certain chapters…yeah I know im a dork…I plan…lol…anyways…) that I'll ever have to write becuz it includes something desperately important :cough: transformation :cough: lol yup hope u enjoy!

BTW: I am soooo TERRIBLY sorry that it took me so dang long to update this, I kinda had a super hard time writing it…so sorry! Forgive me::pleads: lol j/k

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"Bella? Bella? Are you there? Bella, speak to me, damn it!" She was still gasping, her eyes still clouded. "Bella!" I screamed. I was holding her in my arms, but she didn't seem to know anything anymore. If I left her like this, she might end up literally going insane. I had to do something. She wasn't going to die, but I could tell that she would live the rest of her life in an asylum if she were left like this. I did the only thing I could do to get her out of her stupor that she was in. I leaned down to her exposed neck, still sobbing, and bit down.

Edward's POV:

The moment my teeth sank into Bella's ivory-toned flesh, I felt as though I were in my own personal heaven. There were two parts of my subconscious that were debating, turning my brain in two.

My monster self kept telling me to "drink more." "Don't stop," it tried to convince me.

"No!" the better half screamed. "Stop! You must stop! If you don't you'll kill her! What's more important to you-Bella's blood or your love for her, including your sanity?"

The tow parts of me continued to argue, coming to no concurrence.

I tried to remind myself of what I was doing and why I was doing it. I had a purpose; I needed to remember that. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to be a monster, I chanted the words to myself; words that I had told Bella so long ago.

I finally found the strength to pull away after a moment that seemed to last forever. It was so hard to stop. But I had to. Killing Bella would be worse than if she were to live the rest of her life as a mute, just living and not being able to comprehend.

I had slowly sunk down to the ground while injecting the venom. I jerked away from Bella's body, which took all the strength I had inside of me, leaving me on the ground beside her, sobbing still, my head in my hands.

Just then, I heard her suddenly yelp in pain. It was beginning. She was back; my Bella was back. I quickly moved closer to her side, trying to console her. "Oh, Bella you're awake," I said, holding her against me. "Thank you," I whispered to the sky. "Are you alright?" I asked, letting go of her slightly to look her in the face. "Can you understand me?" I inquired even softer this time.

I could see her eyes searching for something, but of what I couldn't be sure. "Edward? What's happening?" I could sense the fear in her eyes. I pulled her closer to me, in a hug, closing my eyes.

"Oh, Bella, it was awful. I almost lost you. You weren't going to die, but if I left you like that then it would have been even worse than dying…." I paused and leaned away reluctantly, staring her in the eyes. "What do you remember?"

She frantically tried to recall the events that had taken place only minutes before. "V-victoria," she finally got out. I sighed. At least she remembered some of it.

"Yes. Victoria," I repeated, my voice full of hate and disgust. I quickly changed the subject. "Well, don't worry now, Bella, everything's going to be fine. I'm here." I went over to her side so that I could hold her in an embrace. She pulled away from me after a minute.

"Edward? Why do I suddenly feel like I'm burning all over?" She paused as realization came over her. "You…you…changed me…?"

I looked down at the ground then back up at Bella. "Yes," I stated softly. "It was the only thing that I could do to help you. I'm sorry, Bella," I apologized, my voice even softer this time, hanging my head. "I'm so selfish," I said softly. I put my hand on her cheek, hoping to ease the pain for a moment.

Bella smiled the best she could in her state, eyes closed and breathing erratically at the touch of my hand. "It's…okay, Edwa-" she didn't even get my whole name out before screaming in agony once again, arching her back. I moved to lie down next to her, placing my hand in hers, showing that she could squeeze it if she needed something to hold on to, which she did just then.

"Bella, you're alright, you're alright," I tried to soothe her, brushing the hair back from her face with my free hand.

After she was done screaming for an immeasurable time, gasping for air all the while, Bella finally found enough comfort for the time being to close her eyes, passing out from the immense pain she was in. Although, I could still see that she was struggling with her changes the whole time. I couldn't believe that I could put such a beautiful creature in this amount of hurt when I loved her so much. And I hated myself for it. Tears were cascading down her face, but still, I had never seen her more gorgeous.

Bella's POV:

When I opened my eyes, I found myself no longer in pain. I was still lying on the cool, November grass, but it didn't seem so terribly cold to me anymore.

Oh my God, I thought as I sat straight up. I'm a va-vampire. I looked over at Edward, who was staring at me with a disbelieving look on his face. What was it? Why was he staring at me like that? I finally got up enough words to ask.

"What is it?" I asked gently and put a hand on his shoulder, my voice full of concern.

He continued to stare at me, shock still on his face, and then finally answered my question, shaking out the look on his face. "I-I can…read your mind…" he said, narrowing his eyes, most likely trying to figure out why.

My eyebrows instinctively rose, my eyes growing wide in the same astonishment that Edward was in. "You-you can…" my throat wouldn't even let me get out one whole sentence. It just came out in stutters. I felt like I was hyperventilating.

