Maelstrom Chapter 27
Drunk Part G
Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original Maelstrom Comics and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.
Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells. Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!
Maelstrom Chapter 27
Drunk Part G
Continued from Part F!
"Magnus, are you worried about having kids?" Rodimus prodded. Magnus was brooding, and Rodimus wasn't about to let him continue. Knowing that Marissa was already pregnant made Rodimus very happy...and very worried about his friend. He suddenly realized just how much Magnus had been through in the last few weeks and worried a little about Magnus' ability to cope. Kup had basically destroyed all of his close friendships and himself because he couldn't deal with change, and Magnus wasn't all THAT much younger than Kup. True, Magnus had always been more able to adapt and improvise on the battlefield than Kup who relied heavily on the experiences of his youth, but Magnus' PERSONAL life had remained almost unchanged for millions of years. The last few months, and particularly the last few days since he'd come out of catatonia had been a series of momentous occasions for Magnus.
True, they were mostly good things, but they were very fundamental changes and they would have been stressful on anyone....not to mention a person who just had his consciousness put through a blender. Rodimus cursed Unicron, and prayed he could help his friend through one more serious shock. He also cursed himself for not being more cautious around Magnus right now. Rodimus wasn't used to thinking of his City Commander as being fragile, but right now Rodi realized Magnus walked a fine line between real happiness and Kup's downward spiral of despair.
"No. Marissa wants them. I agreed," Magnus said.
"That's not what I asked," Rodimus responded. "I asked if you're worried about it."
Magnus didn't answer right away, and seemed uncertain as to whether he should speak at all. Finally he said, "Don't you ever feel...don't you think you're setting yourself up? Edana means so much to you. I'm sure any other children you have will mean just as much, but..... Rodimus....their lives are so..so fleeting." Magnus spoke in a hushed, almost guilty voice. He felt badly somehow for saying it - he knew how it sounded.
"Edana's just a baby Man!" Jazz said , but he looked suddenly stricken, staring at the toddler as though he'd never seen her before. Things so small and sweet didn't die. Ok. They did. But they SHOULDN'T!
"Compared to us, they're ALL babies Jazz," Magnus stated flatly.
Rodimus sighed, "Not to me they aren't," he said.
The other two looked at him in surprise, and then realized he was right. Less than four decades old, Rodimus had only just started his life. He wasn't even as old as Talon. It was a moment of reevaluation for Magnus and Jazz. They were well used to teasing Rodimus about his youth, but it also suddenly became clear to them how it must effect Rodimus' perspective.
Rodi must have been thinking along the same lines, and he made it clear to them just how differently he viewed time. He shook his head and said, "I have the Matrix memories. I know what centuries feel like through them...but somehow. Well, somehow THAT'S what seems wrong to me. Maybe I spent to much time on Earth...maybe its Lancer's perspective...but when I think of going on that long... Just the thought of it makes me tired, that's all. It seems...unnatural to go on and on that way."
"It isn't Rodimus," Magnus stated, a little appalled. "It's what we are."
Rodimus sighed, and wondered how the conversation had turned onto him. Not acceptable.
"Rodi....it. I'm not good at this kind of thing. Your life won't always be like this. I never realized how it must seem to you. You've gone through so much, so quickly, but it won't always be this... this... progression of horrors," Magnus said, obviously uncomfortable. He exchanged a helpless glance with Jazz, hoping the cocky Specialist had some pat words that would make this all alright. No one should have to view an immortal life-time as millennia after millennia of war, chaos, and agony. Yet Rodimus did. He had hardly ever known anything else. No wonder he hoped for a short life! Worst, he might find a way to see he got one!
Rodimus gave his friends that faint, wise smile that represented his real face most of the time. Magnus wasn't satisfied with it though. It acknowledged Magnus' efforts to help, but it didn't indicate that Rodimus really BELIEVED what Magnus had said.
"Maybe not," the young Prime finally answered, "but Edana is the first purely good thing to happen to me in a long time. I know I will probably outlive her, unless Lancer's death kills me, or someone finally nails me, but I don't care. She is a good thing Magnus. She is worth the pain."
