Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters and Potterverse belong to JKR.
A/N: Hello to all of you wonderful readers! Here we have the next chapter of our little story. Just a few points I wanted to share:
Firstly: thank you thank you thank you THANK you for all of your wonderful reviews. I honestly can't tell you how much it means to me. Just a few short weeks ago when I posted my very first chapter, I was almost certain that no one would pay the slightest attention to my story- to receive so many wonderful comments is truly humbling and inspiring.
Secondly: The wait is almost over! The reckoning for Harry and Co. is almost here! It will be the VERY NEXT CHAPTER! I am actually still in the middle of writing it at the moment. I'm sorry I couldn't get to it sooner, but these characters are so STUBBORN! No matter how much I try to force them, they refuse to rush. They have their own traits and their own pace and since it is really their story, alas, their will carries the day.
Thirdly and finally: This chapter does touch on some very sensitive issues such as self-hatred, eating disorders and death (in passing) although not in a particularly explicit fashion. Just a warning for those who would prefer not to read such material. This is something a little close to home for me, as it has deeply affected someone I love dearly. I would just like to take a moment to dedicate this little chapter to all those suffering from eating disorders, depression and self-loathing, and to stick in a little reminder: Even when when we feel like we don't matter anymore and no one would notice if we dropped off the face of the earth, we DO matter. We always matter. Every person is valuable and precious, and deserves to be loved.
Enough notes, on with the show! I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Hermione's flat, Roma: 8am local time
Hermione lay comfortably in bed, reveling in the softness of her new cotton sheets. So good, she sighed, stretching languorously in the king sized double bed. Her admittedly oversized bed was one of the few indulgences she allowed herself- she simply loved having the space the roll around in her sleep without having to worry about falling off. It probably dates back to my time on the run, she thought. Merlin knows how I survived sharing cramped quarters with two teenage boys. Fearing the hurt that line of thought would dredge up, she banished it from her mind and returned to the important matter at hand- new linen.
She had bought new sheets and towels at a lovely little store on the Via Del Corso that she had stumbled into quite accidentally. They were pure Egyptian cotton and felt simply wonderful. She smiled, thinking back over the past week.
It had been exactly nine days since her relocation to Rome, and she had to admit, she had enjoyed every minute of it. She had met all of her colleagues at the Dipartimento di Misteri and they had been very welcoming towards her. To her utter surprise, she had discovered that a large number of the senior ministry employees were muggleborns. Francesco, her guide for the day, had been prepared for her surprise when she commented on the fact. "Ah, si, most of Europe has heard of the British purebloods and their monopoly of the British government. They have kept Britain far behind the rest of the world, no? But is not so here. There is prejudice in some circles of course, as with any other country, but here, the law, it is on the side of the ordinary citizen. It is ability that should determine our future, not our bloodlines." Hermione had felt a deep joy at that, hopen at the chance to prove herself on her own merit and a feeling of belonging that she had not felt since receiving her Hogwarts letter. She had known then, deep inside, that she was exactly where she was meant to be.
Hermione smiled, thinking back on the past week week. She had enjoyed her new assignment, which combined a number of her areas of interest- she was investigating the link between conscious thought and bouts of accidental magic, and why they decreased significantly after obtaining a wand. The Ministero wished to use this information to increase the potential of wandless magic. It had been noted that whilst bouts of accidental magic were often powerful and could perform very complex actions, wandless magic proper, as practised by those few witches and wizards who were able to master it, worked only with the weakest and most basic spells. She had been given authority to consult with other departments and external experts as she saw fit, provided they signed the relevant secrecy contracts, and so she had assembled a small team. It comprised of employees from the Accidental Magic Detection Squad, a fellow Misteri colleague by the name of Gianni, who specialised in the mystery of thought, and a member of the Wandless Magic Research Team in Bologna. The most unusual member of her team was an elderly enchanter living in the wilderness surrounding Mentorella, who was famous for his written works on the links between meditation and spell-casting. Interestingly, the old man used a staff rather than a wand, and Hermione privately suspected that the mild-seeming Antonio could probably perform fairly advanced magic without even that.
Yes, she was enjoying her work. As for her social life…it was as it had ever been, she supposed. She had visited Remus, Tonks and Sirius on the evening of her arrival in Rome to give them their portkeys and travel permission papers. They were astounded to hear about the new form of portkey travel and were anxious to try it. She had therefore brought them to see her apartment, proudly showing them her new home. They had all been suitably impressed, particularly when she had told them about Robi and the other elves, and they had oohed and aaahed over her new furniture. However, what had most impressed Remus was when he learned that a nearby by café made delicious chocolate and Nutella pastries. Enrico had told her of it when they had shared coffee together that first day.
Unsurprisingly, they had eaten dinner at that same café, with Remus managing to demolish half of the chocolate pastries on the menu, much to the owner's delight. He had even purchased a two-litre jar of Nutella to take back to England with them that night, and only Tonks' confiscation of the jar had stopped him from dipping into it. They had all burst out laughing at the childlike pout on the werewolf's face.
