Stars Over Terabithia
Chapter 7 – Never Had to Look
(Please read and review, it makes us better writers.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Bridge to Terabithia and no profit was gained
from the writing of this story. Terabithia was created by Katherine Paterson.

"Wow."

It was a very pleasant autumn evening. The sun had just dipped under the horizon, drowning the countryside in a light blue haze. Leaves were steadily falling from the many trees populating the Terabithian forest, most blown askew by the light breeze that drifted between the heavy elms, causing the limbs to sway ever so slightly.

"That's all I could say when they told me."

Leslie Burke sat in the high tower positioned directly above the tree house that she had helped build four years earlier. It was very small and much more confining than it had been all of those years ago, but it was, in a sense home. There wasn't a more comforting place that she could have been at that very moment, sitting with her legs hanging off the side, kicking intently, her hands folded on top of the boarded railing, supporting her resting head.

She wasn't talking to anyone in particular. She cast her gaze up at the sky, watching blissfully as the stars began to emerge. The wind, picking up more and more as the night was brought closer and closer, kissed her exposed arms and gently blew her dangling golden locks back from her head.

It had been two weeks now, since her father had been pronounced dead at the scene of the crash, yet Leslie felt herself living with a sense of surrealism. Somehow, it didn't seem like he was gone. Every time she walked through the Gold Room or came down from her room in the morning, bleary eyed and tired, she expected him to be there to smile and say something clever. Every time he wasn't there, and every time his absence hit her just that much harder.

Her mother had always been a strong woman, and she had proven just how strong she could be during the last few days. Leslie had only seen her cry once, and most of the time she was smiling, trying to help Leslie cope and get through the pain with only a hint of sadness in her eyes. Leslie knew why. Judy had lost her own father at Leslie's age, something she had never quite gotten over, and she obviously wanted to make sure that Leslie had an easier time with it.

The service had taken place back in Pennsylvania, at Bill's parents house. He had been cremated, as he had requested in his Will. Dozens of people from both sides of the family were present, all of them truly shocked and saddened by the man's death. His ashes were scattered by Judy, who had wanted Leslie to do it. Leslie didn't want to. She didn't want to have anything to do with her father on that day. The hadn't wanted to think about him or hear about him, and she just wished that the pain would go away.

He had been considered the "head" of the Burke extended family, mostly due to his success in life and how hard he worked to keep the family together during the hard times. Though things had been harder since the move to Lark Creek, Bill had still managed to keep everything under control. Now, he was gone, and in the family's natural hierarchy, he would be replaced. To Leslie, no one would ever take his place.

Bill hadn't spent a lot of time with his daughter, but she knew that he loved her. She knew that he was an extremely busy man, and when he did have a moment to spare, it was always a moment used to dote on his girl. There were things that she had never gotten to do with him, or to tell him. He would never be there to teach her to drive his car or see her grow up and get married. He would never be able to listen to her problems or spontaneously bring her ice cream while she was working diligently on her homework.

So many times she wished that the boy next door, someone who's name didn't come easily to her mind on that day, was there. He wouldn't talk to her. He would just sit there and listen, and understand. Just by being there, he would have made her mind a lot clearer and her future a lot brighter, but he had been unable to take the time off from school to go with her.

When they had gotten back to Lark Creek, it was getting late, and though she wanted very much to see Jess, she didn't want him to see her as a blubbering, emotional wreck. She considered avoiding him forever, because she was fairly certain that her mother was thinking about moving away. The thought of it repulsed her, and she just wasn't sure if she could find a way to cope if she lost both her father and her best friend in such a short span of time.

"You know, it's amazing," Leslie said, her eyes fixed on the night sky. "How a person can die, and how life just goes on without them." In her mind, tiny Terabithian warriors were gathered around, their wings rapidly moving as they levitated in the air, listening to the insight of their Queen and mourning the fall of a very good and very powerful man. The man who had been a part of the equation that had brought them their savior.

