Disclaimer; I do not own anything sadly. Grey's Anatomy belongs to both ABC and Shonda Rhimes.

Secrets Never Shared.

The Road to Recovery

Derek had sat quietly, content with watching Meredith get some sleep. She didn't look comfortable or content. She looked unsettled, stressed, worn out which didn't comfort him in the slightest. He concentrated closely on the blood that was being transfused into her. How could her blood count drop so low?

He would have to page Mark to sign all his patients over to the covering attending so he could stay by her side. He wouldn't even contemplate the thought of leaving her. Not know. Not when she needed him most. He took advantage of Meredith sleeping and phoned the bed and breakfast that they were staying in at the wine country to change the booking. He made reservations for a week, leaving on Monday, giving her the weekend to rest at home with him before taking the holiday. It also means that if she gets enough rest at the weekend, she would be able to appreciate the wine country a little more.

At 8am, Meredith began to stir slightly, waking Derek from the very uncomfortable position he had lay in for the past few hours, slipping in and out of sleep. He had too much spinning round in his mind to get a decent night's sleep anyway. How did she go that length of time without sleep? How did he not see it?

Sex and Mockery probably didn't help in the slightest. The time spent for their booty calls in the on call room, she should have been using to catch up on sleep. Derek was determined to spoil her through and through from foot rubs to letting her eat whatever she wanted, including cold pizza- well, maybe at first. All those carbohydrates aren't exactly energizing.

One minute, Meredith is beginning to stir in the bed slightly as if she is about to waken, but within seconds, she is stirring frantically on the bed before her eyes jolt open and she is pushing herself upright into a sitting position on the bed. Derek spins into action within milliseconds and is sitting on the edge of the bed ready to catch her before she really hurts herself.

"Careful, Meredith," he began gently, grabbing a firm hold of her shoulders. "Lie back down before you hurt yourself. You're ok. I'm right here." Derek gently eased her back on the bed, seeing how she felt dizzy by how she wobbled unsteadily.

"What time is it?" she asked in a sleepy voice.

"Just after 8," he whispered.

"Have you been here all night?" She asked gently.

"Of course," he nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she mumbled.

"Let's try that again," he chuckled slightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Still a little sleepy," she answered, not wanting to have to deal with twenty questions been thrown at her.

"Anything else?" He queried.

"A bit of a migraine," she shrugged.

Derek nodded. At least she was answering him. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. When he seen that she was smiling at him, it gave him all the encouragement he needed to pull her into a loving, searing kiss. He gently, slid his tongue into her mouth to allow their mouths to partake in a dance that spoke more volumes to them than any words could. Derek could feel her every emotion in every kiss. When kissing during S&M, he felt her distance, her hurt as well as her insecurities. Now, when kissing her, he felt her doubts and fears of what was happening but more importantly, her love, determination and her sureness in their relationship. Meredith began to moan lightly as Derek was biting gently on her lower lip which made it all the harder to pull away but for both their sakes, he had to. He broke away, leaving them both panting for air, looking rather flustered.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, wondering whether to get her breakfast in the hospital or at home.

"No," she murmured.

"Mer..."

"I'll try to eat some breakfast a little later. I promise," she smiled at him while reaching with her hand to lace their fingers together. It was at that point, she seen the blood going through her blood transfusion. Derek could see her uncertainty.

"Derek?" Meredith asked in an unsure voice.

"Your blood count dropped to 8. We just want to get it up to a safer level. Ten more minutes and that will be done meaning we can go home."

"Ok," she said still sounding unsure.

"Mer, it'll be ok. I can promise you that. It will be ok," he said in a loving voice, while gently rubbing a thumb over her cheek.

"I believe you," she nodded.

"I love you," He smiled.

"I love you too," she assured him.

They sat for a minute in silence, smiling at each other, trying to work out what the other was thinking when something hit Meredith.

"Oh god, Derek," she gasped.

"What's wrong?" he asked concernedly.

"The wine country," she sighed. "We are supposed to be going there today. I completely forgot…I'll pack as soon as I get home…that's if you still want to go…we could still make it on time…I know what happened this morning put a damper on things…we could still go…"

"Meredith," he interrupted gently.

"…that's if you still think you could drive us there…I mean it is a long drive…and...I…"

"Meredith?" he asked a little more forcefully, finally getting her attention.

"Sorry," she said sincerely.

"Meredith, we aren't leaving for the wine country today," he told her gently.

"Oh," she said with such sadness and disappointment. She tried to free her hand from his but he tightened his grip.

"Don't even think about pulling away from me… Meredith, look at me." When she didn't comply, he once again, gently stroked her cheek to give her the encouragement to at least look at him, which she finally did.

"After what happened this morning, I thought it would be best to postpone until Monday so you could rest at home for a couple of days…Ok?" he asked soothingly.