Hermione frowned. She was a little concerned about Sirius, though. He had seemed more withdrawn and reserved than she had seen him for a long time. She was certain something was bothering him and had asked him at the first available opportunity. They had been standing on the living room balcony, overlooking the Villa Borghese and enjoying the view. "Sirius," she had begun softly. "I hope you don't think I'm being nosy, but you don't seem to be yourself. Is something the matter?"
He had half-smiled then. "I can't hide anything from you, can I, love?"
She had blushed and looked away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry-" she began, but he had interrupted her.
"Mione, don't apologise. You're one of the few who has the right to ask me anything you like. You're right; I am a little out of sorts. It's nothing serious, really- Lira and I had had a small tiff earlier. I suppose I'm still annoyed about it."
He had told her that Lira had refused the emergency portkey he had had made for her. Hermione was puzzled as to why Lira would refuse such a gift, but she suspected there was more to the situation than Sirius was letting on. However, she knew Sirius- he would talk about it when he was ready and not before. She had merely hugged him in support, causing him to wink at her, before sliding his arm about her waist as they stood in silence, gazing at the beauty before them. They had stayed there until Remus had finished buying anything and everything he could get his hands on at the local deli and returned with Tonks and Teddy. The three visitors had then hugged her and portkeyed back to London, promising to return on Saturday week- today.
Allowing herself one last luxurious stretch, she forced herself out of bed and shuffled over to her oh-so-decadent bathroom. After using the facilities, she stood pondering. Bath or shower? Hmmmm….the others won't arrive until eleven- that gives me almost three hours…..OK, Bath it is, she grinned.
Stepping over to the large circular marble bath, she smiled in anticipation. She turned on the taps and reached for the scented oil, watching as the bath, easily big enough to fit three or four people comfortably, slowly filled. Switching off the taps, she delicately poured in a small amount of scented oil, and quickly cast a mild warming charm. As the smell of frangipanis filled the large bathroom, she pulled off her cotton nightgown and knickers. After pinning her curls on top of her head and laying her wand on the shelf next to the tub, she stepped into the bath and sighed with pleasure. Bliss, she accorded. Pure bliss.
After washing, she allowed herself to simply enjoy the bath. She lost track of time entirely as she sat, head resting on the marble walls behind her, drifting in and out of consciousness and falling slowly back to sleep. She awoke twenty minutes later, when the warming charm wore off off and the water had begun to cool rapidly. Oops, she cringed. I think that was a subtle hint that my time is up. Reluctantly standing, she pulled the plug to drain the water and, seizing her wand, she cast a quick scourgify at the bath. After casting drying and deodorising charms she stepped out of the bath wrapped in her one of fluflly new towels. She made for her bedroom, trying to decide what to wear for the day's outing.
Peaking outside the curtains, she saw that it was a warm, sunny day with a with clear blue sky. Returning to her wardrobe, she considered her choices. She looked first at a knee-length black cotton skirt that she had bought several years ago. It was in a flared style and was quite comfortable. She could pair it with a loose aqua short-sleeved top, flat black sandals and a black cardigan. It would certainly hide some of that excess weight she had…
She sighed for a moment. I do have that lovely white dress that Tonks gave me last year- I could wear it with strappy white sandals. That would be so ….classic- exploring Rome on a balmy, beautiful day in a white summer dress. She turned hesitantly to her closet and extracted the dress in question. Pulling on a nude coloured satin bra and matching panties, she removed the dress from its hanger and slipped on the dress. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to move to her stand mirror and examine her reflection.
The dress was certainly pretty, she thought. It had wide shoulder straps, with a modest scooped neckline that skimmed the very top of her breasts, a fitted bodice and a flared skirt that stopped about four inches above her knees. The dress was made of a soft linen fabric and was fully lined. Turning this way and that, she considered whether or not she should wear it.
My arms are too fat, she thought. I need to wear something to hide them. Slipping on a white bolero, she examined the result. The bolero certainly solved the arm problem, she thought. Unfortunately, it did nothing for the numerous other problems that seemed to crop up. Her eyes teared up as she suddenly saw imperfection upon imperfection reveal itself. My breasts are too big to wear this dress, she panicked. They make it cling too much- I look ridiculous. Continuing her perusal, she became more and more frantic. My hips look enormous clad in such a light colour! I need a dark colour to make them look smaller. And sweet Merlin- my thighs are hideous! I have to cover them! When did they get so big? I must have put on weight.
In tears, she tore the dress off and cast it to the floor. She stood, breathing heavily, and then moved towards the cotton skirt and aqua top. It might be yet another outfit in the dowdy Hermione Granger collection, but people her size couldn't be picky with what they wore. Not for the first time, she wished she had the lovely, svelte figure she seemed to see on every other girl but herself. Hell, even Tonks was slim, and she had had a child! Hermione, more to the point, was not a big eater and she had been on a diet since she moved here! She had halved her already small portions and started going for a brisk half hour walk every evening. What did she have to do to look like a decent human being? Glaring at her offensive reflection, Hermione took hold of herself. You've never been a beauty, Granger. Dress for your size, stay invisible and get over it. In the meantime, you need to step up that diet or else you'll turn into a hippogriff.
