The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy
Episode Six "Recipe For Ed" Part Two (Chapter Seven)
Written by thebestkindofstupid (AKA "Edd Shwartz")
Two days later, Double D was close to finding the trigger to all the Kanker Sisters' problems.
"One night," Lee said, tearing up a bit, "we all had this share dream. You know, one of the dreams we all have at the same time. We were all in bed, complaining about how hard it was to sleep with Mom's boyfriend and his friends making noise, when he showed up."
"Who showed up?" Double D asked.
"The Boogey Man," May answered.
"He was pale blue, and he had a big nose––a fez hat, too," Marie continued.
"So what happened in the dream?" Double D asked.
May said, "He grew this red demon face. It was horrifying. It had bull horns and fangs and warts." May shuddered.
Lee continued, "Then he pretended to apologize and offered us soup, but he tossed it in our faces. It was extremely hot. Then he used a seltzer bottle, which was so strong, it knocked us against the wall."
"Finally, he picked us up and threw us back in the bed," Marie finished, "then he shushed us, and he grew that demon face again. Then we woke up screaming, and Mom came in. We thought it was real, because our faces were sunburned, but Mom's boyfriend's friend said it was just a gazebo effect."
"You mean a placebo effect?"
"Maybe," Marie said.
"That was about two months before we started acting mean," Lee said.
"Hmm," Double D said, "That nightmare might explain something. You may have been suppressing some very strong..." Double D went on and on about all his notes. He concluded, "I'm afraid there's no quick way to fix this, unless, of course, you were to put the Boogey Man in his place." He was half-kidding, of course, but Eddy, having just returned from some form of makeshift golf, took the idea seriously.
"The Boogey Man's not real!" Eddy yelled, "How can that be the only quick fix?! We need to do something to fix this now!"
"Come now, Eddy," Double D said, trying to reason with him "Therapy takes time, and …"
"How much time?"
"Um, a couple of months…"
"COUPLE OF MONTHS!?" Eddy repeated, "We'll be back in school by then. You can't be serious about this taking months!'
Double D said, "Eddy, I'm afraid I'm doing that best I ca––"
Suddenly, Eddy formulated a plan. He put his hand over Double D's mouth. "Wait a second, I've got something to tell you in private." Eddy turned to the Kankers, "Ladies, you may go home for now. Get a good night's sleep for tomorrow."
"Do we really have to go?" Marie asked, "I thought we were doing well."
"It's 6:30. You were only supposed to stay in therapy until 5:15," Eddy said. "I mean, don't worry about it. We'll have all this behind us soon."
The Kankers left, and Eddy pulled Double D down to his height, and grabbed Ed. "All right, here's the plan. We're going to dress up like the Boogey Man, based on what they told you, and we're going to let them beat us. I suggest we get Grim to dress up. He needs to get into this story anyway."
"Eddy, I sincerely doubt this plan of yours will work…." Double D said.
"Trust me. It'll work out great. Even if they find out it's us, it's sure to snap them out of it. I saw on a TV show once."
"Was it a sitcom on a cartoon-oriented channel?" Double D asked.
"Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter. What matters is we're going to get what we deserve," Eddy finished.
That night, Ed, Eddy, Double D, and Grim carefully snuck into the Kankers' trailer.
"This is humiliating," Grim whispered to Eddy. He was wearing a paper mache––meshey––meché––muhshay––forget it! He was wearing a costume. That's the important part!
"Shh. We need the element of surprise. If they catch us, our plan is toast."
"Yum, is it buttered?" Ed said above the volume of a whisper.
Eddy and Double D covered Ed's mouth. "Are you trying to get us caught? What part of what I said did you not understand?" Eddy asked.
"You know, Eddy," Ed said, with his mouth escaping through Double D and Eddy's fingers, "you're supposed to paraphrase what you just said, when you use the phrase––"
"Please, Ed, stop!" Double D begged.
"Why?" Ed said, being way too loud.
"You're seriously going to get us in trouble," Eddy said. A light came from inside the living room. "Too late," he said.
Instead of finding Ms. Kanker, they saw none other than … the Boogey Man.
"What are you dorks doing?" he asked them in a rather loud tone.
"Oh, no…!" Grim said.
"Grim is that you? I haven't been able to bully you since High School?"
"Oh, no," Double D said, realizing they were about to meet a force more powerful than the Grim Reaper.
"Who are these chumps you're hanging out with?"
"OH, NO, I FORGOT TO WATER MY PET GARLIC!"
"Even in times of peril, you continue to amaze me with your stupid," Eddy scolded Ed.
"What's going on around here?" Lee said, as all three Kankers came through the door, to be shocked by what they saw.
"It's you…" Marie said.
"Ah, yes, I remember you. One of my favorite scares was done to you," Boogey said.
"Grim, who is this?" Eddy asked.
"You know him as the Boogey Man. He was the meanest bully in all of the Underworld."
"Oh, come now, Grim. I wasn't that bad to you," said the Boogey Man.
[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #1 "Steaks are High"
Wearing an absolutely hideous outfit, Grim was about to enjoy his meal in the Middle School cafeteria. "Wow, I can't believe we actually get something edible in the cafeteria," Grim said to his acquaintances at the table, "I mean, I would've preferred something that didn't come from the Overworld, but a steak is still pretty nice."
"Hey, Grim," said a teenaged Boogey, "Still talking to your imaginary friends?"
