Original prompt: Haymitch gets jealous (post-Mockingjay).
To Kill a Parrot
Haymitch hurried on the narrow path that lead to the victors village – the only thing still standing from old District Twelve and it was still as abandoned as it had always been – glad to be home. His trip to District Four had proved to be more of a chore than anything else. Johanna's decision to move closer to Annie to help her cope with Finnick's death and their little one had resulted in him having to carry a lot of furniture, paint one too many rooms and listen to Katniss quarreling uselessly with Johanna for five endless days. Katniss and Peeta had chosen to stay longer and make an holiday out of it but Haymitch had been desperate to go home, officially worried about how Effie was coping without him and secretly – or not so secretly given how many times Katniss implied just so – missing her dearly.
Effie didn't like to travel much anymore, it reminded her of her life as an escort. She had showed up on his doorstep one day, a bag thrown on her shoulder and two others at her feet. It was a temporary arrangement at first, a place for her to stay while she figured out all the problems her imprisonment had left her with. She couldn't stay in the Capitol because everything reminded her of the Games or of the torture they had inflicted upon her, she hadn't be able connect with her friends, she had felt lonely and misunderstood so she had come home to the only family she had left : Haymitch and the kids. She had come with a full basket of problems: nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks that left her catatonic for hours…
He had offered her his guest bedroom. A week later they were sharing his bedroom and she had taken possession of the whole house: cleaning, redecorating everything to her own taste and generally being a pain in the ass. He had let her because it helped her keep the grief away, it wasn't that awful anyway. He would lie through his teeth if anyone ever asked him but, truth was, he kind of liked what she did with the place. It looked more like a home than a house now.
They had developed a system that worked well enough for them: she imposed a rationing on his alcohol – enough for him to fight his demons, not enough for him to get too drunk – and he held her when she needed to keep the nightmares at bay. It wasn't perfect of course, there were bad days, days when he drank himself to oblivion and she stared at the wall for hours, rocking back and forth like a frightened child.
But mostly, there were good days. Those were his favorite. They'd bicker over breakfast, he'd feed his geese while she'd complain that his pets hated her and wanted to eat her alive – she loved the geese, deep down he was sure of it – she'd dragged him around to some place she must absolutely go to or they'd simply stay in, she would read a book, sometimes aloud for his benefit, and he would spend half the day looking at her and wondering how it all could have ended so well, they'd bicker some more at some point, they'd kiss, they'd make up, he'd cook because she was hopeless at it, and they'd live. Simply. Easily. Those days were perfect.
Which was why he had left District Four sooner than he had intended to. He missed his home, his geese and, above all, he missed Effie, even if he would never admit as much aloud.
The morning air was brisk and a sheer contrast with the warm temperatures he had left behind in Four. He quickened his pace, something resembling contentment blossoming in his chest when the house came into view. The door was unlocked, of course, because despite everything he said, it always slipped her mind to lock it. He let himself in and dropped his bag in the hall before making his way to the living-room because that was where she usually was at this time of day.
And there she was, tight black pants and white blouse – cream, really, Haymitch! – hair tied up into a neat ponytail at the top of her head. There she was, locked into an embrace with a man sporting a flaming blue wig, too much make-up and blinding colorful clothes. Capitol. There she was, back in the arms of the Capitol.
It was a wonder she had not gone back to wearing wigs, short dresses and high heels, he thought, noticing the ten or so boxes scattered around the living-room, the opened trunk overflowing with objects – it was unbelievable the number of things she had collected since she had moved in – she had obviously been packing. Oddly, he stared at the pink curtains still hanging in front of the windows. Of course, she would leave those horrid things he had only agreed to, despite Katniss' daily teasing, because he was tired of fighting over the whole thing.
Effie was packing, he concluded, in the split second it took the couple to notice his presence. It had always been a possibility, he reminded himself. She had never said it would be forever. She had never said… Of course, she was packing. Why would she stay there? Why would she stay with him?