With that, she slipped on the outfit and matching sandals, unpinned and brushed her hair and then marched into the kitchen. Reducing her portion size wasn't enough, it seemed. So, she would just have to cut certain foods right out of her diet. Just because I'm already fat and plain doesn't mean I need to let myself get any worse, she told herself. She searched through the pantry until she found the muesli she had purchased yesterday. She carefully measured out a tiny portion and sliced half a banana on top. Milk, however, proved to be a problem- she had no skim or low fat milk. Sighing, she decided to forgo milk today, vowing to buy skim milk later.
After eating the meagre portion, she cleaned the cereal bowl and brushed her teeth. Having done this, she made her way to her study to collect some reading material , her antique wall clock showing that she had a little over an hour before the others arrived. She browsed through her extensive library until an old favourite seemed to call out to her- Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Slipping the large tome from the shelf, she took her sunglasses and made her way out on to the living room balcony. Seating herself comfortably in one of the four padded balcony chairs, she placed her book on the small glass table and cast a sunscreen charm over herself. She then opened her book and began to read.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
With those familiar words, she once again lost herself in the world of Elizabeth Bennet. She was so enraptured with the literary genius of the great Jane Austen that she hardly noticed the passage of time, nor did she notice the arrival of four guests in the Atrium an hour later. The first indication that she was no longer alone was when a familiar, deep voice drawled over her shoulder, "The butler did it."
Hermione jerked violently and promptly hit her head on the chin of the handsome man standing close behind her.
"Shit, that hurt! Mione? You OK love? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
Blushing violently, she turned to a grimacing Sirius. "I'm so sorry Sirius! How utterly clumsy of me!"
He waved his hand dismissively. "Rubbish, love. I frightened you and should have thought how you'd react before standing so close to you. It's my fault." He grinned at her, giving her the famous, Sirius Black Puppy Dog eyes. "Can you ever forgive me?"
She shook her head at his antics. "Silly man. We both know it was my fault, I've always been terribly clumsy."
He's probably just trying to make me feel like less of an idiot than I already do, she sighed to herself.
Looking at the dashing figure standing in front of her, Hermione suddenly felt extremely self-conscious and out of place. Clad in black jeans, a blue button up shirt and a black sports coat with black leather shoes, Sirius looked like model out of a mens' clothing magazine. His black Ray Bans only added to the effect. Remus looked just as perfect in his dark blue jeans, white button up shirt and navy sports coat, complete with black leather shoes and black Ray Bans, similar to those Sirius wore. Teddy wore a miniature version of his father's outfit, and looked adorable. However, Tonks had them both beaten.
One look at Tonks was almost enough to send Hermione rushing back to her room to hide under the bed. She wore a white spaghetti strap sundress with a fitted bodice and a hem that stopped about five inches above her knees. Sporting waist length wavy blond hair, dark green Ray Bans and flat white sandals whose laces crisscrossed her slender calves up to her knees, she was perfect.
Oh my God, Hermione panicked. They look simply perfect together and I look like a-a- WHALE! I should have worn a long dress, at least it would have hidden my legs. Oh, I wish I could wear my Ministry Robes, they hide everything.
Noticing Hermione's slightly panicked expression, Tonks smiled gently. "Wotcher, Mione! Are we ready to go? He-" here she jerked her thumb in the direction of her husband –"has been ready and raring to go since about seven 'o'clock this morning! I think he's been dreaming of chocolate pastries for over a week!"
Hermione managed to smile warmly back at her friend, despite the feelings of shame and embarrassment coursing through her. "Yes, I imagine he has. I am ready to leave whenever you like."
Remus stood with a hopeful look on his face. "Can we go now?"
Tonks elbowed her husband. "Remus! You could at least say hello first!"
The werewolf sighed. "Hello, Hermione. Alright, now can we go?"
Sirius guffawed as he led the group inside, closing and locking the balcony door after them. "Eager much, Moony?"
Remus scowled as he picked up Teddy.
Hermione solved the problem by responding softly, "Let me set the wards and we can go."
She reset the security and locking wards, picked up her bag and disillusioned herself, the others following suit. With that, they apparated out of the apartment to the back of a nearby building, so as not to land on top of any passers by. Seeing the coast was clear, they removed the disillusionment charms, Remus put Teddy on the ground and together they strolled down the Via Venetto and onto a side street to what was likely to become Remus' favourite café- Café Marino.
It was a very small, cosy place, entirely unlike the many elegant establishments lining the Via Venetto. Hermione liked it for that very reason. The simple wooden chairs and tables covered in red linen tablecloths, and the creamy walls decorated with black and white photographs simply added to its charm. The owner, one Giovanni Marino, was a jovial, slightly round, balding man in his late fifties who ran the business with the help of his wife, Sofia. Their two sons, Marco and Roberto, visited at times with their families and often stopped by on weekends to help their parents run the café. The atmosphere was warm and homelike, filled with laughter and the delicious aromas of Sofia and Giovanni's cooking.
Hearing the bell ring as the door swung open, Giovanni looked up with a wide smile to see the group entering the café, and greeted them in English. "Ah, Signore and Signora Lupin, with Signore Teddy! Signore Black also? And the bella Signorina Granger, buongiorno! Please, sit, sit and I shall bring you a menu. You come for the café and pastry, si? It is too early for the lunch."
Hermione opened her mouth to respond but before she managed to utter so much as a word, someone had beaten her to it.