I calmed my breathing before attempting to ask again. "You…know what I'm thinking…?"

"Yes," he whispered his answer, the shock still there on his perfectly sculptured face.

I gulped. "Right now?" I asked, and tried to think of something totally and completely random so that I could be for certain. Puppies. Puppies are cute. They're soft. They're furry. They're cuddly. They're filled with blood… There was a faint mumbling filling my ears as my breathing became erratic at the thought of blood. It must have been Edward, trying to make me snap out of my reverie. Finally, I came back down to earth, along with reality. That was when I realized that this was my reality. I calmed my breathing once again before I looked at Edward and did my best attempt at a smile, which probably ended up looking like a grimace instead. "Sorry," I apologized and tried a smile again, which this time I succeeded in doing so. I smirked even bigger and asked, "So what was I thinking? Hmm? What was it, Mr. Mind Reader?" I tried to joke with him, but Edward didn't seem to be taking it that way. He was hanging his head in shame and guilt instead. I stopped smiling when he answered.

He was looking down at the ground when he spoke. "Puppies…." his voice trailed off. I moved over closer to his side to try and comfort him, to let him know that I didn't hate him for what he did. I put my arms around him in a hug and nuzzled my head in his neck.

I pulled back to look him straight in the eyes. "Edward, I know you think that it was a horrible decision, but, trust me, I understand why you did it. You didn't want to lose me. I get it. Please know that I love you and am far, far from hating you. I could never in a million years come close to hating you. And, if I had been in your place, I would have done the exact same thing."

"I still shouldn't have done it. But it seems that I am too selfish for my own good, huh?" He finally gave the slightest hint of a smile. I smiled along with him. And there we were, two lovers, sharing a blissful moment, just the two of us.

We were interrupted suddenly, though. By that vile Victoria. We must have been too busy ogling at each other to notice that she approached us at first, because she just came up right next to us and did what she had attempted to do the first time, three days ago. This time, though, when she went next to Edward, she actually succeeded. She must have finally woken up from the blow that she took when she collided with the tree that Edward had thrown her in. He fell under her trap fully this time, passing out and leaving me sitting there, terrified. After she was done with my angel, Victoria turned to me. She looked extremely infuriated, to say the least. I was so scared that I couldn't even move a centimeter. That is, until she jerked me up towards her. She tried again to do the same to me as she had only days ago and now to my beautiful Edward.

Please, no, not again…not again…. Stop…stop...STOP! I kept thinking as Victoria whispered "sleep" into my ear once again. I felt my eyes slowly starting to droop and my body growing weaker by the millisecond, and I decided that I wasn't going to take it any longer. I needed to do something, and quick. I tried desperately to stop her from using her powers on me. And, to my complete and utter shock, it…worked. She took a step back a moment later and stared at me, a look of complete shock and question on her face. She glared at me then, obviously even more peeved than she had been in the first place. I felt even weaker than I had when she had been trying to use her powers on me just seconds before. Something had gone wrong with me in the past few seconds and I felt as though I weren't anywhere near strong anymore.

Victoria smirked smugly at me as she let me fall to the ground as she sauntered away. "I guess I underestimated you and your perfect little Edward there," she mused, snarling my angel's name. I was panting, lying on the ground with my arms on the ground, for support to hold up my body, desperately trying to regain my strength before this fight that was seemingly inevitable began. Victoria just wanted revenge. Revenge on us for destroying James. She kept saying other things but I didn't listen to them.

Taking in a deep breath, I stood up, still recovering from whatever it was that had brought me down. I couldn't understand why I had become suddenly so feeble. It just didn't make any sense to me.

I sauntered over to Victoria when her back was turned, ready to attack her.

Edward's POV:

I opened my eyes, still on the ground, to see Bella behind Victoria, looking as though she were going to try to injure her in some way. Bella wasn't appearing as strong as I thought she would to be. I wondered why that was, racking my brain for some reason for it to happen. As soon as she hit Victoria hard on the back, sending her into the same tree as I had thrown her in only days ago, I was completely alert. What was she doing? Was she trying to make her even more infuriated? But, as I thought about it more, I realized that maybe this was Bella's way of letting Victoria know that she was taking a stand against her; letting her know that she wasn't going down without a fight. In truth, though, one of the two here would definitely die in the end; and I certainly wasn't strong enough for it to be Bella.

In the seconds that it took Victoria to rise from the ground, I ran over to Bella, prepared to help her. I pulled out a tiny package of matches from my pocket that I usually carried with me just in case I should ever need them. I slyly handed them over to Bella. She accepted them before she even knew what they were; when she realized they were matches, she raised her eyes to mine, hers frightened and mine reassuring. "You can do it," I encouraged her. "I'll be with you the whole time. There is no reason to doubt yourself. Neither is there any reason to be scared. Trust me…?"

