Road trips, Kevin the dog, and ugly doubts rearing their head
"Are you positive you don't mind?" Seth asks, for what feels like the hundredth time.
"Ask me one more time, Seth," Dean says, shaking his head. There's no frustration there, though, only a playful smile, and Seth sighs, his shoulders dropping.
Kevin's been staying at his parents the last couple weeks, and he knows his mom doesn't mind, but it's his dog, his responsibility, and as good of a time as he's having with Dean, there's a nagging little voice in his head that tells him he's being incredibly neglectful of his dog.
They've spent the last few days at Seth's again, and it's easy as breathing to be with Dean. It still takes Seth by surprise sometimes how natural it feels having Dean around, like Dean was this huge missing piece in Seth's life that he didn't even realize wasn't there until suddenly it was, and everything became clearer, better.
Seth had picked Kevin up from his parents the morning after they'd gotten in, and Seth had gotten a little emotional over it. He hadn't spent more than a day away from Kevin since he'd gotten him, and Kevin's energetic, enthusiastic greeting had made a lump form in Seth's throat.
It was Dean who'd suggested bringing Kevin along, and even though he's the one who brought it up, it's Seth who'd kept asking if he was sure, which he's well aware probably annoyed Dean more than he let on.
It's just - after the last few weeks, he knows how hard and strenuous it is to constantly be on the road, to move from city to city to hotel to hotel, and having a dog along would only make it that much harder. Dean, though, has been vehement in his insistence that Seth bring Kevin along, and he'd even gone out to buy Kevin some things that'll make traveling easier for him.
"Do we have everything?" Dean asks, and Seth runs over the list in his head, ticking off each item as his eyes search it out from where it's stored in the back of the rental. They'd tossed around the idea of flying to the next city and taking a rental from there, but Seth didn't want to hold Dean up with the process of bringing his dog on the flight. Sure, it means it's a long ass drive for them to make, but Dean doesn't seem to mind, looks downright giddy, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he holds Kevin against his chest.
"Yeah," Seth says, shouldering the bag with Kevin's treats and toys, closing the hatch of the SUV.
"Good." Dean tosses him the keys, which Seth narrowly misses. "You can drive the first leg. Me and the little guy wanna hang."
Seth would actually rather drive, if they're going to have Kevin in the car with them. Dean's driving isn't the greatest, and he still kind of scares the shit out of Seth. He has no patience for traffic, and he has the worst case of road rage Seth's ever witnessed up close. Yeah, it's comical at times, the way Dean will go off on the car in front of him, behind him, beside him, the ridiculous nonsensical shit that'll come from Dean's mouth, but it makes him nervous and anxious at the same time, and he'd rather not have Kevin pick up on that anxiety. They don't need to pay for detailing because Kevin accidentally peed on the seat.
The drive is long, longer than Seth realized it would be, but the stops for fuel, food, and bathroom breaks help break up the lengthy drive. It also helps to get out and stretch his legs, feeling a slight ache beginning to set in with being in the same position for so long.
"You okay?" Dean asks, and Seth frowns, realizing he hasn't been doing as good a job of hiding his discomfort as he thought.
"Yeah," says Seth, holding back a grimace as he stretches his leg out, massaging the tips of his fingers against the sides of his knee.
Dean comes over with Kevin's leash wrapped around his fist, Kevin trotting along happily beside him. "You're not," he says, free hand gentle on the small of Seth's back. "I'll drive the last few hours. Stretch out in the backseat with Kev."
"No, Dean, I'm fine," Seth insists, shaking his head. All he needs is a couple of aspirin, or a Tylenol, and he'll be good to go.
"You've driven almost the whole trip," Dean points out. "Just relax in the backseat for now and when we get to the hotel, you can soak in the tub or I'll give you a massage or somethin'."
Well, when Dean puts it that way.
Seth ends up dozing off to the soft sound of Dean humming along to the radio, Kevin curled up in the front seat, and he comes to with Dean in his face, a hand on his arm, shaking him awake. "C'mon, we're here."
Seth groans and yawns. Dean already has all their bags loaded onto a cart, and Seth takes Kevin from the front seat, attaching the leash to his harness. He tries not to limp as he follows Dean into the hotel, but his knee is stiff, aching, and he's in desperate need of that massage and bath Dean mentioned earlier.
