Title: Twilight's Edge
Author: Inkcharm
Summary: An innocent training session goes horribly wrong for Zuko. – Wounded in body and spirit, Zuko has to endure treatment for his eyes.
Warnings: Post-TBR, blood, angst, mild swearing
Disclaimer: The TV show "Avatar - The Last Airbender" does not belong to me, nor do its characters or anything related to the show. I make no profit out of this story, it is written merely for fun and entertainment of other fans.
Part: 7/9
A/N: I started writing this before Book 3 Ep 16 aired, so any canon-events happening after The Boiling Rock might be ignored for the sake of the storyline.

Twilight's Edge
Chapter 7: Trauma

You might have considered him handsome.

Smooth, pale skin, silky black hair. It was unruly and yet fell into his face in an appealing way. Strong and mysterious. Slightly rebellious, perhaps, but not a player. The curve of his mouth spoke of unhappiness and suggested that his smile might be beautiful if he would only allow it to show. The way he would frown more often than not would have you guess that the first lines on his face would appear between his brows. He seemed calm and controlled, but behind his golden eyes a fire was burning, and you would have known that if the right buttons where pushed he would snap. That wouldn't be pretty. His face spoke of a noble upbringing, but his eyes told the story of a warrior.

You might have wondered why his left eye was narrowing into a slit like that. The skin around that eye darkened, smoking, the smell of burning flesh filling the air. Slowly, the vile mark spread, eating away his soft skin, singing off an eyebrow and large parts of an ear. The freshly burnt flesh darkened further and then scarred, leaving behind an angry red mark that would stay on the once handsome face forever.

The sound of a whiplash. A viciously bleeding line appeared over both eyes, the good one and the one already damaged by events long past. Several small and shallow cuts on the pale skin of his face tore open. In horror you would watch as three small shards were embedded into his eyes. Blood started pouring down his cheeks and he stared at you through unseeing eyes.

You might have considered him appalling.

In horror you watched the handsome young man morph into this, the face an eternal reminder of his mistakes and a past he'd rather forget.

You raised your hand, meaning to reach for him. Your fingertips touched the smooth surface of a mirror. Someone called your name. Startled, you whirled around. Instead of facing your reflection, you were now staring into thick darkness. There was that voice again, but you couldn't see anybody. You raised your hand to call forth a flame, but you couldn't even see your own limbs anymore.

That was when you realized you were as blind as your reflection now.

When the voice called his name for a third time, Zuko awoke. The pain he had started to feel while hovering in his nightmare was still there, intensifying now that he was fully conscious.

And, of course, there was still the utter darkness pressing down upon him, like a stranger clinging to his body without ever letting go.

"Are you awake?" The voice was gentle, beckoning to him like a gurgling stream on a hot summer's day. It promised to take away the ache, to soothe and to heal, filled with compassion and the strong belief that everything would be alright. Zuko had heard Katara's voice sound like that while talking to him only once before, but he did not want to remember Ba Sing Se now. "You had a nightmare."

Did she think he didn't know that? Why else would he have been faced with those haunting images of himself, why else would he have woken up drenched in cold sweat? The nerve of her.

"Are you… are you in pain? I worked some healing magic on your shoulder and ankle… you should have been more careful. To fight Toph in your condition…"

"This is not just some condition", Zuko snapped. "This is what you did to me."

Katara's voice dropped to a whisper. "I know. I am sorry."

"Sorry for what? Are you sorry for wounding me or are you sorry for attacking me in the first place?"

"I…"

"No. Don't apologize unless you're sure."

"Zuko…" Her hand brushed against his shoulder. It was everything he could do not to flinch, because the touch caught him by surprise. "I didn't…" She sighed. "Let me look at your shoulder and ankle again. Then you should get some rest. We will have to start working on your eyes soon, but… you are worn out. Tomorrow…"

Katara stopped herself, knowing well that there was no need to say anything else. Tension was thick between them, and she found herself hindered by her own guilt. There were no words to express her regrets, and yet his words had confused her. Was she sorry for attacking him or was she sorry for wounding him? The question deserved an honest answer, one she couldn't give right now.

Her fingers were pleasantly cool on his forehead. Lying in bed, Zuko could feel the weariness creeping into his bones again.

"Rest", Katara whispered. "I'll set things right again. I promise."

