Road Trip: A Tale of Zombies, Friendship, and Romance
Chapter 7
One whole week later, they were still in the apartment.
Crocodile had proven to be the most stubborn man Nami had ever met, ever since she ran into Luffy. However, unlike Luffy, Crocodile was also the most arrogant son of a bitch she had the displeasure of speaking to, and he was undeniably skilled at dodging whatever question she could throw at him. She must have heard him say "I'll get back to you on that" a thousand times by now.
And yet he always seemed to find time for Robin. Robin would probably be doing much better now if Crocodile didn't seem to make it a point to find her and strike up a conversation.
Conversations with him usually steered towards the CDC, her cult following, the trip from Canada to Atlanta. He claimed he just wanted to know what she had been up to. Just wanted to see where her life had taken her since the divorce. What's that? It took her through hell and back? Why isn't that a shame. Not that he can say he understands! Why look at him, he runs an apartment and rules over an entire group of loyal survivors that all adore him! Meanwhile Robin has… two children. Or something.
It didn't take a genius to tell he was trying to goad a reaction out of her.
Their divorce was obviously not exactly amicable. Or clean. Or simple. Or anything good anyone could say about anything. He was sure, after Zombie Day, that she would end up chewed to bits. In fact, he was actually hoping that would be the case. But now that she was back in his general vicinity, he felt foolish for wishing that. Oh, not guilty at all, don't get him wrong. He was glad she was still alive because now he had something to needle her with.
At the very least, she had managed to get off of the couch and pass the fog of her despair. Now she was just irritated. Constantly. She tried her best to control it, but Luffy and Nami could tell how tense she was. Every little thing pushed her closer to the brink of an explosion. Crocodile passive-aggressively insulting her in the hallways pissed her off. Luffy and Nami discussing escape plans as though it were a guarantee she was going with them pissed her off. Coby and Vivi stopping by to say hello pissed her off.
Maybe it wasn't fair to the people just trying to help, but at the very least she didn't fly off the handle. She internalized it like a mature adult would.
Nami, likewise, was at the end of her rope. She was out of options, and time was running out. Every day in Atlanta was one more day not spent at home. And as Luffy kept suggesting whenever he got the chance, resorting to violence might just be the only way.
Yes, they were still sleeping together. Well, not like that, but you know. It was a much more enjoyable experience now that the two of them had the means to take regular showers. Luffy was comfortable. And I mean that in two ways. The first is that Luffy found the bed to be a source of comfort. It was warm, had soft blankets, and fluffy pillows. The second is that Nami found LUFFY to be a source of comfort. His presence in the room made her feel safer, for whatever reason that could be…
She knew. She knew the reason. She just didn't want to say it in her own mind.
The curious thing about all this was Coby and Vivi. The married couple kept finding themselves in the trio's apartment. Luffy didn't mind at all, of course. He was happy for more company. It was their damned helpful nature that did it. They couldn't resist a group in need. Hell, by this point, they were in the plan. They were a part of it.
What little plan there was.
So here we were, day seven, and Nami was throwing up her arms while she sat at the kitchen table. "Screw it. I give up. There is no freaking way to get through to that guy!"
Coby shrugged in an I-Told-You-So way. "He's stubborn, he doesn't like people challenging his authority."
"I'm not even challenging his authority! I'm trying to ask him for our stuff back so we can leave! We aren't going to cause any kind of commotion!"
"He thinks that's a challenge to his authority," Robin suddenly spoke up from the couch on the other side of the room. She had been reading, making just a slight display of trying to ignore the scheming going on at the kitchen table. Now, she didn't even bother to look up from her book. "It's like I've been telling you. He's an arrogant, paranoid jackass who refuses to accept anyone's opinion but his own. You'll never get through to him. Even worse, he's in a position of authority. Give him power and he wants more. Too stubborn to let any go because he thinks it makes him weak. People like the ones here, only looking for safety and security? That's who he preys on."
And before you know it, you start believing the things he says, she added silently in her own head.
Nami stayed silent for some time. She processed what Robin said. Finally, she lowered her head onto the table. "Fine. I'm calling it."