"Hello Sin'or Gi'o! Teddy want numnum! Eat now?"
Giovanni beamed at the small boy and reached out a hand to tousle his hair, whilst everyone else stifled their laughter. Thankfully, Tonks had cast a glamour over Teddy's hair, causing it to appear sandy brown. Teddy's usual habit of changing his hair colour according to his whims could easily break the International Statute of Secrecy. They could certainly do without that today, Hermione thought.
"But of course, Signore Teddy, you shall eat!" With that, Giovanni located the menus and placed five of them on the table. He left them to peruse the options at their leisure. Everything looked so good…
Remus had immediately turned to the pastries labeled 'Con Cioccolato', a dreamy look of contentment on his face. He was evidently trying to choose between a fluffy Nutella pastry coated in icing sugar, or chocolate Cannoli, muttering aloud to himself as he tried decide. The others still looked to be weighing their options.
Hermione was engaged in her own mental debate however, it was not nearly as pleasant as Remus'. She was trying to determine which item on the menu would be the least fattening, and had so far failed miserably. Each of the delicious pastries on the menu would add weight to her already significant mass, weight she could ill afford to gain. To make matters even more difficult, she was battling with a voice in her head that was demanding strawberry crepes (or crespelle con fragola, as the Italians called them). Finally, in an attempt to silence that irritating voice, she closed her menu, and, placing it facedown on the table, she waited for Giovanni reappear.
The others looked to have made their choices also, as they copied her actions and placed their menus on the table. Instantly, Giovanni returned to their table.
"Ah, you have decided already? Bene, what I bring for you?"
Unsurprisingly, Remus spoke up first. "I'd like a cappuccino, two chocolate cannoli and a-a-… sfogliatella with chocolate, please." Seeing their grins, the werewolf flushed. "What? I'm hungry."
Chuckling, the café owner noted the order. "Certo, Signore Lupin. I shall ask Marco to place the extra chocolate on top, yes?" At Remus' vehement nod, the café owner chortled and turned to Tonks.
"Signora Lupin?"
"I'd like the crespelle con fragola and a latte, please." Tonks stumbled slightly over the unfamiliar words.
Nodding, Giovanni scribbled on his pad and turned to Teddy.
"And you, Signore Teddy! What can Giovanni get for you today, eh?"
Tonks smiled and whispered in her son's ear, pointing to a certain entry on the menu. Teddy nodded and, pointing to the same place, declared importantly, "Want Ferr'at please! Wif choc'lat milk! Fank you sin'or Gio!"
Hermione blinked. Ferrat? What on earth is that? She wondered.
The café owner grinned, leaning over to see what Teddy was pointing at. "Ferr'at? Ah, you like the Ferratelle? Si, of course. And I think maybe we also like some warm chocolate on top, no?"
Teddy clapped happily. "Yes please! Like choc'lat!"
Smiling at the small boy's enthusiasm, the café owner turned to Hermione, who indicated Giovanni should take Sirius' order first.
"Signore Black?"
"Hmmmm…. Mi piace la Torta Caprese e un espresso, per favore." Hermione blinked as the spell automatically translated it for her: "I'd like the Caprese cake and an Espresso, please." That was unexpected, she thought. His accent is almost perfect. Perhaps it's a spell?
"Certo, Signore. Signorina Granger?"
"I'd like the frutta fresca, please, and an espresso." She noticed Sirius quirk an eyebrow at her order, no doubt wondering why she was asking for fresh fruit instead of something more substantial.
This is so embarrassing, I wish the ground would crack open and swallow me up! She cringed.
"Frutta fresca, si. You like it con crema? Zucchero? No? You like anything else with it? Crespelle, perhaps?"
Hermione smiled politely and shook her head. "No, grazie. Just the fruit, please."
Giovanni peered at her in puzzlement before nodding and scribbling the order on his notepad. He gathered the menus and disappeared into the kitchen.
Tonks immediately turned to Sirius. "Sirius, you never told me you could speak Italian!"
Sirius, ever the stirrer, grinned. "Who says that I can?"
Tonks' face fell. "You mean it was just a translation spell?"
The grin grew wider. "I didn't say that."
Tonks rolled her eyes at her cousin. "Can you or can you not speak Italian without the aid of a translation spell?"
Sirius pouted. "Fine, fine, if you're going to be like that…. yes, I can."
Hermione stared at him. "Fluently?"
"Si, signorina. Parlo Italiano molto bene."
Tonks frowned. "What does that mean?"
"It means, 'Yes Miss, I speak Italian very well'." Hermione stated quietly. "And no, I don't speak Italian- I only know a few words. I've been using the translation spell since I arrived, although I am hoping to learn to speak it properly."
Tonks turned back to Sirius. "When did you learn to speak Italian? And why didn't you tell us?"
Sirius smiled tightly. "Languages were a compulsory lesson for every child in the Black family between the ages of three and seventeen. I speak Italian and French. Regulus…." He paused, thinking of his younger brother, long since dead, and took a deep breath to steady himself. "Regulus spoke French and Russian. Your mother speaks French and German. Narcissa chose Italian and German, and Bellatrix "Here he scowled at the mention of his deceased and extremely deranged cousin "spoke Russian and French. I didn't mention it because it has never really come up."