Now it was Magnus' turn to look a little dubious.
"Let me put it this way, Magnus. When I say she's worth the pain, I mean all of it. If I had the choice, not counting Goldbug's being there....but if it had just been me and someone gave me the choice between being tortured and having Edana, and never being tortured at all - I'd pick the torture. No hesitation. She's worth it Magnus, and I want more kids. I want as many as Lancer will let me have."
"Rodimus...I know she means a lot to you but I saw what they did to you....."
"No, Magnus. Worth it. Worth everything you saw...and everything you didn't see. I only wish Shellshock had something similar to help ease his pain."
"I can't imagine that," Magnus said, "I can't imagine anything being worth that...or what you will feel when ...when Lancer and Edana die."
Rodimus snorted, "Yes you can. Don't be ridiculous. You'd put up with what I endured for a century for Marissa, and you know it, and you aren't about to leave her now, even knowing she will die too some day. What you feel for her, you will feel for your kids, only in a way its simpler. It took me a while to realize I was in love with Lancer...with Edana, I was lost the minute she looked at me." He smiled at his friend and tried to give Magnus a vision of the not-so-distant future. "When Marissa gets pregnant, you'll have time to get used to the idea. Its not like with robots where the new person is suddenly HERE, needing to be dealt with. And when the baby is born, you'll feel a sense of achievement like you've never felt. All the things you've done, all the victories, the commendations, will seem like nothing next to the fact that YOU'VE created life Magnus. Not some dumb computer - YOU. You and Marissa together, and you're love for each other will start a new, wonderful life with no strings attached. You'll never have to doubt that it's a real, genuine individual....not the way we do about ourselves. Fucking Shit will have NOTHING to do with your kid. Isn't it amazing? The very idea that the simple act of making love to your mate can start a whole new life? A whole new person? Magnus...the magnitude of that...can even death cheapen it?"
Magnus stared at him.
"Magnus," Rodimus said, holding out the baby, "This is Edana. She's her very own self, and I helped make her. She's not a pawn. She's not a slave. And I'm going to see to it that she never is. Maybe her life won't last as long as a robot's but I don't care. She going to have a good life. Better than mine, no matter how long you stretch it out. She's going to know what freedom is, and she's going to know what peace is, and if she's very lucky, she'll also know what being friends with your kid is. And I am very lucky, because I get to spend time with her, and learn who she is. I get to find out what she likes to do. I get to watch her discover the world and make her way though it. I wouldn't miss it. Absolutely the most exciting adventure I can imagine. Nothing is dull anymore! Nothing is trivial! I can hardly wait to see what she's going to do next!"
"Yes....." Magnus said, "but when it all ends.....?"
"Everything ends," Rodi said, "Even we die eventually. The Jabez may wipe us out tomorrow, even her....but they can't unmake her. She exists, and this moment is better because she is here. What more do we have than NOW anyway? I fathered this child - they can't take that away from me, even if they kill us both...and the very idea that Lancer and I made this life together will always and forever bring me joy. If the passage of time scares you now, it's only because NOW you have something WORTH worrying about. You didn't mind the whole centuries going by...now I see you watching the clock for Marissa. Time is precious to you NOW because you have someone you CARE about. You are more concerned with these few hours than whole millennia of your previous life because it was barren! Time hasn't changed - YOU'VE changed. You've finally got something worth paying attention for! I'm sure its quite a surprise."
"Y...You're right," Magnus said, as though he could hardly believe he was saying THAT to Hot Rod.
Rodi laughed, "Look Mags, if you want my advise, don't WASTE time or strength fretting over this. Spend your energy on more productive things like making the most out of every single second you have with that crazy woman who loves you. If you are concerned about mortality remind yourself how close Op and Elita were to losing each other young. Being a robot doesn't mean you are LITERALLY going to live happily ever after...therefore I suggest you take that woman in your arms and get that family started as soon as possible....and then make the most out of that too. Believe me...you won't want to miss a single second of it....and isn't that better than an eternity of 'So What?'"
