Chapter SEVEN
A/N: Talk of suicidal thoughts, Nine Inch Nails quote
"Promise."
"My mom died in a car accident, it wasn't supposed to happen, the guy was drunk, hit her head on, on her way home from work, she was a nurse, it was like 7 in the morning, who drinks at 7 am?"
It all rushed out, and she was surprised by that because they just met last night, he made her feel safe. He had his share of losses too, she knew that. He would understand her incredible grief and what it had done to her. He wouldn't judge her, like others had done.
"I missed her so much, I couldn't stand it, couldn't."
He listened nodding his head slightly.
"I started to hide pills, from what we had in the house, my father noticed his Tylenol and Sominex were going missing, I was stashing them away in my room. I was going to take all of them, and they caught me, my brother and my father."
He looked up at her. "I don't know what to say, I'm glad they caught you, do you still feel that way?"
He hoped her answer was going to be no. He had enough problems in his life and he really liked her. But he knew he couldn't take on something like that. How do you even start? He had been ready to kiss her just then, one more second of looking into her eyes, he had been so close to just doing it. He had felt pulled towards her, in a swirling mess of feelings he didn't even understand. He never felt this way before, now she tells him she was gonna off herself, just great, why was his luck this way with girls. He did not do crazy, he did not want crazy, he had enough of that. Crazy was home at his house. He must have a neon sign on his forehead or something.
"No, I got a lot of counseling, inpatient, for a few months. And then after care."
She looked over at him and saw no judgment in his eyes, most people started to back away when she told them she had been hospitalized for depression and attempted suicide. That's why she didn't tell many people. But he just looked at her like she was the best thing that ever walked this earth. He totally accepted her, no one but her father and brother ever made her feel that way.
"When we moved here, actually before, I made a promise to myself to try, to not let things get to that point again. To ask for help if I feel that way again, to not sink into it and give up." She said.
He sighed in relief, he knew shit happened and sometimes life got away from you, look at Merle for example. He had a major drug and alcohol problem and didn't want help. He admired Carol for getting help, even if it was her father and brother who made her. That didn't really matter, what started her towards recovery, she had made the effort, done the footwork.
"I spent two years in my room deciding if I wanted to die, lost all my friends. Well, I pushed everyone away. But I didn't really want to or else I would have don't you think, not hid pills just went and bought them myself?"
"I think so, but you had a plan and that's pretty serious." He said.
"I'm better now, happy even, it just took a while."
"I'm glad." He said wanting to touch her hand again or hug her. "Want ya to be happy. "
"Ok next subject, something fun ok, Daryl?"
He searched his mind desperately for something to say. This was a heavy conversation, he needed to lighten it up. He was no good at this, but for once he wanted to try. He needed to think of something quick, before she started talking about Nine Inch Nails again, Daryl was never getting behind those guys.
You could have it all, my empire of dirt, who says that?
And who the hell likes The Joker's girlfriend, this girl had him intrigued, spellbound. Right now all he wanted to do was kiss her, touch her, but it didn't seem right after what they just talked about. Why couldn't he get his mind on something else?
"Want to go on the bike now?" He asked, because he couldn't think of anything else.
She nodded enthusiastically.
"You ever been on a bike?"
"Nope. " She said.
"Ok don't worry I know what I'm doing."
"I have no doubt." She smiled over at him. He fidgeted because he didn't think of the bike right at that moment when she said that.
He nodded slowly, his brain going a million miles an hour, trying to think of something to say back. Something that didn't make him sound like a pervert. He wished he was more like Merle, he would be matching her comment for comment right now. But he wasn't even sure she knew what she was saying anyway. Did she mean to be so suggestive? Or was it him and where his mind kept going?
"Dude, I will try anything once, you'll see that about me," She said.
He stood up and helped her up, he was grinning because she had just made it pretty clear he was getting the chance to get to know her better. That was great but she was going to kill him with this stuff she was saying.
"That's my mother too, she taught me no fear. I think in the end that it was her that stopped me from doing something stupid, looking over me ya know, this is her shirt, I owe my music knowledge to her."
They walked back to her house talking about much less serious subjects, she was looking for a summer job and he knew of a diner in town that might be hiring, and they would stop there, while out on the bike. He ate lunch there sometimes when he was working at the garage it was a block over. He'd be happy to see his girl during the workday. His girl? She wasn't, but she was, he didn't want to think too much about that. He had just met her but there was something going on. He didn't like the word girlfriend, that hadn't worked out for him before. He had never really been interested either, not till yesterday.