"You do realize they're real, right?" little Grim said.
"Are you delusional?"
"No, they're real," said a moth monster.
"Well, they are," said one of Boogey's near-friends. [Purple, what's a brief way to say "a friend who is often the butt of the other person's jokes."]
Boogey just looked angry for a moment, then shoved little Grim's steak into his eye socket.
"Ahh!" screamed Grim.
"Hey, look," said a purple monster, "Grim just got a steak shoved in his eye. Let's all laugh at his humiliation."
"Okay, first of all," said another monster, "Boogey doesn't understand the concept of slapstick. You should never do anything to the toes, fingernails, and eyes, because we know too well what it feels like to be in pain in those regions. Secondly, you don't have to point out what we would be laughing at. Third, it's like 1100 B.C. or something. Stop living in the past and get with the program."
"Killjoy," the purple monster said.
[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #2 "Death and Space Taxes"
"Well, Grim," said another nerdy looking student of the middle school, "I'm very pleased that you've decided to consider joining our puppet club with an open mind."
"To tell you the truth," Grim said, "I've always been tempted to join, but I was always afraid of Boogey's wrath, but since his parents bumped him up to 9th grade with my staying in 8th, I think I'll have a good time––"
Suddenly, Boogey came out of nowhere and gave Grim an atomic wedgie. "Ahahaha," Boogey laughed.
"I thought you were in high school now," said the nerd from earlier.
"I failed Integrated Science, so my parents brought me back here," said Boogey.
He went back to cackling, but the nerd pointed out something, "but you were only gone for four days."
Boogey then grabbed the other kid and gave him an atomic wedgie as well.
"Say, how does this school year numbering system work if we're all thousands of years old?" one of the other kids in the club asked. "No, really, this isn't some set-up for my puppet to joke about. I'm serious."
[With mumbled voice that drags]: Flash back #3 "Wedgie, the movie was one of those gags on The Simpsons that takes hours to write yet is only on screen for a matter of seconds."
Grim was watching an episode of The Price is Politically Incorrect when Boogie de-activated a cloaking device he stole from one of the geeks. "Uh, can I help you?" Grim asked. Grim then received some very rough "noogies" and said, "Ow! Come on, I'm not even in school."
"You shouldn't have to be," Boogey said. "You're a sophomore."
"Shouldn't that be freshmen?" he asked.
"Well, there's seven years of High School. There's Juniors, which are year 6, and there's Freshmen, which are year 1, and…" He stopped and pounded Grim's head into the carpet.
[With mumbled voice that drags]: Present Day… maybe.
"Wow, Grim, and I thought we had problems with bullying," Double D said.
"Yeah, he sounds like a much bigger jerk than Kevin," Eddy said.
"Hey, I heard that," Kevin said, barging into the Kankers Sisters' home.
"What are you doing here, Kevin?" Eddy asked.
"I came here to––"
"Frozen Penguin," Ed said.
The camera cut to various stares from Eddy to Kevin to Double D to Grim to Kevin to Boogey to Kevin.
"I came here to make sure you weren't going to do anything stupid to the Kanker sisters."
Double D was confused, "But you were nowhere around when Eddy gave us the original plan, and we didn't leave until 9 o'clo––Kevin, were you spying on us?"
"No, I wasn't," Kevin argued.
"This a friend of yours, Grim?" Boogey asked.
"No, he isn't," Grim emphasized.
"Oh, well, if he's your friend, I guess I'll just be taking him. Seeya."
"Oh, my goodness," Double D said, "the Boogey Man has taken Kevin to parts unknown!"
"This calls for a celebration!" Eddy yelled.
"Eddy, this is no time to be––" Double D actually managed to finish his sentence with "cracking jokes," but Grim started talking over him. Sheesh, there's a lot of interrupting others in this story.
"I am so sick of Boogey taking things away from me!" Grim exclaimed.
"You don't like that Kevin anyway. Why does it matter to you?" Eddy asked.
"Of course I don't like Kevin; it's the principle of the thing," Grim said. "Boogey has always been taking things away from me, whether they be physical or––BLARGH! I'm so mad, mon, I can't even think straight."
"Please tell me we're not going to be getting Kevin back," Eddy said.
"Excuse me," May said, "but is he gone yet." The Kankers had been cowering in the corner for quite some time.
"This is stupid!" Eddy said, "I'm going home."
"You can't just leave now," Double D said.
"It's like eleven o'clock," Eddy said.
"Actually, it's 10:30," Double D corrected him.
"My dad says I'm supposed to be in bed by 9:30," said Eddy, "Do you know how hard it is to sneak out and come home uncaught? Do you know what he'll do if he catches me?"
"Just be glad you have a father who cares about you," Marie said, realizing the Boogey Man was now long gone.
Realizing he had to convince the Kankers that the Boogey Man was not the terror he claims to be, Eddy had to agree to help Grim. "All right, fine, Grim. I'll help you do whatever to Boogey."
Grim summoned a purple vortex with his scythe. "Come on, we've got work to do, mon," Grim said before jumping into the vortex.
"I just know I'm going to regret this," Eddy said before jumping in as well.
"Hilarious one-liner!" Ed said running into the vortex as well.
"I suppose I had better go too," Double D said glumly. He casually walked into the portal, which closed after he walked through it.
There's a third section of this story. I'm sorry.