The receptionist that checks them in fawns over Seth's dog, and Seth can't help but grin, shaking his head at the way Kevin eats up the attention. "Little attention whore," Seth says, ignoring Dean's muttered "just like his daddy".
"You gonna take him out now?" Dean asks, handing Seth a key to the room.
"Yeah," Seth says, pocketing the key. "We'll meet you up there?"
Dean nods, and Seth has to resist the urge to lean in and kiss him. It's become a common thing for him to do every time he leaves somewhere, and being unable to do it in public makes him frown.
It takes him a little longer than he'd like for Kevin to do his business, busy sniffing everything he comes across, and by the time he makes it up to the room, Dean already has their bags situated, Kevin's bed settled in a corner, his food and water dishes not far from it.
"You're the best," Seth says, collapsing back onto the bed with a groan. He holds out his hand for Dean to join him, and Dean does, chuckling softly.
"You gonna shower, or you just gonna lay here all night?"
"Think you mentioned somethin' about a massage," Seth reminds him, cracking an eye open to look at Dean, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Mmm, I did," Dean says. His hand settles on Seth's stomach, and Seth sucks in a breath, shivers, Dean's fingers slowly pushing up his t-shirt, skin on skin making goosebumps break out across Seth's flesh. "C'mon, up, get your clothes off."
Seth sits up, pulling his shirt over his head, and he lets it fall to the side of the bed before he arches his back, lifting his hips while he unbuttons his jeans, eyes locked on Dean's as he licks his lips, pulls the zipper down tantalizingly slow, shimmying a little as he pushes them down his hips, his boxer briefs going along with them.
Dean takes over then, pulling Seth's shoes and socks off before his hands circle Seth's ankles, thumbs brushing against the knob of bone there, and the touch makes Seth groan, his mouth going dry, dick starting to fatten up.
"Down, boy," Dean says with a grin, hooks his fingers under the waistband of Seth's pants to pull them the rest of the way off.
"Now you," Seth says. He shifts up on the bed, settling his head back against the pillows, and he folds his hands together over his stomach, watching as Dean steps out of his boots, his socks, shedding his shirt and pants, leaving him in a pair of blue boxer briefs. "Those, too."
Dean makes a show of it, thumb hooked under the waistband on one side, inching it down his hip before he does the same to the other side, smooth skin and half chub slowly coming into view. "Don't know why I gotta be naked if you're the one gettin' the massage," he says, but he's grinning, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.
Seth shrugs. "I just like you being naked." Because he does. If he had it his way, Dean would be naked all the time. There will never be a day where he won't want to see all that smooth skin, the muscles bunching and flexing beneath it.
Dean takes their clothes and moves them to a chair, coming back to the bed with a bottle of lube in one hand, lotion in the other.
"Lotion," Seth says, "not lube." The lube dries tacky, and it's not a feeling he wants on his skin all night.
Dean tosses the lube to the side, spreading Seth's legs open a little wider so he can sit between them, and Seth sucks in a breath when the cold lotion hits his skin. "Sorry, sorry," Dean says quickly. He spreads the lotion around Seth's knee, down his calf, and it's still cold, colder than Seth likes, but Dean's hands are quickly warming it, and he relaxes slightly as Dean starts kneading his calf muscle, thumbs over his shin, moving down to his ankle before going back up, hesitant as Dean reaches his knee.
Seth holds his breath, fighting back a grimace as Dean's fingers start moving again, little points of pressure all along his knee, and it hurts, it does, but Dean's being as gentle as he can be while still working out the soreness, and Seth lets him manipulate his entire leg however he needs, bending and straightening it while his thumbs rub circles to soothe the ache.
"How's that?" Dean asks, his voice hushed, fingers slipping up Seth's inner thigh.
Seth spreads his legs wider still, looking down at Dean through hooded eyes. "S'good," he slurs out, breath coming faster, and he bites his bottom lip as Dean drops down onto his stomach, mouth hot and wet along the inside of his thigh, up to the crease of it. "Dean," he says, a breathy exhale, fingers tangling in the messy curls of Dean's hair, and he grips a little tighter when Dean's lips ghost over the sensitive skin of his balls.
"I got you," Dean says, mouth moving along the inside of Seth's opposite thigh, and Seth breathes out shakily, carding his fingers through Dean's hair, pushing it back and away from his face, hooded blue eyes looking up at him.
