A/N: Hey y'all, here's your Thurday update. Thank you again for all the feedback - you guys are wonderful. Couple of things about this chapter: first is Jacob's hair. It is long (relatively, about shoulder length), and will remain so. I don't know how many J/N stories have been ruined for me by the author mentioned Jacob having short hair. I always try to continue reading and forget it, but it messes with me and I usually can't finish. Second, Jasper's accent: I'm from the South and I am a huge Jasper fan, and I don't know why so many people see him as unfeeling - I think he's just distant. Anyway, I thought it was cute to have him say 'y'all', even though it was a little out of character, since it's my favorite word in the world.

Third, and finally, I guess you saw through my cheap dedication ploy to get reviews, so let's see if I can make it a little more challenging this time: the dedication of the ninth chapter will be given to anyone who can guess what will happen before it does, what the "wedding plans" are, etc. The hinting starts as early as the first chapter, but gets stronger from this one out - but yeah, review and let me know. I love to hear theories, and even if they're wrong, it may give me ideas! I've got almost fifteen chapters done already, but there's still more than enough room to work stuff in.

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, except that double-negative right there. And the chapter title, which I love more than I should.

Chapter Seven: In Which There Are Stupid Love Things

well, she's got a little bit of something
and god, it's better than nothing

- 3 am, matchbox 20

-

After Jacob misheard me and ran away, and I set off into a new crying jag, Dad went chasing after him to explain. He came back half an hour later when I was mostly calmed down saying Jacob understood, and again, that he was sorry. I still wasn't sure why.

I spent that night curled in my bed, trying to figure things out. I realized I really wanted to square things with Jacob before the wedding, but Mom suggested we take at least a day to cool off and think. I knew trying to get a hold of him the day of would be near-impossible, since Alice would have me in her grasp from dawn's first light, so I settled for the wedding itself, or just before if I could manage it.

I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't bring any attention to myself. I would just wait for a quiet moment, pull Jacob aside and beg him to forgive me. Then I would enjoy Grandpa's Charlie's wedding.

I hoped.

I still was pretty foggy on what Jacob's message meant, and what he said back in his bedroom. What was he sorry for, hurting my feelings? That seemed the logical answer, or as logical of an answer that I could come up with. But what about the part where he said he understands how I feel – what was that supposed to mean? That he didn't blame me for finding him wildly attractive? That seemed a little arrogant, even for Jake.

In any case, he didn't hate me, and he wasn't angry with me. That was more than I could hope for. I would just have to deal with the awkwardness and pray that someday things could return to how they once were.

Deep down, though, I knew they couldn't. Maybe we could still be best friends, but Jacob would always know how I felt, and I would know he knew, and that would always be there, the eight hundred pound elephant in the room. I still had to try though – I'd take Jacob however I could get him: friend, or if not that . . . whatever he was willing to offer me. That was the stupid thing about love.

Because I realized that's what it was now. Love. I mean, real love – like my parents, and Alice and Jasper, and Aunt Rose and Emmett. Like Grandpa Charlie and Aunt Sue. I thought and thought about it that night as I lay in bed and decided I could deal with a substitute, friendship instead of something more – it had to be better than nothing.

I wouldn't be able to live with nothing.

That was another stupid love thing.

But even as I resented it, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It was like Jacob was a part of me, cheesy and cliché though it sounded. My heart, my lungs, closer to me than my veins. The strange part was, it wasn't as though there was a change, or a transition during which this developed or occurred. I thought back as far as my memory would reach and I could not remember ever not feeling that way about Jake, like he was sewn into me. It was like it was only the realization that I was missing.

As I expected, everyone became increasingly clingy the morning after what I had taken to calling in my head The Event (I suspected my family had a similar term they used when I wasn't present). It was a different sort of clinginess, though, than the kind I was expecting. It wasn't the watching-and-waiting-for-cracks-so-we-can-catch-the-pieces sort of clinginess, it was more . . . natural. Keeping close might have been a better term, instead. They kept close. Like the time you spent with someone after a long absence, or before one: catching up on the time you missed or getting your fill for the time you were going to.