Rodimus grinned, got up off the couch, and hoisted Edana up over his head, smiling at her giggles. "You stink little missy. I should make Uncle Slave take care of that, but I'm afraid he'll drop you. Yup! Guess we have to fend for ourselves again!" He headed for the nursery to change her, making it perfectly plain he was simply delighted to be changing filthy diapers, and leaving Magnus and Jazz looking at each other and brooding.
"When did he get smart?" Jazz asked.
"Probably when he acquired part of someone else's brain," Magnus said dryly.
X
X
X
"No, you can't cut it. You can do anything you like as long as it doesn't make me look like a flake or involve scissors," Lancer said firmly.
"But your split ends are atrocious! What do you do to you hair? Beat it? The damage is indescribable!" the hair dresser said with dismay. She even called over her co-workers for a consultation.
In the seats on either side of Lancer, KC started shaking with contained laughter and Marissa threw Lancer an ironic smirk. THEY knew the hair dresser was closer to the truth than she ever dreamed. Lancer didn't beat her hair - she used it to beat others. By the time the mutant was done weaving wire and a full pound of steel beads into her hair she had what amounted to an electrified whip she could snap with remarkable accuracy and force. Neither of Lancer's companions doubted her claim that she could disable or kill with that simple braid, and both knew she had no intention of cutting it even if the price was horrifying split ends. Nevertheless they enjoyed Lancer's squirming while the oblivious staff at the beauty parlor tried to "talk some sense into her".
In the end, Marissa and KC were left waiting again. KC had opted for a simple cut and styling. Nothing was drastically different except that instead of simply washing it, and running off to work with it wet, KC had the hairdresser actually dry and style her hair. Between that, the new clothes, and the make-over she grudgingly allowed, she looked like a different person. Suddenly, the little cadet was replaced by a sophisticated woman. Marissa couldn't wait for Jazz to see her.
Marissa enjoyed letting the stylists play with her thick hair for a while, and ended up with an elegant arrangement where most of her hair was twisted into gleaming folds on top of her head with a few curling wisps framing her face. She always wore some make-up to work, but there was a difference between a ten-minute morning paste-on and a real makeover. KC quipped that people would be asking for autographs.
After a "completely unnecessary" 20 minute hot-oil treatment, Lancer's hair found it way into a similar series of twists and turns as Marissa - only with a train of hair still falling down her back to her waist. The oil had helped the shine, but the stylist was mystified that there still seemed to be a good bit of static stinging her fingers.
X
X
X
"WHAT THE HELL SET HIM OFF?" Rodimus raged at Talon.
"I don't know!" Talon shot back in distress.
Magnus screamed, and shuddered - curled up into an incredibly tight ball on the floor. Jazz tried to comfort him while Rodimus turned round and round looking for the trigger of this wailing flashback. Magnus had been screaming for almost three minutes and they couldn't bring him around. Rodimus was afraid if he couldn't find the cause then Magnus might not snap out of it before he suffered a REAL set-back. Not to mention poor Edana was also taking the impact of Magnus' terror - coming out of a sound sleep screaming her head off as well.
Talon had been the only one in the room with the City Commander when the fit started, and Rodimus was REALLY ready to strangle the man for not having a pat answer Finding nothing obvious, Rodimus dropped to his knees beside Jazz and tried to get Magnus to look at him. The young Prime was only grateful Magnus' flashbacks didn't seem to involve murderous violence the way his own did.
X
X
X
Lancer stiffened in the stylist's seat, causing the woman to complain about the motion. The mutant went very pale and was about to jump out of the seat to rush home when Magnus suddenly came back to himself.
X
X
X
"Wh.....Why am I on the floor?" Magnus said suspiciously, looking up at Rodi's worried face and wondering if his mischievous commander wasn't somehow responsible.
"Don't you remember?" Rodimus asked softly.
Magnus struggled to sit up, and look at his friend. Rodimus often acted silly when things were serious, but seldom the other way around. He tried to put the last few minutes back together and then shook his head.
"You had a flashback," Rodimus said. Jazz nodded in confirmation - looking incredibly pale himself. Talon stood over them, shaken and sweaty.