"Calling it?!" Vivi exclaimed. "All that work and you're just giving up?"
"Hey, hey, you can't do that! I'm not allowing it!" Luffy had jumped to his feet now, slamming his hands on the table, which made Nami jump.
"C-Calm down, both of you! Luffy, don't slam the table when I've got my damn head resting on it!" She sat back up and sighed sharply. "I'm giving up on reasoning with him. Plan B. Luffy, you beat him up."
"YES!"
"NO!" screamed the married couple simultaneously.
"That's not going to accomplish anything!" Coby exclaimed.
Luffy just flexed in front of them. "Sure it will. I'll beat him up and we'll get access to the guns."
"N-no, that's not how things work..." Coby insisted.
Nami appeared to be in deep thought. "But what if it did work that way..."
"But it doesn't! That's the whole point!" Vivi said.
"But what if we could make it work that way? You said you two work the walls and you're allowed into the weapons cache when you do, right?"
They both nodded.
"Well, what if while you were loading up... Something big happened? Like, say, a dangerous lunatic-" she gestured to Luffy "-suddenly started beating the shit out of Crocodile?"
Luffy seemed pretty happy to be referred to as a dangerous lunatic.
"You said yourself that only a select few are armed at any time, right? So if Crocodile's getting wrecked, then the few guards that are around would have to come running! Thus leaving you free to raid the cache!"
Vivi bit at her thumbnail. "I'm not exactly sure how I feel about using physical assault… as a distraction."
Nami winked at her, "You don't have to like it, you just have to go along with it!"
Coby, also feeling uncomfortable, raised his hand. "So… Once we have the weapons, how do we get out…? The gate will still be shut."
Crossing her arms, Nami leaned back in her chair to think for a second. "Hm. Well! By that point, we'll all be armed with guns. And the guards will be busy dealing with Crocodile being hamburger meat. So… We'll just threaten our way out."
Both teenagers turned a sick pale. "Oh… Good… We have it all worked out…" Vivi muttered, holding her stomach.
Luffy could barely contain his excitement. "This is the best plan I've ever heard for anything EVER!"
The confident grin that came after a brilliant plan spread across Nami's face. "And I still have the keys to the van parked outside the city. So we just make our way back there, pile in, and we are leaving Georgia behind. Just a few more days here and then we're GONE, people. All five of us."
"I guess everyone has to make… moral sacrifices these days…" Coby muttered. Suddenly he lifted his head. "Wait, the five of us? So we ARE coming with you, then?"
Luffy and Nami stopped in their tracks to stare blankly at the couple. "Well… Yeah?"
"You want to, right?"
"I-I mean of course we do!" Coby stammered.
Vivi similarly stammered, "A-absolutely! We just… Well, we weren't really asked… You all just kind of assumed we were going to go along with it."
Nami and Luffy let this information process through. The two of them simultaneously nodding slowly as it hit them.
"Well… Uh… Hm."
"I guess we're lucky it all worked out then?"
It was at this time that Robin closed her book. She shut her eyes, leaning back on the couch. "Everything works out perfectly, doesn't it?"
The other four looked her way. There was a feeling of apprehension in the air, hovering over all of them.
"Except you miscounted. I'm not going with you. This is where we part ways."
The teenagers gasped, Nami exclaimed "What?!" And Luffy rolled his eyes.
"Aw come on! Don't say stuff like that! Quit being ridiculous, of course you're coming with us. You can't stay here!"
"Yeah, you're gonna live here with your jackass ex-husband? That's what you want?" Nami said.
Robin shook her head slowly. "It's not a matter of what I want. This is just where I should be."
"Oh that's bullshit!" Luffy said. His voice was getting louder.
"Um!" A tiny voice chirped. It belong to Vivi who was on her feet, pulling Coby up by his collar. "This seems to be a private conversation so we're gonna leave now," she let out a horridly nervous laugh. "S-see you all later!"
The trio watched them shuffle out of the apartment and when the door closed, Luffy's head snapped back to Robin.