A hiccuped moan and Dean has Seth's dick in his mouth, tongue curling around the head before he takes him deeper, deeper, Seth's eyes rolling to the back of his head as he feels the tight clench of Dean's throat closing around him, and it's, fuck, it's so good, has his toes curling, hips rocking up into Dean's mouth, and Dean's humming, taking it all, lips spit slick as he works up and down Seth's dick, little vibrations going straight to Seth's balls, pulling them up tight.
"Don't come," Dean says, voice deep and rough when he pulls off, and Seth wants to cry, feels his orgasm right there, on the brink of exploding out of his skin, but Dean's kissing up his stomach, his chest, tongue trailing hot and wet along his collarbone, his neck, teeth grazing the line of his jaw until their mouths, their hips, are pressed together, Dean's dick rocking right alongside Seth's, lips and tongue and teeth pulling all the oxygen from Seth's lungs.
Seth hooks his leg around Dean's hip, his hands on Dean's back, rocking up as Dean grinds down, and he can hardly focus on kissing Dean back, his awareness pinpointed to the way Dean's dick is wet against his, the feel of their cockheads rubbing together, and he rips his mouth from Dean's, panting and moaning as he shoots off between them, pulses of come splattering their bellies that rock Seth's body, and he goes sensitive almost too fast, the sensation almost too much as Dean continues rocking against him, hips thrusting quick and erratic as his dick slides along the groove of Seth's hip, and he's burying his face into Seth's neck as he comes, teeth digging in a little as he groans and shakes through it.
Seth keeps his hands moving up and down Dean's back, feeling the way Dean's ribs contract and expand as his breathing slows down, and they're sweaty, dirty, but Seth doesn't want to move, doesn't want to be anywhere but where he is now, covered by Dean's body, feeling the warmth of Dean's breath washing over the sensitive skin of his neck.
"Fuck, you're perfect," Dean says, the words panted out into Seth's neck, before he's pushing himself up onto his knees between Seth's legs, his hands smoothing down the length of Seth's thighs.
Seth smiles warmly up at Dean, shaking his head. "Nah, I'm not," he says, laughing softly. He's not even being self-deprecating; he knows he's far from perfect, has an infinite list of flaws and imperfections.
"You are to me," Dean says, eyes soft and warm. "You feelin' okay to shower?"
"Yeah," says Seth, nodding. The massage Dean gave him - coupled with the orgasm - has left him pain-free, feeling almost boneless, beyond relaxed.
It's still relatively early by the time they emerge from the shower, but Seth is tired from driving halfway across the country, and Dean doesn't look like he's faring much better. "I'm gonna take Kev out again," he says, pulling one of Dean's shirts over his head.
"I can do it," Dean offers, but Seth shakes his head, tells him he'll be right back, and by the time he slips back into the room, removes Kevin's leash and harness, Dean's asleep, sprawled out across the bed on his stomach, arm flung out over the empty side.
"Move over, you bed hog," Seth says, pushing at Dean's arm. Dean grumbles, but he rolls onto his side, leaving enough space for Seth to climb in, and he's immediately pulled in against Dean's front, his back flush to Dean's chest, Dean's arm secure around his waist.
"Love you," Dean whispers, the words ruffling the hairs at the nape of Seth's neck.
Seth hums, laces his fingers with Dean's, their legs tangling together. "Love you, Dean."
Seth is really regretting bringing Kevin along. It's not that he's a nuisance, or that he's causing problems, no, it's that they're stuck driving between cities, and Seth's really not happy about it. The drive from Davenport to Pittsburgh was well over 14 hours, and they'd had to leave at the ass crack of dawn to make it to the hotel at a decent hour with all the stops they'd had to make, and now, the drive to the next city is another 12 hours, longer with the stops, and Seth doesn't want Dean driving, not when he just finished wrestling, when he's sweaty and tired and frustrated with his loss, and Seth's not looking forward to being stuck in the cramped driver's seat all night, either, having to guzzle down coffee after coffee to stay awake to ensure they get to the next city on time.
Their bags are all in the back of the SUV, and Seth's waiting impatiently in the locker room for Dean to finish showering so they can be on the road. He's already taken Kevin out to do his business, and he's sitting at Seth's feet now, the picture of perfect calm.
Dean comes into the room with a towel slung around his neck, his duffel bag dangling loosely from his hand.