No one so much as looked at me slant-eyed, and I appreciated it, although the hug Aunt Rose gave me when I walked in the door to the big house was a little tighter than usual, lingered a little longer.

I was happy to see Grandpa Carlisle, and ran straight into his arms. I hadn't seen him in few days, but to be honest, I was most happy to see him because he was the only one who hadn't witnessed part one of the second half of The Event.

"Good morning, Renesmee," he said pleasantly, "Did you sleep well?"

It was a generic question. He didn't ask it to decipher how I was, just a simple common courtesy, a question we both already knew I would answer with a lie. "Okay," I told him, and hugged his hard waist, "I missed you, Grandpa."

"I missed you, too," he said, and kissed my forehead. "Have you hunted?"

I thought about it. "No, not for a while."

His gaze moved to where my parents were seated together several feet away and they shared a look I didn't understand.

"You probably should, Renesmee," he told me, and I wasn't surprised. Grandpa Carlisle always kept a very close track of my hunting schedule, my human-to-vampire food ratio, my exercise and things like that in order to assure everything "stayed in balance". "The wedding is tomorrow and you don't want to take any chances."

Grandpa was right. Now that he mentioned it, there was that tickling in the back of my throat that I knew would only get stronger around Grandpa Charlie and Aunt Sue and the others.

I was never really around humans much, especially not in large groups, and I doubted there would be very many "normal" humans at the wedding, but still, it was dangerous to be around humans I didn't have a strong emotional attachment to without having hunted.

Grandpa Charlie smelled good, but I would never hurt him, even if I was starving. It was more like resisting a last slice of pie when you were only half-full, as opposed to being offered water when you were dying of thirst, like it was for the rest of my family.

The werewolves didn't smell good at all. At least, not in that way, the vampire way. Jacob always smelled good . . . I stopped myself, with as much urgency as I always had, but this time not because of my Dad. I had to start preparing myself; I couldn't allow myself to entertain inane little thoughts and fantasies that could cause another episode like The Event. It was already in my head, but I had to get it through to my heart that friends was all I could hope for.

The thing inside my chest clawed at me again. Strongly, but not with as much fervor as before, like it was settling itself in for a long stay.

I guess I had better get used to it.

"You're right, Grandpa," I said and tried at a smile, but it was harder now, due to the clawing thing I had awoken again. "I'll go today – I'll ask who wants to come along."

I looked at my Dad and he seemed satisfied. Grandpa did too. I knew better than to even suggest going alone. I didn't feel up to an argument.

"I'll go," Uncle Jasper called from another room, his voice carrying like piano notes throughout the house.

I followed the music into the dining room, where Uncle Jasper sat with Alice, looking mostly comfortable but maybe a little lost among the flow charts and half-assembled party favors and the like.

"I was going to go tonight, anyway," he said when he saw me, and rose up gracefully. His fingers brushed Alice's neck gently in parting and I was only a little jealous. "I'll just go and see if Emmett wants to come along, okay?"

I nodded my assent and as he swept out of the room, I walked to take his place beside Alice. She was studying a sketch of a handsome, well-built man in a very fashionable tux and carefully gelled, stylish short hair. There was something familiar, though, about the features . . .

"Is that Jake?" I asked suddenly, and wished I hadn't. Scary Aunt Alice was best not bothered the day before the wedding.

I was surprised when she looked up and smiled gently. She seemed to almost give me the waiting-for-the-breakdown look and then stopped herself.

"Yes, it is. I took your suggestion and had him a tux made, but I can't really decide on the style for his hair, though. And I can't see him," she sighed, a martyred sound, "I know it has to be short, but –"

"No!" I surprised myself by saying. Alice cocked her head to the side and studied me, not like she was waiting for me to break, but as if she were trying to figure something out. "I – I mean, it's fine the way it is. It's nice. Why would you cut it?"

I don't know why this, of all things, was so important all of a sudden.

I mean, Jacob had shaved his hair once, back when I was really little, but it was hard to pull and I complained so he grew it back out. He's kept it like that ever since. Why should he cut it now? It looked fine the way it was, I liked it the way it was – oh, there it was again.