No matter what stood between them, Katara swore she would do anything to save Zuko's eyes from the damage her actions had caused. It didn't make them friends, it didn't make all the bad things he had done go away, it didn't take back her own mistake, but it was the right thing to do.

Conversations died down as soon as Katara stepped out of the temple and onto the platform once more. Her companions sat by the fountain, huddling together even though darkness had not yet fallen. Some stared at her, some averted their eyes, and just one spoke up.

The Duke jumped to his feet instantly. "How is the Prince?" he asked, a slight quiver in his voice.

"Resting", Katara replied and sat in between her father and brother. "You can check on him in half an hour, if you want to, but don't disturb him." Her eyes wandered over the group. "His shoulder and ankle will be fine. I… I'm going to see what I can do about his eyes tomorrow."

Hakoda placed an arm around Katara's shoulder and pulled her against his side. She was glad for the contact. "I tried apologizing to him", she murmured. "I don't think he was interested…" It felt strange. His rejection actually hurt. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. What did she care if he forgave her? After all, he was the one who needed to be forgiven for so much more.

Although, truth be told, he had never wounded anyone quite like that. And he was trying to change from being an enemy to the level of ally with much effort, no matter how much she expected to see him fail.

"You know, if I were you, such a response wouldn't surprise me", Toph drawled, turning all heads her direction. The earthbender only smirked. "Well, his head must be all fuzzy still. I smacked him around a whole lot."

Katara frowned. "Yes, I meant to talk to you about that. How could you do that? You actually sparred with him, despite his condition, and you injured him. You should have gone easy on Zuko."

Instead of replying, Toph blew her bangs out of her face only to have them fall right back, and tilted her head. "She did not just say that, right? Clearly, I must have misheard, despite my hearing being better than any of yours." That said, she rose to her feet.

"What are you getting at?" Katara got up as well.

"Oh, just wondering. How do you justify telling me off for helping him deal with the situation? What are the rest of you doing anyway?" Toph snorted. "You cuddle him. You treat him like an invalid. Those of you who don't do that avoid him completely. Can't you see that's not what he wants and needs? Help him deal with it! Poke Sparky a little, let him smack his head against the wall so he figures out a way to avoid that next time around. He's not fragile, and you all should know that. Sparky's a fighter!"

With that said she turned and walked off.

For a moment, Katara was dumbfounded, then the anger that only Toph and Zuko could provoke quite that easily bubbled up inside of her again. "Where do you think you're going, Toph?"

"To bug Sparky. He's not able to sleep anyway."

Gently, Hakoda grasped Katara's hand and pulled her into a sitting position. "Your friend Toph is right, Katara. Our firebender is headstrong and proud, he'd rather be provoked than be treated like a poor victim."

Silence fell once more as everyone was lost in contemplation. Katara sighed. Maybe Toph was right. Maybe Zuko could deal better with being shoved instead of being held, at least when it came to the rest of them. The firebender had been raised differently, had made different experiences when it came to friends and family than the rest of them. Except for Toph, maybe.

Tomorrow was a new day. Katara would make sure to force Zuko into accepting her help when it came to healing, and leave him all the space he needed after that.

"I know you're there."

Toph grinned and strolled into Zuko's room, plopping down onto the bed. Zuko grunted when she pushed his hips aside in order to have more space.

"Alright, the heat and breathing made you a living being, the heavy footsteps made you an earthbender, but the roughness makes you Toph." Zuko sneered. "I'm still capable of burning off your hair, you know."

"Knock yourself out. Literally. The way I see it, the exhaustion would push you over the edge. Would be fine for me." Her fist connected with his arm, drawing forth another grunt. "All that agony you're radiating drives me nuts."

Through clenched teeth Zuko said: "Everything about me seems to drive you nuts."

"That pretty much sums it up." Toph grinned. "I can tell you're all tense and angsty, Princess."

"Don't call me Princess. And you'd be tense, too, if the crazy waterbender wanted to heal you – after drilling ice shards into your eyes, for crying out loud! Sardonic peasant that she is and all."

"Just make sure to tell her that after she has patched you up, not before." Comfortable silence settled. Zuko pulled one leg up, which prompted Toph to lean against it and put her head on his knee. The firebender frowned, but the gesture was lost on her, of course. "That was some impressive stuff you pulled off earlier, you know?"