"Yes," she smiled.

"It's a shame we'll only have two days to enjoy the country before we have to come home," she smiled.

"Um…Mer…we are going for a week," he said, uncertain how to tackle this topic because he knew it was going to start an argument.

"What? Oh, Derek, I can't. My shift work starts back again on Wednesday," she says with a hint of disappointment.

"Meredith," he starts wearingly, "we are going for a week because the Chief has signed you off work for three weeks to recuperate and he has…well, truth be told, he's given me three weeks off to be there for you." Derek knew by the look on Meredith's face that this did not go down well.

"Firstly," she began in a rather harsh tone, "recover from what? A little panic attack? Secondly, I do not need a baby sitter. I don't know what the two of you are thinking but you are blowing everything way out of proportion!" she finished with tears in her eyes.

"Meredith..."

"No! This is absolutely ridiculous. Three weeks? Three weeks? That is both stupid and unnecessary. There is no need. I-Am- Fine. I'll be back to work on Wednesday!" she shouted, getting out of bed faster than Derek could stop her. He rushed to hold her in place but she staggered too fast and fell half way to the ground before he caught her by holding an arm around her waist.

He quickly lifted her and gently laid her on the bed, noticing that she had lost consciousness yet again. He reached for the oxygen mask to place over her face, knowing that when she came round, she would probably have another panic attack and he would need to be ready. It was only then that he noticed that the force she had used to get out of bed had caused her to rip out her IV. He ran outside and grabbed a cotton swab from the hallway trolley and was fast at running back to apply pressure to her hand. Quite a bit of blood had trickled down her hand, scrubs and onto the floor. Derek decided it was best not to insert another IV as she would be allowed home soon.

Derek wasn't wrong about Meredith having another panic attack when she woke. It was a minute and a half after she jumped out of the bed, when she woke up and began hyperventilating instantly. She closed her eyes tightly as if she was a scared little child.

"Meredith, look at me," he whispered, "Open your eyes and look at me." She slowly opened her already, tear stained eyes to look into his loving pools of blue.

"Meredith, you have to breath with me," he commanded "Inhale and Exhale. Just take slow, deep breaths. You are going to be ok. Just listen to me, take slow deep breaths." Unlike last time, Meredith heart rate quickly went back to normal and she was able to remove the oxygen mask.

Derek gently held her hand and stroked her hair, hovering over her, watching her both closely and carefully. Meredith had a saddened look on her face. It was obvious that she wasn't expecting to be given three weeks off. She wasn't expecting any time off. Derek tried to think quickly of something to say to help her understand but she beat him too it.

"You told the Chief," she whispered in cold voice that sent shivers down Derek's spine.

"I told the Chief you hadn't slept? Yes, Meredith. I did. I was so worried about you. I am really worried about you and so is he for that matter."

"You can't do this to me," she whispered, with tears flowing down her cheeks. No matter how many times she wiped them away, they just kept on coming.

"Do what to you?" he asked, her words filling him with dread.

"You can't try and keep me off work for three weeks just because of a panic attack," she stated, convinced it was that simple.

"I'm not and neither is the Chief. There are a lot of factors here. One factor being that your blood count dropped to eight and needed two pints of blood transfused. The second being your high blood pressure which reaches a level beyond dangerous when you hyperventilate. Then there is the fact that you have had virtually no sleep for the past two months. The stress of all these things on top of work is causing severe panic attacks. Not mild, Meredith. They are severe whether you choose to accept it or not. The Chief wants you to get better. I want you to get better," Derek, once again used his forceful tone to get through to her. He leaned forward, grabbing her head in his hands and kissed her forehead while using his thumbs to wipe away her tears.

"I am taking the next three weeks off to be with you because I want to. I want to be with you. I want us to use the time to be together. I want us to do normal, couple things. I want us to go to the wine country and forget about everything that is going on back here. Please, Meredith…I'm begging you, let me in…Let me be there… Just humour me and let me hover for the next few weeks…Please, Meredith," He pleaded.

Meredith had her head down when she listened to what Derek had to say, letting out small sniffling sounds to try and keep her tears at bay. Derek knew Meredith would try and argue some more but when she suddenly looked up; she was pale apart from her tear stained cheeks; she tilted her head to the side and gave him a small smile.

"Ok," she admitted defeat.

"Ok?" He asked unsure.

"I think I'd like that," she answered, sounding a little unsure.

"You would?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I would," she giggled.

That sound alone, never failed to bring a smile to Derek's face. She still looked ill but relieved which meant he had made a step in the right direction. They had made a step in the right direction. Derek noticed that Meredith's hands were trembling which could have been due to the stress of everything over the past twenty four hours or the nerves she must have felt in talking to Derek. He gently grabbed hold of both hands and laced their fingers together to take control of the trembling. He gave her his signature McDreamy smile to assure her it was ok.