"Haymitch!" she exclaimed, stepping away from her… he couldn't bring himself to even think the word lover. The idea of her with someone else… It was so painful… "I didn't expect you before tomorrow." Her smile was bright and loving as it always was when she smiled at him. She walked towards him but stopped halfway there, a frown on her face. "What's wrong? Is it the children? Did something happened?"
They weren't children anymore, he wanted to say, but the words were stuck in his throat. He was looking at the blue parrot in the middle of his living-room and wondering if he was still fit enough to stab him with his knife, if his blood would be bright blue too, if the geese would help him get rid of the body… He was thinking of a hundred different ways of murdering this stranger and it sickened him to know he could actually do it. He hadn't thought that way since they had come back to Twelve, after the rebellion. That was over. That was…
"Oh, how remiss of me! This is Ruffio." She gestured to the parrot. "He's a friend."
The silence on his part was probably awkward for them if the way they were fidgeting was any indication. Too bad.
"I have to go, Effie, or I will miss my train." The parrot said, taking her hand in his and squeezing once. "Call me about the rest of your things, okay? You can stay at my place, it's really not a problem."
It would have been more merciful of them to stab him in the heart. He watched as she kissed the parrot's cheek and bade him a good journey back and… He stepped into the man's way when he headed to the door. It was only instinctive.
He could kill him. So, so very easily. He looked frail and breakable and had probably never fought with anybody his whole life. Haymitch wouldn't even need his knife, he realized. He could snap his neck where he stood.
And then what?
Imprison Effie forever? Keep her there against her will? He would never do that. Never. Even he wasn't that selfish.
So he turned around and marched into the kitchen, bearing down on the cupboard and the liquor he kept there. He didn't even bother with a glass, he took a long mouthful, hoping to deafen the noise of their goodbyes. It didn't work. He slumped on a chair and drank some more, pretending hard he hadn't noticed her coming into the kitchen and sitting in front of him. However, the hand she put quietly on his to stop his compulsive drinking, that, he couldn't ignore.
"I'm sorry." she said softly. "I knew you would be upset, that's why I thought it would be a good idea to do it while you were in Four. Why didn't you tell me you were going to come back earlier?"
Should he apologize for interrupting her cheating on him in his own bloody house? Was it bad manner or something?
"I missed you." he spat, pulling his hand back to take another mouthful. "How ridiculous is that? You know… You were the last person I've ever expected to betray me."
She winced a little. "I'm sorry. I really thought it would be better if you weren't there."
"Would you even have told me?" He passed a hand in his hair, fretfully. The kitchen seemed small, the mood was oppressive and he wanted nothing more than to run away from all of that, go to the geese maybe or to Katniss' and Peeta's, but he couldn't move. He couldn't do anything except watching her closely and waiting for her to stand up and dash after her parrot of a friend.
"Well… I figured even you would notice at some point." Effie sighed before going to pour herself a glass of orange juice – a thing he never kept in his fridge before she came to live with him. He was stunned and hurt by the careless way she was sipping her drink. Like it all meant nothing.
"Do you hate me that much?" It sounded desperate and he was ashamed of the raw pain he wasn't able to hide. He couldn't believe her to be so cruel… Would she really have done it? Let him come back to an empty house without a single word of explanation? "What did I ever do to you?"
She lifted an eyebrow, a teasing smile playing on her lips. "I would say you have done plenty. Let's see… All those years, you left me to do all the work while you drank yourself to oblivion and then you made me take care of you… You left me behind when you went to 13…" The smile disappeared completely then and her hands began shaking so much she almost dropped the glass.
"The team was supposed to get to you." Haymitch growled. "You know that. I would never have left you there if…"
"I know." It was breathless and she rubbed at her eyes. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"No?" He got up a little too violently, the chair he was sitting on clattered to the ground. "Because I think you do and what's all this then? Your way of punishing me?!"
She flinched and seemed to shrank back on herself. "Stop shouting. Please."
"You're leaving me, you don't even have the courage to tell me and you want me to… What? Shut up?" He nearly laughed at the alarmed look she shot his way. Was she afraid of him? What was she thinking? That he would hurt her? As if he ever could! He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear the primitive glint of fear shining in her eyes. It was the same that was always there after the nightmares. He snatched the bottle from the table before turning around and storming through the back door. "Finish your packing, Princess. I don't want you here when I come back. You can spend the night at the kids' if you have to."
