hey yo so just a short disclaimer, i only own rose and shadow (plus the plot and the cover image). so, just a warning.
spoilers for later in the chapter: DONT READ IF U DONT WANT A SMALL SPOILER!
************************************"lorem ipsum" and "[Masters]... told us... she would... fix us!" are from KHTLL13's vocal cover of "Amalgam", and after the second line break, all italicized words are from KHTLL13's vocal cover of "His Theme (Asriel + Chara) but with some lyric edits to make sense for the story. Both songs are from Toby Fox's game, Undertale.************************************
Enjoy! If you liked, please leave a review!
I wasn't new to mental breakdowns. But they'd never happened in front of other people.
After the accident, the feeling of another mind within my body was enough to make me want to go crazy. As it was, I believed that for a time, I did go crazy. Attacking people, going wild, hiding in the woods... I never did remember much of that time. Shadow did, but he never said anything about it. I was thankful for that. As it was, sometimes I remembered. Like this time.
It started as shivers after school, at Tucker's. I got cold, so fast. Goosebumps appeared on my skin and I rubbed at my arms futilely. It felt like I was standing outside in a snowstorm. My teeth chattered for a moment before I firmly shut my jaws. I refused to answer questions, instead preferring to rub at my arms so hard that they turned pink. A hand on one of my own startled me into stopping. I looked up and met the worried gaze of Tucker.
"Hey, you alright?" I took a deep breath and tried to calm my shivers before answering.
"Lorem... ipsum?" No! Not what I wanted to say! If it was possible, Tucker began to look more worried.
"Danny!" Danny? Why was Tucker calling for him? I heard footsteps come running, and when I looked up I met blue eyes instead of turquoise eyes. Tucker began to explain to the black-haired boy, "Rose won't stop shivering. They said... Rose, can you repeat that?"
Re...fuse..., my mind whispered. But that tiny piece of me that wanted help repeated it. "Lorem... ipsum... docet?"
"He didn't say that last word before..." Tucker fretted. It was kind of funny. I was... well, not fine, but I wasn't hurt.
"Lorem ipsum?" Danny's brows furrowed, before it suddenly seemed to make sense. "We might need Sam over here. It just sounds like noise... Sam!"
Too many people... I closed my eye and held my head in my hands, curling up on myself. I took a deep shuddering breath, beginning to shiver again. Masters... told us... she would... fix us! Shadow snarled in my head, struggling himself. She... she... Spectra?
At that point, I felt soft hands on my back (Un... Hug! a voice that wasn't mine but yet it belonged me sounded...), and then a sharp stinging sensation in my back, and then... relief.
[line break]
I didn't remember much when I woke up. When Tucker told me what happened, I could only shake my head and give him an apologetic look.
"Sorry," I sighed. "I don't really remember..." My sentence trailed off, and I was relieved when Tucker nodded in understanding. "Lorem ipsum dolcet... That's Latin, I think."
"Latin?" Sam repeated, giving me a searching look.
"Yeah... Lorem... ipsum... docet... That's definitely Latin," I decided. "But I don't know what it means, or even where I might have learned it. But it... rings a bell..."
Danny, sitting next to me, hesitantly patted my head. "It's fine not to remember. You weren't really acting like yourself." I leaned away from his touch, more onto Tucker, shrinking away from him. All of my wolf instincts went wild; I wanted to run, get far away, bite and escape, bite and escape, escape, escape-
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I don't like being touched unless I initiate it."
"That's fine," came Sam's voice. I glanced between her and Danny, and then I looked down.
"I'm gonna go home now. See you chumps later, I guess?" I didn't wait for an answer.
[line break]
You fell straight into our home, and then I found you first. You seemed like you were alone... They said humans are the worst.
I always loved hearing Shadow recite the song we'd written together, especially after such a horrifying meltdown. 'They' were my adoptive parents, Kitty and Johnny 13. Even though I couldn't remember the events well myself, I always joined in on the song.
I never wanted to be here. I tried to end my life. After a while it was clear... you three could end my strife.
You are what I always wanted. This part was always heavily stressed... Shadow always made it clear that he never wished me gone, since I wished myself gone so often. We were a family. I'm so glad you were adopted. You always made me happy.
It was fine until that day... it was the end for us.I never liked this part. It brought up too many memories... but I powered through anyway. Nothing else would go our way, there was no saving us.
It was just an accident... Shadow's voice, deeper and raspier than my own, wavered. It always did at this part. He felt like it was his fault, what happened... no matter how much I tried to convince him it wasn't. You were not meant to fall... Falling... I remembered that... it was the humans, wasn't it? With their weapons... they wanted to hurt Shadow and I... I took the hit, didn't I? I know you felt abandonment, but I promise, I tried! That's right... Shadow went for help... right?
I lost you as my brother and that is why... I'll never forgive humanity... for all of their crimes! I still harbored a grudge against those humans, the humans who took it all away from us... Neither of us remembered anything about them, except that they were bad people who hurt us.
I am such a crybaby, Shadow chuckled softly. He still remembered how much he had cried, too... but we had both cried. I because of my pain... and he because of his inability to help me. I'm sorry, Rosey, please... Rosey... he hadn't called me that name in a very long time... I've been so lonely lately... all my core does is bleed...
Was that really how he felt? I never knew...
You didn't deserve to go down with me, I mumbled to him. I smiled sorrowfully and wanted to cry. Why couldn't you just let me go? I don't want you to hurt...
It almost tore me in two... I don't want you to hurt! His decision... was it fueled only by that? By only wanted to protect me? And humans thought ghosts were the bad ones... I hope I meant the same to you... Sometimes it felt like you lied.
I didn't want this to happen, Shadow... I assured him. I never wanted him to feel like this... Why hadn't he just let me go? This way, he was only hurting... Please, don't follow me to Hell, and don't cry anymore... My suicidal attempts would land me in Hell when I finally died, I knew. But there was no reason for Shadow to come along. I couldn't bear it if he did.
I miss you too much; you only have one wish... to see the sunset once again, I'll make sure that you do.
Shadow had taken us both through a closing portal to where I had grown up, but in doing so, an accident happened. We were bound together, his ghostly power and my human physicality melding into one. We saw the sunset, he made sure of that, but while Shadow marveled at the feeling of sunlight... while Shadow was awed by the warmth... the sky... we were attacked.
The humans came at us full force. I wanted to turn my wrath against them, using Shadow's powers... but he stopped me. He wouldn't let me do it. Those humans, somehow, reminded him of me.
We turned around and went home, injured and fading...
I can't hold on any longer, I'm fading... I'm sorry that I couldn't keep... A promise, but I hope... that you will forgive me during our time... I don't want to ever let you go, so I'll just hold on tight...
Shadow's voice trailed away, and after a moment I felt him detach. He appeared behind me, wrapping his arms around my tiny body.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.