"You almost ready to go?" Seth asks sharply. He doesn't even know why he's feeling so irritated, the drive notwithstanding. Everything is just grating on his nerves right now, and he's pissed and frustrated about it.
"What's wrong with you?" Dean asks, replacing the towel with a shirt that would normally have Seth's mouth watering. It's doing nothing for him, though, this time.
"Nothing," Seth says, shaking his head. "Just wanna get going."
"No, somethin's wrong," Dean says, stepping closer. He puts his hands on Seth's shoulders, and Seth shrugs them off before he even realizes he's doing it, blowing out a frustrated breath. "Seth?"
Seth shakes his head again, refusing to meet Dean's eyes, but Dean takes matters into his own hands, squatting down between Seth's legs, his hands on Seth's thighs.
"C'mon, babe, talk to me." His voice is soft, delicate, and his eyes are searching, like they're silently begging for Seth to tell him what's wrong so he can fix it, whatever it is, but Seth doesn't know, can't tell him because he doesn't fucking know, and the breath he blows out sounds frustrated. "Okay. If you're not gonna talk to me, maybe goin' home is what you should do."
Seth bites his bottom lip, feels a lump forming in his throat. "No," he rasps out, hands clasping onto Dean's. He ignores the way Kevin's pawing at his leg, no doubt trying to offer him some kind of comfort. "I don't - I'm just, god, I don't want to go home."
"Okay." Dean nods, thumbs brushing soothingly across Seth's knuckles. "Can you tell me what's goin' on with you?"
Seth shrugs. "I dunno. Just - I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I didn't realize bringing Kevin was going to make it that much harder, but I didn't want to leave him at home anymore, and you said I should bring him along, and it's such a long drive, and you need to sleep, I don't want you driving when you need to sleep for your match tomorrow, and being stuck in the same position for hours on end makes my knee fucking kill, and I just—"
"Seth, breathe," Dean says, cutting him off, and Seth's grateful, probably would've started hyperventilating had Dean not stopped his sudden tirade, but now he feels stupid, like a goddamn baby, whining over every little thing when he's really got nothing to even be upset about. "You don't have to drive the whole time. Pretty sure Roman's still here, and he's been ridin' with Jimmy and Naomi. Y'all can take turns. He owes us, anyway, for being such a shit before."
Seth hasn't really talked to or seen Roman since their confrontation, and he's not sure if Roman will even want to be around him, let alone chauffeur them to the next city. He probably already had plans to fly out in a few hours like very other sensible person on the roster, and he doesn't want Roman to be pissed at him that he's going to be stuck in a cramped car instead.
"Imma go see if I can find him, okay?" Dean drops a kiss to the top of his head before he takes off, jogging out the door.
"I'm bein' a big baby, huh?" Seth asks Kevin, pulling him up and into his lap, and Kevin attacks his fingers immediately, tiny teeth grazing the skin. "Watch it, dude."
Even the prospect of having Roman to share driving duties with doesn't really make Seth feel any better. He'll still be stuck in a cramped space for more hours than he'd like, on top of all the hours he spent the day before, and the massage Dean so diligently gave him has already started to wear out. He knows it's because he's not working out as much as he was before at home, and not stretching and keeping mobility in his knee is making it act up in the worst ways, but Seth needs a gym, a treadmill, a weight set, and Dean prefers to use what nature has to give him instead.
"Guess we gotta do what we gotta do, huh, Kev?" Next week he might just say screw it and go through the hassle of flying with Kevin, if only to avoid the long, ridiculous hours crammed into a car. A few hours he can handle, sure, but more than half a day? God, he's over it already.
"Whatever, man, I'll fuckin' pay the cost of your ticket, jesus, quit your whinin' already." Dean comes back into the room, grinning at Seth, Roman following behind him.
"I ain't whinin', fuck off," Roman says, stopping just inside the doorway. He's got his suitcases with him, and he looks like he's not entirely sure if he's welcome.
Kevin bounds out of Seth's lap, racing across the room and throwing himself at Roman's legs, jumping and yapping until Roman bends down to pick him up. "Who's this little guy?" he asks, and Seth can't help but laugh, big Roman Reigns felled by a damn Yorkie.
"Name's Kevin," Dean says, shaking his head at Seth. "Seth's yappy little dog."
"Yeah, he's just like you that way, huh?" Seth asks, smirking.