Zuko thought back to the fight, especially to his last desperate manoeuvre. That one would have made Uncle proud. A saddening thought. "Thanks. I hope I'll be able to use it on you again in the future."

"You try doing that. I'll just be one step ahead of you again. Still, it wouldn't hurt for you to keep it up." He could feel a finger poking into his side, so he squirmed just a little. She didn't have to know that he was ticklish. Toph was just the person to abuse that knowledge shamelessly. "But I think our little sparring showed the others that you're not made of glass. They'll probably come around to treating you fairly normal again soon."

It was a lie, and Zuko knew it. Of course, he couldn't feel lies the way she did, but her voice was loud and high-pitched enough to carry quite a distance. Not that he had understood a word, but he could just imagine the kind of things she might have told the others. He was glad, somehow, to know she had his back in her own twisted way and had told the others what he had been unable to put in words.

"I don't think you're all that worried about letting Katara work some water bending on your eyes." A small hand found his and squeezed. "It's okay to be scared of losing your sight forever, Sparky. You have grown up with the delusion of needing it. And it's not like you're an awesome earthbender like me, so you'd probably be really screwed up without sight." It was not really what he wanted to hear. "It'll be fine, though. You're not alone." The small hand squeezed way too hard, but somehow, right now, he didn't mind. The discomfort, at least, would distract him from the pain in his eyes, which in turn kept him from falling asleep.

For a while, they just sat like that, lost in complete darkness.

"You know, if you really can't sleep because of the pain I could just…"

"Don't even finish that sentence."

"Ready?"

"No."

Katara sighed and pulled her hands back. This was not working. She could understand his hesitation, though. From what she had gathered, it was extremely painful for Zuko to remove the bandages and open his eyes.

They had been alone in his room since breakfast. It had been upon Zuko's request that everyone else had left, claiming that he didn't want anyone interfering with the bending required to heal him. Katara suspected that he just didn't want them to see him in pain again, and she could understand that.

The plan was to remove the bandages so that she could have a look at his eyes and judge the situation. Then she would place a water soaked cloth over his eyes, giving him time to recover from the pain. Depending on what she could gather from the first inspection of his eyes, she would heal him. They had no idea yet what damage had been left behind by the melting ice shards. If there was any ice remaining for some reason, she would have to bend it out or allow it to melt down completely. And that wasn't even considering the fact that along with the shards particles of dirt could have easily slipped into his eyes as well. Particles that would have to be removed. This would probably take the better part of the day to accomplish, and both of them knew it would not be pretty.

"Zuko…"

"I'll never be ready." He gritted his teeth, curled his hands into fists and held onto his sheets. Then he nodded.

Carefully, Katara loosened the bandage, hesitated and then pulled it off. Zuko's breathing quickly became erratic, his legs twitched, and, with a strangled sob, he finally closed his eyes and turned his head away. Katara placed the wet cloth over his eyes for some relief and watched the heavy rise and fall of his chest for a while. She felt cold.

The ice had molten away well enough, but she had been able to see something small, tiny even, lodged in his eyes. Two small particles in the right eye, one slightly larger in the left one.

"Zuko… this looks more complicated than I'd thought. I… you won't like hearing this, but I think the shards got something stuck in your eyes. It looks like tiny splinters, maybe dirt or small fragments of wood. The water... was probably not perfectly clean. I think I will need to remove them one at a time. You will have to keep one eye open long enough, then I'll let you rest, and then we'll have to repeat that."

The firebender groaned and shook his head slightly. His headache was worse than ever, the anguish from his eyes pounding straight into his skull. The thought of having something stuck in his eyes was bad enough, imagining something moving in them was worse, but to have to open his eyes and endure the removal three times? No. No way.

Katara frowned and closed her eyes for a moment. "There is no other way. If I pull them out together, the risk of damaging your eyes further will be all the greater." She bit her lip. Usually, she was no one to kick a wounded pup, but if she reminded herself that this was Zuko, the same Zuko who wouldn't have hesitated to stab out Aang's eyes just a few months ago… "Pull yourself together!" she snarled, even though she felt bad for doing so. "You are a proud firebender, a former prince, a warrior. You chased the Avatar all over the world – you won't flinch away from a little pain, will you?"

