A drink sat in front of me, the amber liquid resting within irresistible. I pick it up; the contents burning my throat. Cheap whiskey, the kind you use to get drunk. The sound of a children's TV show filters into the darkened room in which I sat.

The handgun sits on the table next to me. A SIG Sauer P226 9mm. I look at it and feel compelled to pick it up. It's not a heavy gun, but it's well balanced. That's when I notice other emotions creeping in.

Sadness that seeped into my bones.

Hopelessness for the future.

Depression that everyone has mocked me for. I could hear them now, telling me I should be happy.

You have a family.

You have a decent job.

You have it better than so many others.

These weren't the words of strangers on the internet, these were the words of my family. A couple of friends have been supportive, but I hate bothering them with this shit. They shouldn't have to suffer because of my bullshit.

My therapist prescribed me some antidepressants. I don't know what the fuck they're supposed to do; I take them every day, but it seems like one more thing I have to pay for.

I tried telling my wife about my problems; she was the first I went to. Yet, when I did, the first thing she says is that she wants to die. I'm not even exaggerating, her response is that she wants to die because I have issues with depression.

Fuck. So I keep it all inside me and see a shrink occasionally. I have grown to despise everything in my life. What was the point of living if it's just going to be this same shit day in and day out?

The one person who's supposed to be there for me no matter what won't listen and can't seem to understand that I can be anything less than the stalwart sole provider for the family. I blame her culture, the man can show no weakness without suffering ridicule.

The glass has emptied. I fill it up again. I feel courage. Maybe tonight I can do it. I down this glass, steeling my resolve.

I think about those I'll leave behind. They're likely better off with me gone, anyway. My kids won't even give me the time of day. I come home from work, exhausted, and all they seem to give a shit about is the TV and the iPad. Barely a word in my direction.

My wife has grown distant, yet she still acts clingy and jealous. My family thinks I'm full of shit and that I should just be satisfied with my lot in life. Well, what's the point? I'll never get to do the things I want to do, not anymore. My life is purely one of convenience for others.

I pick up the Sig, admiring it. A fine piece of craftsmanship, built for a singular purpose yet unknowing. Ignorance is bliss.

There's already a round in the chamber, I keep it for home defense. I took it out on the pretext of cleaning it, yet the kit sat, unopened, on the table.

I place the barrel against my temple, my finger resting lightly on the trigger guard. The cold steel fails to dissuade me. Yet I can't seem to bring myself to rest a finger on the trigger.

I pour another three fingers and down the glass, dropping it on the floor. I heard it shatter as it hit the cold linoleum. Everything had gone quiet. There were no other sounds in the house, and I felt cold. I found my courage and placed my finger on the trigger. Just a few pounds of pressure and it'd be over.

Closing my eyes, I squeeze the trigger…

Someone is calling my name.

I open my eyes.

Light filters through familiar surroundings and I feel disoriented.

"No! Please, No!" a girlish voice. IA. What's going on?

"Please, put it down! I love you!" she was pleading with me. Put what down.

I felt the cold touch of steel at my temple and slowly took my finger out of the trigger guard. I set the gun on the table, cold fear coursing through my veins.

"I… IA…" I'm at a loss for words as I fail to even stammer out a response.

She's on my before I can do anything, kissing me and sobbing hysterically. She's shaking as she clutches me, kneeling on the floor beside the chair. Her face is buried in my chest and I'm not sure what to do.

'W-why, I thought you loved me… Do you really want to die again?" she kept tripping over her words, punctuating them with sniffs and sobs.

"No, IA… I don't know… I do not understand how this happened!" I blurted out.

She pulled her face back from my chest and looked up into my eyes. Her tear-streaked face was wrought with despair.

"You know I'd die too, right? You know what you'd be missing, right?" she was in hysterics. She stood up, pulling at my hand.

"IA, please! Let me explain!"

Then, I felt a sharp pain on my left cheek as she slapped me.