"Fine, Renesmee," she told me indignantly, but the corners of her lips were too high for her to be actually upset. "I won't cut it. But just know that you have filled your quota for allowed participation and input so I now have full reign to dress you and make you up however I wish."

I groaned, and just might have burst into tears (albeit a very different kind of tears that the ones I'd been crying lately), if Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett hadn't chosen that exact moment to walk in.

Emmett clapped his stone hands together and the sound reverberated off the walls, much louder than a normal clap should. "Who's ready for some Grizzly?"

"All right, Emmett, if you can find one, but we're not going more than fifty miles out," Jasper warned, and Emmett's face fell.

"Why not?" He asked, like a child who'd been denied a third cookie at dinner.

"Well, for one, because we've got this one here with us, and she's not as fast," Uncle Jasper gestured towards me with his head. "And two, we've got to keep close to home because –"

"Let me guess," I interrupted, my sarcasm starting to come back this morning in light of a possible reunion with Jacob. "Wedding plans?"

Both my uncles laughed, but it didn't reach their eyes, a laugh meant to distract me more than show their amusement. Uncle Emmett didn't argue anymore, so I knew I was right. I rolled my eyes and headed toward the door, but my path was blocked by Mom as she flashed quickly in front of me.

"You'll keep it close?" She asked, a little nervous, even though I'm more than sure she heard Uncle Jasper and Emmett's exchange. "And you'll make it quick? I want to spend some time with you . . . before the wedding."

"Sure, Mom," I said, unable to be less than kind to my mom when she looked at me like that, so earnest and sweet. I kissed her cheek and pressed my hand to her arm, passing her a silent I love you.

"I love you, too, sweetie," she said, kissing my cheek in return. Then a quick "Hurry back!" and she flashed back to the living room.

I had to jog for a second or two to catch up with Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett's stride, since they were already at the edge of the clearing, walking only slightly faster than a human face.

"Y'all ready?" Uncle Jasper asked jokingly, purposefully letting his Southern accent through. Emmett and I nodded, then he reminded us (well, mainly Emmett), "Keep it fifty miles in, Emmett, I'm serious. If we have to chase you, I'll telling Edward."

Uncle Emmett didn't look particularly worried, but he didn't look mutinous either, so I guess Uncle Jasper decided he was fine.

"You ruin everything," Emmett muttered at me right before we took off, and shot me a glare that was only half put on.

We returned an hour later, all sloshy with elk and Emmett glaring at me for real this time because the only bear we were able to find was a baby and I wouldn't allow him to kill it. After a wide range of coercion tactics ("Well, come on, Nessie, it's mother isn't around anyway, so it'll probably die. Starve to death. You don't want the poor baby bear to starve to death, do you?") failed, he settled for five elk and grumbling at me for the rest of the trip.

So it was among Jasper's amused chuckles and Emmett's mumbling of "stupid tree-hugging niece, whoever heard of a tree-hugging half-vampire" that we entered the house.

I spent the rest of the day among my family, excluding Alice, who we gave a wide berth in order to allow her to figure out the finishing touches on the actual wedding plans, not the made up wedding plans that were an excuse or a code name for something else.

I played chess with Uncle Jasper and wrestled with Uncle Emmett (who was much more rough than usual), let Aunt Rosalie braid my hair, and sat with my mother as we listened to my father read. I discussed politics with Grandpa Carlisle, baked cookies that only I would eat with Grandma Esme, and managed to mostly almost ignore the scratching thing in my chest.

Then, around six o'clock, Alice surprised the hell out of everybody by appearing in the living room without any charts or outfits or anything.

"I'm done," she said a little forlornly, and looked around. "I have absolutely nothing else to do until tomorrow."

"Why don't you come spend a little time with Renesmee and I before the wedding," Mom suggested, and Aunt Alice seemed to realize something. She rushed to my side.

"Do you want to do something?" She asked me quickly, bouncing lightly on her heels and I was so glad to see normal Aunt Alice for the first time in weeks that I jumped and hugged her, nearly knocking her to the ground. Not an easy feat when the knock-ee in question is a vampire, I tell you.

She caught her balance and pushed up on her tip-toes to hug me back, before pulling away. I took pleasure in being taller than her, since I was the shortest besides.