"You think you're real cute, don't you?"
Seth raises an eyebrow. "I know I am."
"I ain't tryna break up this little party y'all are havin', but we should probably get goin'," Roman says, pulling Seth's attention away from Dean.
Seth takes Kevin when Roman hands him over, attaching his leash, and he leads them out of the arena to the rental, popping the trunk to maneuver some of their bags around to fit Roman's stuff in. "Thanks for this," he tells Roman, when Roman approaches to toss his things inside.
"I owe you," Roman says with a shrug. "And Dean probably would've pissed in my shampoo if I said no."
"You deserved that, asshole," Dean shouts from where he's making himself comfortable in the front seat.
Seth's face scrunches up in disgust. "Dean, seriously?"
"He speared me, Seth. He deserved it," Dean explains, deadpan.
Roman heaves out a sigh. "It was an accident!"
"Still shouldn't have done it," Dean says petulantly.
"You sure you wanna spend your life with that?" Roman asks in a whisper, his eyebrow raised.
Seth laughs. "Couldn't even dream of it being anybody else."
Seth understands that Roman's pissed as hell about all the shit Bray's been pulling during his matches, but, fuck, does that really mean he should interfere in Dean's match, attacking Bray before it can even begin?
"Hey, that means I've got all the energy in the world for you tonight, baby," Dean points out when Seth brings it up, filthy grin spread across his face.
"Roman riding with Jimmy and Naomi tonight?" Seth asks.
Dean's eyebrows scrunch in confusion, and Seth will always find that fucking adorable. "Yeah, why?"
"And you're not needed anymore tonight?"
"Nope," Dean says, shaking his head.
"Good," Seth says, whistling for Kevin. "You've got all that energy. Sooner we get to the hotel in the next city, the better."
"I like the way you think, Rollins," Dean says, laughing and grinning.
Seth loves watching Dean wrestle. There's probably very little he loves more than that - his family and his dog not included - but watching Dean get fucking destroyed? His heart is in his throat, and he can't stop chewing on his thumbnail, foot bouncing up and down as he waits for Dean to return to the locker room, and when he does, he can barely breathe with the way Dean's holding himself: one hand gripping his head, the other wrapped around his ribs.
"Are you okay?" he asks, rushing to Dean's side.
"Just some bumps and bruises," Dean says. "All in a day's work."
"A lot of that shit looked nasty as fuck," Seth points out, helping Dean remove his shirt - not that Dean really needs the help, he just likes undressing him, is all.
"I've had worse," Dean says, a grin on his face, probably to show Seth that he is indeed fine.
"Then go shower," Seth says, wrinkling his nose. "You're really fuckin' rank, dude."
"Don't act like you don't like it," Dean teases, sticks his tongue out.
"I really, really don't," Seth denies, shivering in disgust. The smell of Dean's sweat after he's finished working out, he doesn't mind that so much, because Dean usually just smells like deodorant, like the body wash he uses, but after rolling around the ring for ten, fifteen minutes? It's - it's gross, and not something he wants to be stuck smelling for the next few hours, especially not in the confined space of their rental.
They still have to make the drive back to Iowa, but instead of making it in one straight shot, Dean had suggesting stopping for the night halfway through. Yeah, it'll cut into their time being home, but Seth would rather have that than have to spend another ten, twelve hours straight driving.
He's also decided to leave Kevin home with his parents again. As much as it sucks, and as much as he hates having to do that, it's the best solution for right now. He'll be home for good in a few weeks, anyhow, and he's hit with a bolt of sadness at the realization that he won't be spending every day with Dean.
He's gotten so used to Dean always being around over the last couple months, he's terrified of being home and Dean realizing that his life is so much easier without Seth around, that their constant close proximity was the reason Dean had thought he loved Seth when really, all Dean loved was having the company and a warm body to share his bed with.
"You okay?" Dean asks, jerking Seth out of his head. His hair is dripping down onto the towel around his neck, and there are still little rivulets of water sliding down his torso.
"Yeah," Seth says, shaking his head. "Just thinkin' about work shit."
Dean hums, scrubbing the towel through his hair. "You go back soon, right?"
"Toward the end of next month, yeah, but I gotta go back in a few weeks to start planning for the year," Seth explains, frowning.
"Guess we better make the best outta the time we have left then," Dean says, flashing a grin.
