7. Eternity
I don't want eternity. I don't want forever. All of this immortality shit isn't as good as some people might think. I have to spend all eternity on this Jashin-damned planet all by myself. As far as I know, I'm the only immortal that exists.
I'm walking behind Kakuzu again, like usual, my blank stare focused on the ground. He turns to look back at me occasionally, I can tell; his eyes go up and down my body, almost doing a once-over to see if I'm even Hidan. I don't feel like myself, that's for sure. I haven't even opened my mouth once today. I guess I'm not in the mood to talk is all. But knowing Kakuzu, he'll begin to wonder and start asking questions. I hate that. The tables will turn and he will be initiating the conversations with me. I honestly don't want to talk to him – hell, I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
Kakuzu stops suddenly and I look up. There's nothing here as far as I can tell; we're on another dirt path, surrounded by more trees. Kakuzu looks over his shoulder again, slight aggravation in his eyes. Oh, I get it – another bounty. Pulling my scythe off of my back without care, I grip the handle and let the blades fall, sinking into the ground with a thud. Suddenly the trees rustle and 3 ninja jump out, 2 in front of Kakuzu and one behind me. I don't even bother to pay attention to his battle, and only vaguely focus on mine. The guy, probably in his early twenties, pulls out his katana and stands his ground. I let out a sigh of annoyance. I really hate battling in the middle of the day like this. It's always the same routine with Kakuzu and I; idiotic heathens jump out of the bushes in a "surprise attack", we defeat them easily (bandits have never been a real issue for us), and we are on our way once again. Lost in my own thoughts, the ninja takes the opportunity and rushes towards me. Back to reality, I lift my scythe and run in his direction as well. Out of nowhere, he switches directions and jumps over me, shifting as he lands and comes at me from behind. I hardly had time to turn around as he shoves the katana through my chest.
Deep crimson cascades down my chest. I cough a little, already used to the reaction – my body's reaction, and my assailant's. Of course he ogles at me, completely caught off guard from the fact that I'm not dead. I take advantage of the opportunity and wrench the Katana from my chest, the pulling out with ease from the blood making it slick, and in turn thrust the blade into his chest. He looks down at the katana, that stupid look I get from each and every victim I see when I kill them.
"Fucking dipshit," I mutter as I push the blade in deeper, widening the original laceration by shifting the katana up and down as I shove it in farther. He chokes on the blood that has risen in his throat and coughs in my face. Disgusted by his blood spatter on my face, a sudden rage overcomes me and I pull the blade out swiftly and drive it back into his body again, piercing a different spot just to the left of the last wound. I don't really pay attention to where I'm stabbing – as long as I know this fucker is dying, I'll keep stabbing. He gasps, choking once again on the blood. I mutter a few curses, bringing my scythe over my head and swinging it down across his chest. Blood is rapidly pouring out of his chest now and pooling around our feet. Finally sick of the coppery smell flooding my nose, I shove him over.
Realizing that there were more ninja involved in the first place, I look up and find the two other ninja nowhere to be seen. Surprised, I look around and see Kakuzu walking from a few trees. Had he already finished? He even had enough time to decapitate them and rid of their corpses!
"Are you done?" I look in Kakuzu's direction as he walks over, look down at the corpse, and grimace. Kicking the corpse carelessly, I step over the rotting body and walk ahead, replacing my now-bloodied scythe on my back.
"Let's get the fuck out of here." Out of the corner of my eye, I see his gaze on my back last longer than necessary, then turning away as he beheaded the corpse.
I stood outside as Kakuzu bargained with the hotel manager for a room. I think he'd actually rent out a storage room if he could. However, I'm pretty sure no one in their right mind does that. Not even Kakuzu. But in all honestly, you never really know with that heathen.
I sit down - my legs are still a bit sore from the walking we've done all day - and lay my scythe out in front of me. Watching the people walk around the streets is actually great for clearing my head (and the faint stench of blood that lingers on my shoes). I don't know what fascinates me about watching these people – maybe it's some of their stupidity as a pick-pocket takes a few coins from a woman's pocket, then watching about ten minutes later as she flips shit when she can't pay for her groceries. Maybe it's observing as the fruit sellers from opposite stands yell their bargains at the shoppers, trying to win them over with their produce. Maybe it's the concerned stares as they look at my scythe, blades so sharp and stained with the blood of my sacrifices, and keep their distance. Maybe I simply have nothing better to do.
Suddenly, my scythe is kicked as a child runs and trips over the handle. Everyone around becomes hushed. The small boy stares at me with wide eyes, filled with fear. I stare back but only with surprise. I grow somewhat angry, and open my mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. No array of curses flows like they normally would. My irritation dies as quickly as it came. A panicked woman rushes over and picks up the small boy, apologizes and bows at least six times before scurrying away from me. I continue to stare in her direction as the citizens around me begin to talk normally again as though nothing happened. I'm still trying to understand what happened.
