A Tale of Two Rumple's

While Belle was off trying to decide which husband she really preferred (and how to tell the peasanty one that it wasn't him), the two Rumples eyed each warily until the golden one had had enough and so he went and opened a time portal (no idea why it was so hard before when he could do it easily now) and tried to push the un-magical Rumplestiltskin through it into the past where he wouldn't have to look at him anymore...unfortunately the weaker and apparently more clumsy Rumplestiltskin had spilled some squid ink on himself as he milled around the room trying to look brave and so as soon as he was shoved inside the timehole, it expanded (due to the squid-ink), engulfing the golden one in his own time tunnel and sending them both hurtling back into the past. Different pasts actually. Why couldn't anything be simple?

I know I know...our questions are pointless.

))))))))))((((((((((

Landing roughly three and a half seasons into the past the unmagical Rumplestiltskin fell onto a woman who apologized profusely despite the fact that it was him who fell on her; He also fell onto another woman who did not apologize, but instead immediately drew her sword and started to threaten him. Once everybody calmed down Rumplestiltskin (now calling himself Sean Connery out of self-preservation since he no longer had the magic he'd definitely need to protect himself if any of these people learned his real name) learned that the two women were searching for their loved one who had had his soul removed by a wraith which appeared through a weird purple portal and there was also something about a cursed amulet or something... (whoopsie...did I do that? he wondered, trying his best to unravel the confusing timelines), having just been informed by Cora that this 'Phillip' wasn't dead after all, just lost to another world; the two women had been on their way to barter passage to another realm to search for more information on Phillip when 'Sean' had fallen out of the sky and onto their heads (and man was Mulan's helmet pointy when one falls out of a timehole onto it!) Felling really truly bad about the whole scenario now that all his bravado had been sucked out of him; Rumple...'er Sean agreed to help Mulan and Aurora recover Phillip's soul (though how they would get it back before his body rotted beyond repair was a point he felt would be uncouth of him to raise).

Though he no longer possessed any dark magic, he still remembered a few useful facts, one of which was that wraith victims always ended up in an ice cave in Neverland. Don't ask me why. Sleeping curses send you to a burning red room; wraiths drag souls to an inaccessible ice cave in a land where you never age. Wraiths...such jokesters.

Oh,well, he sighed, At least Hook won't be in Neverland right now. That's a plus. He turned to the women and asked where he could buy a good stout pair of mittens...

Look I'm sure the saga of how Rumplestiltskin, Mulan and Aurora managed to get to Neverland, enter an inaccessible ice cave, rescue Phillip's soul and get back to his body in the Enchanted Forest before it got too ripe (all without magic I might add) would be a mighteous tale of awesomeness and all...but this was meant to be a short story and that sounds really really long so...let's just assume Ariel and um, Captain Morgan helped them out ok. Hey it's more than OUAT gave you and aren't at all curious about what happened to the other Rumple?

))))))))))((((((((((

Landing roughly four seasons or say 50-60 years into the past (plus or minus a curse or three)...look it it's complicated. Very complicated...The Golden Imp/Dark One/Rumple landed in a tavern just in time to catch Cora serving drinks and by catch I mean knock over. Since apologizing wasn't really a thing Dark Ones were doing this season he poofed himself away before the barkeep could yell broken glass.

The run-in wasn't entirely without merit since it gave him a good clue as to when and where he was and also cleared up a little puzzle he'd been working on since season three... 'er last year (or say three curses ago? So hard to keep track when one was dead for at least one of them). So who the bloody heck was Zelena's father anyway? Cora hadn't exactly been forthcoming considering she hadn't even told him she already had a firstborn when he tried to buy it from her...

Shouldn't a Dark One have known these things? If that Seer woman weren't dead already he'd kill her! he thought as he mulled over the problem in his mind. Hmmm, you know he'd never considered the time travel angle before. To be as powerful as she was at birth with such a common (and Cora was very common until she met me, dearie) mother seemed absurd and yet the only being powerful enough to produce such a child at the time was well...himself.

"Well well..." he said, eyeing Cora's place of work with a whimsical eye."I suppose one must bend to the whims of time..."

Whistling a happy tune Rumple walked into the tavern like he owned the place and since he was wearing a handy dandy glamour spell, convincing a barmaid that he was a prince proved as easy as crushing a unicorn's heart. Let the 'good' half of him worry about how disturbing it was that Zelena kissed him in her kitchen while she was holding him captive. It was creepy enough already if you asked him.