Seth hates how that sounds, how it sounds like their relationship has an expiration date, like Dean is just waiting for Seth to be back home, busy with teaching, before he breaks up with him, tells him it was just a fun summer fling, that Seth was just a stop to help pass the time, make his days and nights on the road less lonely.
"Guess so."
Seth snaps his fingers, beckoning Kevin over from where he was curled up in a ball on Dean's duffel bag, and he lifts him onto his lap, running his fingers through the silky softness of Kevin's coat while Dean packs his bag. There's a lump in his throat, his eyes prickle, but he hides it away, buries his face in Kevin's neck as he breathes, forces himself to calm down.
"Let's get out of here," Dean says, bag tossed over his shoulder.
Seth rises to his feet, keeps Kevin tucked against his chest, following Dean out to their rental.
They stop for the night halfway between Iowa and Alabama, a quaint little hotel off the highway, and the only bag they bother to bring into the room is Kevin's, filled with his dishes and food and bed, and Seth gets that all taken care of as soon as they're in their room for the night, Dean already sprawled across the bed.
He takes Kevin out once he's finished eating, and he loses track of time, walking up and down the hotel parking lot with Kevin's leash wrapped around his fist, trying to keep his breathing calm, his thoughts from straying and turning sour.
He knows he has no reason to think Dean would break up with him, that there hasn't been anything that even hints toward that happening, but he can't help that that's the direction his thoughts keep flying in. Things have been good, so fucking good, and Seth's just not used to that. Every time he has something he wants, something he's yearned for, something that seems to be too good to be true, it's ripped away from him, and Dean is all of that: something he wants, a relationship he's yearned for, and something that is way too good to be true for someone like him.
Kevin's done walking, it seems, sitting at Seth's feet where he's suddenly stopped, and Seth sighs, apologizing softly. "C'mon, little dude, time to go back."
Dean's sitting up in bed when Seth opens the door, and he unclips Kevin's leash before he shoos him to his bed, turning his attention to Dean, then. "Thought you were sleeping," he says softly, slipping out of his shoes before he sets the leash inside Kevin's bag.
"No," Dean says, shaking his head. "Can't sleep without you next to me."
Seth smiles softly at Dean, unbuttoning his jeans as he steps closer to the bed. "Sap," he says, playful and teasing.
Dean's arm is wrapped around Seth's waist and he's pulled back against Dean's chest before he knows it, Dean's mouth wet and warm against his neck. "You love it," he says, the words breathed out against his skin, and it makes Seth's toes curl, his breathing quicken.
He turns in Dean's hold so they're face to face, his fingers toying with the sleeve of Dean's t-shirt where it's stretched over his bicep. "I love you," he says softly, his eyes locked on Dean's. There's the lump in his throat again, threatening to steal his breath away, but if this is it, if these are the last few weeks he has with Dean, he's going to make the most of them, enjoy them as much as he can and try not to think about whatever's going to happen.
"Then why do you look so sad?" Dean asks, his thumb brushing against the sensitive skin at the corner of one of Seth's eyes.
Seth shakes his head, forces a smile he knows Dean won't buy even for a second. "M'not." He closes his eyes when he feels the warmth of Dean's breath hitting his lips, and he swallows hard at the feel of Dean's lips against his own, a soft, gentle kiss, there and gone in an instant.
"C'mon," Dean says, Seth's eyes flickering open to find nothing but concern looking back at him, "talk to me."
Seth shrugs as best as he's able to, gaze slowly slipping down to Dean's lips, his chin, his cheek, so he won't have to meet Dean's eyes. "Guess I just don't wanna go back home," he confesses, only half the truth.
"You know nothin's gonna change when you're home, right?" Dean asks, cradling the side of Seth's face in the palm of his hand, thumb brushing back and forth over the swell of his cheekbone. They fit together like they were made for each other, like whatever higher being there is made them from the same cloth, the only two pieces of a puzzle. "Seth."
Seth shrugs again. He wants to believe, so badly, that nothing will change, but it's different, being home, away from Dean who's still on the road.
"C'mon," says Dean. "We made it work before, right? Nothin's gonna change."
"Yeah," Seth says softly. "I'm just bein' dumb, ignore me."
"No, c'mon, don't do that," Dean says, sounding a little frustrated. "Don't shut me out like that."