"That's still bullshit. You hate this place! You haven't been happy since we got here! And if we leave without you, then you're gonna be all alone!"
Nami got out of her seat, hovering behind Luffy. "So we're doing this now? We're in it? Because I've been thinking about what I want to say."
"Maybe I want to be alone..." Robin muttered, or more like forced the words past her lips.
"What the hell does that mean?! Robin, do you not like us or something..?" Nami was standing next to Luffy now.
"Of course I do, but that's not the point! The point is that..." She sighed, dragging her hands down her face. "The point is that I'm going to end up alone, so I may as well make it of my own accord."
"Who said you were gonna end up alone?! We're taking you with us so you can STAY with us, that's how it works!" Luffy said this with such sincerity that Nami took it as him actually believing Robin didn't understand the concept of togetherness.
Robin shook her head, "You don't understand," she told them. "Every important relationship I've ever had has ended with them either dying or leaving me. Crocodile left me. My followers left me. I lost everyone I cared about when the outbreak happened. And do you know why?"
The younger duo shifted uneasily.
"It's because I wasn't useful to them anymore. I wasn't good enough. When Crocodile realized that I was too smart for him to keep manipulating, that's when we divorced. My followers left after the… motel. Hell, even the zombies, they-" she let out a laughter, possibly to fight back tears. "Even they don't come near me anymore!"
"That's not really a bad..." Nami started to say before Robin cut her off.
"I know it's not a bad thing! But that's not the problem! The problem is that, being immune is the only reason I've lived this long. I'm not particularly fit. I don't have exceptional aim or superb survival skills. I don't have much to contribute to a group or settlement. I had my immunity. That made me important. Without it, there's nothing I have that's worth keeping around. So this place is perfect for me. No one expects anyone to try. They're all... Perfectly complacent."
"That's even more bullshit than what you said earlier," was all Luffy said.
Something in Robin snapped at that. "Then what am I missing?! Tell me! Tell me the reason you or anyone would want to keep me around!"
"Because you're our FRIEND!" he shouted to her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mostly because, to him at the very least, it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Why would I need any other reason to want you to stay with us?
She slowly lifted her head to look up at him. "That's your reason? I'm your friend?"
"Yeah! I don't care about all that other stuff! I just care about you getting out of here with us so you can be okay!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous..." Robin muttered.
"I'm gonna back him up on that," Nami said. "I don't care that you're not some crazy zombie killing machine or you're a super-survivor like Luffy. I care that you're hurting and you think you don't deserve to get better."
Robin was quiet for long time. When she didn't respond, Nami continued. "Look, back in Ohio? I didn't stick with you because I believed in saving the world. I stuck with you because I knew getting to Atlanta was important to you. It could've been anything, I still would've helped you get here. And I'm sure it's the same for you, right Luffy?" She said, turning to him to back her up.
He shrugged, "Yeah! I didn't really get the whole cure thing anyway, I just thought you were really cool and wanted to hang out with you!"
Robin's face softened some. She wasn't looking at either of them, but they could tell she was deep in thought.
"Look," Nami said, letting out a sigh. "Just come with us to Boston. Even if you don't believe what we're saying, at least just stick with us until then. It's a way better place to figure out your life than here."
"You really just want me around because you like me…?"
"Believe it or not, Robin, there's still a small bit of empathy left in the world. So… We're good?"
Robin stood up and walked toward them. They were close enough together that she could essentially fall on both of them and have them support her while her arms wrapped around their backs.
"I'm just tired. I'm tired of things not going right. I'm tired of having hope taken away from me. I figured... If I could just stay here... I'd be stagnating, but at least I wouldn't have anything stolen from me."
Luffy and Nami both squeezed their arms around her. "Just one more time, alright? Just try it one more time. We're here for you," Nami said.
"Alright... Fine. One more time," came Robin's response.
Luffy was ecstatic, squeezing both girls tightly. "Good! Good! Awesome! All of us, we're totally inseparable! We're all gonna live in the same house and have parties every night and hang out all the time!"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, sweetie…" Nami mumbled as sweetly as she could. "Why don't we get to Boston before we start talking about housing? I don't know if my mom would like me suddenly moving in with a bunch of strangers."
