A/N: I do not own One Tree Hill. This chapter is called "A Drop In the Ocean" after a song by Ron Pope. It would be playing in the background in the final scene if this were a show. Sorry for my long absence. I am behind on reading, writing, reviewing, but hopefully I will catch up after the New Year. I have had this chapter written for a while and I was planning to go back and tweak it a little, but then I decided you all had waited long enough for an update. Hope everyone has Happy Holidays.
Two days ago Peyton told Lucas they could be happy together, and when she opened her eyes to find him smiling at her as if he were truly ecstatic she didn't regret her decision. If she could keep her heart quiet, Lucas and Haley and Jamie could all remain happy. She too could be happy and so could Nathan. Lucas and Haley were amazing people with lots of love to give, it's not like there wasn't any love there. She brought herself back to reality and quickly pulled Lucas into a kiss in an attempt to turn off her brain.
"Good morning to you too." Lucas smirked as he stared content at the woman before him. She had come back to him, he set her free and she came back. That had to mean something, right?
"Good morning. How would you like it if I made your favorite breakfast?" She smiled before getting up to walk towards the kitchen.
Regretfully he spoke "I can't I have to meet with someone about my book this morning. But I would be glad to have breakfast in bed tonight." He met her cheek with his lips before she turned around and he whispered in a low voice. "or dessert?"
She slapped him playfully before pushing him off to the bathroom to get ready. She was left in the hallway staring at her reflection in the mirror. She put on a hollow smile, just praying that she was only one who could see the emptiness.
"P. Sawyer. There you are. So you and Luke have a happy reunion last night or what?" Brooke greeted the blonde as she walked into their house.
"Brooke, I don't know what you are insinuating. So how are the ideas for the new store coming?" She quickly reflected the topic back to her friend.
"Peyton, I know you are having a hard time, but this is the right thing. In a few months, it will all fall back into place, and you'll forget any of this happened. You'll be Mrs. Lucas Scott. It's what you've wanted for so long." She hugged her friend as she spoke hoping to convince herself of what she were saying as well.
"How do I know it's what I've wanted, if one man saying one sentence makes me doubt everything? Thanks for trying, Brooke, I know this is the right thing for everybody. I just hope I don't shortchange Lucas in the process. He deserves all of me." She regretfully spoke, thinking about how since this began she had halfheartedly responded to Lucas' love.
"You'll get there, P. Just give it time." She whispered in the blonde's ear as she broke their embrace.
"So, back to the store, how's it coming?"
"Surprisingly well, Milli has been helping me out a lot. I almost have a whole new line ready. Since you have painted already, all I need now is that record from a certain Haley James."
"We're working on it, slowly. Brooke, I still don't know why you had me paint if all you wanted were plain walls." She asked as she made her way to the couch.
"Easy, I hate the smell of paint, and you, well, you don't." She walked to her friend and pulled her up. "No you don't, Owen is coming over, it is probably going to be R rated around here. I'm not sure whether it will be violence or sexual content yet, but you probably don't want to be here."
"Oo, you're right. I don't. I'll probably stay at Luke's again tonight, so …good luck with Owen."
Peyton walked to the golden sand on the edge of the water. She was convinced that no one could avoid falling in love with the ocean if they lived in a water town. There was something for everyone. The happy people could have their surf waves, the beautiful sunsets, and exquisite shell findings. Those who weren't happy could have the dark waves and the gritty sand beneath their feet. The ocean could portray feelings of anger, happiness, peace, and even sarcasm if you considered the eye of hurricane where it calms in the center of a tumultuous storm. Peyton found that no matter her mood, the ocean understood. Today the waves were violent, the sky overcast, and the birds had already migrated. The way the ocean appeared was exactly the way Peyton was feeling. She found a spot that was fairly dry and sat down watching the water move swiftly to and away from her.
It just so happened that this spot was the one where she gave her heart to Nathan Scott, unaware that she never got it back.
"So you guys are back together?" He asked softly as he approached the sandy beach and her small frame.
"Yeah." She whispered, barely audible afraid if she said too much, too loudly he would talk her out of whatever it was she had managed to convince herself.
"Does he make you happy?" He sat in the cold rough sand beside her. He secretly hoped that she would lean into him and he could wrap an arm around her. They could watch the waves crashing in front of them, and it would seem as though they sixteen all over again. But that wasn't the way their lives had ended up. He quickly remembered their circumstances and how he had ruined their somewhat normal friendship because of his emotions.
"I love him." Just not in love with him, she added in her mind. The waves crashed violently in the background as she battled internally to convince herself she was doing this for the good of everyone. Lucas loved her, and she could learn to forget about the feelings in her heart. She spent months pining for the blonde man before the switch flipped in her head telling her what her heart had known all along. But she couldn't have Nathan. If only he hadn't have told her the way he felt, she could have moved on oblivious to her own self denial.