Magnus trembled. Unicron did seem very close right now, as though everything had just happened. They gave him a few minutes to collect himself before questioning him further. He was a little embarrassed and annoyed by the way they hovered, but somehow he didn't search for an excuse to send them away. At least Rodi's face reflected concern and compassion but not pity. Magnus couldn't have borne pity.
"Do you know what set it off Magnus? Is..is there something we can do, or not do to prevent this?" Rodimus asked finally, when Magnus had stopped shuddering and lost some of that hunted look.
"I'm not sure. The last thing I remember was wishing my head would stop hurting, and thinking it might not be getting better because...because of Un...you know."
"No Mags. It's just because you drank too fast and then sat around afterwards. Look, why don't you go lie down and sleep the rest of it off? By the time you get up the girls should be back, and you'll probably feel like eating," Rodimus said, indicating his own bedroom. Magnus looked a little doubtful, but he also looked exhausted. He took the offer without too much fuss, and was asleep on top of the blankets almost at once. Rodimus made sure Magnus was actually asleep, and shut the door. Then he turned and stalked down the hallway with eyes that almost glowed emerald - heading straight for Jazz and Talon. Jazz got one look and saw murder in his leader's eyes. The Specialist flattened himself against the wall, and was visibly relieved when Rodimus went for Talon. It was no secret Rodimus terrified Jazz when he was like this.
Talon was basically oblivious until Rodimus' hand went round his thick neck and slammed his thick skull into the wall.
He was impressed Rodimus actually did have him off the floor. Otherwise Talon was familiar with this treatment from arguments with Rodi's volatile mate.
"Jazz. See to Edana. I can't get near her right now!" Rodimus ordered quietly. The Specialist was only too happy to comply, and took the crying toddler to the far end of the dwelling.
"Now, now Red," Talon croaked around Rodi's hand, "You're acting more like your girl by the day...."
"Shut up!" Rodimus growled. "NOW do you see why we didn't want any alcohol last night?"
"Hey! Ya can't blame this on me! He's gotta headache! That's what brought it on!" Talon rationalized.
"It's a headache YOU brought on, and that's really the least of it you thick headed fleshling!" Rodimus cried. "He just got out of being catatonic! We're lucky he didn't flip out last night! If he had hit the floor like that during that brawl he might have been killed! He's exhausted, mentally AND physically. His body is still recuperating from over a month of disuse and YOU pour poison into him! Into all of us when we had NO idea how it would affect any of us! It could have been lethal! Not to mention that all of us except Jazz have serious trauma just waiting for an excuse to boil over! The last thing Magnus, Shellshock, or I need is to lose control over our minds and memories! I do blame you Talon! So will Marissa! You can NOT play around like this. Not with us!"
"Alright. You're right. I'm sorry, damnit. What else can I say?" Talon said, and for the first time Rodimus knew he meant it.
"Nothing. But you can go pick up dinner, and set the table. Ask Jazz where to order from. He knows the best places around here already."
Talon ended up letting Jazz actually do the ordering at the Specialist's insistence. Rodimus, now calm enough to soothe his child himself, missed that because he was trying once more to get Edana to say "Daddy". When four delivery men arrived two hours later, carrying enough Chinese food for an army, and with their hands out (cash only before delivery please!) Rodimus knew he should have paid more attention.
Talon had the table nicely set, complete with candles and centerpiece when the massive quantities of food thumped down on the tablecloth.
"Damn!" he said in awe.
"DAM!" Edana agreed with enthusiasm.
Rodi's eyes widened.
"DAMDAMDAMDAM!" Edana sang.
"AHHHHH!" Rodimus cried.
"ohshit!" Talon whispered.
"DAM!" Edana cried.
Rodimus went after Talon even more fiercely than before. Talon tried to escape by running around the large oval table, but he didn't get far.
Magnus, drawn by the enticing smell of food, (he was now famished) came out of the hallway just in time to see Rodimus catch Talon by the collar and dump him unceremoniously on the floor. The young Prime had his other hand raised for some kind of bloody violence when Magnus asked, "Aren't we supposed to leave him for the girls?"
"I...don't...care," Rodimus breathed raggedly.
"Ahhhh!" Talon said.
