A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry it's been so long, this one's extra long just for you dedicated readers.

Bella's POV

Edward had dropped me off from school a little while ago. I walked around aimlessly, trying o find something to do. I didn't really exist when Edward wasn't with me. It was like when he left, he took the part of me that was necessary for functioning. I stared at my back pack gloomily. I knew I should do my homework. It would keep me preoccupied. But for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to unzip it and get started. I really hated procrastinators. It was too bad I was one.

I sighed and held my head up with my hand in a bored manner. Maybe I should make Charlie dinner. Yes, that's what I should do.

As I got out the necessary pans and utensils, I thought about the mess Jake had gotten us in. Edward hadn't even told me anything about his junior deputy days at the station, but I could imagine they weren't good.

I had a deep suspicion that Charlie was making life absolutely miserable for Edward, but then, of course, Edward wouldn't tell me. He was too much of a gentleman to complain about anything like that.

I was just pouring milk into the potatoes when I heard a knock on the door. Slamming the jug down on the table, I ran through the kitchen and into the living room. Unfortunately, one of the pillows had fallen off the couch and I didn't see it until it was too late. It was already in my path. I tripped over it and went down, catching my leg on the corner of the table as I went. The door burst open and Emmett and Jasper ran through.

"Bella, are you okay?" Emmett asked me worriedly as Jasper picked me up and sat me on the wretched couch. "Why were you running like that? You know that moving fast and your klutzy tendencies don't mix."

"I thought you were Edward," I admitted reluctantly. "And yes, yes, I'm fine."

"Bella, you know Edward would kill us if anything happened to you." His worried eyes darted over me, searching for invisible injuries.

"For goodness sake Emmett," I muttered, irritated now that I knew who my visitors were, "it's nothing, I'm fine."

Jasper's eyes were narrowed. "I'm sensing discomfort Bella, what's wrong?"

Stupid empath.

"I caught my leg on the corner of the table, it'll probably just bruise, nothing catastrophic."

"Oh yeah sure, tell that to your boyfriend, our brother," Emmett moaned, "he's going to cremate us for sure. What'll he do?'

"Emmett, I fell down all the time before I met you guys."

Jasper shuddered. "Whatever you do, don't tell him that."

I ran my hand over my leg and winced when I felt the swelling rising already. Emmett noticed my expression.

He threw up his hands. "That's it. We're taking you to see Carlisle."

Were they psychotic?

"No, you guys are not taking me to the hospital because I tripped and fell, Edward won't mind."

"Yeah, he's already mad at us, I can only imagine how he'll react if he finds out about this."

I looked at him quizzically. "Why is Edward mad at you?"

They were suddenly shifty eyed. "He didn't tell you?"

"No," I said cautiously. What were they talking about?

"We sort of . . . had a little fun with him."

My eyes narrowed. "Fun?"

"Yeah, you see, Edwin's got it pretty bad in the precinct-"

"Edwin?"

Jasper snickered malevolently. "Yeah, apparently, that's what the secretary thinks Eddie boy's name is. And no one has bothered to correct her."

I loyally held back my laughter.

"But what did you do?"

"Well uh . . ." Emmett looked at me guiltily. "I came in looking for a false claim and made Edw-Edward search for about an hour for it, through all the ones he'd just filed."

"No wonder he had such a bad day yesterday."

"That wasn't yesterday."

"Then what-"

Jasper sheepishly raised up his hand.

"That was me."

"What did you do?"

"I came in to report a missing silver watch with the initials E.C."

"Edward's watch has . . ." I trailed off as he dangled the watch in front of my face.

"It's really too bad," he admitted. "I think Charlie was trying to warm up to him too."

"You told Charlie?"

"Well," he hedged, "not directly. The dog told him."

I put my head in my hands. "Poor Edward."

"Yeah, especially with that secretary."

"Secretary? Do you mean Mrs. Eagan?"

"She's married?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, the lust was coming off of her in waves."

I sent Jasper a piercing look.

"It had better have been for you Jasper."

He smiled. "Nope, it was all for Eddie. She had her hands all over him when I walked in."

I felt a surge of jealousy pour through me. That was odd. Usually I was a little insecure when Edward was around beautiful females, but this was my father's 32 year old secretary.

"What are you going to do about it?" Emmett prodded me.

"I can't do anything," I said weakly.

"You're just going to let that conniving typist steal your man?"

"I can't let Charlie know I saw Edward outside of the school. If I went to the precinct it would definitely get out."

"Technically," Jasper pointed out," Charlie only forbid you to see Edward at his house, or yours."

Emmett's eyes had a dangerous glint to them. "The station's neither of those."

If I was behaving normally, I would have said no, but as I was ready to turn down their plan, I felt another burst of jealousy.

"Let's go."

Emmett's POV

Mwahahahaha. This is going wonderfully to plan. Mission terrorize Edward is reaching it's last stage. The angry girlfriend stage. Bella is reacting beautifully to the waves of jealousy and anger Jasper's been sending her. I, of course, as the evil mastermind, came up with this plan, no matter how much Jasper tries to lie. He is my faithful sidekick with the powerful ammo. Alice has been another player, simply because she could bring down the whole game by telling Edward.