"You didn't damn her and her son to your ridiculous god?" I turn to my right, and Kakuzu has situated himself beside me, watching the people as well. I don't say anything, just stand up next to him and walk into the hotel room. The expression of frustration on my features has people talking in low voices as I pass them.
It's two in the morning. The dark circles under my eyes are evidence of my insomnia. Looking in the mirror of our suffocatingly small bathroom, my fingers graze over the nearly-healed wound from the katana. Right through my heart, I figure. I zone out, and my nails drag across the skin; lightly at first, but I subconsciously add pressure until I notice the bright red marks they leave behind. I wish I could dig my hand into my chest and rip out the bloody organ… I wish I could end it all, right now. My hand drops to the rim of the sink as I look at the sight before me. A man, who has been permitted no sleep whatsoever. A man, who is unhappy with the gift so graciously granted upon him. A man, who wishes above all else, to die.
Staring once again specifically at the recently acquired abrasions, my eyes are drawn to the rosary glimmering in the dim lights. It sits there on my chest like it always has for as long as I can remember. It's my only material possession (besides my bible) that is proof of my devotion to Jashin-sama. All of a sudden, I remember the day it was granted to me… I had become a priest at such an early age, the youngest of all of the other training disciples. When they placed the rosary around my neck, they chanted the formal prayer and I was official. Though the memory is still fresh in my mind, it feels so long ago.
I fumble with the rosary, running the smooth beads through my fingers. I think about what it represents. And thinking about my thoughts (which in itself is horribly confusing as fuck and I never have taken the time to do before), I want to know why I'm thinking about it in the first place. I'm not questioning my religion; of course not. I just know that the gift of Jashin-sama that I have been granted isn't the best anymore. The rosary – of which everyone else thinks I wear out of pride – I will forever wear as a reminder. The rosary reminds me every day that I cannot die. It is a gift and a curse, but more the latter. My hands are clutching at the beads now, knuckles white with infuriation and outrage at this curse I've been given…
"Jashin-sama… Damnit!" Taking my rosary and throwing it at the wall, it falls to the floor with a loud clatter. I am breathing heavily, my chest rising and falling as the adrenaline soon fades. I lean forward, my forehead pressed against the mirror in defeat. I will never escape. This is my hell now and I will never break free.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" My heart nearly stops – Hah, there's a fucking joke – when I turn to see Kakuzu leaning in the doorway. He doesn't bother wearing his mask, headgear or cloak at night. Something I personally appreciate. He doesn't feel the need to hide away, compared to when we first became partners. It's a sign he's at least more at ease around me. But speaking of Kakuzu, when did he even get here? I was sure I closed the door…
"Fucking insane masochist," he mutters under his breath as he becomes impatient for my answer. He walks back to the bed, and I follow him. Sitting on the opposite end of where he lays, I decide it's best to ask now or never: "Do you think immortality's even worth it?"
Kakuzu doesn't even bother sitting up – not to mention asking why I'm even thinking about this at this hour of the night. Instead he answers, "Immortality is power. We both have immortality, so we are unable to die-"
"I am unable to die. You only have five hearts."
He sighs in aggravation. "You are unable to die, I have insurance. Anyways, like I said, immortality is power. Being able to live longer than anyone else is an immense ability that no one else has."
I nod slowly at first, taking in what he says. Though the answer is fair, I'm still not satisfied. However, I don't know what else to ask him. I consider asking him if ever wished to die, just to be done with this life and move on to the next… But he's a heathen and an atheist, so he wouldn't believe in a next life. In addition to that, I wouldn't think he would want to die. But I could be wrong (Jashin knows he loves to prove me wrong to let my stupidity shine bright). Maybe he does at some point? The only way to find out is, of course, to ask. I'm regretting my decision – literally signing my death wish – as I take in a breath and ask: "But haven't you ever wanted to die?"
"NO, Hidan, I have never wanted to die. I have never desired for my life to end. Now will you shut your fucking mouth and go to sleep?"
He lets out one more frustrated huff, and soon enough his breathing is even and slow. Though I don't believe him and the answer he gave me, I'll take it for now. I believe everyone has a moment in their lives – everlasting or not – where they wish for it all to be over. Where every burden and worry can be lifted from their shoulders. But according to Kakuzu, he hasn't had that moment. As I think more about his response, I'm slightly surprised that he only snapped back at me…. Normally he would do something at least a little more violent; maybe break my neck, crush my trachea, or anything else to bring to an end to my talking. I shrug this off however, realizing that I'm still facing my problem without an adequate solution. Maybe I should simply take Kakuzu's advice to heart; appreciate the fact I have immortality and embrace its possibilities.
In the back of my head, I know that this issue will come back – I will want death brought upon myself and won't be able to do anything about it. The worst part of it is that Kakuzu may not be there to tell me to shut my zealous mouth and take what I have for granted. I'll put the thoughts out of my head for now.
Besides, I have a whole eternity to worry about them.
A/N: Just a note for you all – Theme 8: Gateway will NOT be posted here. I chose to submit a picture for that one, and you can find it on my deviantART: catastrophic-art