They all understood - he hated any mention of his childhood and preferred not to speak of it most of the time.
Tonks blinked. "Mum? Really? Wow, I had no idea. I have to ask her about it. I wonder why she never mentioned it…."
Sirius smiled tightly. "Same reasons, I'd imagine.
Tonks flushed. "Right, sorry."
Remus snuck a quick kiss. "Don't worry about it, Dora. You weren't to know."
Sirius patted his cousin on the hand. "Absolutely. Don't let it worry you." Turning to Hermione, he cocked his head. "Mione, if you are serious about learning Italian, I could teach you."
Hermione was quick to refuse the offer. "Oh, Sirius that's very kind of you but I couldn't possibly impose on you that way."
He dismissed her protests with a wave of his hand. "Nonsense, love. I'd be more than happy to teach you, and besides, those marvelous portkeys you made have taken the exhaustion out of travelling altogether. Two one-hour lessons a week aren't going to kill me. Unless you've met some handsome young bloke who wants to teach you, and you'd rather have him instead?" He winked.
Blushing, Hermione replied. "Of course not. In that case, I'd be very happy to accept your offer, Sirius. But I insist that you allow me to make you dinner on lesson nights- it's the least I can do."
"Mione, I'm happy to help you, you don't need to do anything in return." Seeing she was about to protest, he quickly added, "But I'd very glad to stay for dinner. It's always a pleasure to have dinner with a beautiful lady."
Hermione looked at her hands, a polite half-smile on her face, whilst inside she was cringing. I understand, Sirius, I know I'm plain. You don't have to try to make me feel better, but it means so much to me that you try.
Meanwhile, Sirius was frowning at her response to the compliments, guessing the direction her thoughts were heading in, whilst Remus was torn between gazing worriedly at Hermione and trying not to needle Sirius.
"Lessons, eh, Padfoot? I have to wonder just what you'll wind up teaching her." He smirked. One look at the downcast girl, though, was enough to wipe the smile form his face. Whatever it is, I think it will be a lesson she sorely needs. Hurry up and get a move on, old friend, before she sinks even further into this hole.
Tonks gazed thoughtfully at Hermione's downcast visage, and then at Sirius' obvious concern and affection. There was something else in his expression though- something more than mere affection….Could it be? One look at her husband's smug visage confirmed her suspicions- Sirius had begun to develop feelings for Hermione. Or perhaps he was finally noticing the enormous love and respect he had always for her. Either way, it had come not a moment too soon! About bloody time, Sirius! She gloated. That girl deserves the best and I can't think of anyone who I'd entrust her to apart from you, dear cousin. And you- you deserve someone who knows and loves you as you are- not what you can do for them. That Lira just makes my skin creep, for some reason. Get rid of her before she hurts you.
Tonks knew that, whatever feelings Sirius had, he would never start one relationship before ending another- he was fanatically honest.
Before long, their food arrived and everyone was far too busy digging into their delicious pastries to talk much- except Hermione. She was too busy thinking, and absently pushed pieces of fruit around her plate whilst fighting the temptation to give into her hunger. In an attempt to distract herself from the mental debate, she peaked at her companions and nearly laughed aloud.
Remus was gazing in adoration at his sfogliatelle, a large layeredpastry with chocolate between each layer, whilst blissfully eating his chocolate cannoli, which were small deep-friend tubes of chocolate filled chocolate pastry.
Tonks was clearly enjoying her crespelle con fragola, delicious strawberry-filled crepes that Hermione knew for a fact were sheer ambrosia. She had ordered them on the previous two occasions that she had visisted Café Marino. The smell was beginning to drive her mad- she felt as though there were a hole in her stomach. Shaking her head to clear it, she looked away from the crepes.
Teddy was happily munching away on chocolate covered Ferratelle (waffle biscuits) and sipping his milk, looking as pleased as could be. He was with family and was eating his 'new favourite' food- life was as good as it could get.
Hermione felt a slight pang. What I wouldn't give for my life to be that simple, she thought. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't notice that Sirius was frowning at her in concern, glancing surreptitiously at her in between bites of his Torta Caprese, a delicious smelling flourless chocolate and almond cake.
Coming to herself, she resumed playing with the plain fresh fruit she had ordered whilst sipping her coffee. Noticing that the others were starting to look at her plate in concern, she speared some of the fruit and ate it quickly. This set the pattern for the rest of the meal- every time someone looked at her, she would eat a few token pieces.
She sighed internally. This meal couldn't end quickly enough. Then they could leave and go and see the sights. However, she had a plan - she would not walk around resembling a hippogriff in a skirt. No this time, she would not embarrass her friends with her hideousness and drive them away. She knew just what to do. After all, she wasn't called the cleverest witch of her age for nothing.
Piazza di Trevi, Roma: 1pm Local Time
Sirius stood in the Piazza Di Trevi, watching Hermione stare in awe at the beautiful fountain, the sun glinting off the blue water. He knew she walked past that same edifice every day to get to work, yet she still could not stop herself from staring at the picturesque statues and stunning pool every time she passed it.
