I FINALLY FREAKING FINISHED IT! GOD, THIS TOOK FOREVER! Man, I struggled with this one. I'm not even sure I'm entirely happy with it, but I know I'll just edit and edit some more if I don't post it now. I hope you guys like it anyway.

Morgana sat stiffly in her large suite, unsure of what to do with herself. Although it was the same room she had grown up in for most of her childhood, it didn't seem like hers anymore. It felt foreign, like a stiff guest bedroom that was never meant to be used, only appreciated from afar. Her bed was frilly and too soft, small, impersonal welcome home gifts were scattered throughout the room, and the scent of flowers was so heavy in the room that it felt like she was suffocating.

This wasn't her anymore. This hadn't been her for over a year, yet they expected her to go back to living like a porcelain doll as if nothing happened? How could they expect this from her? Didn't they think she had been living this past year in a cave, being tortured and abused by barbarians? How could they expect her to act as if nothing had happened? After moving from one hovel to another for over a year, after pushing herself to the breaking point and then past it again and again, after being betrayed by the man she loved, after losing Hadrian- -

"Milady, would you like me to help dress you for your dinner with the King?"

Morgana blinked.

"Lady Morgana?"

Morgana blinked again, this time completely rousing herself from her thoughts. "I'm sorry. What did you say, Gwen? I was distracted."

"Would you like me to help you dress for dinner with the King?" Gwen repeated in a more subdued tone.

Morgana immediately shook her head and stood. "No, I don't think that will be necessary."

"Well, would you like me to stay and fix your hair? Maybe some lovely up-do?"

Morgana glanced suspiciously at her handmaid. "What's going on, Gwen? You've been acting strange all day."

Gwen slumped. "It's just that…I've missed you."

Morgana's stance softened. "Is that why you haven't left my side since I escaped Gaius' care?"

Gwen quickly busied herself by smoothing out the bedsheets. "You've been missing for over a year, milady. I thought I might never see you again."

"Oh Gwen," Morgana sighed before hugging her gently, "I'm sorry for worrying you so much."

"I'm supposed to be comforting you , Morgana!" Gwen said, pulling back from the embrace, wiping at her eyes. "After everything you've been through-"

Gwen froze, her eyes widening as she watched her friend carefully.

"I am perfectly fine, Guinevere! You heard Gaius! The only physical thing wrong with me are a few bumps and bruises. I'm fine ."

"If you say so…"

Morgana smiled. "Now, come on. You can help me fix my hair while you tell me all the court drama I've missed over the past year."

A small grin appeared on Gwen's face as Morgana led her over to the vanity. "So, tell me everything," Morgana said as she pulled the hairpin out of her hair and let it cascade down her back.

Gwen picked up the hairbrush and started to gently draw it through her hair. A faint, content smile settled on Morgana's face as she listened to her friend speak. It had been so long she had felt this kind of companionship. Even before she had left with her sister things had been tense between her and Gwen, but now things seemed almost…normal. Well, close to normal. Gwen was far more hesitant than usual, but that was to be expected since she thought Morgana had gone through some terrible travesty.

Morgana hummed to herself as Gwen twisted half her hair into an elaborate, curling bun. Yes, when she ruled Camelot, she would have to keep Gwen close. Gwen was one of the few people in this castle whom she could trust, and she was always so level-headed. She always kept Morgana from making hasty decisions when she was angry. Yes, Gwen would have to remain close when she became Queen. Maybe Morgana could appoint her as a royal advisor since she seemed to connect so well with the people. Or maybe she could make Gwen one of her Ladies. Morgana glanced at her friend appraisingly. She might think the life of court a little constraining at first, but Gwen would soon get used to that and her way of thinking would be beneficial for everyone in court. The only problem would be Arthur…

"All done, milady," Gwen said, pulling Morgana from her thoughts.

Morgana blinked before smiling as she took in her hair. Soft curls fell down around her shoulders while the rest of her hair was secured with delicate sapphire hairpins that matched her dress. Much different than the mass of snarled curls that a brush couldn't get through. "Wonderful, as always, Gwen. I don't know what I would do without you."

Gwen smiled. "Come now, it's time for you to go to your dinner. I'm sure you and Arthur will have much to catch up on."

Morgana smirked. "Arthur? When did he become Arthur ?"