"Just take slow deep breaths. It should stop in a few minutes," he assured her.

Sure as fate, the trembling stopped.

"What do you say that I go and get you your clothes and handbag from your locker while you sign your discharge papers on the table over there and we get out of here?" he asked with such hope.

"I would say that it sounded like the best idea I have heard all morning," she laughed, feeling desperate to get away from Seattle Grace.

"Good." He nodded.

Reluctantly, Derek let go of her hands before walking off to get her stuff from the locker room.

Meredith quickly signed the discharge papers. She couldn't be happier at the thought of getting out of here. She slowly lifted herself off the bed to stare outside the window, onto the streets of Seattle. Surprisingly enough, the thing that was playing most in Meredith's head was her conversation with Dr Hahn earlier, in the scrub room or more importantly, the words that came out of the Chief's mouth about how she wouldn't choose that as her specialty, as if he really knew her. He didn't know her. Who was he to say what specialty she could or couldn't choose? Her mother always told her that for a surgeon, choosing a specialty it would be the biggest decision they ever made in their lives- not the hardest but definitely the biggest. Could Meredith be a cardiothoracic surgeon? Meredith didn't know but she did know one thing - if she made that choice, Christina would not take it well, at all.

"You ok?" a concerned voice asked from behind her causing her to jump from the fright she got. Derek was quick on the mark to take hold of her shoulders in case she lost her balance.

"Thanks," she whispered sheepishly.

"You're welcome," he smiled down at her.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Nothing important," she shrugged.

Derek gave her a curious look. He wasn't satisfied with that answer but he would let it go, for now. He moved to the bed to tell her where he placed her items from her locker.

"I brought everything that I thought was necessary. Handbag… clothes you came home in…toilet bag for you to get freshened up but I wouldn't worry too much because I'll run you a nice warm bath to relax in when we get home…"

Derek stopped what he was saying and turned to face her from the bed when he heard her giggle.

"What?"

"It looks like my rambling has become infectious," she giggled. Derek couldn't help but smile. He loved her. He really loved her. Now it was her turn to look on curiously.

"What?" She questioned him as he continued to smile at her.

"Nothing," he stressed lightly. "Why?"

"You have that look," Meredith explained.

"What look?" He asked, trying to act and sound innocent.

"Our look," she sighed, knowing he was teasing her.

"You love our look," He chuckled.

"Correction, I tolerate our look," she mocked.

Derek feigned a look of hurt.

"Is there anything else you think you need?"

"No, that's great. Thank you," she smiled at him.

"Why don't you go get changed in the bathroom down the hall and I'll hand these discharge papers into the nurses' station so we can get out of here," he encouraged giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Great," she nodded, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Great," he said while moving to lifting her stuff off the bed with one hand and wraps his free arm round her waist protectively.

"You know I am able to walk myself. I have since I was thirteen months old," she mocked.

"Did you ever contemplate the possibility that I like holding you close to me? That I just like having you right next to me," he chuckled.

"Cheesy Derek. Very, cheesy," she said, paying attention to the gossiping nurses in the hallway. Derek saw what she was focusing on and how she tensed slightly, knowing that they were talking about them.

"Just ignore them," he whispered in her ear, sending an aroused shiver down her spine. Just as luck would have it, they reached the bathroom, meaning that she would be free of him, at least for a few minutes. He leaned in to gently kiss her slips, but when their lips touched, she wanted to give the nurses really something to talk about which is why she urgently pushed her tongue into his mouth which caused Derek to stand there, numb from the shock of her silent demands. They both pulled back breathlessly when they heard gasps coming from the end of the corridor. Derek gave Meredith a questioning look.

"I wanted to give them something to really talk about," she smiled. He couldn't help but laugh.

Meredith reached out to take her stuff from Derek but he pulled them out of her reach.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

"I'll take them in for you," he said, still numb from her urgent force that her mouth had on his.

"Derek…" she started in a warning tone.

"Just humour me for a little while and let's give them a little more to talk about," indicating to the whispering nurses behind them.

She couldn't help but giggle. They made their way into the female toilet and thankfully, no one was in.

"Now, will you be ok getting ready for two minutes while I run to the nurse's station to hand these in?" He asked trying to hide his concern.

"Oh, I don't know. A whole two minutes on my own?" she asked sarcastically, giving him a warning look.

"Ok," he sighed. "Ok, but I'll be right down the hall if you need me."

"Thank you, now get out of here," she said, pointing to the door they had just entered from. He smiled and kissed her before leaving the ladies bathroom with a big smile on his face. It was no surprise to him that those nurses were still outside, watching the bathroom door curiously.