A day or so of planning later, it was finally time to act. Granted, the plan they came up with was not along the lines of a bank heist, and they didn't have time to hash out every inconsistency, but in their defense, none of them were tactical thinkers.
The most significant new addition to their plan was that Nami had to accompany Luffy when they confronted Crocodile. During planning, the group quickly realized simply letting Luffy off his collar had too many ways of going wrong. They also realized that he would listen to whatever Nami said, which they could use to their advantage.
Nami felt somewhat guilty over treating Luffy like an attack dog, but she also liked the control over another person this granted her.
Meanwhile, Coby was responsible for getting the gear out of storage. He was to check in with the guard on duty, take out his one allotted weapon for wall patrol, and then stall as long as he could until the commotion the fight would cause made its way up there.
"What if the guard doesn't want to leave…?" Coby had asked one night.
"Then you knock him out when he's distracted!" was Luffy's response.
Coby was really hoping it wouldn't come to that. Because he especially was not looking forward to the next part. Once the weapons were in his possession, he had to take them to Robin and Vivi.
Robin and Vivi would then, using the guns they had just stolen, threaten their way out of the gate. Along the way, they would gather up Luffy and Nami.
There were many problems with this plan, tons and tons. Vivi fruitlessly pointed them out, saying that it relies too heavily on other people reacting to violence the way they want. To which Robin would respond with "Crocodile's men are animals. Violence is the only thing they will understand. If innocent people have to get involved, then so be it."
This just made Vivi feel sick, and Nami's assurance that it was just a bluff and they weren't going to actually shoot anyone didn't make her feel a whole lot better.
Now if you don't mind, I'd rather just kill the suspense right here and now, and tell you that of course our protagonists managed to escape. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a story. So if you don't care about the details, then go ahead and skip to the next chapter now. I would really recommend you skip ahead because the scene I am about to describe might be far more anticlimactic than you imagine and as such you may want to spare yourself the disappointment.
To start off, let me ask a question. Have you ever screwed up so badly that it wrapped clean around the scale and went back to succeeding triumphantly?
The plan fell apart almost instantly actually. Luffy and Nami approached Crocodile, catching him by hovering outside his room until he opened the door to make his rounds around the apartment. Down the hall was one of his elites, a big, really cool dude with the even cooler name of Kuzan. They wanted him nearby, within earshot, so he could come running when the pummeling began.
"Hey! I need to ask you something!" Nami called out, just as Crocodile was shutting his apartment door.
"Oh damn it… Hello! Yes! What can I do for you?" He forced a smile that they could easily tell meant nothing but spite.
"I'm just gonna ask one last time, can we please. PLEASE. Have our gear back so we can leave? We just want to go home. It's been over a week now. I have people waiting for me." She said it as if she had repeated it a million times. Mostly because she had repeated it a million times, it was not a simile.
"I'm positive I've already made my position on this clear," Crocodile said as he tried to walk past them. Nami shifted into his way again.
"Actually, no you haven't! You still haven't given me a reason why you're keeping us here!"
Using his one hand, he tried to slide Nami out of the way, but she stood adamantly in front of him. "Why are you being so difficult? After everything I've done?"
"You haven't done anything! That is the problem! Look, you either give us answers, or things are going to get messy!"
"Oh my! So quick to jump straight to violence! Why don't you calm down, there's a time and a place for civil words. No need to resort to fisticuffs."
Luffy was nodding sagely along with Crocodile's words. "He's right, Nami. This is a good time to try and talk our problems out."
Nami slowly turned towards him. "What."
"On the other hand, it's also a good time to fight!" and he followed that up with a right hook into Crocodile's face. The fight was on.
Then it was over.
Crocodile hit the ground like a burlap sack filled with nickels. Luffy and Nami waited for a second, Luffy slowly losing his fighting stance as the seconds ticked on with no movement from Crocodile. He was totally knocked out.
Nami nudged him with the toe of her shoe. "Hhhhhhhuh. I uh. I thought. He'd last longer."