"Do it, Man!" Jazz said - he was feeling ever more tense knowing his KC was returning soon to not speak to him.
"Are you feeling better?" Rodimus asked Magnus, although he showed no signs of releasing Talon.
"Yes, much. When do we eat?" Magnus asked.
"The girls are on their way, so that gives me about five minutes to kill Talon and clean up the mess," Rodimus said.
"Ahhh. Good. What did he do now?"
"DAM!" Edana said.
Magnus blinked. "I see," he said, picking the baby up. "You are a trouble-maker," he told her with a smile. He could see Rodi's hands trembling with fury....or was it laughter?
They all waited, Talon in particular, wondering why he was hesitating.
"Aww, but Lancer...." Rodimus said to the air. His voice had a Hot Rodish whine to it.
There was a pause.
"But..." he said. "But....."
Finally he let Talon go and slumped into the nearest chair. "She won't let me kill him," he told Magnus and Jazz despondently.
"She won't?" Jazz said with exaggerated sympathy. He grinned at Magnus, who caught on right away.
"Whipped!" they said to Rodimus in unison.
"She didn't say I couldn't kill you two rotten bastards," Rodimus growled. Talon was merely glad to be forgotten.
A terrible tragedy was averted by the click of a key card in the lock. The door swung open, and a threatening silhouette on the threshold said, "If you boys get on my nerves and make me mess up this two hour hair-don't by fanging-out it will be the last thing any of you ever do!"
Stunned silence fell - not at the threat, but at the appearance of the one threatening....and the two regal figures glaring back-up threats at the relevant threatenees.
Jazz's mouth hung slack.
Magnus' eyes widened.
Rodi's pout turned over into a wide leer.
Talon hid under the table.
"Should I bow?" Jazz asked breathlessly, only half kidding.
"Absolutely," Marissa said, although she made a bee-line for Magnus and smiled at him holding the baby. He was still standing as if struck by lighting but he looked pretty good with a kid in his arms. "Well, aren't you going to kiss me?" she prompted - the only way she could reach him on her own when he was standing was to get a chair to stand on. Fortunately, he didn't need any more encouragement.
KC headed for the table, as though she intended to breeze right past Jazz again without speaking. He had just enough time to show despair when she quickly turned and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to carol with joy. KC deftly put a hand over his mouth and said "Don't push your luck."
Jazz subsided, but he kept grinning.
Rodimus merely stepped forward to take Lancer's hand. It seemed an intimate act nonetheless.
Talon hid under the table.
"Oh, come out Talon," Marissa said. "Don't worry. You'll live a few more days - long enough to clean my place and KC's anyhow."
"Joy," Talon said.
"Say it right, Slave," Rodimus growled.
"I am aquiver with joyous anticipation of cleaning the crud out of your gracious dwelling Mistress Fairborne, Ruler of the Universe, and Keeper of All Mercy!" Talon said, bowing three times.
"I could get used to this," Marissa said.
"Don't," growled Rodimus, "He isn't going to last the week."
"Aren't Autobots supposed to be merciful?" KC asked. She was feeling magnanimous, having forgiven Jazz and all.
"DAM!" Edana said, and all three women faced Talon without being told who the perpetrator was. He fought a losing battle not to hide under the table again.
Unfortunately Lancer caught him by the throat before he could sink all the way under.
"If it wasn't for the fact Marissa and KC need their quarters cleaned...." Lancer snarled.
"Gee...." Talon wheezed, "This seems familiar...ooch! Hey Girl! Watch the larynx!"
"I'm hungry!" Magnus announced. Talon torture was becoming dull and repetitive. Food was always interesting.
"I second that!" Jazz cried.
"I'm still sick as a dog," Rodimus claimed, "Can't possibly eat a thing."
Lancer divided her glares between Talon and her mate.
"Say love," Rodi continued, unfazed, "How's about you all enjoy your meal, and I find a place to stash Talon's cooling corpse for seeing to it our little one's first word happens to be damn?!"
"Sit," Lancer said. "We can't kill him until he's made restitution for all of his crimes. You can kill him for desert in two days."