Despite Hermione's obvious pleasure in her surroundings however, Sirius was worried. Hermione's self esteem problems seemed to be getting worse- or they were becoming more obvious. Whichever it was, it was immensely worrying. He noted how Hermione stood back, far from the crowds who were pressing around the fountain, trying to throw in their coins. He smiled, seeing that Remus, Tonks and Teddy were part of those crowds. He winced when one of Tonks' coins hit another tourist square in the nose, and chortled as she turned to apologise, nearly knocking the man into the fountain.
His smile disappeared as he turned back to Hermione. She stood alone in a distant corner far from the fountain, dressed in dark colors- and a jacket! Why on earth would she wear a jacket on such a hot day? He and Remus had long since shed theirs- the early Roman autumn was very warm after all. It made no sense. Her behaviour was becoming more and more worrying.
And as for her meal- worrying didn't even begin to cover it! Sirius had been sure she would have chosen the fabulous strawberry crepes she had been raving about in her floo calls to him last week. Merlin knew they looked irresistible. Yet instead she had chosen fresh fruit, and left three quarters of it on the plate at that! That hardly counted as a snack, let alone a meal! The disconcerting thing was, he knew she was hungry- he could smell it. One of the times when I could curse Padfoot's enhanced senses, he thought. Not only could he smell hunger, he could smell her sadness and worse still, shame. Why on earth did she feel shame? He knew Remus would have smelt it too. The werewolf's senses were even sharper than Padfoot's.
And so, Sirius was worried. Why was she standing so far away from everyone? She made it so clear that she wanted to be left alone that even the souvenir vendors were walking straight past her without so much as a glance, as if they didn't see her. Sirius blinked, and then narrowed his eyes. It was as if they didn't…notice her. She couldn't have….No, he decided. Of course she wouldn't cast a Notice-Me-Not charm. Besides I can see her, and so can the others! Hell, Tonks is waving at her. We wouldn't notice her if she had used a Notice-Me-Not.
However, at that moment, a man pushing a cart full of souvenirs rolled straight toward Hermione and didn't stop, despite looking straight at her. Sirius, terrified, was about to call out to her, as he was too far away to reach her in time. However, Hermione happened to glance away from the Fountain at that moment, and her face paled. She immediately jumped out of the way and moved several paces further away for good measure. Sirius' last hopes that she hadn't cast the charm were dashed as the man did not look at her, apologise, or even seem to see her. He simply rolled on past as if nothing had happened.
She must have modified the charm to allow certain people to see her, he realised, torn between admiration for the skill it would take to do such a thing, and worry as to why she would do it. Why would she try to make herself all but invisible? I have to talk to her, alone. This is getting out of hand. Or perhaps she would prefer Tonks? Moony will know what to do. Yes, perhaps that's safer than charging in like a bull in a China shop.
A horrible thought entered his head. Was she so ashamed of herself that she was trying to hide from view entirely? Was that the cause of the shame he could smell?
Making up his mind, he waved at Hermione as he moved quickly towards the fountain. He had to talk to Moony. Now.
Fontana di Trevi, Roma: Local Time 1:20pm
"You think she did what?" Remus was flabbergasted. "Padfoot, you must be mistaken. We can all see her, plain as day."
Explaining his theory as to how Hermione had managed that feat, he then told Tonks and Remus about the 'almost-accident'. "If that doesn't convince you, Moony, then let me tell you something. I've been watching her for the past twenty minutes and not one souvenir vendor has approached her, flirted with her or even looked in her direction. These are Italian souvenir sellers we are talking about- do you think they would ignore a beautiful young woman standing alone?"
Remus' eyes grew wider and wider, until it appeared they could fall right off his head. "I can't believe….I…..the spell work involved, how did she…. But why?" He stuttered.
Sirius looked at him grimly. "Did you smell her at the café? Did you smell it?"
Tonks looked puzzled. "It?"
Remus, however, looked pained. "Padfoot and I smelled three distinct emotions from our Mione- hunger, sadness…and shame."
To say Tonks was shocked would have been a gross understatement. A combination of horrified and stunned was perhaps the closest one could get to describing her emotions at that point. "SHAME? What the bloody hell could she EVER have to be ashamed of? That girl is an angel in human form! I…." She stopped suddenly, and turned to Remus. "Did you say hunger?" He nodded, puzzled as to what, precisely, she was getting at. "But she barely ate a thing…."
Tonks frowned for a moment, thinking, then her eyes suddenly closed in pain, whispering, "Oh, no." Teddy, sensing his mother was upset, turned from the 'pitty wata' hugged her leg.
Sirius was verging on panic. "What? What is it?"
Tonks slowly opened her eyes, looked straight at her cousin, and then at her husband. "I….think she believes that she is so hideous as to be a complete embarrassment for us. She cast the charm so we wouldn't be embarrassed by being seen with her. Have you noticed that she's wearing almost all black? And that she's kept her jacket on in this heat? Did you notice how her clothes are all loose, not at all formfitting?"
Sirius looked stunned. "So, you mean…. the fruit… she's on a diet? But surely even people on diets eat more than that. A child couldn't live of that kind of portion."
Tonks hung her head. "How much do you know about eating disorders and how they begin?" She mumbled.
Sirius felt sick. "You can't mean- no. God no. Not my Mione. Oh please God, not my Mione!" He shook his head in denial. "Please, tell me that this is only a guess and you could be wrong?"