"Don't you ladies have work to do?" he asked with a smug grin on his face.

.

Derek ran down the hall to the nurses' station to hand over the discharge papers. In heading back to the bathroom, he ran straight into the Chief who looked at him with such worry in his eyes but that instantly disappeared when he seen the gleaming smile plastered in Derek's face.

"She ok?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, she didn't take the three week sick line very well but I managed to talk her round. She's in the toilet now, getting changed to go home."

"Did you get a couple of pints of blood transfused?" He asked.

"Yes, I did. I'll bring her back in on Sunday to get her blood work and blood pressure checked and then we leave on Monday for a week's holiday. That is if you have managed to sort out my cover?" Derek asked with a hint of hope.

"Yes, there were no problems there. You are both expected to start back three weeks on Monday pending no further complications," He explained, silently praying that there would be no more complications.

"Three weeks on Monday?" Derek asked, not sure whether he heard right.

"Yes, just the way the schedule has worked out," The Chief shrugged, although Derek could see right through him.

"That's great. I really appreciate this Richard…Thank you for everything you did for us," he said while heading down the hall.

"Derek?" the man questioned him from behind.

"Yes?" he asked, spinning round.

The chief took a couple of steps forward and hesitated over his next words.

"What is it?" Derek prodded.

"Will you tell her I'm sorry that I missed her? I wanted to come and see her but I have to get into surgery," the Chief explained guiltily.

"Of course," he assured him.

"Will you…will you tell her that I miss her…that we miss her. We just...we want our little girl back, Derek. Just tell her I'm sorry," he said sounding defeated and with that headed in the other direction.

Derek couldn't help but feel a great amount of sympathy for the man that was just in front of him. Derek knew he wasn't his main priority though. Meredith always had to come first.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.

As much as Meredith loved Derek, she was relieved to have a few minutes to herself. Feeling overwhelmed would be an understatement at the present moment in time. She still felt weak and sore. Every muscle in her body was aching with tension and she still felt as if something wasn't right, something she couldn't put her finger on.

Meredith got dressed in the bathroom at a warped speed which wouldn't be considered wise in her present condition but she had visions of Derek coming back in and insisting to help her get dressed.

Derek entered the bathroom a few minutes later to see Meredith standing at the window, putting a comb through her hair. She gave him a smile through the window which he gladly reciprocated as he snuck both arms round her waist from behind and pulled her as close to him as he could.

"Ready to get out of here?" he whispered in her ear.

"Stupid question," she mumbled.

"Very good point…Okay, and then let's get you out of here," he said while he grabbed her handbag from the counter.

"Derek, I can carry my own…"

"Humour me, Meredith. For now, just humour me," He whispered.

"Ok," she sighed as they made their way out of the bathroom and down the hall towards the elevators with his arm round her waste.

"I was thinking..."

"Uh oh," she giggled. "I thought I felt the ground tremble."

"Funny…I was thinking we could stop by yours to pick some stuff up and then we can go to the trailer where I can cook you breakfast," Derek suggested.

"Um…"

"We don't have to if you don't want to," he hurriedly said while helping her step on the elevator.

"No, I was thinking that would be a great idea. It's just that…well…we leave for the wine country on Monday…."

"We can go back to your place on Sunday to get everything organised but I was just thinking for the sake of a bit of peace and privacy and then there is the fact I want to cook you a nice breakfast, one that hopefully doesn't involve cold pizza, unless you really want that of course," He explained.

"I'd really like that," she smiled. "Sounds like you've thought of everything."

"Yeah? You're happy?" he asked, as the elevator doors opened to the floor of the lobby.

"Yeah," She yawned.

"Ok then." he smiled.

"So, I'll meet you at my house?" She asked, hinting the obvious.

"Don't even think about it Meredith Grey," Derek warned. "We will take my car as I have left your car keys with Alex."

"Derek..." she whined as they stepped out into Seattle's cool air.

"No Meredith," he stated firmly, "when I think of you driving to work this morning on so little sleep…just, you can't drive for a few weeks…just…just think of me as your chauffer, anything you want, day or night. I will be at your beck and call twenty four seven."

"I wouldn't have said that if I were you," she giggled as he opened the car door for her.

"Don't you worry," he said trying to appease her concerns. "I'm going to make sure you are spoiled rotten for the rest of our lives."

"Not just the next three weeks?" she asked as he leaned in and kissed her.

"No, because I know for the next three weeks, I'm going to have to play bad cop for the sake of your welfare." he said before closing her door and running round to get into the driver's seat.

"That's not possible," she informed him in a rather dramatic tone.

"And why do you say that?" he asked when he started the car.

"Because you're Dr Mcdreamy," she giggled as Derek drove them out of Seattle Grace car park as the happy couple they were destined to be.

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