"This joke is gettin' old," Talon sighed.
X
X
X
Dinner was a relatively calm affair. Talon was sulking. Magnus was shoveling food into his mouth as fast as possible without choking or spilling a drop. Marissa was too busy composing her "Magnus, I'm pregnant" speech over and over to actually talk much. Jazz was staring at KC with a dreamy expression that she was resolutely ignoring as best she could, although she couldn't help smiling a little. He was hardly looking at his food, although he did somehow manage to make it all vanish without taking his eyes off of her. Lancer and Rodimus disturbed everyone by exchanging silent looks which made the others suspicious that the mind-linked pair was talking about everyone else at the table through their bond. It was annoying. Nevertheless, the group managed somehow to remain civil.
Lancer's communicator went off and she spent a few moments muttering to whoever was on the other end - the wide grin she returned to the table with gave all the boys - including her mate who she began blocking - a case of the surges. Marissa and KC looked at her questioningly, but she only shook her head and grinned wider.
Edana joyfully practiced her first word with triumph until even her parents had to begin laughing about it. She looked far too pleased with herself for them to remain sour about it. They celebrated her mastery of "the finer aspects of speech".
Pagan and Robert showed up at the door just as "Slave" was starting on the dishes. He threw them a pleading look for which he got absolutely no sympathy. Pagan even expressed disbelief that his skin was still clinging to his meat rather than stretched out for tanning, which is what she claimed she would have done. Talon glared at her so she went on to exclaim that the group could have saved themselves a sizable dinner bill if only they had opted to eat Talon. By the time she was done baring her teeth and smacking her tough lips at the prospect, Talon had decided the dishes weren't so bad after all.
Most of the group roared except for Rodi who looked a little sickened by the idea. He looked even MORE sickened when he learned why Lancer's friends had come.
Robert had translated the previous evening's data from his com-eyes into "a thrill-packed adventure, full of humor and excitement." In other words he had made a video-disk out of the events at the bar, and the girls were just DYING to watch it.
X
X
X
They piled into the living-room. Marissa and Magnus sat on one side of the couch; Jazz sat on the other. KC had sat down next to him, but got up almost immediately when his arm tried to snake around her shoulder. She sat in one of the armchairs instead, and Robert took the other. Pagan pilfered a dining-room chair, turned it backwards, and complimented Lancer on choosing chairs the "right height for my chin".
"I had you in mind when I got them, Pagan. They don't sell Drazian furniture on Cybertron yet," Lancer said.
"Uncivilized place," Pagan said, smiling to show she didn't mean it.
"Must be rotten leadership," Rodimus said. He and Lancer had spooned up on the floor between Marissa and Jazz's ankles.
"Must be," Jazz said, smirking.
"I'm teaming you up with SkyLynx and Wheelie for the next three weeks," Rodimus said.
"HEY! No fair! I was only agreeing with you!" Jazz said.
"Exactly," Rodimus said.
"Be nice boys!" Lancer said, "You take all the fun out of teasing you if you're at it already! Roll film Rob!"
"My pleasure," Robert said.
"Dam!" Edana said. Auntie Pagan laughed, and swished her tail for Edana's delight. She would miss most of the video entertaining the baby by twitching her thick tail enticingly and then moving it out of reach. Edana groped, and stumbled after it, giggling and saying "Dam!" at surprisingly appropriate moments.
"Reminds me of you Magnus!" Lancer said with a grin.
Magnus didn't know what to make of that, and since the video was starting he opted not to respond. Maybe if he ignored her the vague, disturbing memories which were haunting him would just go away and never congeal into the reality he was afraid they were.
Robert had done some editing, so the show started right at the moment they entered the bar. Rodi's trouble with the chair got the first round of laughs. Lancer whacked him for not paying better attention.
"What the hell did I train you for anyway?" she cried indignantly.
Shellshock makes me nervous, Rodimus admitted privately. This actually did earn him SOME sympathy from her, but she grumbled at him anyway.