Gwen flushed and stammered, "I-um-he-we-"

Morgana waved her hand dismissively, "Don't worry, you can tell me all the juicy details later."

Morgana's sharp eyes caught how her friend relaxed slightly. Yes, Arthur would be a problem if she wanted to keep Gwen at her side.

A harsh rap on the door startled the two women. The servant and the Lady exchanged confused glances before Morgana hesitantly called out, "Who is it?"

"It's Sir Leon. I'm here to escort you to the Grand Hall when you are ready."

A dangerous glint flashed through Morgana's eyes before she stormed over to the door and flung it open. " Escort ? Since when do I need an escort?"

Leon's eyes widened. "I'm just doing what the King order, Lady Morgana."

"So, Uther doesn't think I can protect myself," Morgana said testily.

Leon winced. "He just wants you safe and he's doing everything in his power to do that."

Morgana struggled to hold back a snort. Instead, she said, "You're right. I'm simply overacting. Now, come. We must be going if I ever hope to get there on time." She paused before turning to her friend. "Oh, and Gwen, you can take the night off if you want. I'm sure today has been a very emotional day for you."

Gwen nodded even though she didn't look entirely pleased. "Thank you, milady. I shall see you tomorrow then."

She sent a smile in her friend's direction before turning to walk confidently down the hall, forcing Leon to run after her. Servants scurried out of her way as she made her way to the Grand Hall. It seemed only moments later she was standing in front of the great wooden doors. Instead of nodding at the guards to open the doors, Morgana froze. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to see Uther- Arthur? What if they realized it was all a lie? What if they started ranting about magic, and she couldn't hold her tongue? What if they found out? What if…What if…What if…

"Lady Morgana? Are you all right?"

Morgana blinked before forcing a fake smile onto her lips. "Yes, yes, it's just hard to believe I'm finally back. It feels like a dream."

More like a nightmare , A voice whispered harshly in her head.

Leon smiled sympathetically. "Well, this is very much reality, and those two in there," Leon nodded to the Grand Hall, "really missed you."

"And I them," Morgana said softly. Taking a deep breath, she stood tall and smoothed out her skirt. She could do this. She was ready. A sharp nod to the guards caused them to open the doors with flourish. She walked confidently into the hall.

Uther and Arthur stood in sync as soon as she stepped foot into the hall. Her eyes flickered between the two of them. The look on Uther's face was nothing short of adoration. I wonder if he'd still love you if he knew you had magic , the voice whispered nastily in her mind. Arthur's expression, on the other hand, seemed much more… realistic . He looked hopeful, yet fearful at the same time. Morgana paused in thought. Now, why would he be fearful? Surely, he didn't suspect… His eyes seemed to scan her as if he was looking for injuries, causing Morgana to relax. No, he didn't suspect her; he was just worried about her.

"Morgana," Uther called, dragging her attention back to him, "I'm so glad you could join us this evening. Gaius was worried we would tax you too much, but you don't seem…"

Morgana blinked in shock when Uther trailed off uncertainly for the first time in her life. Uther always spoke confidently, with a commanding quality, as if he was absolutely sure in what he was saying. For him to trail of uncertainly was more shocking than she cared to admit.

"It's quite all right, my lord," Morgana assured him, "Besides, I'd rather be with the company of others than by myself right now. The mind has a habit of drawing on old memories when you're alone, don't you agree?"

A dark look flickered across his face. Morgana could only guess at what he was thinking. "Yes, I quite agree. The mind always knows what hurts us most." Morgana listened curiously. Maybe he would say something that Morgause could use.

Instead, Uther reached over and squeezed her hand sympathetically before saying, "And that is why we must seek comfort in others. It is easier to forget painful memories while in the company of friends and family."

Uther turned and lead her to the table. "Now, come we have much to talk about."

Gracefully, Morgana sat down at the left side of the head of the table, the two men following her action seconds later. "So, what are we having tonight?" Morgana questioned before trying to lighten the mood, "I must say, whatever it is, has to be a thousand times better than what I've had over the past year."

The two men winced, causing Morgana to sigh. They needed to get over this. It had only been two days and already she was tired of them treating her like a porcelain doll. A small smirk played on her lips when a thought came to her. "Although, I have to say I never resorted to eating rat, unlike some people I know."

Across the table, Arthur choked on his drink.