"So?" She asked. "Do you want to do something?"

"Like what?" I asked.

"We could . . ." She trailed off and I knew she was trying to see through the fuzz I created in her visions to make out what we were doing. Then she exclaimed softly, "Oh."

We all looked at her.

"Everything just disappeared," she informed us, and I didn't need her explanation to know what that meant. "It was blurry before, of course, because of Nessie, but now the rest of the night just disappeared. So – "

She cut off when Dad flew past her and out into the front yard. I raced to the window and arrived just in time to see Dad flying into the trees at the edge of the clearing. I could still see him though, his skin glittering diamonds from between the trees in the uncharacteristically bright Forks moonlight. The wind carried a scent like autumn and maple syrup through the window and I gripped the sill to keep upright. I could hear voices, but not the whole conversation, only bits and pieces carried through by the breeze:

"Just . . . let me see . . . miss her . . . imprint . . . you know . . . love . . . killing me . . ."

"No . . . only left . . . few hours . . . yours . . . long time . . . maybe forever . . ."

And then Dad stepped through into the clearing, wiping the upset look off his face when he saw me at the windowsill. The wind blew directly in my face and the scent was clean, not as nice as before.

"What happened, Dad?" I asked as soon as he was through the door. I turned and knocked into Mom, who I hadn't even realized was behind me. I knew she was perfectly able to hear the whole thing. "What did Jacob want?"

Dad sighed, placed a hand in the small of both me and Mom's back and led us back towards the living room, which had mysteriously emptied.

"Nothing much," Dad tried, but took a look at my face and realized that wasn't going to work, so he continued, rather unwillingly, "He wanted to see you, but I told him . . . that you were spending time with your family and that you'd . . . see him tomorrow at the wedding."

"But Dad," I said, careful to keep the whining edge that was trying to sneak into my voice out, "I spend time with you guys all the time. I have to apologize to Jake, and it's better to do it now instead of waiting for the wedding!"

"Renesmee," Dad said, his tone soft but serious, "I promise you will have more than enough time to apologize to Jacob if you want to, but not tonight. Now, I think I hear everyone in the kitchen – shall we join them?"

Mom rubbed my shoulders as I sighed and followed Dad into the kitchen. For beings that had no need of human food or a kitchen for that matter, they seemed to spend an awful lot of time there. I was glad Mom was still shielding my thoughts, so I could be resentful in peace.

After awhile I realized that my resentfulness wasn't helping anyone and that I would see Jake tomorrow and would be able to explain, and cheered up a bit. I was still a bit worried that he was somewhere, sad, while I laughed with my family in the kitchen and ate sugar cookies, but I tried to push the thought away.

I stayed up late and finished off the cookies (elk's blood had its perks, but sugar did too), sitting with Mom while Dad read to us again from Wuthering Heights. I barely listened, just let my head laze against Mom's shoulder and watched Aunt Rose and Emmett and Alice and Uncle Jasper dance around the room to the sound of his voice. Only my Dad could turn literature to music with no instruments whatsoever.

Grandpa Carlisle sat on the other couch with Grandma, swaying slightly to the rhythm of Dad's words. He read from a huge medical text balanced gracefully in one hand and Grandma sewed, her eyes barely on the material, her fingers flitting up and down, pushing the needle in and out with practiced ease.

I watched them, my family, together and laughing and whispering and loving and being and for the moment, I was happy. I didn't have my Jacob, not all the way, not exactly how I wanted, but hopefully come tomorrow I would at least have my best friend, and that was all right for now. I guess. I didn't want to be miserable anymore, because I realized I had been making myself miserable for weeks – I just wanted what every other person in my family had. Was that wrong?

I watched them interact with ease, flowing around each other like it was what they were meant to do, be together. I fell asleep thinking about family, fell asleep and dreamed about the one part of mine who wasn't there.

Coming up:

And then, again, my mouth working without my permission, went, "I always want you."

He looked at me then, hard, for the first time in two days and I had to really, really concentrate to keep myself upright. Especially in these shoes.

Jake seemed to be thinking about something.

"Ness, can - can I - I mean, I understand after everything if you don't want to, but - can I hug you?"