Magnus' comments about the stripper earned him an "Aww, that's cute," from Lancer which was annoying, and a great kiss from Marissa which did what a naked dancer could not do, and made him forget all about Lancer's being annoying. He didn't think Rodimus had meant that "start the family right away" line quite so literally though and fought to control himself. Marissa snuggled into him and sighed with contentment. She was apparently well pleased with his response to seeing another woman nude, although it was a huge fight for her not to laugh at him for his naive remarks about HER dancing nude. She was too happy with him to do that to him though, and besides Rodi and the others were MORE than making up for her share. Robert also got his share of teasing for the hopeless way he had been laughing...and was currently laughing all over again. He raised his hands in a helpless gesture, and wiped the tears from his eyes.
When the video showed Talon serving the fateful drinks, he was treated to a full scale barrage of cushions off the furniture from all sides. He laughed, and made much of falling to the floor in a dramatic death scene.
"You boys SHOT those drinks?" Marissa said, appalled.
"No, of course we didn't," Magnus said, not understanding the term "shot". "We DRANK them. We should have shot them...and Talon too. Would've saved us a whole lot of trouble."
Laughter swelled again, much to Magnus' irritation, and Marissa patiently explained that drinking so quickly was not only what she was referring to, it was also why they had gotten so terribly drunk.
The instant of inebriation in the three who had stayed at the table was pretty apparent, although in the distance the tape showed Jazz "gettin' sloppy" as he unhappily noted. It bothered the Specialist on a fundamental level that he had been seen in public at less than his usual optimum. Rodimus helpfully pointed out that at least Jazz hadn't leaned ridiculously far forward over the greasy table to stare, glassy-eyed, at Shellshock. That actually did make Jazz feel better.
Rodimus hid his face in Lancer's hair when the brawl started, at least until he heard something he had only been dimly aware of the night before.
Magnus.
Magnus laughing.
Magnus roaring.
Magnus encouraging the other men in the bar to go after Rodimus and Shellshock.
Rodimus turned around to stare up at his City Commander on the couch. Magnus was staring at the screen in dumbfounded amazement. So was Marissa. It took a few moments for Magnus to tear his astonished eyes away from the screen, but a well-honed survival instinct detected the waves of chill anger radiating off of his leader like air from a refrigerator.
Magnus met Rodimus' green, icy eyes, and tried the ingratiating smile Hot Rod had always used when their positions were reversed. Nope. Hadn't worked then. Didn't work now.
"You encouraged them," Rodimus stated.
"Err...I don't remember..." Magnus said.
"I had to fight that entire bar," Rodimus stated.
"Yeah, well I was drunk. It all seems like a dream now...."
On the screen his recorded self called three by-standers incompetent, weakling pussies for not joining in. They promptly all assailed the nearest contestant...which happened to be Rodimus. The record confirmed for Lancer that the cut under her mate's eye had been due to a ring, and she added her accusatory stare to Rodi's.
"MAGNUS!" Marissa said, smacking him on top of the head, "Do you even know what that word means?"
Magnus couldn't decide what was most disconcerting. Rodi's set, disgusted face on which incriminating bruises displayed themselves like peacock's tails, Lancer's mantis-like focus, lovely Marissa's ire over his language, or the fact that he had gotten himself into such a predicament in the first place! How in the hell had he gotten himself into THIS kind of trouble? Even when he'd been young he hadn't instigated brawls! He didn't blame them for being annoyed. HE certainly would have been annoyed if their positions had been reversed....and yet he could hardly remember. He stared at the laughing loon on the screen and wondered if that nutcase still lurked inside him, waiting in ambush for another moment to embarrass him this way.
"Err..." he said.
"I put five men in the emergency room, Ultra Magnus." Rodimus stated, undeterred by Marissa's interruption, "AND YOU ENCOURAGED THEM?"
"Errr....." Magnus said, although it sounded more like a groan. On the screen, his drunk-self tipped the chair wildly from one side to the other - leaning it precariously on one frail leg at time. The wood creaked and protested, but didn't splinter. Just when it seemed he would HAVE to topple himself over, his laughter would throw his weight back to the other side. All the while, he urged and even shoved opponents into the fray to confront Rodi and Shellshock so he could laugh at their defeat.