As he started the bike and told her to hold on behind him. She slid forward and put her feet on the pegs. She gripped his arms with her hands. He took her hands and wrapped them around his waist.
"You gotta hang on tight okay, don't got no sissy bar."
She nodded, settling in closer to him, he could feel her moving against him. It was making him feel funny, speeding up his heartbeat, he shook his head a little to focus back on what he was doing, revving the bike.
"Don't let go." He cautioned.
"I won't don't worry."
As they rode down the road she was laughing and screaming in his ear "Daryl. We're flying…"
She wanted to let go and let her arms go over her head, like she was really flying. She didn't, but she was going to ask him if she could next time. She leaned in closer to him and squeezed her arms around him. He loved that feeling of her arms around him.
She loved this, the freedom she felt on the bike was like a drug. There was nothing quite like it, it was just like she imagined flying to be. She had her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder he could hear her laughter in his ear. He didn't think he had ever heard anything so beautiful.
/
When they got back they got off the bike and she was smiling and flushed from the air against her face on the ride. Her hair was wild and she was smiling a huge smile as she turned to him laughing. He was running his hand through his hair trying to smooth it back down so he didn't look like a freak. And trying to calm himself down, the sight of her was making his heart race.
"I loved that"
He felt so glad that he could do that for her, make her smile and give her happiness, however fleeting it might be. In this moment she was, and he had done that for her. He felt like a man, important, maybe for one of the first times in his life.
They leaned up against the car in the driveway she looked around quickly reaching in her backpack for her cigarettes and lighter.
"Dad's 65 Mustang, he can't see us leaning against it. He isn't home but trust me he would know, he's obsessed."
They backed up away from the car and she got out her cigarette and he lit it for her with a lighter he mysteriously produced from his front pocket.
"Don't really blame him on that, that's a beauty right there." He said looking at the car.
"Oh, jeez not you too."
She rolled her eyes at him. But he was a mechanic, she kind of knew he would appreciate the car.
She took a drag and handed him the pack, he took one out and lit it too. Taking a long pull on it, because now his brain was going there again, as he looked at her, and he really needed to calm down before he grabbed her right there.
"That was so much fun Daryl, thank you." She said.
"You never rode before huh?"
"Nope, first time, and we are so doing that again, soon" She said laughing.
"Can't believe you never been on a bike, you leaned when I leaned and everything, I didn't even tell ya"
"That's because I was wrapped around you like a vine." She winked.
There she was again, saying things that got him thinking. He was seventeen after all, it was always in the back of his mind. He had to say something quick before he did something stupid.
"No bikes no fireworks up there in New Jersey? "He ran his hand through his hair again, trying to distract himself. "What did you do for fun?"
"I surfed, of course?"
He shook his head that figured of course she surfed. He wanted to be in the surf right now, nice and cold, maybe that would calm him down.
"Surfing gives you that rush too, gets your blood pumping, we'll do it sometime."
"Surfing?" He gulped, his mind was conjuring things, not surfing either, he blinked to clear it away from his thoughts.
"Let's go again later, I want to fly some more." She raised her arms up over her head waving them back and forth and spinning around.
He looked at her then, when she stopped spinning. Her voice full of excitement her, her eyes sparkling and her face glowed. He couldn't stop himself, before he knew it, he threw his cigarette down on the ground and then he was walking towards her. He backed her up against the car, with a boom, and then he was kissing her with every ounce of his soul.
She dropped her back pack and they both heard it land on the ground, making a thud. But they didn't stop. Their arms searching for where to go, but he kept kissing her and she returned it. Finally their arms finding where to go on their own. Hands combing through each other's hair, over their backs, their bodies pressed tightly against each other and against the car. He was kissing her like she was the last drink of water on earth, and he was dying of thirst.
Then he remembered she had told him about the car. Shit, he didn't even meet her father and he was pretty sure attacking his daughter against his prized Mustang was not a good Idea, not to mention, her brother might be around. It was like a cold shower he desperately needed. He backed off of her, quickly.
"Carol, M'sorry, lost ma mind…."
She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him back towards her their foreheads touching she was smiling and looking into his eyes. He tried to smile back at her.
"I'm sorry, I aint had much luck with this kinda thing before, always fuckin things up" He said.
'Well your luck's about to change..." She said breathlessly.
And that time she kissed him.