It was a measure of how frightened they all were that neither Tonks nor Remus smirked at Sirius' calling her 'his Mione'.
Tonks shrugged miserably. "I might be. One inadequate meal is not enough to base assumptions on. To be completely honest though, based on everything that has been happening, and the attitude she has to her own looks…... I'm so very scared because I don't think I am wrong. We'll watch her at lunch and dinner tonight. If she does the same thing- orders inadequate meals when you can both smell she's hungry- then I think we have our answer."
Both men nodded, then Remus asked curiously, "What made you jump to that conclusion? Even with her behaviour, that wouldn't have been the first thing that came to my mind."
Tonks sighed. "Experience. I learned the hard way just how eating disorders begin." The looks on their faces made her add hastily, "It was a long time ago and my mother helped me before it got too serious. But now is not the time to discuss it, ok? We should get back to Mione. All I'm saying is that if we don't deal with this self-loathing and this self determined dieting now, they can very easily combine and turn into something deadly. So today, we watch. Then we make our plans."
Both men nodded. Sirius turned and swung Teddy into his arms and started walking towards Hermione, who was currently gazing at the various paintings the vendors were selling. He sensed that Remus needed a moment alone with Tonks, and after what he had just heard, he didn't blame him. God, he just hoped they caught this before it turned into an eating disorder. He had seen the results, once- a muggleborn friend at Hogwarts, Audrey King, had suffered from anorexia nervosa. He had never heard of such a thing before then.
She had starved herself for four years and concealed the emaciation with glamours, until she had drained her magical core to such an extent that she could no longer cast them. She had collapsed in the Great Hall and died a few months later. He had never forgotten what she looked like as she lay there. Sirius shuddered, and kept walking. He would not allow that to happen to his Mione. He just wouldn't.
Meanwhile, beside the fountain, Remus had taken Tonks' hand and looked her straight in the eye. "Dora, I know we can't talk about it now, but I would like very much if you could share it with me later. I don't want to push, I just….I need to know. I understand if you don't want to, if it's too painful…." He trailed off.
Tonks smiled sadly at her husband. "It's OK love, it was a very long time ago. I'll tell you about it if you like…..I'm just a little afraid that you will look at me differently after that."
Remus leaned in and softly kissed her. "Dora, I love you, all of you, exactly the way you are, scars and all. Nothing could ever change that."
She smiled tearily at him and took his hand as they began to walk towards the others. He stopped for a moment and looked at her. "Just remember, Dora- to me, you are perfect. Don't ever forget that."
Sirius' Flat, London: 2am local time
Hours later, Sirius sat in the armchair next to his bed, swirling the amber contents of his glass of Firewhiskey. He didn't usually like to drink alone, especially at night; Azkaban had taught him the value of being lucid. Tonight, however, he had needed a stiff drink- he hoped to God it would relax him enough to manage at least a few hours sleep. After today though, that was very unlikely. He sighed heavily, thinking back on the day trip to Rome. Whilst he had been so happy to see Hermione and how much she loved her new home, he had seen and heard things today that had, quite frankly, terrified the life out of him.
Thinking back to the conversation by the fountain, he shuddered and gulped his drink. An eating disorder. Mione! His Mione! Well, close enough to an eating disorder, he growled to himself, remembering what Tonks had told them later. "I don't think she is suffering from a full blown eating disorder – yet- but I am convinced that she is teetering on the edge. A few weeks could tip her over the edge if she remains unchecked. We have to do something, NOW. Already, she apparently loathes herself to such an extent that she thinks we would be ashamed of her and has been trying to hide herself. Plus, we saw that she is becoming….irrational when it comes to her eating habits. That is a deadly combination. The longer she continues on this path, the harder it will be to turn back. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about."
Sirius stared into his drink. Irrational is right, he sighed to himself. She had barely eaten a thing all day. They had watched her at lunch, and whilst everyone else had ordered pasta, pizza and other fabulous Italian foods, she had chosen grilled fish and boiled vegetables, only eating the vegetables and a small portion of fish. Dinner had been even worse- she had ordered a Panzanella Salad, which contained bread, olives and Fontina cheese, among other things. The problem was that she had carefully picked out most of the bread and cheese. And she hadn't even finished the salad! Her eating habits seemed to worsen with every meal- Sirius could not believe that it could have gotten this bad so quickly, or that someone could starve themselves out of self-hatred. However, he wasn't taking any chances- he knew better than anyone just how irrational self-hatred could make a person.
He was terrified of what could happen if this continued. Tonks was right, something had to be done, and soon. The three had port-keyed back to the Lupin residence and, once they had put teddy to bed, had talked long into the night.
In the end, they had decided that Sirius was to visit Hermione the day after tomorrow, being Monday, to start their Italian lessons. He would Floo her tomorrow to make the arrangements. After dinner, he was to tell her honestly and openly of their concerns. Tonks had said she was willing to talk to Hermione about her own experiences if Hermione wished. They had agreed that as Sirius was closest to Hermione, he would he the one to approach her. God help me if it backfires, he sighed, rubbing his forehead. He knew that Hermione wouldn't believe him if he told her she didn't need to lose weight, so he intended to offer to accompany her to the Healer of her choice and seek their opinion. He also wanted written information as to what constituted a healthy diet for an ordinary person. He wanted to make sure she was eating everything she ought to, and, as he was admittedly no expert on dietary intake, he wanted the information from a professional.