Bella nodded her head slowly and gazed back at a still-recovering-from-the-blow Victoria. I took a deep breath, as I was about to say something that I really didn't want Bella to ever hear come from my mouth. "We need to destroy her, Bella," I said in a dark and low tone.

I watched as Bella and Victoria each tried to tear each other apart. I decided, as Bella kept growing weaker as she fought Victoria, that now might be the time to help her. But I couldn't move. It was as if I had been frozen right in place. So, there I stood, watching the love of my life trying to destroy someone. It was a terrible sight to see, someone as beautiful as Bella (who was somehow more gorgeous than she had been the first time I'd seen her) getting rid of another one of our creatures, no matter how horrible the other may be.

Finally, after a time, Bella actually succeeded. She had defeated Victoria. It was amazing and frightening all at the same time. I could see the flames on the ground, setting Victoria's remains on fire. I saw that Bella was panting, bent over with her hands grasping her hands. Why? She shouldn't be this feeble, even after a fight. I had never heard of anyone becoming so weak after something of this sort. Just as Bella stood up and was about to faint, I sprinted to her side, catching her against my arm. I pulled her up, cradling her in my arms, against my chest. What was happening? Eternity shouldn't be this painful for someone so precious. Invisible tears started to stream down my face. I wish I could be human again, just so that I would be able to let real tears cascade down my cheeks; so that I could let them all out, all the ones that have been pent up inside of me for years. I might feel much better if I could actually let them all out.

I looked down at my Bella, who was gazing up at me. She was going in and out of consciousness, it seemed, and breathing rather hard. My lips were trembling, and I realized that I was still sobbing. Bella slowly put a hand up to my face and cupped it in her hand, smiling weakly. "Angels…shouldn't cry," she told me before I saw her eyes close and not open again.

I started running to my house then, holding Bella in my arms all the while.

As I reached the house, I bounded in the door, gently laid Bella on the couch, and ran to locate my father figure so that I could bring him back to Bella. Luckily, today Carlisle was actually home. I followed his thoughts in order to find him. I finally retrieved him from his office, dragging him down the spiral staircase. Edward, what on earth are you doing? his thoughts questioned me. I finally spoke, starting to explain myself. Carlisle listened intently.

"It's Bella. On Friday, when I took her to the meadow again, we were about to leave, but instead, we ran into Victoria. She tried to use her powers on us, which I refused, but Bella couldn't fight her off. So, I used my strength to throw her away, knocking her out for the time being. Bella was in some sort of a trance, which looked like might perhaps take over her, so…I changed her…" I finally allowed myself to take a deep breath. Carlisle placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "And then today, when her transformation was complete, I found that I could read her mind." I looked up to Carlisle, whose eyes had widened in shock. I continued. "Well…we must have been too wrapped up in that fact that we didn't even see that Victoria had finally woken up. She came over to me, whispered things in my ear, and made me sleep. She took me by such surprise that I couldn't fight her off. Now, I'm not quite positive what exactly happened while I was out, but, when I awoke, Bella was standing behind Victoria, ready to attack her, but looking very weak. And I don't know why she would be weak. Bella threw her into the same tree as I had thrown her in and, while Victoria was recovering, I went over to Bella's side, talked to her, and told her to destroy Victoria and that I would help her. But once Bella got started, though, I froze in place, just watching her hitting Victoria and tearing her apart. Bella was getting even more feeble as she did it, though, and after she defeated Victoria, she was almost defeated also. So, when I got to her, she just fell into my arms and basically passed out. I don't know what happened to her, Carlisle." I paused. "Do you by chance know anything about diminishing strength in our kind?"

Carlisle seemed to be speechless, taking in everything that happened. He finally spoke. "I don't." He strode over to Bella's side, and pushed her hair away from her face so that he could feel her forehead. She looked even paler than me; or Carlisle under his hand. He was suddenly aware of the fact that she didn't have the warmth in her anymore that we've all become so accustomed to. He then composed himself, remembering the fact that she was one of us now. "But…there is something that you could try after she wakes up…"

I cut him off. "She'll wake up?" I asked eagerly.

"Yes; she will. Wait for that to happen and then take her hunting. That may be able to help her regain her strength." He left then, with Bella and me alone in the room together.

A/N: So whaddya think? Good? Bad? In between? Well, it took me a long time to write this so you'd better like it… :shakes fist: haha j/k lol but anyways, I really hope you liked it cuz it took forever to write and I had to have both of my Twilight friends help me with it a bit – well, more like a lot actually…and I did like a whole darn load of revising on it, too..the first part was super hard for me to write (and btw/fyi, I'm writing this on Saturday afternoon) and like on Wednesday thru today, it totally came a LOT easier so that's good…I just have sudden bUrSTs of imagination (which I love :smiles hugely: ) and then it's easier to write but anywho, I won't keep ya here any longer…hope you enjoyed!

p.s. I should have the eighth chapter up shortly, sometime tonight, since I already have it written out …glad you like this story! It makes me happy! I LOVE YOU!