"That's all I want for you Peyton. I know I was a jerk to bring this up, it was never my intention to screw with your happiness." He regretted his actions, and it shone through in the tone of his voice. She could hear the sadness.
"Nate" He closed his eyes upon hearing his name come from her lips, but she wouldn't look at him, so she couldn't see him taking in her sound. "I just don't understand how you go from absolutely in love with Haley to declaring your love for me the next."
"Peyton, I didn't fight for you in high school because I saw how much you liked Lucas. It wasn't because I didn't love you, it was because I did. You weren't ever happy with me. I was a crappy boyfriend, and I felt like he would treat you better." He wasn't finished but she cut in.
"But we didn't even get together until senior year, he went to Brooke after we broke up." Confusion in everything from the past to the present to the future ran through her head as she voiced her thoughts.
"But you still had the connection with him, or you wouldn't have gotten together senior year. Besides, I was with Haley. It was easy to change around her, she didn't expect me to screw up, or to be great. It was a fresh start. I did fall in love with that feeling, and I think a lot of times I confused that feeling with Haley and I grew to love her because of it. It felt nice to have someone who believed I could be a good person." He glanced at her to see the tears falling down her cheeks. "Besides you were never happy with me, remember?"
She sighed heavily and wiped her eyes before speaking, her body aching from the pain of the past. She realized now that she never really grieved the loss of her relationship with Nathan. "I would have believed you could be better if you would have just shown me, but you let me down every single time with every single girl you did behind my back. But I loved you Nathan, just being with you made me happy, even if you were an ass most of the time. Even a year later when I found out you slept with my best friend, I still couldn't regret our relationship. Believe me, I tried." He reached out for her shoulder but was met with her hand pushing him away. "Don't. You say you loved me, but there were so many times when I could have used a friend and you weren't there. Sure you were there when things weren't so great with Haley, but what about when things were going well. It was then that getting us in the same room took a class assignment or something."
"I wanted to be there, but it hurt too much. Lucas was more than happy to be your hero. On top of that, every time we were together I was reminded I lost you." He reasoned, hoping to make her understand his absence.
"Why didn't you just tell me the truth, then we wouldn't be here working through this now. We could have figured it out with a lot less pain." Her eyes finally found his, waiting for the explanation.
"I tried." He calmly stated. He turned his head away from the woman he was in love with; he didn't want to see the pain or raw emotion in her eyes knowing he couldn't take it away.
"When?" she asked letting the moments of silence that followed pass before pulling his shoulders back in her directions, making his eyes meet hers. "When did you try?" she pleaded. Both had tears in their eyes as they wondered what could have been if they had just made a different choice. The waves slowed for the first time since they had arrived, and it seemed as if nature wanted to know the answer just as much as Peyton.
"The night of the boy toy auction, I told you I would always have feelings for you…"
"And then went on about how you owed it to Haley to be a better man."
"You seemed happier since I wasn't bringing more pain into your life. The day we had to take pictures for our English assignment. I told you about carving your initials into the weights, and I told you we were good together, but you said we were horrible and then showed me where you broke your knuckle. I didn't have a choice; you obviously didn't feel the same way."
"Of course, I could see how you would think that. Because I often slam my fist into walls for guys for guys I don't love?" Her voice screamed sarcasm, but beneath that and beneath the anger, he could still hear the pain. "I've got to go, it's getting dark and Lucas is probably worried. We can't keep fighting over what we can't change, okay? It's too late for us."
"Again, I'm sorry. It wasn't my plan to hurt you." He said as he rose from the sand and then helped her so they could face each other.
"I know." She said as he wiped away her last tear with his thumb, calming down slowly with each breath she took.
He grabbed her hand and softly placed his lips down on her skin. "I love you, but I'll try to pretend none of this ever happened. Be happy with Lucas, he really does love you." He leaned forward and quickly connected their lips before turning and leaving the blonde standing alone, physically and emotionally. The struggle to forget Nathan Scott would be one she would continue to face on her own.
Dan Scott hadn't lived the perfect life. If anything he wished he could go back and change things so that his sons would love him. He had never realized how important that was until he lost Nathan and Lucas forever. One thing in his life was worth waking up for every morning, and that was Jamie. To that little boy, Dan Scott was the man who saved him from a crazy woman, the man who talked to him during recess, and the man who had to be great because his daddy was great. He didn't have any horror stories of Dan's life prior to prison, and for that he was grateful. For him, he would do what needed to be done.
He looked out the window as the blonde woman slowly made his way to the car she came in. He looked down at the thick paper between his hand, and he could see the image as it slowly formed in the chemical square. His son and the blonde with their lips connected appeared, and Dan was left standing there wondering what he would do with his information.