***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***
First of all, I want to thank and dedicate this chapter to every single people who took a minute of their time to review my last chapter, it means more than you can imagine for me to know that there are still people interested in reading my follies. I love you guys, you made my day with your words!
Second. When I said that my muse was back, I really meant it. When I finished writing this chapter I realized that it had almost 6 thousand words so I decided to divide it in two, tomorrow or in the next few days I'll publish the second part.
Third. Speaking of my muse I'm quite motivated to write, so if you have suggestions, ideas, prompts of specific moments that you would like to write, don't hesitate to send me a DM or leave a comment, either for Tenry or Towen fic. Together we can survive this hiatus with some fics, don't you think?
Who said that love was enough to be happy?
They were imbeciles because they haven't known you
They don't know how hurts your words that cut me
They don't know how hurts your absence that clouds me
You see that I'm loving you so much, so much that it scares me
and it's not enough for you...
OWEN
Did she?
As soon as my head registers her words a switch turns everything off inside me preventing me from reacting, I'm paralyzed, I can't take my eyes off her face, but I can't perceive what she is feeling either, much less what I am feeling.
TEDDY
He is in shock and I don't blame him, but at the same time I'm a little relieved, this huge burden that was weighing on my shoulders and that I was dragging as if it were the worst of sins for months has finally risen, I would like to say that I feel lighter when the reality is that this is only the beginning, but at least it's one less problem in my long list of concerns, in my long list of sins.
It took an uproarious thunder that announced the arrival of the rain for Owen to react, he shakes his head slightly and gets up from his seat, I follow him, he looks at me and his expression changes completely.
"Why are you telling me this now?! Why did you keep it a secret for all this time?!" He is angry, but I'm furious.
"Are you serious? When did you want me to tell you? When I went to your house full of hope and that girl opened the door telling me that you and Amelia were asleep? Tell me! Did you want me to go to bed in the middle of you two to tell you the news?"
"You could've do it in another moment!"
"When, Owen?! Tell me when! When I ran into you leaving the elevator with your new family? A lovely moment to tell you, isn't it?" I'm shaking with rage and my heart beats harder and faster than ever.
"It is my child too! I deserved to know about its existence from the beginning!"
I looked at him and I chuckled in disbelief. "You don't deserve anything Owen, you don't deserve to be a father." As soon as my words are out of my lips I regret them.
"And you do? After hiding my child's existence all these months?"
"From the moment I had to deal alone with everything you put me through, all the pain and humiliation I deserve it!"
He walks towards me and stands towering me with his huge body. "You think yourself so kind, so deserving..." He speaks through clenched teeth and his voice is so cold that it could almost freeze the room. "But you're worse than your mother." Before I realize the palm of my hand has crashed against his cheek, the stinging pain in my hand only increases my adrenaline, I want keep slapping him. How dare he? He is the only person who knows about my mother and what her actions and her absence mean to me, I feel that I'm about to explode, I'm not my mother, I'm not like her.
"Get out... GET OUT OF HERE!"
He takes me by the arms, he is hurting me and I can feel his body tremble like mine. "I will not leave until we solve this."
"Let go of me!" I shout pulling myself out of his hands and seconds later Leo's cry interrupts us.
We step aside aside breathing deeply and quickly, we look at each other with expectation waiting for the other to react while the child continues crying in the next room. Owen growls, "We are not finished," he warns me pointing at me with his index finger, then turns around and gets lost behind the door of my bedroom closing it with a loud bang.
I drop in the sofa crying and covering my mouth so he doesn't hear me. We both crossed a line, a line that we should never have crossed, it was clear that we wanted to hurt each other so we just said that that we knew would hurt us in the soul. I should never have told him that he doesn't deserve to be a father, especially after I told him that I'm pregnant, much less after years of knowing that it has always been his biggest dream. But he shouldn't have compared me with my mother... my mother.
Only Owen, and Allison of course, knows the story of my mother, how her absence affected me and my father's life. We lived in a tiny basement in Brooklyn; a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen-living room, despite our narrow circumstances I was happy, I had no idea of all the problems my parents had, for me the most important thing was to have them both, they were my happiness, but for my mother that wasn't enough, we weren't enough, she dreamed with more, living on the other side of the bridge, in Chelsea or SoHo, in some luxurious penthouse on the Upper East Side, being the queen of 5th Avenue or Park Avenue.
So one day without warning she went to work to never to return, I didn't understand anything and my father was devastated, but even so he dedicated the rest of his life to make me happy, to make the absence of my mother less painful. Every 4th of July he would take me to see Macy's fireworks show, on Halloween he would handmade my costume with odds and ends of his old clothes and took me to walk the streets to do trick or treat, always behind me, always smiling; on Thanksgiving when the money wasn't enough for turkey he would bought a roasted chicken and instant mashed potatoes, for me it was heaven.