The quiet giggles that escaped from Morgana slowly caused the to men to relax. Soon enough, Arthur was chuckling too, choosing not to retort with the comeback that had been on the tip of his tongue and instead, letting the woman he viewed as a sister have her fun. Uther stared at the two in confusion before huffing to himself and signaling to the servants to serve the food.

A plate was placed carefully in front of Morgana, startling her from her antics. "Oh, thank-" She froze when she turned and her eyes connected with a pair of concerned cobalt eyes. "You," She finished flatly, turning back to the table.

"It was nothing, milady," Merlin whispered softly from behind her.

Morgana refused to answer him and instead turned her attention to back to the king as she picked up her fork. "So, tell me what I've missed. Something exciting must have happened while I was… away. So, what was it? A tournament? A feast? A new lady love in your life perhaps?" Morgana asked, arching an eyebrow.

Uther chuckled but shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. I have been much too busy to even think of marriage these days."

"You're still in the prime of your life!" Morgana lied, ignoring how Arthur choked on his drink again, "You should give love a chance. You, of all people, deserve to be happy."

"I suppose you're right," Uther agreed, a soft smile on his face.

Morgana turned to Arthur, who quickly avoided eye contact with her. "And don't think you can escape the inquisition, Arthur. Anyone new in your life? Should I be getting friendly with a next future queen?"

"No-not at all. No one new," Arthur stuttered, his face gradually turning red.

Morgana smirked. "Really? No one?" She paused, waiting for an answer but continued when he remained silent, "Well, that just goes to show that you can't trust gossip, now can you?"

"Gossip? About my son?" Uther asked calmly, but Morgana could hear the cold threat in his tone.

Morgana waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, it wasn't anything substantial. Some of the maids just thought he seemed more distracted than usual. And then, I heard there was an incident involving a bouquet of flowers?"

Arthur flushed red and scowled. "They weren't flowers! They were herbs for Gaius!"

"Really? Herbs? Because the kitchen staff said they looked a lot like wildflowers."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Yes, because the kitchen staff can tell the difference between between medicinal herbs and flowers."

Morgana gasped in fake shock. "Why, Arthur! You must have expanded your vocabulary when I was gone! Medicinal? Impressive!"

"I know what medicinal means!" Arthur snapped before muttering, "At least I wasn't the one who mixed up the words 'erratic' and 'erotic.'"

Morgana blushed crimson. "I was nine! And anyway, at least I wasn't the one who stuttered in the middle of a speech and said 'clitoris' instead of-"

"Morgana!" Uther cut her off harshly, "I know you've been surrounded by…barbarians for over a year, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't speak like a lady of your class!"

Morgana scowled, and Arthur sent her a smug look from across the table. A sharp retort was at the tip of her tongue, but a quiet snort from behind her caught her attention. She turned around slowly. Merlin was standing behind her, clutching a pitcher of wine for dear life as he tried desperately not to laugh. Morgana arched an eyebrow at him and sent him a look that clearly stated aren't you in enough trouble already? Merlin cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away.

Arthur stared at the two in confusion before quickly glancing away when Morgana turned back.

A silence descended across the table, and Morgana began to pick at her food again. Who did he think he was? Laughing at her? After everything he'd done? What did she ever see in him? He's an absolute arse! Morgana shook her head. Why was she even bothering to think about him? He's nobody-a servant-nothing compared to her.

"Are you all right, Morgana?" Uther asked.

Morgana looked up. "Yes, why?"

"You don't seem to be yourself tonight."

She viciously stabbed a carrot. "It's nothing. I've just got a lot on my mind."

Uther nodded. "Of course. It's understandable after everything you've been through." He turned to his son. "Arthur, are you any closer to finding that sorceress?"

Arthur winced and looked down at his plate. "No, father. Unfortunately, we haven't found any leads yet," He glanced up at Morgana and said with the utmost sincerity, "But I promise, Morgana, I will find her, no matter how long it takes. She will pay for hurting you."

Morgana smiled softly. Maybe she was wrong. Arthur seemed so sincere like he truly cared for her. He seemed more concerned about the fact that she had been hurt, rather than the fact that the person who supposedly hurt her had magic. Maybe he wouldn't be a problem she thought he would be. If he truly cared for her, she could convince him magic wasn't so bad, that it was good .