It wasn't much of a plan, he would admit, but it was either that or portkey to her apartment and beg her not to do this, to tell her how perfect she was, that she had nothing to be ashamed of. Somehow, he doubted it would work. He fervently hoped that if a Healer told her she was under-eating, it might make a difference. He hoped with every fibre of his being that she was not yet so far gone that her razor sharp logic would fail her.
However, one thing was certain: he would do whatever it took to help her through this and he would be there every bloody step of the bloody way! Don't you give up on yourself, Mione love, because I WILL NOT give up on you. I will NEVER give up on you, he vowed.
Sirius took another gulp of his Firewhisky, trying to clear his mind. Dwelling on the matter at this hour wouldn't help- he need to relax so he could get some sleep. Of course, his mind refused to cooperate and consequently switched its focus to an entirely different problem: Lira.
He frowned, thinking back over the past week. Her behaviour had been… pleasant. She had been her usual self, as if the harsh words they had exchanged at St Mungo's had never occurred. He knew he should have been pleased; after all, every couple fought and there was no use in dwelling on it, but the truth was, he wasn't happy. He wasn't happy at all.
Her comments had stung, true enough, as had her refusal of the portkey. But it was the underlying assumption that he- and the others- were not entirely rational due to their 'wartime trauma' that had bothered him. Well, admittedly he had not fought in the second war proper. His twelve years in Azkaban probably made that a moot point, though. Either way- was that how she saw him- as a half-mad, paranoid victim of the justice system, clinging to people torn by similar experiences? If that was the case, why had she stayed with him? That was what was really bothering him. Why had she stayed? Even a month before, he would have said that it was because she held a genuine affection for him. However, now, he wondered….
The look on her face when he had pulled out the ring box had surprised him. It had taken him quite some time to understand what could cause such a vehement reaction in the normally cool and collected Lira; it was because she had thought it was another kind of ring. She had thought it was going to propose.
What worried him was the brief look of revulsion that had flitted across her features. Whilst he understood that, had he proposed, it certainly would have been a shock, as they had not yet discussed the possibility of marriage, he could not understand the revulsion on her face at the idea. There had been no warmth, no love or affection evident. Worse, when she had seen that the ring was not an engagement ring, she had looked relieved. Relieved! What hell was going on? He was no expert, but he knew that most women would at the very least be flattered to be proposed to, even were they not inclined to accept. Was the idea of marriage with him so utterly repulsive?
Draining the last of his drink, he stood and, with few flicks of his wand, cleaned and levitated the glass back to the kitchen. With a quick cleaning charm to his teeth, he pulled off his robe and climbed into bed. He could not abide pajamas unless the temperature was a few degrees short of freezing, and so wore only his silk boxers. James had always teased him about being too 'hot blooded' to tolerate sleepwear, he remembered with a fond smile. Sighing, he turned onto his side. Tomorrow, he would take Lira out for dinner. He'd pull out all the stops and make it a nice evening- perhaps all they needed was some time together, without the stresses they both had. Having formed a plan, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
Sirius' flat, London: 9:30 am, local time
He was awakened by a loud tapping at his window. Groaning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep. What time was it anyway? A glance at his clock said it was nine-thirty. Tap Tap Tap! "Alright!" He sighed. "I'm coming. Bloody bird…." Forcing himself out of bed, he shuffled over to the window and opened it. When he saw the large brown owl that flew in, he suddenly felt wide awake. It was Chester, Harry's owl.
He's back, he must have gotten back last night. Sirius guessed. He snatched the letter tied to the owl's leg, then told the owl, "The treats are on the kitchen table, hep youself." Hooting his thanks, Chester flew into the kitchen room
Tearing open the sealed parchment, he eagerly read the note.
Hello Padfoot!
Sorry I've not been in touch the past couple of weeks- we just got back from the South of France. It was all so last minute that I completely forgot that I hadn't told you. Sorry about that! Anyway, we got back last night, and I have NEWS! I have to tell you in person. I'm not free tomorrow, but I'm working the evening shift on Tuesday. Can I come and see you Tuesday morning? Let me know- I'm dying to tell you my news!
Harry
P.S. Ron and Ginny want to come too- is that ok?
Sirius stared at the note for some time, torn. Part of him was overjoyed that the first thing his godson, James' boy, wanted to do on his return was share his news with his godfather. The rest of him, however, was seething with fury at what those three had done to Hermione. They had broken her and trampled her into the ground. She had sacrificed everything for them and they had not repaid that sacrifice in kind. Now she was on the verge of stepping onto a deadly path- and they bore a huge share of the blame for putting her there!
He loved Harry dearly and that would never change; that boy was like a son to him. But Harry had done a terrible wrong and hurt someone very special beyond imagining. Sirius would not be silent- Harry would listen, and bloody listen well.
Oh yes, he would see those three on Tuesday- it was time they learned the consequences of their actions.
Not bothering to dress, he raced to the Floo. He had to call Moony.