Zuko bared his teeth in anger. "You are NOT Toph." Which was a sufficient way of telling her to shut the hell up and drop the act. Still, Zuko's whole body shook with the effort of staying still and letting Katara go ahead.

She took a few deep breaths and collected some drops of water from her flask, making sure it was perfectly clean before allowing the water to surround the tiny splinter lodged in his narrow left eye so that she could remove it.

The first attempt to pull it out went wrong in almost all the ways it could have gone wrong. Obviously, the pain of having his eye exposed combined with the agony of not only having a splinter stuck in it, but the shard actually being moved, drove Zuko mad. He bucked, he pressed his face into the pillow, he howled in pain and he set Katara's clothes on fire. The shard was still lodged in Zuko's eye, though it had moved. A bit.

Hakoda insisted on helping out after this incident. He untied his belt, folded it twice and pressed it between the prince's teeth. "Bite down on that", he instructed Zuko as he placed his large hands on the boy's cheeks to keep his head in place.

The plan worked, at least partially. His head held in an iron grip, Zuko could not turn it away, but his whole body trashed all the more violently. His hands clawed at Hakoda's in the desperate attempt to free himself. The horrible scream was muffled by the cloth, but the pain had Zuko blowing flames from his nostrils, which set the belt on fire and scorched Hakoda's hands before the firebender passed out from the pain.

They sat by the fountain, Katara healing her father's hands, while Aang and Suki quietly debated something. Each of them would occasionally shake or nod their head, both not quite satisfied with whatever they were trying to puzzle out.

"Why don't you just do it now? He's out cold, right?"

Katara shook her head. "It's not that simple, Sokka. We would have to find a way to keep Zuko's eyes open, and while I'm sure you'd enjoy taping his eyelids to his brows, it wouldn't do much good. His body knows itself best, and while he is out he has no way of communicating any reaction to what I'm doing."

Sokka's eyes were almost comically wide. "Reaction? Why would you want to be set on fire again?"

"That's not the point. He can't control the natural instinct to defend himself when he's in pain like that. It must be maddening." She didn't want to think about herself being the cause of such horrible anguish. And she was also the reason he was in this situation in the first place. Not a good train of thought. "But imagine I'm moving the shards the wrong way. Imagine I'd move them in a way that damages his eyes further. How would he tell me, if he wasn't conscious?"

Hakoda nodded. "I see what you mean. Sometimes it is better to treat a wound when the wounded can communicate with you or vice versa in case anything goes wrong. Still, we need to restrain him." He glanced at his now healed hands and winced. "He's got quite the spirit."

Sokka snapped his fingers. "Toph! She could make stone restraints or something. Better than anyone holding the jerkbender down."

"Brilliant! Where is she?"

"I… have no idea. Haru and Teo are off exploring, but I don't think she joined them."

A quick search of the perimeter found Toph sitting on Appa's back. The bison had withdrawn to a far corner of the platform, huddling down and groaning miserably every now and then. Toph and the Duke sat in the large saddle, their legs pulled to their chests and chins resting on their knees.

Katara looked bewildered. "Why are you hiding up here?"

Toph snorted. "Where have you been while Sparky was getting tortured?" Before Katara protested, Toph pointed at her feet. "You have no idea what it was like to feel that pain vibrating all over the place." The earthbender sounded positively forlorn when she added: "The screams are bad enough."

It also explained why the Duke was hiding along with Toph and why even Appa seemed affected. They all liked Zuko, one way or another, and they suffered right along with him.

"Toph, we need your help. He needs to be…"

"I know", Toph snapped. "Best hearing, remember? But the answer is no. Ask Twinkletoes if you need earthbending, but there is no way I am setting a foot on the ground before you're done with him, let alone in his room."

Katara couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But you could help him."

"No, I couldn't! I would only break his bones with the restraints because I couldn't stand the pain! HIS pain, mind you, but it still hurts me, too!"

She left it at that. What point was there? Toph was rock, strong and steadfast and immovable. When Katara suggested the plan to Aang, he beamed.

"I'd be glad to help. Suki and I were trying to come up with any pain-lessening concoctions, but I'm afraid nothing that grows around here is sufficient for any Kyoshi or monk recipe. We thought about mixing some stuff together anyway, but…"

Katara glared at him for the mere idea to tamper with stuff like that, no matter how good the intentions.