He slammed the door behind him and it felt good for a minute. He had a right to be angry. He had a right to shout and be hurt and ordered her out of his life like the cheated spouse he was. Thinking about this… man, or any man really, putting his hands on her, kissing the skin that was his and his alone… It made his blood boil. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the hole she was going to dig in his heart when she'd get on that train back to the Capitol. He didn't know if he could learn how to live without her again. He wasn't a hopeless romantic – or a romantic at all, really. After the Capitol had killed his family and his girlfriend, he had closed himself to love. But then came Effie and her ridiculous stubborn determination to take care of him… He loved her so much it scared him sometimes. He would kill for her, of course, but that wasn't a hard thing to do for him: killing had become a second nature at some point. It was worse, he loved her so much he was willing to live for her instead of merely existing.
When he reached the paddock, the geese, at least, seemed happy to see him. Not that they knew the difference between him and any other human bringing them food… He leaned on the fence, the arm holding the bottle falling uselessly in the pen. One of the goose, braver than the rest, investigated the odd object, its beak tapping the glass restlessly.
The cackles of the gaggle alerted him of her presence. They were useful that way: his personal alarm.
"I don't want a second round, Effie." he snarled, keeping his back to her. "You may catch the last train if you leave now. I will have the girl send you the rest of your stuff." Or, more probably, Peeta would do it while Katniss dragged him to the wood in an attempt to take his mind off it all.
"Haymitch." Her voice was insecure and shaky, like it always was before and after one of her panic attacks. Usually, he would gather her in his arms at that point and remind her that she was safe, that they were all safe. Well, the parrot would see to that now. She didn't need him anymore.
"I don't want your apologies." He was so sure she was going to offer him excuses of some sort. She was always so set on proper behavior, he couldn't imagine she wasn't feeling a tiny bit guilty for leaving after everything… "Please, do it now, sweetheart." Because he didn't trust himself not to run after her and beg and more generally make a fool of himself if she further delayed her departure.
He heard her coming closer but he didn't actually expect the arms that sneaked around his torso. She pressed against his back, her forehead on the back of his neck.
"I'm not leaving." she whispered. "I knew you wouldn't like my friend coming over because he's from the Capitol and you still don't like Capitol citizens very much. So when you told me you were going to Four with the children, I asked him to do me a favor. He brought me most of the things I had left in my apartment, I plan on selling it because I don't see us using it anytime soon, so Ruffio offered me to stay with him when I go to the Capitol to actually put it up for sale. I was unpacking not packing." Her arms tightened around him. "I wouldn't leave you. I could never leave you."
Haymitch closed his eyes, finding it a lot easier to breathe properly all of a sudden. "So you and your parrot friend you're not…"
She propped her chin up on his shoulder. "You know… If I wasn't so sure I'm going to have a panic attack if we fight again right now, I would probably beat you with your bottle of liquor for asking me that. Is that what you think of me? That I would…"
"No." He turned around in her arms, framing her face in his hands. "No." He kissed her, hard. "I'm sorry. I saw you two…"
"Hugging, Haymitch." she sighed. "It's called hugging. If I freaked out every time you hug Katniss…"
"Katniss is family." he pointed out, holding her tighter. "This guy… And the boxes… I… I thought…"
"I'm never leaving you." she vowed again, rising on her tiptoes to kiss him. "And never accuse me of hating you ever again. I couldn't bring myself to hate you even when… even when they were saying I was there because of you. I didn't hate you then, I certainly don't hate you now. If you don't trust me…"
"I trust you." he promised, kissing her cheek, her neck, her lips… "I love you."
She leaned against him heavily, obviously not too steady on her feet. She didn't like thinking about her time in the Capitol prison, it usually triggered flashbacks or nightmares, yet, she clang to him with all her strength.
"Good." she said, against the side of his neck. "Because I love you too and I'm not going anywhere."