"Hey! What the hell is going on over here!" That would be Kuzan ambling up behind them.
Meanwhile Coby was busy sweating bullets. The weapons cache was a repurposed apartmrnt, guarded today by a Drama Kid named Bentham, a flamboyant middle aged man who used every opportunity in his life for interpretive dance. Right now, Bentham was hovering behind Coby as the kid made an effort to look like he was being discerning with his weapon choice, rather than stalling for time.
Coby was a nice kid. Raised not to lie or steal or make disruptions. He had dreams of being a police officer in a small town where he would be tasked with helping citizens cross the street or rescue kittens from trees.
He was, in fact, the least equipped person for the task of knocking someone out and stealing guns.
That being said he had no qualms about killing zombies, they weren't human and didn't count for shit.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when Bentham's radio chirped to life. "Mmmmyeeess?" He heard Bentham answer.
Coby couldn't hear much of the other side of the conversation, but Bentham's love of his own voice filled in some of the gaps. "Yes? Well I'll be damned! Out cold, is he? Naturally, naturally. Yes the boy is still here. I'll be up there before you know it!"
Bentham snapped his fingers to get Coby's attention. "Boy, put down the hammer! You're coming with me!"
"Wh-what's the problem?! Sir?!" Coby stammered out, snapping to attention with a ball-peen hammer in his hands.
Bentham shrugged. "Oh it seems some troublemakers went and cold-cocked our dear leader. Knocked him right out! Kuzan wants us all up there to deal with them."
"Knocked… him out…?" Coby whispered, following Bentham out into the hallway. Did that mean the fight was over? Was he still expected to go with the plan and try to take Bentham down? He wasn't sure if he could knock him out unarmed, but maybe a strong right to the back of the head could do it… However, every time he managed to work up the nerve to make a fist, Bentham would whirl around to say whatever bizarre thought popped into his head.
Bentham was an oddball, but mostly harmless. Coby would feel bad assaulting anyone, but hitting this guy would make him feel even worse. Of course, by the time the kid had steeled himself to strike out, they were standing in front of Crocodile's unconscious body.
Kuzan had Luffy and Nami sitting on the ground against the wall, like elementary school kids who had got caught feeding another kid worms at recess. Coby and Nami exchanged a quick look, and both understood that their best bet was to act like they didn't know each other. That went tits up when Luffy called out "Coby!"
Bentham stared at Coby. "Is that your name..? I never thought to ask, after all this time. Also! You know each other?"
"We're… neighbors…" Nami muttered through her teeth, giving Luffy a surreptitious elbow to the side.
"Good to know," Kuzan said. He was still looking straight down at Luffy and Nami, arms crossed in front of him. "Maybe you can shed some light as to why these two would punch our leader in the face."
It was time for Coby's secret latent lying skills to suddenly awaken and allow him to take control of the situation. Instead, he just stammered out "N-no I don't know a-anything about that!"
Kuzan squinted at him, clearly not buying it. Fortunately, Coby was saved by Luffy shouting "I already told you! I hit him cuz he deserved it!"
"You hit him enough times to knock him out, though? I'll admit Crocodile can be difficult to work with, but did he deserve such a beating?" Bentham asked, glancing down at his unconscious leader. He silently wondered if they should try to drag him inside.
"No, Luffy only hit him once. We thought he was tougher than he actually was. Look," Nami said, shaking her head with an exasperated sigh. "None of this would've happened if Crocodile had just heard me out. Okay? I've been trying to get this guy's attention ever since we got here! I just want to go HOME!"
"What are you talking about...?" Kuzan asked. He couldn't make the connection between going home and punching someone.
"Okay. Are you going to listen? Are you going to actually listen to me and not walk away or brush me off or anything?"
With a roll of his eyes, Kuzan said that he would.
So Luffy and Nami launched into a summary of everything that had happened to them. The same summary, more or less, they gave Crocodile several days ago. The only difference is that, as they approached the end of their story, Nami turned to Luffy and shrugged. Clearly the jig was up, and so she continued talking to explain the escape plan that had so easily fallen apart.