"Exactly", Suki said, nodding to Katara. "Lessening his hurt would be great, but we don't want him high. Or poisoned." Thinking about it had been good, though. It had taken their minds away from the screams they had heard earlier.

A while later Katara splashed cold water into Zuko's face until he woke. They knew he was awake enough for another attempt when he snapped at the "Water Tribe peasant" to stop that already and complained about being placed on the floor. Aang carefully bended stone restraints around Zuko's ankles, wrists, stomach and chest. Hakoda once again held the boy's head still. The firebender was already breathing erratically again, panic setting in at the mere prospect of the agony to come. Aang, murmuring reassurances all the while, stayed close and would try to bend any flames Zuko might unintentionally produce.

The first splinter worked fine this time, leaving everybody relieved when it finally came out, although bloodied tears ran down Zuko's cheek once more. Katara carefully covered the eye with a thin coating of healing water until Zuko calmed somewhat.

"It will be alright", she promised and attempted to pull both particles from his right eye.

It was worse now. They were harder to get out, drawing the whole process out longer. Zuko fought the restraints with all his power, chafing his skin on the hard stone. Tears and blood ran freely down his face.

"Stop!" he finally screamed, his voice hoarse and almost beyond recognition. Katara stopped and allowed Zuko to close his eyes. He was sobbing and it was breaking her heart to see him of all people shattering like this.

For a few minutes, his sobs where the only sound in the room. Hakoda stroked sweat-soaked bangs from the boy's face. Aang had placed a hand on Zuko's arm and loosened the restraints again. Katara cleaned his face in silence. When she thought enough time had passed, she suggested continuing. Zuko's reaction surprised her.

"No!" he choked out and shook his head as best as he could in Hakoda's grasp. "No."

"Please, Zuko. I need you to open your eyes."

"I WON'T!" he yelled, closing them even more tightly.

Hakoda's voice was gentle. "You have to."

"NO!" His sobs broke Katara's heart, but what she had to do now hurt her even more. Carefully, she touched his eyelid with her fingertips. A sharp intake of breath, then Zuko seemed to understand what she was doing. "NO! DON'T!"

"I'm sorry, Zuko", she whispered, pressed a hand over her mouth and then forced his eye open. She bended with a determination she had rarely felt before.

"STOP!" he yelled, sobbing, anguish evident in every breath and every scream. "PLEASE!" It broke her heart to hear this proud, strong warrior, prince, boy begging. "PLEASE! STOP! PLEASE! NO! IT HURTS!" But she couldn't, oh, she couldn't, and it would be over soon, they were almost out. "PLEASE STOP! STOP DOING THIS TO ME!"

Tears clouded Katara's eyes, but she did not yield to his wish. Everything inside of her wanted to end his torment, and the only way to accomplish this was to get rid of the small splinters.

With the realization that he was lost in his pain came the realization that his mind was mixing together every single painful event from the past in an attempt to somehow deal with this agony that was beyond anything Zuko had ever felt before. He begged with Katara, with Azula, with Azulon, with Ozai, with life, with his mother, with Agni, with himself, for mercy, for release, for anything that would not hurt anymore.

Through his pain, Zuko did not feel the splinters leaving his eye, nor did he feel his good eye being healed, too. He still screamed when new bandages were wrapped around his head, and he gave in to more sobbing when he was lifted onto the bed once more. Cool water took care of the raw skin where he had fought the restraints, but that was an ache he had not even felt. Zuko didn't notice the time passing, just lying in bed, sobbing and screaming and in so much pain still, an agony that would fade over the following night, but fading later didn't lessen the intensity of it right now. He was never alone in the room. Someone would always be there, whispering soothing words, holding his hands, stroking his hair or his back, comforting and supporting. They'd take turns, but he would never notice until finally, he slipped into an uneasy sleep.

You might have considered him lonely.

The way he stood there, naked and bleeding from empty eye sockets, he did seem quite forlorn.

But then you would notice the throne room in the background fading and people surrounding him. Only then would you see him smiling through the pain.

Despite everything, you might have considered him better off than the handsome boy he had been.

TBC...

Phew, that was Chapter 7! Quite a ride, don't you think?

Thank you for reading. Please leave a review!

Yours,
Inkcharm