"I've never really thought about it before," she continued. "If I died when I fell, what would have happened? How would my family feel? What about Jess? Would he just find a new friend? Would they just carry my desk out of the class room at school so people would forget me, or would they leave it empty for people to stare at?"

Like most her age, Leslie spent her entire life living with the fantasy that she was indestructible. Even when she had been so badly injured, she never really considered the idea that she could have died, that there was any possible way that she might not have come out of that coma. Now, it had struck a little close, and she was suddenly very aware how short and delicate life was.

Thump.

Leslie froze as she heard a noise beneath her. She hoped that Judy hadn't followed her into the woods, because she really didn't want her there. As far as she was concerned, Jess Aarons (and on two occasions, May Belle) was the only person that was allowed inside Terabithia.

"I knew I'd find you here."

She almost jumped out of her skin.

She peered over the railing and spotted Jess's shadowed figure standing beneath her, on the tree house landing. She'd entertained the idea of the noise she had heard being a person, but never thought that she was right.

"Jess?" Still a little dumbfounded.

"You all right to talk?" Jess asked. He was averting his eyes from her. He was wearing a heavy coat and he blew a fair amount of steam with each of his slightly frantic breaths. Leslie's mind had been going in so many different directions for the past two hours that she had hardly noticed how cold it had become. She was still wearing the dress she had wore to her grandmother's house earlier that morning, and the chill nipped right through the fabric. It was this that brought the realization as to why Jess wasn't looking up at her.

"Could you come down here?" He said after a few seconds. "I don't think we can both fit up there anymore."

She quickly stood up, losing her balance briefly, and then collected herself. She had kicked her dress shoes off earlier, sending them whirling to the base of the tree, so the descent from her perch would be quite a bit easier than the climb.

Jess smiled warmly at her as her feet hit the landing, but she couldn't return it. He sat down, resting his back against the hard outer wall of the tree house, his body reflexively jerking as he came in contact with the cold wood.

It seemed so much smaller now. She could remember all of the times that they had spent up here, chatting about this or that. Much of the time that they had spent getting to know one another had been spent in the tree house, both while building it and after its completion. She could still remember the conversations that they shared about their parents and about their lives.

Terabithia hadn't been a major part of their lives for almost two years, but aside from that nothing had really changed between them. They still saw each other almost every day. They still enjoyed every moment that they were together. He was still her King, and she tried her hardest to be his Queen. Even when they didn't visit the place or talk about it anymore, Terabithia was a part of the hearts and it always would be. It had changed both of their lives forever.

With this new host of memories briefly shutting out the bad events of the last few days, Leslie couldn't help but manage a small giggle as she took he place next to Jess on the hard wooden landing.

"What's so funny?"

There was a hint of amusement in his voice as well, his eyes regarding her with an inquisitive stare.

"Do you remember," she began, turning to meet his gaze. "When you said that I was good at building stuff? For a girl? Then I said-"

"You're pretty good at art, for a boy!" Jess interrupted, conveying his best Leslie impression by speaking in a high pitched voice, lurching his eye brows upward and spreading a thin smile across his lips once he was finished speaking.

"Okay, truce!" Leslie tried to do a Jess impression, but purposely made him sound much wimpier, like he was begging. She could only laugh once more at the expression on her friend's face.

She looked away from him and let her gaze fall to the dark wooden landing, the smile on her face slowly turning into a stern look of sadness and internal emotional strife. There was still a lot on her mind, a lot left to be sorted out, and she just wasn't sure how she would go about arranging it all herself.

"I heard you talking," Jess confessed after several minutes had passed in silence. Leslie sighed. Of course he had heard her. "Even as real as your imagination can make things, I think this is a situation better handled with a pair of real ears at your disposal."

She shivered lightly, unsure if it was the unpleasant autumn chill that had consumed the air, or just because Jess always seemed to know exactly what she wanted to hear, even when she didn't know herself.