"See that you do," Uther said, punctuating each word with a slice of his knife, "We cannot allow this witch to go free. After everything she's done-invading Camelot, kidnapping Morgana, performing magic -that sorceress needs to pay for her crimes!"

"Of course, father. Don't worry. I will find the sorceress, and she will get the justice she deserves."

Morgana slumped. No, she never had a chance at getting Arthur on her side. He was too much like Uther. He only saw the bad in magic, never the good. Morgana sighed and took a sip of her wine. She had been right earlier today; Arthur would be a problem. She carefully set down her glass, making sure that her hand didn't shake. There was no use clinging to false hope.

Suddenly, Morgana saw a flicker of movent out of the corner of her eye. She flinched harshly when she saw Merlin stepping towards her, a pitcher of wine in his hands. A memory flickered to the forefront of her mind. Merlin kneeling in front of her, his usually open face clouded with fear, a waterskin in his hand. "Here, have some water. You'll feel better."

Morgana's hand shot forward and covered the top of her glass just as Merlin moved to fill it again. He yelped and struggled to yank the pitcher back from her hand without dumping the wine down her arm. He stared at her with wide eyes. "Lady Morgana?!"

"No, thanks," Morgana snapped, not bothering to take the bite out of words, "I'm not thirsty."

A pained expression flashed across his face, but he nodded and stepped back, his eyes glued to his feet. "Of course, milady."

"In fact," Morgana said, pushing away from the table, "I believe I am finished entirely."

Merlin's head snapped up, a startled look on his face.

"Are you sure, Morgana?" Uther asked.

"Gana, you've barely touched your food," Arthur commented, concern clear in his voice.

Morgana glanced at her plate. He was right. At the very most, she had only taken a few bites. In fact, it just looked as if she had pushed her food around. "I guess I just wasn't that hungry."

"If you're sure you are finished you should go to your room. Try to rest. But if you're still not hungry tomorrow, you should go see Gaius. Is that understood?" Uther ordered.

Morgana stood and mumbled, "Of course, my lord," before fleeing from the hall as fast as she could while still maintaining a respectable pace.

Merlin started after her but paused glancing back at Arthur. Arthur nodded towards the door. "Go. Make sure she gets to her room safely, Merlin."

Merlin nodded hurriedly before handing his pitcher to another servant and running out of the hall.

Morgana stormed through the empty corridors to her room. Some unknown emotion coursed through her veins. She wasn't sure if it was anger, grief, or some strange combination of the two. She scowled. Why was she allowing some servant to drag this sort of reaction out of her? He was nothing, and she was training to be a high priestess!

Her steps slowed for a second before they became faster. Because that wasn't really true. Merlin wasn't nothing, no matter what she told herself. He was kind and sweet and saw the best in everything. At least he used to. Back when she loved him.

Morgana sighed with relief when she finally saw her door. She blew into her room, taking her anger out on the door by slamming it as hard as she could, but instead of a satisfying bang, there was only a faint thud followed by muffled cursing. She turned around in confusion only to see Merlin standing in the doorway, rubbing harshly at his hand.

"What are you doing here? Following me? Get out! I don't want you here!" Morgana snarled.

Instead of leaving like she ordered, he simply closed (and locked, she noticed nervously) the door before turning to face her, a pained look on his face. "We need to talk, Morgana."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Yes. We do," Merlin said before pleading, "Please, Morgana. Let me explain."

"Explain what ?!" Morgana snapped, "How you lied to me? How you literally let a sorceress kidnap me?" She chose to ignore the fact that Morgause was her sister, whom she actually had wanted to go with. After all, Merlin didn't know that. "Or, better yet, how you poisoned me and left me to die!"

Merlin flinched. "I-I didn't want to, but I didn't have a choice!"

"Didn't have a choice?!" Morgana cut him off incredulously, "Do you know how many times you told me to drink from that waterskin? Five times, Merlin. Nobody forced your hand. Hell, nobody else was even there with us, besides an unconscious Uther! You had a choice, Merlin, and you made it when you convinced me to drink from that waterskin."

"You're right," Merlin said quietly, "I did make a choice, but it was a choice I was forced to make . I didn't want to poison you, but I had no other option! Everyone was asleep, Arthur and I were slowly weakening, and the Knights of Medhir were about to come bursting in-"

"So, you got scared and decided to poison the only person still awake? Because obviously, the person with magic was the one responsible for everything!"