It was mortifying, and Rodi's eyes were getting greener by the second.
Magnus willed his recorded self to stop causing havoc.
His recorded self failed to follow orders.
Jazz suddenly started howling with laughter, and everyone else focused on him in offended amazement. He laughed so hard he could scarcely explain himself, but he did manage (which was fortunate, since Rodimus was gearing up to kill them both).
"He...Hey Man! Look! Weebles wobble! But they don't fall down!" the Specialist gasped, quoting a commercial they'd all seen that morning.
Rodimus opened his mouth, obviously gearing up for a real Prime reaming. No sound emerged though - the mouth just hung open while Rodi's eyes refocused on the screen.
The chair's joints screamed but held the incredible stresses of Magnus' laughter.
"It's true..." Marissa mused, as if to herself, "It does seem like defiance of all the laws of physics that he didn't end up on the floor..."
The first snicker escaped from Rodi's throat. He glared all the more fiercely at his City Commander for it, obviously fighting to maintain his righteous anger. The second snicker apparently caught Rodi off guard as his eyes widened in surprise when it got loose. Lancer drew back to stare solemnly at her mate, and then grinned, pulling back more. She knew when an eruption was forthcoming.
Jazz wagged his finger helplessly at Rodimus, who they could all see bravely fighting the beast of mirth which was overwhelming him. Marissa stared between Rodimus and the screen in wonderment - she couldn't quite believe EITHER spectacle. KC was already laughing quietly, but when Rodimus finally lost control he took everyone else in the room down with him. Jazz was quite clearly in pain - grimacing and moaning even as he wiped the tears off his face. Lancer and Rodimus clung to each other and roared. Pagan lost a few scales in addition to her composure, mostly because the baby began laughing with what she sensed. Talon laughed until a sullen Magnus turned around to glare at him, at which point the explosives expert showed Rodimus how laughter containment SHOULD be done.
Magnus glared at his drunk image with something like hatred, right up to the point he met his "friend." He actually DID vaguely remember this moment. He remembered the fight a little too, and how ludicrous it seemed that these stupid men, who didn't have the sense to lust after women they KNEW, who deliberately incapacitated themselves with alcohol, should try to take on Rodimus Prime, assassin, and Shellshock - a modified human construct with enough repressed rage to destroy worlds. What utter nonsense! And the drunkards didn't even have the mental capacity to FIND OUT what they were facing! Even after seeing Rodimus and Shellshock defeat opponent after opponent, they had LET a few simple words from him get them involved! They DESERVED to be throttled for that!
Suddenly he was laughing with the rest of them, although he knew he could never ever tell Rodimus why.
Rodimus missed the part where he shattered the man's arm...he had his face buried in Lancer's hair. It was probably better that way.
The girls got to relive their arrival, and Jazz got his first, mortifying look at his treatment of KC while he was drunk. He watched her fending off his hands while she helped him get up the stairs and blushed a vibrant scarlet. It didn't help when Rodi teased him about trying on Hot Rod's colors.
Magnus smacked himself in the face when he saw himself puke on his poor "friend," and all three of them gawked in disbelief at the all out puke and sob session in the back of Prime's trailer.
"He's never gonna forgive us for that one," Rodimus said in a horrified whisper.
"No he isn't," Magnus and Jazz said in unison. They didn't really notice though since all three of them were staring in transfixed terror at the screen.
"He'll never let us forget it either," Rodimus said.
"No," the other two answered.
By this point both Marissa AND Lancer were trying to salvage the last of their mascara as it ran down their carefully made-up cheeks. KC, unaccustomed to makeup, looked like she had two black eyes.
"We're doomed," Rodimus said.
"Doomed," the others nodded.
"There's only one thing left to do," he said calmly, "We have to kill Talon now."
"Kill Talon," Magnus and Jazz agreed, with zombie-like inflection.
Talon began backing, ever so slowly, towards the door.
The girls nodded at each other - deciding to be generous to their beloved mates, and let them have the honors. Pagan's grin seemed to engulf her whole face.
The threesome stood slowly, and turned to face Talon.
"Eeeep," he said, making a rush for the door.
They landed on him in unison.