"Lord, Leslie," Jess said, suddenly standing and removing the heavy coat he was wearing. Underneath, he wore only a red t-shirt, and beneath it a white undershirt, both very thin material. "That dress, you must be freezing!"

Before she could object (and she later wasn't sure why she would have), he was sitting down next to her and wrapping the heavy coat around her. She finished the job for him and looked at him with gratitude, and suddenly felt like she was playing a part in every chick flick she had ever seen in her life, which of course amounted to only one.

"He was a good man, wasn't he?" Leslie asked. She wasn't sure where the question had come from, but for some reason she felt the need to ask it. She knew it was something Bill would have wanted to know if he had been allowed to ask someone a question before it happened, and if he really was watching over her right now, he would get his answer.

"Of course he was," Jess said, his tone soft, but giving the indication that anyone thinking otherwise was completely oblivious to what it meant to be a good person. "He was insightful, funny, hard working. He loved his family. My dad says that there's not a better kind of man than the one that loves his family. I reckon he's right."

"He thought the world of you," Leslie said, feeling that her father would want Jess to know that in return. Her friend just smiled at her.

They sat there for some time, neither speaking, neither moving. Leslie listened intently to the sounds of the night; the pace of Jess's breathing, crickets singing their brilliant song, the repetitious drum of her own heart beat, and the faint croak of the past summer's most vigilant locusts.

The silence went on for a very long time. Neither of them needed to speak. Both of them were in pain, Leslie from the death of her father and Jess from the same, with the addition of having to see his friend in such a way. Out of all of those emotions, they had nothing to talk about, at least not right then. Each knew what the other was feeling, and the sound of each other's breath and the rapid pacing of their hearts was enough to let both of them know that they weren't alone. What was important was the person beside them and the support that they offered just by being there.

"A seizure," Leslie snorted after an hour of saying nothing. "A seizure behind the wheel of his car. It's just not the way you see someone dying. I guess I always thought that he would live forever."

"In a perfect world," Jess said. "I don't think you should dwell on it, Leslie. Try to think about all of the good times, all of the wonderful things that you did together."

"The Gold Room," she said. "The day we painted it."

"Exactly."

"Better than what my Aunt said," Leslie wiped at her eyes. "She told me that I should try not to think about him. It sounded like she wanted me just to forget he ever existed."

Leslie caught Jess shaking his head out of the corner of her eye.

"Never forget," he said. She closed her eyes. "But don't think about this past week. You have to remember how much he loved you."

She couldn't argue with his words. It just sounded right to her. She had heard people say this, more to her mother than to herself, but hearing it from Jess just made a lot more sense somehow. She didn't know what kind of experience Jess had when he came to losing people he loved. His life before meeting her was something they never really discussed, but he seemed knowledgeable.

"You know all of those times I told you that you were stupid?" Leslie asked.

"How could I forget? You remind me every day."

"I take 'em back. You're pretty smart, Jess."

They spent a while longer talking. Actually, Leslie did all of the talking while Jess sat there, listening to her every word, his ears completely open to everything that she needed to get off of her chest. He didn't do the stereotypical guy thing and just pretend to listen. He did listen, and he did so very well. She was certain that there were times that he wanted to speak, to say something that would comfort her, but he didn't. He just let her talk and get it all out.

"When he came to my room after he took Janice home," Leslie started to confess. "I pretended to be asleep. I knew she would tell him what was going on. I just ignored him, thought that we would talk about it the next day when I had worked it out with you. When I wouldn't talk to him, he said good night and I didn't respond. I didn't even open my eyes to look at him. The last time I saw him, he was walking out the door with Janice!"

She was crying, something that she had managed to suppress in front of her friend. For her, crying was something that rarely happened, but was become quite frequent in the last few months. It was heartbreaking for Jess, and for anyone that knew her, to see her like this. Leslie didn't deserve to have to cry. She didn't deserve to feel the anguish that she was going through. She was far to good of a person, and so was her father. He didn't deserve to die.