"Shut up! What the hell were you thinking!" her voice hadn't changed but her crying seemed to lose its hysteria. She dragged me up and forced me into the bedroom.

"IA…"

"Shut up! I guess I'm not good enough for you, but maybe if I can show you how much you mean you'll stick around," she spoke harshly as she got undressed. It wasn't erotic like usual, but urgent.

When she was finished, she pulled at my clothes, tearing them off in her rush to get me naked. She pushed herself against and I pulled her close, kissing her. Her ardor was almost painful, and I could feel my jaw ache. Then, she bit my lip.

It was gentle, but new. I was more than a little surprised. However, she bit harder until it was right before the point of pain. I tried to tell her to stop, but she held me there.

"I'll make you feel my pain, love," she murmurs as she lets go. Now, I'm scared.

But also aroused. Confusion grips me.

My back is to the bed and IA pushes me onto it roughly. She has a lot of strength, all of the sudden, far more than I have. My pulse quickens as she gets down on her knees and takes my member into her mouth.

"Ahh, IA!" I moan in delight as she wraps her lips around the base of my manhood. I can feel her throat wrapping around me, and with every movement I feel intense pleasure. Her mouth is hot and I can feel her saliva coating me. I try to put my hands on her head, but she grabs them and pins both to the bed.

Then, she pulls her head back and gasps for air, looking at me the whole time.

"Get on the bed," she tells me.

I move, now positioned normally, and lay my head on a pillow. Her pillow. It smells nice.

In a flash, she's on top of me and she has her hands around my throat. I stare at her in terror as her fingers tighten around my throat. She still has that same look of despair on her face. Yet…

I have never felt more alive.

"Do you like that? Hmm?" IA says. I try to shake my head but I can't move.

I feel a warm fluid on my chest where she's straddling me, the smell of her arousal washes over me. My vision blurs as she increases the pressure.

"IA…" My voice is all but nonexistent. She's crying. I lift one of my hands and reach behind her.

She gasps in surprise as she feels my fingers against her womanhood, yet she doesn't let up. My fingers are slick with her juices. I take one and toy with her ass.

She bites her lip, then I thrust my finger inside her.

"Ahh!" she releases her grip as my finger disappears inside her rectum.

I gasp for air but grab one of her hands in mine, trying to prevent her from choking me again.

"You would kill me!" I knew it wasn't true, but now I wanted to punish this naughty girl.

"N-no! You liked it, look at your cock!" She reached back and gripped it. I was rock hard. I felt a hunger overtake me. I needed her, and I needed her now. I removed my finger and grabbed her, forcing her off of me.

I positioned myself over her. She was panting and looking at me with more than a little apprehension, "What are you gonna do, hmm?"

She was trying to piss me off, I swear.

I didn't want to tell her though. It would be better to show her. I got over top of her and rubbed my member against her labia, teasing her clit with one hand while holding her down with the other.

Then, I push myself inside her. My hard thrusts elicited moans of pleasure from IA.

"You like that?" I whisper into her ear.

"Is that.. All you've got?"

I pull out and force her legs up. She uses her fingers to spread apart her womanhood, taunting me.

Without a moment's hesitation I thrust myself back inside her, her legs against my chest. I slam myself into her as she screams in pleasure.

I kiss her toes before taking one into my mouth, sucking on it gently.

"You like my feet?" IA asked, her voice breathless.

I didn't respond and just kept sucking.

"You want revenge?" IA asked me.

"What?"

"You want to fucking choke me, don't you," she had a wild look in her eyes as she spoke.

"I want to do this!" I pulled out of her womanhood and pushed the head of my member against her anus, forcing myself into her.

She squirmed, not yet ready to accept me. I kept going, pinning her down with one hand.

IA's legs fell to her sides, she no longer had the strength to hold them up.

Soon after she was moaning again, grasping at me with both hands. I stayed out of her reach, knowing what she intended.

"Are you afraid?" she asks me.

"Afraid of what?"

