A few weeks later, we moved some books from the Bunker to the apartment, on the grounds that I was using them for research, that I would make digital copies of them, and that I would return the books ASAP.
"I still don't get what's wrong with the Bunker." Dean muttered, helping me haul some books in to Castiel's car. "I mean, it's a nice enough place. Lots of space and room, and all the books are here, and you have a kitchen," he let his voice trail off after that.
"I left a crap ton of homemade food in the fridge," I promised. "And some other stuff in the freezer with cooking instructions."
Dean's face brightened up considerably after that. "Wait, what about," I cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"Beer is still in its same spot, three pies on the counter and two more in the fridge, and two extra bags of coffee by the coffee maker." I stated. Dean smiled, clapping me on the shoulder after we put the boxes in the back seat.
"Thanks, Kylie." He said. "You're the best."
"I know." I replied, giving a half-humble shrug with it. He just laughed. "You guys headed out on a case soon?"
"No, nothing has shown up yet worth following, and we're both still tracking down Amara." Dean answered. I nodded, feeling a little sympathetic towards the elder hunter. I knew he'd been having a case of cabin fever. They needed a case soon, or at least Dean needed a hobby. Sam and Castiel came walking up a second later, laughing and talking with each other.
"Alright, I think we're good!" I commented, walking over to Cas. He put an arm around me with ease, careful to make sure I knew what he was doing and that his hand didn't come too close to my face or neck.
It was progress. Definitely good progress.
"Alright, so, you guys are always free to come back and stay if you want." Sam promised. "Dean will probably call in about a week wanting food."
"I left, like, a whole fridge and freezer full of food." I commented. Sam gave Dean a pointed look.
"Hey, it's good food!" He answered, giving Cas an envious glare. "You screw this up and I'm coming for you personally."
"I believe I'm making a good effort on not 'screwing things up.'" Castiel commented, giving me a glance. I nodded an affirmation at him, and he smiled. Dean kept up his glare.
"Fine." He finally said, raising his hands in submission.
"Alright, so everyone understands the drill?" Sam asked. I nodded.
"Castiel and I are going to keep searching for Amara and Crowley." I said. "And hopefully find a way to lock Amara back up, if need be. Cas is running angel knowledge in case they get clued in on something first. You two are still doing hunts, I'll run calls if calls are needed once I get the phone system set up, and…" I trailed off, trying to remember if I was missing something.
"And you two stay off hunts for a few weeks." Sam finished for me. I snapped my fingers, looking up at Cas.
"Right. I knew I was forgetting something." I muttered. Cas just smirked. He knew me too well.
"We mean it." Dean added, wagging a finger at both of us. "The closest I want to see you two get to hunting is either running research or watching a hunting show." I laughed, and Castiel stared at Dean, confused for a moment. "It's TV Cas, come on." Dean commented. "How have you been on Earth this long and still not exposed yourself to TV?"
"If I recall, I did watch a show with you two involving a pizza man and a babysitter." Castiel countered. Sam rolled his eyes as Dean sighed.
"Porn doesn't count, Cas." Sam stated. I put a hand to my face quietly, trying to disguise laughter with a cough and doing it poorly.
"You guys will call though, right?" I asked, once I settled myself a little. "If you need help or if Amara," Dean cut me off before I could continue.
"You guys leave Amara to us." He stated. "When the time comes for it to be an all-hands-on-deck situation, we'll call, but for now…" He shrugged. "You guys are the closest I'm probably going to ever witness a Hunter and an Angel get out of the life, or at least make an actual life out of it. We want you guys to enjoy it, and enjoy being with each other." Sam snickered a little, and Dean nudged him. "Go live a life together, guys." He encouraged.
I gave them both hugs before getting in the passenger seat of the car, and Cas did as well. Dean stopped him before he got in, though, handing him something to put in the inside pocket of his coat. Cas looked at him strangely, and Dean just nodded. "Trust me." I could barely hear him say.
Castiel got in the car anyways, starting it up. "What was it that Dean gave you?" I asked.
"Nothing of import." He answered. I cast him a sideways glare, and he just smiled. "Don't worry about it." Castiel said, leaning over to give me a short kiss.
The drive wasn't long, it was only to the Little Apple, maybe 3 hours max. Just far enough where Cas and I had our own place, our own life, but close enough where in case of an emergency Cas and I or Dean and Sam could be there fast.
So Cas and I unpacked, him taking the books and me taking the clothes to put away in our closet and dresser.
Our closet.
Our dresser.
In our room.
I was not going to enjoy saying that word for a while, saying "our" things. "Our" apartment. "Our" kitchen. "Our" home. "Our" life.
Our life. Together.
Ours.
I loved that word.
"I'm gonna go check to see if there's anything left in the car." I told Cas, walking back towards the door.
"There isn't anything left in the car." He assured me, walking behind me. When I turned and saw him, I flinched slightly.
"Sorry." I apologized, running a hand through my hair. "Still working on that."
"It is nothing to apologize for." Cas said, moving a hand slowly to cup my face. I kept myself still, working hard to make sure I didn't flinch.
When I didn't, and his hand wound it's way to it's familiar place in my hair, I smiled. "Yes!" I breathed the word out, closing my eyes and leaning my head in to his hand.
Then I felt the other one resting on my waist, and flinched slightly. "Dammit." I muttered, opening my eyes. Castiel's hands retreated, and I shook my head. "No, no, try again, I'm determined as all hell." I said, closing my eyes. "Go for it. Seriously. I'm going to get over this damned thing."
"Kylie," Castiel said my name softly, and I could hear his hesitation. I shook my head again, forcefully.
"I won't live a life of fear, Cas." I stated. "I won't let any of this keep me down."
"Then at least let's go sit down." He stated, and I felt a tug on my hand. I opened my eyes and looked down to see him grasping my hand, gently but firmly. When I looked up, he was smiling at me.
"Alright." I agreed, pretty freaking happy. I hadn't seen the movement, hadn't flinched when it happened.
I could do this. I could definitely do this.
We sat down, and figured it out. We figured out how to be… How to be us, without my flinching or his fear of scaring me.
It wasn't perfect, still. Not even close.
But it was a better start – the start of a new life for both of us.
The start of a life I hoped I would never leave.