"He was right there," she said, her voice cracking as she broke down against her best efforts. She was aware that she sounded angry at herself, but she just couldn't help it. "I could have said good night; I could have told him that he was the best dad ever. I ignored him. I had a chance to say what I can't say now, and I just ignored him!"

Jess grabbed hold of her and pulled her tightly, protectively against his chest. She buried her face into his shoulder turned into a shaking, sobbing mess. She'd cried since she heard that he was gone, but not like this. She hadn't allowed herself to do it, afraid that she would look weak, or like there was a situation that she couldn't handle. Now, she just couldn't control it.

"What kind of person am I?" She said, her muffled voice barely reaching Jess's ears. He didn't respond. "You must think I'm a mess!"

"I don't think that at all," Jess said solidly, moving his hand up to the back of her head to give it support that it didn't really need. "It's okay to cry, Les. You need to stop being so damned stubborn all the time and realize that being strong isn't about immunizing yourself to emotions. You don't need to be strong, it comes naturally to you."

She decided, at least for the moment, that he was right.

"He died and I never got to say good bye. I never got to say that I loved him."

"He knows, Leslie," Jess assured her, his free hand rotating in a circle on her back. "If anyone should be hurting right now, it's him. He'll never get to tell you how beautiful you look in your wedding dress some day, or how proud he is when you make your first million selling novels. But you know what?"

"What?" Leslie asked, raising her head to meet his eyes. Most of her tears had subsided for now.

"He'll be thinking all of those things," Jess said seriously. "And he'll know that you know what he's thinking."

It was after midnight when they climbed down from the tree house and crossed the bridge out of Terabithia, Jess noting out loud that he needed to replace a few boards when he got the time.

"Did you get my homework assignments?" She asked him after the bridge was a ways behind them.

"Yeah," Jess replied. "Me and my mom took care of it for you. You just need to take it easy."

Normally, Leslie would have freaked, but now it didn't seem to bother her. She was grateful, really.

"Homecoming's tomorrow night," Jess mentioned when they were almost to the dirt road. "You should call Eric and go. It might take your mind off of things, help you relax." She could tell that it wasn't a suggestion that he had really wanted to make.

"Like I would go with him," she said. "Just 'cause I said I would think about it didn't mean I actually would, Jess. I didn't need to think for a second."

Leslie was surprised when Jess didn't separate from her when they reached the branch off to her house. Instead, he kept walking with her. Once the house came fully into view, they both stopped and looked at it.

"I think mom wants to move away."

Jess's eyes went wide with horror, his expression displaying terror beyond words.

"I won't let her," Leslie said seriously. "She can't make me let go of my father and my best friend. It just wouldn't be fair."

"So you really weren't going to go to Homecoming with Eric Hatcher?" Jess said unexpectedly as they continued toward the house. It hardly seemed to be the topic of choice for the moment.

"It never crossed my mind."

"Why not?"

"He's just not what I'm looking for. I'm not interested."

"Four other guys asked you! What are you looking for?"

She sighed heavily, wondering what she should do or say. She actually found herself quite glad that the subject had been changed from her father's death. She chose her course of action quickly, both because she wanted to and because she had noticed her mother watching them from the doorway. It was the perfect thing to do.

She planted a kiss on his cheek, something she had never done before.

"I never had to look."

She walked off toward her house, leaving him behind, not even stopping to catch the look on his face. She spotted her mother quickly turning away and hurrying off toward the kitchen as she did so. Jess hadn't moved behind her. She couldn't she him or hear him, but she could feel his eyes watching after her. As smart as she knew, and had known, Jess Aarons to be over the last few years, she doubted that he would catch the meaning in her words.

He was there for her more than anyone else had ever been, even her father. He was, in her mind all she had left, and she wouldn't let her mother take him away as well. It was true. With age, she had never been able to develop romantic feelings for boys. She had only ever developed romantic feelings for her best friend, and Leslie Burke only had one best friend.