Seth maneuvers himself out of Dean's hold, sliding down to the edge of the bed. He can't - he can't have this conversation with Dean so close to him, with Dean's arms around him, because he doesn't want to make it seem like he's doubting Dean, that he's doubting what Dean feels for him, even if he is, even if it's only slightly, and he doesn't need Dean knowing, deciding to break up with him here and now because Seth is so goddamn insecure sometimes.
"You gonna talk to me?" Dean asks, and Seth hates how his voice sounds: flat, defeated.
"I don't know," Seth says quietly, shrugging. It seems to be all he can do right now. "Just kinda afraid, I guess, that this has been all some kind of dream or somethin', that it's all gonna go away when I have to go back to my life at home, that you're gonna be too busy and you're gonna forget about me." Seth feels like such an insecure dick right now, doubting everything, but fuck, he's only human, and things like this don't last, not for him.
"Seth, c'mon, you know that's not true," Dean says, wrapping his arms around Seth's waist from behind. His hold is tight, like if he keeps holding Seth the way he is, it'll chase all Seth's doubts and fears away, like he'll be able to keep them both here, away from the outside world, away from their separate lives and duties. "I love you, right, you know that, and I've told you, I wouldn't be riskin' everything if this was just a fling to me, if I didn't see some kind of real, permanent future with you. You gotta believe me, babe."
"I know," Seth says. He rests his hands on Dean's arms, pulls them tighter around his waist. "I don't know what my problem is today."
"I get it," Dean says softly. Seth falls back against him when Dean tugs, moving them so they're spooning on their sides again. "Feelin' kinda the same myself, y'know? Like, you could go back home, find someone else who isn't as much trouble to be with as I am, someone who you can be with all the time and don't gotta hide from everyone. Yeah, I know you love me, but sometimes love ain't everything."
Seth swallows roughly. There's never been a thought in his mind of finding someone else, of wanting to be with anyone else. Dean is it for him, he knows. He's never been more certain of anything in his life, and he doesn't care if it hasn't been that long. "It is for me," he says. "There's never gonna be anyone else for me. I don't care how hard this can be at times, or that I can't parade you around or whatever. I love you, and I will fight for you, always."
Seth finds himself facing Dean once again, his eyes the softest of blue. "Then believe that I'll do the same for you," Dean says, before he's cradling Seth's face again, pressing their lips together, soft, barely there kisses that only make Seth hungrier, make him ache and yearn for more. Dean doesn't let him, though, keeps it soft and sweet every time Seth tries to push for more, and it frustrates him, a little, because all he wants is for Dean to take him apart and put him back together.
"C'mon, more," Seth says, fits one hand to the spur of Dean's hip, grip tight enough to bruise.
Dean chuckles, soft puffs of breath hitting Seth's chin. "We got all night, cowboy, slow it down."
Seth groans in frustration, throws his head back against the pillows, but the sound gets choked off when Dean licks at his neck, purses his lips and blows, a raspberry that has Seth shrieking, bucking so hard off the bed it jostles Dean to the side. "You dick, oh, my god," he says, laughing and shoving Dean away with his foot. "I changed my mind, I don't wanna have sex with you anymore."
"Oh, c'mon, why you gotta be like that?" Dean asks, a twinkle in his eye as he laughs. "No, for real, though, lube's out in the rental. Want me to go get it?"
Seth shakes his head. No, he wouldn't mind feeling Dean inside him, over him, taking him apart piece by piece, but this is - laying here with Dean is just as good. "Nah, just - hold me?" It sounds so stupid once it's out of his mouth, and he hates that it makes him sound like such a fucking girl, but, fuck, sometimes all he needs is Dean's arms around him, feeling the hammer of Dean's heart pounding against his back, the feel of Dean's warm breath softly washing over his skin, Dean's arms wrapped securely around his waist: his safety, his protection.
Dean smiles softly, nodding, and he turns off the lamp on the bedside table, the room dark save for the small amount of light from the parking lot spilling in around the edges of the window, before his arms are looping around Seth's waist, pulling him in tight, tip of his nose brushing along the back of Seth's neck. "Everything's gonna be okay, you'll see," he says, squeezing Seth a little tighter.
"I believe you," Seth says, because even if he himself doesn't think everything's going to be okay, that doesn't mean he doesn't believe Dean when he says it.
If there's one thing Seth believes in, it's Dean.