"But as you can see, everything just collapsed right at step one. I have to say, I did not expect him to be so much of a pansy," Nami concluded, nudging Crocodile with her foot again.
"He's not a pansy, I'm just that tough," Luffy said.
"Could be both," Kuzan muttered. He looked to Nami. "That is possibly one of the dumbest plans I have ever heard in my life. You're lucky it crashed now, you could've gotten yourselves or someone else hurt."
"No, but see, we weren't going to actually shoot anyone, we were just going to threaten to do it…" Nami said, looking away out of embarrassment.
"That's still incredibly unsafe. I can't even fathom how moronic your plan was. Far too dependent on people reacting the way you want while they're in a state of panic. And you were going to get him to attack Bentham?" Kuzan gestured to Coby, who was still shaking a little. "Look at him. He couldn't hurt a fly!"
Coby tried not to look offended.
"I get it! I get it, it wasn't a good plan! But it's what we had, okay?! If your stupid boss had just listened to me, we wouldn't have had to try it! It's all his fault!"
"I have to wonder about the logic behind our leader, bringing this group in! They are clearly not the kind of people we generally take under our wing~" Bentham said, a slight lilt in his voice.
"I'm positive he only brought you in so he could mess with his ex-wife," Kuzan muttered. He crossed his arms in front of him. "Alright, with our leader down and out-"
"Are we going to get him off the floor any time soon?" Bentham interrupted.
"I guess it's up to me to make an executive decision..." He scratched his head. "I guess the expected thing is I take you round back and kill you-"
"I'LL FIGHT YOU IF YOU TRY ANYTHING!" Luffy suddenly roared.
"But that sounds like more work than I'm willing to do today..." He finished, ignoring Luffy. "You don't plan on coming back here at all, do you?"
Luffy and Nami shook their heads. Coby did too, even though no one was looking at him.
"Alright. Bentham, get Paula on the line, tell her to track Nico Robin down, bring her to the weapons cache. I'm just gonna let them go."
"A-ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Nami yelped. "Just like that?! You're really gonna let us out?!"
Kuzan shrugged his shoulders. "Look, I don't wanna deal with trying to rehabilitate you or punish you or put you in isolation until you're... Ready to rejoin the others or whatever. So... Screw it. If you three aren't ever coming back, might as well just send you out."
"THANK you! Oh my God, thank you for actually being reasonable!" Nami said. She turned to Luffy and the two of them grinned at each other.
Coby cleared his throat. "Um! Can Vivi and I... Go with them? Is that okay?"
"Who's Vivi?" Kuzan asked.
"My wife? She lives with me..? We both work the wall..?"
"Oh. Sure. Whatever. I'll be honest, I don't really know you or anything."
And just like that, it was settled. Bentham accompanied the trio back down to the weapons cache, meeting up with a confused Robin and Vivi. It took a bit of explaining to get everyone on the same page, and while Vivi had tons of questions, Robin was quick to keep her quiet. This was one gift horse whose mouth would go unlooked.
Before long, the five of them were standing on the opposite side of the giant steel gate that had been keeping them in. Kuzan halfheartedly wished them farewell as he shut the gate and they stood there a moment, coming to terms with what happened.
They were out. Just like that.
"I think this is the first time catastrophic failure has worked out in our favor," Robin noted.
"How often do you experience catastrophic failure…?" Vivi asked, dreading the answer.
Nami thought about how to word her answer. "Well, considering the world we live in, every day is kind of a catastrophic failure."
Luffy, clutching his precious bat tightly in his hands, couldn't have been more proud of himself. "The important thing is that we learned that physical violence can solve every problem!"
The others didn't feel quite as triumphant and eventually Robin turned her back on the apartment building. "Let's get to the van and get out of here."
To wrap things up here, this incident, this apathy-induced spark of resistance, would eventually lead to Crocodile's downfall as a leader. The survivors living in the apartment would take note of Kuzan's lazy rebellion, his willingness to bend the rules while his leader was incapacitated.
The five of them had unwittingly sparked a revolution, and none of them would ever know what happened.
Not important, but interesting.