"Put your hands around my neck, or are you a little bitch?"

"IA, what the fuck!" I was taken aback despite my arousal.

"Do it! Choke me while you fuck me in the ass!"

I looked at her. Her neck looked so small, so fragile. She was panting, looking at me with a wild, animalistic lust.

I wrapped my hands around her throat, a part of me getting excited. What was this? I stopped thrusting, my member only partway inside her.

"Squeeze!" she commanded.

I squeezed, feeling the soft flesh of her neck against my hands.

"Harder! Harder!" she growled.

I obliged, my hands sinking into her flesh.

She was moving her hips, using her eyes to look down. Oh, right.

I thrust again, pounding her harder than ever. My hands tightened around her throat as she opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She looked like she was screaming in ecstasy, and I felt her drench my crotch as she came, then came again. The hot fluids made their way down and drenched my member as I continued my assault on her rectum.

"C-cum in me," IA gasped. I was already at my limit, and her words pushed me over the edge.

I pushed myself into her as far as I could and lost control, shooting my load deep inside her. She spasmed in pleasure as I squeezed her throat tightly, losing myself to my own desires. She looked up at me with pure ecstasy written over her face.

My climax culminated in a wave of pure pleasure that radiated from my groin and gripped my entire body. I held on to her throat until the last waves of it broke through me, then let her go. She gasped and panted as she pulled much needed fresh air into her lungs.

The air hung heavy with our ardor, the stench of it permeating everything. I lowered myself on top of her, my manhood sliding out. Her neck was already showing signs of bruising, and I kissed it gently, feeling shameful. I stayed that way for a while and inhaled her essence.

"I'm sorry, IA…" I whisper into her ear.

"Why?" she asked, her voice raspy.

"Your throat…"

"Ah, no… it's ok, I like it…"

I pick my head up and kiss her tenderly. Our desires had been sated, but the questions would come. She responds well to my affections and wraps her arms around me. We enjoy each other this way for a while, just looking at each other and kissing when the desire takes us.

Eventually, I roll off of her and lay next to her. My neck feels tender.

"IA, I never would have thought…"

"What? You don't like it?"

"Well, I do…"

"Then why talk about it? We both like it, we won't do it all the time," she said. I made a noise of agreement.

The covers rustled as she turned to look at me, "Why did you have a gun to your head?"

I took a deep breath and explain the dream I had, my feelings of hopelessness, despair. I wanted to end it.

"Yet I was doing the same thing here. I don't understand how that could happen. How could I be two people at once?" I asked her.

"I don't know, but it sounds like another artefact."

"An artefact? Of what?"

"You died via assisted suicide, all of those feelings must have influenced that. This must be another aspect you haven't resolved. It's strange that it would take so long to appear."

IA seemed worried.

"Maybe it's because I'm so happy with you?" I volunteer.

She smiles at me, "You always know what to say, don't you?"

"No, absolutely not."

IA laughed and kissed me.

We're sweaty, we stink, and we both desperately need to clean up. So what do I do? I pull her close and revel in the smell as I feel her heat against my body. I love it, I love it so much.

"I love you so much, IA," I whisper to her.

"I love you too," she replies. She nuzzles herself under my chain and closes her eyes. There's always time to clean up later.

Except I really had to pee.

IA started softly snoring curled up against me.

I need to pee.

I can hold it.

No, no I can't.

I extract myself from her, managing not to wake her. I go into the bathroom to do my business and look out the window. My eyes widen with surprise as I see not one, but two protectors seemingly looking at the house.

I blink, and they're gone. Am I seeing things?

I shake my head. This reality is messing with me! It's probably nothing.

I shake after I finish and wash my hands, heading back into the bedroom and crawling back into bed next to IA. Without a word she crawls back into my arms, still asleep. Her hair tickles my nose but I don't mind.

Somewhere, though, in the back of my mind, I feel a looming sense of finality. I hold IA tighter, worried that we may not have the eternity together that she promised.

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