I stole another look at Bella. She was positively fuming in the backseat. Good thing my assumptions about Bella's true character proved to be valid. Oh, this was going to be good. The only thing I regretted was the fact that I couldn't have popcorn to enjoy the show.

Edward's POV

"Today Edwin," Charlie began menacingly from behind his miniature wooden desk in his tiny office. "Today you will not be at the desk with Mrs. Eagan simply because I don't trust you to be there after your recent theft."

Wonderful, just wonderful. I contemplated what he would have me do today. I searched his mind, but could only come up with:

Edwin has this coming to him. Oh boy does he. He already has two strikes. This is so fitting.

"Okay Chief Swan, what is it?"

"You are going to be, oh sort of like a cross between a handyman and a janitor."

A janitor? Was he serious?

"You do know how to make simple repairs, don't you Edwin?"

"Yes," I ground out, remaining polite.

"And I hope you can use a hammer without endangering those around you, correct."

"Yes." This time it was a little harder to keep my expression neutral.

"Okay then, get to work. Go ask Janine what needs to be done."
I walked out of the room, coming uncomfortably close to Janine.

"Oh hello Eddie, you don't mind if I call you Eddie, do you?" She didn't pause and give me tie to tell her yes. "I was just coming to get you. I have your first job."

Joy.

She took my elbow. "Oh geez," she started rubbing my arm, "you're frozen, are you sick."

More than you know.

I shot the mutt a glare.

I extracted my arm as gently as possible from her death grasp. "I'm fine thank you. I'm always a little cold."

She smiled, "Well then, that can be your second task, fixing the heater. I swear it is so temperamental."

I smirked at Jacob. "Yeah, like a lot of things I know."

Janine looked confuse. "Don't you mean people?"

My smirk grew more pronounced. "No, I mean things."

"Oh well," she shrugged it off, "first I want you to fix the coffee pot, it hasn't worked properly in years."

Great, coffee, the most distasteful human nourishment, not that you could call that nourishing. That smell was so horrid.

Sighing, I trudged off to the staff room/lounge, which, believe it or not, was even smaller than Charlie's office. Stepping lightly on the ugly brown carpet and glancing at the plain white walls, I fixed my attention on an old, decrepit, black coffee pot on the mini-counter.

Glancing heavenwards, I started work on it. After twenty minutes, I was piecing it back together. Just as I was popping the top on, Janine stuck her head in through the door.

"Oh my, done already?"

How did I know he'd be handy with his hands?

"Well, you can make us a fresh pot. Would you like any?"

"No thank you."

"Then just make it for Jake and me. I take mine black with one sugar."

Oh this is nice; I've always wanted to be waited on by a leech. Did you know, I always saw you serving me? Kind of fitting isn't it. I take mind black with two sugars and preferably no venom.

Some day the mongrel would get what was coming to him. And I might just be the bearer of gifts.

"Jake," Janine called out over her shoulder, "tell Edward how you want your coffee."

I know how I like my men.

A picture of me flashed through her mind.

I shuddered. This was beyond punishment. Nothing I had ever done could constitute this.

"He already knows Janine."

I just see the dog with that ridiculous grin on his face.

I brought out their coffees after the torturous time of making the disgusting drink had passed.

"Thank you Edwin, you're so helpful."

At a lot of things I bet.

Jacob took his drink.

Thanks maid.

"No problem mutt," I muttered back lowly.

"What was that?" Janine asked.

"Nothing."

"Here's the heater," she said, after a sip of her coffee.

She dragged me over to the other side of the room and pointed to a rusting piece of metal attached to the wall.

"See what you can do with that."

I stared at it doubtfully. I might be a vampire with super powers, but I couldn't work miracles.

Dutifully, I rolled up my sweater sleeves.

Oh my, such muscular arms . . .

Wincing, I tuned out her mind once more.

I knelt down to work and a tap on my shoulder stopped me.

"Edwin?"

"Yes?"

I would pay anything just to hear him talk to me in that voice of his.

"I think you're going to have to lie down to look under it."

Somehow I was beginning to think someone was conspiring against me.

I lay down flat on my back and scooted so my upper body was under the heater.

Oh the things I could do with that position.

Just in case you were wondering bloodsucker, she's admiring the view.

I was just thankful Bella wasn't here to see this.

"Edwin?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you need a flashlight?"

"No, I can see pretty well."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I have good eyesight."

So do I.

I heard movement and then . . .

Move aside bloodsucker, I'm a mechanic; I'll give you a hand.

"No thanks."

His dark hands shoved mine out of the way.

Ha ha ha.

This wasn't good.

"Just pull this off."

"No don't-"

Before I could stop him, he jerked the piece off and disappeared quickly.

Oil shot out over me.

I pushed myself out from under the heater, wiping oil off of my face.

Jacob was smirking. "Whoops, I guess that was the wrong one."

I glared darkly at him.

"Here Edwin," Janine grasped the bottom of my sweater, "you'll have to take this off."

Even my vampire speed wasn't fast enough to stop her before she jerked the sweater over my head, halfway off. Luckily, I had a T-shirt on underneath it. Alice had told me it would come in handy.

Bless my little sister.

I could hear Janine's thoughts wincing in disappointment at the fact.

"What is going on?"

Bella.

A/N: Hope you liked it. Review and tell me. It makes me happy. 