But without any doubt my favorite holiday was Christmas, throughout the year my father saved money so in December together we would go to the best Christmas tree farm in New York to buy the largest and leafiest tree in the place and if the budget I would allow it we would buy some new decorations that would go with the worn ones we had at home, even so, my father made it look like the most beautiful of the trees, and for me it was, I could spend hours in front of it looking at the lights. And of course every year without missing we would go to the see the lighting of the Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center and if we had luck, and money, we would skate on ice in The Rink, I never knew how my father did it, but there was no Christmas in which it didn't appear at least a gift for me at the foot of the Christmas tree, sometimes dolls, new clothes, ribbons and headbands for my long blonde hair, socks and the best of all was when I found a bicycle and a pair of roller skates, I literally cried.
And even though one of my biggest dreams as a child was going to see a musical on Broadway, the money was never enough, much less when my father got sick of his heart, it was at that moment that I decided that whatever it cost me I would go to med school to become at least a cardiologist, who would've thought that I would end up being a cardiothoracic surgeon. Over the years and when my work finally began to give me enough money I took my father out of that basement to a small apartment in the West Village, which although it was a bit far from my work in Columbia was perfect for the both of us, nothing the subway couldn't solve, it had two bedrooms, living room and kitchen and it was close to Allison's house; I still remember the face of my father when he saw the place, his huge smile and his green eyes shining with tears will be something that I will remember until the day of my last breath.
Remembering all that right in this moment made me cry even harder, I had no one and I needed my father, at 43 years old I needed my father, I wanted him to hug me, to stroke my hair and whisper in my ear that everything would be fine, that this was just a storm and that the sun would soon rise, I needed him here, I needed someone, I had never felt so alone as in these moments.
Minutes later my crying had stopped, now only the tears ran down my cheeks remembering everything I had and that life had taken away from me.
OWEN
When I came into the room Leo was crying on the bed and reaching out his little arms towards me to hold him up, he wanted me, he needed me, I was being good to him. How could Teddy tell me that I didn't deserve this? But the truth is that we both hurt each other, we didn't measure our words, we were selfish and we hurt the other. We didn't realize that from now on it will no longer be about us, from now on we'll have to put that tiny human first before saying anything that could potentially hurt him or her.
While I hold Leo in my arms to calm his cries, thousands of emotions pass through me, I'm furious with Teddy for not having told me before of the existence of my child, our child. The mere thought sends electric currents all over my body and makes my skin crawl, my child, mine, ours. Even in the midst of my anger I can't help but feel giddy at the thought and smile widely. Deep down I've always known that it's likely that Leo is only temporary, that doesn't mean I don't love him, of course I love this chubby boy that I carry in my arms, but I also know that Betty is trying really hard to overcome the drugs, I know that once she's clean she'll want her baby back. But that baby? That baby that Teddy is carrying in her belly, that baby that we created in a unique, magical and oh so anticipated moment and of whom I just discovered its existence. He or she will always be here, no one will take it away from me, not even Teddy, it will always be my child and I will always be its dad no matter what.
I keep lulling Leo back to sleep, he hides his little face in my chest, I realize he always does that, or when he's in the crib he covers his face with the blanket, he doesn't like to sleep with the light on; minutes later he is deeply asleep again, I put him back in the place where he was and I look at him intently as I try to remember the whole conversation, or rather, the fight that I just had with Teddy, she tried to tell me in more than once, she flew from the other side of the world just to tell me and instead she discovered that I had already moved on and... out of nowhere my train of thoughts stops with overwhelming force. The Heparin.
I get out of bed and quickly leave the bedroom, in the living room Teddy is sitting in the same place, staring at the bay, hugging a cushion as tears run down her cheeks reaching her neck. Even in the middle of my anger my heart cracks, I can almost swear that she is thinking about her mother. I slap myself internally, even so, I stand in front of her firmly, but she seems not to notice my presence.
"Why didn't you tell me about the blood clot?" I ask. She takes a few seconds to react but when she looks at me her eyes look empty.
"W-What?" She asks, absentminded.
"The blood clot, the Heparin! Why didn't you tell me?!"
She smiles incredulously and shakes her head. "Maybe because I first wanted you to know about our child!"
"Anything that could harm the baby is also important and you should tell me!"
"Maybe if for once in your damn life you gave me time to talk you would've known! But no, you decided to act like a savage!"
I turn my back on her and stand in front of the window looking at the bay with my hands on my hips breathing deeply, I'm angry but I'm trying to restrain myself from bursting in rage again, especially for her, I know that tension won't do her any good, so for her sake and the baby's, my baby, I'll try to stay calm.
"Owen, I don't want to fight, please." She tells me in a voice so soft that it sounds almost childish and I can hear the undertone of defeat.
I turn around and look at her… I can't be angry with her, no matter how much I want I can't, she owns me, she can make shreds with my skin, tear me to pieces, but I would never ever hate her and now that I know she's carrying my child in her womb less, now less than ever I could hate her, that doesn't mean I'm not upset, of course I am, but I know it will go away soon.
TEDDY
I feel the crushing weight of his gaze on me, suffocating like a heavy slab on my chest, I feel his eyes judging me and I can almost hear his mind plotting his sentence. I feel small, like a tiny being overshadowed by his imposing presence, vulnerable. Suddenly I feel as if the walls around were getting smaller as I struggle to catch air and fill my lungs; everything happens so fast, one moment Owen is on the other side of the room looking at me with eyes full of what I assume is hatred, and the other he is kneeling in front of me, taking my face in his hands. I was hyperventilating…