"No, I didn't think you were responsible!" Merlin paused before contradicting himself by saying, "Well, I kind of did, but I didn't think it was your fault!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Morgana asked in confusion.

"You were still awake and you shouldn't have been! Your magic shouldn't have kept you awake! The only thing that would have kept you awake is if you were what the curse was bound to. Camelot would have fallen if the curse wasn't broken! But the only way to break the curse was to ki-kill you…" Merlin trailed off.

Morgana tried to make sense of what he had said, but she just couldn't. It made absolutely no sense! "What are you talking about ? It was my magic that kept me awake. It had to have been; I would have known if someone had put a spell on me! And anyway, how could you possibly know that killing me would have stopped the curse even if I was the cause of it?"

Merlin's eyes widened slightly before he stuttered. "Gaius was, um, he was trying to figure out what was causing everyone to feel ill before he fell asleep, and he wrote in his notes that a spell that big had to be tied to someone and that the only way to break the curse would be by killing that person…"

Morgana snorted, ignoring the slight burning in her eyes. "Were you even sure I was the one the curse was bound to? Or did you just take a chance?"

Merlin flinched. "I wasn't entirely sure, but I had to do something , Morgana! I couldn't let Morgause take over Camelot."

"So, you were just going to kill me instead? Dammit, Merlin, I thought you loved me! I thought I could count on you! But instead, you turned around and stabbed me in the fucking back! How could you do that to me? I trusted you! Why didn't you just tell me Gaius' idea, so we could have tried to figure something out together?" Morgana didn't even try to fight her emotions anymore.

"I did love you! I still love you," Merlin said beseechingly, "I just-I panicked, and then I was out of time. I had to do something before I fell asleep too. I had to save Camelot."

"So you choose Camelot over me? You choose Camelot over your-" Morgana cut herself off, her eyes widening at what she almost told him.

Merlin ran a hand through his hair, causing parts of it to stand straight up. If this was another time, another place, Morgana would have laughed at him, but right now all she could think about was the fact that her son's hair did the same thing, and she could have lost him because of his own father. "I had to make a choice, Morgana," Merlin said softly, "Was the life of one worth more than the lives of countless civilians?" Two, the voice in her head corrected, the lives of two. "It-it was for the greater good. I'm sorry."

"The greater good ," Morgana snarled, "You're not the one who is supposed to decide what is for the greater good . If that was anyone's decision to make, it should have been Arthur's or mine! Not yours . I may have loved you, but that doesn't give you the power to decide who lives and who dies."

Merlin flinched and looked away. His voice cracked as he whispered, "I'm sorry ."

"Yeah, well, saying you're sorry doesn't make up for what you did. It doesn't make up for the fact that you tried to poison me. And it doesn't make up for the fact that not even days before you did that, you were telling me how much you loved me." Morgana ignored how her voice broke slightly. "Over this past year, I have witnessed true evil. But what you did to me was worse than everything I've witnessed. Just go, Merlin. I can't even look at you right now."

Merlin jerked as if he had been slapped. "Morgana, please-"

" Go. "

Merlin flinched again and he hung his head. "Ok, I'll go."

He turned and headed for the door, but when he reached the threshold he paused. "I know you won't believe me," Merlin said quietly, "But I've regretted my actions since the very moment you drank the poison. All I could think about when I was holding you was how I had just made the worst mistake of my life and killed the person I love most. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would never even touch that bottle of hemlock."

"That's the thing about life," Morgana said harshly, "You don't get second chances. You have to live with the consequences of your actions, no matter how much you regret what you've done."

Merlin's shoulders slumped. "Goodnight, love."

Before she could snap that she wasn't his love, the door was already closing again with a quiet click. Morgana stormed over to the door and slammed the lock in place before she allowed herself to sink to the floor, sobbing. The grief and pain she had been trying to ignore for over a year finally came to the surface, and there was nothing she could do about it. All she could do was curl up into a ball and wait for the onslaught of emotions to subside. Eventually, there were no more tears to cry and she fell into a fitful slumber, leaving the room quiet once more. Unknown to Morgana, quiet footsteps were the sign of Merlin finally retreating.

And so, they finally confront each other! And there was actual emotion and they weren't just lying through their teeth! I'm sorry but that just made me so mad when there was no true confrontation in the series. I really wanted that to happen so I kinda just wrote it... Anyway, I hope you liked it! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think!