Chapter Seven

Something Unexpected

I had ended up wandering back into my room with a sort of pulsing deliriousness resonating through me as I began to mechanically get changed into something other than my nightgown. There was something in Tamlin's eyes that terrified me. A desperation that way beyond what I already thought he had achieved. And a weariness. The kind of exhaustion a wild animal would have on the brink of starvation. Where they wouldn't stop hunting until they had caught something or until they heaved their last breath.

It rattled me to the core. Something was going on other than what I already was aware of or suspicious of. What exactly had gone on while I had been away? Something was off. Not just with Tamlin but with this entire household. It was almost as if everyone, even the walls themselves were holding their breath, lying in wait for something. And not something as whimsical as a grand wedding for their High Lord, or even the oncoming Hybern armies. No. I could feel the stares when I walked past, drilling into the back of my skull. A desperation of some sort. There was some other part to play in store for me, but I didn't know what it was and I was afraid to find out.

The chill kept creeping over my spine long after I stepped back out of my chambers with a flowing long dress made of soft, thin fabric that had one strap of fabric going across one of my shoulders to hold it in place. It was a pale blue and clung a little more to my skin to show my entire physique more than I liked, but the only reason I decided to wear it was to show Tamlin how much I had filled out since I had been here last. Not only had I gained my healthy weight back but I was toned and much more fit thank the gods for Cassian's training. I intended to keep up with it while I was here, and no one would stop me unless they planned on throwing me back in that dungeon down the stairs. But I would hold off on that for one more day. Especially since Tamlin seemed almost to a breaking point this morning. I didn't want to be in his way any more than I had to today in hopes of him calming down a bit more by tomorrow.

I padded down the hallway and into the room that Tamlin had not seemed to have touched out of all the rooms. Everything was covered with sheets to keep the dust off of my paintings. For that I didn't know if I felt a small pang of gratitude or disgust at how he acted as if I would return to uncover them once again. Sadly, he was not wrong,

He must have known I would be coming in here today, for there, on a small table off to the side that had not been there before, was a brand new container opened to reveal a beautiful and extravagant set of paints in all hues, some that I had not even seen before I had been taken. I ran my fingers across the tops of the bottles and noted the new brushes of all shapes and sizes that lied in wait at the bottom of the box as well.

Without a seconds hesitation, I tore the sheet off of my blank canvases and pulled up my chair, setting to work on my piece without any other thought in mind than the image splayed out in my head. I wasn't going to paint another stupid garden, or one of the thousands of types of flowers that were already splattered across the other canvases still hidden under the other sheets. No. I drew to life a memory that Tamlin would never know other than the image I put forth. I painted Velaris. But not the skyline, not the beautiful buildings and the way the sun shined on the brightly colored roofs during midday. Nor did I draw the beautiful lights at night, one of the millions of areas I could have brought to life with nights and lamps beautiful colors.

I painted the scene that would forever scar and sear beneath my eyelids before I fell asleep at night. I painted the cursed stony demons that fell from the sky, the human Queen in the background pierced upon a pyre, her hair falling back in the wind. The color of the sky that day, and wings, far off in the distance. If Tamlin ever looked at the painting, along with the ones I will be doing from here on out until the day of him and his courts demise, he would see what he had done. What his choices helped aid. The lives that were lost.

…..

I was in there until the evening. Painting with such a fervor that I only left the room to relieve myself or get water. A servant had come in a couple times to bring in a plate of fresh fruit and cheeses, the second time with hot tea and different cold cuts with bread. I snacked on them as I worked away tirelessly, but I did not stop until it was done. And it turned out far different than I had thought it would. The metaphors were stronger in this. The blacks and the reds were darker making it look like something out of a nightmare. Which it was. I had gotten paint on my dress, and I was pretty sure there was some smeared on my forehead from brushing stray hairs from my face during the day. But I felt better. Like I let off a little steam. But I wanted to do more. Knowing that I could not stay in there forever, I decided I would come back for a little while tomorrow. But I needed to figure out and plan what to do when the King arrived. And I needed to have Tamlin feeling more caring towards me before his arrival.

As I stepped out and turned to head towards the stairs, a familiar figure was leaning against the opposite wall, a hand on his hip with a smirk on his lips. Lucien. His golden eye whirred as it focused on me, and I noticed that his hair was mussed from what must have been from a day out riding. Probably doing patrols.

I stood and faced him, crossing my arms, refusing to say the first word. He straightened up and took a step towards me. "I want to make a deal with you."

My head was already cocked to the side before I could even fully grasp what he was saying. But he didn't stop there. "I will answer one question in exchange you answer one of mine. Both of us must speak truthfully."

I gawked at him. Was he serious? "How do I know that whatever I say won't be reaching Tamlin's ears?"

"I swear upon the few things left that I hold dear. Please, Feyre. This is more for me than it is for you so you should probably take advantage while you can." He reached up and swiped his hair out of his eyes, his gaze now facing downward almost in shame. "I am desperate."

I couldn't believe I was falling for this, but I had a strong suspicion what it was about and if it was what I think it is, then there would be no way he would tell Tamlin of this discussion. I sighed. "Fine. You go first."

He nodded and struck the nail dead on, confirming my suspicions. "Is she safe?"

"Of course she is safe!" I snapped. "If she wasn't do you really think that I would be acting as I am now? She is my sister, Lucien. I can give you my word, there is nowhere on this continent that she would be safer. Especially in comparison to you."

His shoulders sagged with relief as soon as the words left my mouth and I swear he almost collapsed to the floor. I understood. He was keeping his composure a lot better than I had expected. I still hated the idea of my sister ever having anything to do with him, and the thought of being tied to him as a mate made me want to go on a rampage, but it wasn't so much to do with him as it had to do with Tamlin. I could never allow them to be together if Lucien still aligned himself with the High Lord of Spring.

I waited to see if he had any more to say on the subject, but he was true to his word that it would be just one question. Therefore, mine would have to be good to where it would help me the most.

"My turn." He tensed, readying himself as if he were about to come to blows, but nodded.

"What happened while I was away?"

He growled and glared at me. "Come on, Feyre. That is far too vague of a question for a short answer."

I just crossed my arms and stared at him expectantly. He sighed and looked towards the open end of the hall as if he were afraid somebody could be listening. "Fine, but not here." He began storming towards the section of the mansion where his room was. I had only been in here once and it looked exactly the same when we stepped inside. The only thing that hadn't been destroyed or scarred. I didn't know exactly how that made me feel. Worse, I think, because it made it seem like the last month after my departure never happened. Like it was some dream I had and I was awake now. Back here. Trapped again.

I went and sat on his bed as he stepped over to his old desk, pushing things to the side as he grabbed the chair and turned it to face me. His face was solemn, as if he were carrying some terrible weight. Which was nothing new.

He sat down, and threw off his scabbard, letting the sword and holster clatter to the floor. I watched warily, wondering how much had happened to him and when it would ever break him.

"You won't like what I am about to tell you. And if Tamlin were to find out that you knew, he would kill me. And I am not over exaggerating when I say that, Feyre. You cannot let him know that I told you. If he even suspects... " His face began to pale and turn a chalky color as some unknown image passed over his eyes.

"I won't tell him, Lucien... you know that. I give you my word."

He watched me for a moment, and I held eye contact as he assessed me before grunting an approval and leaned forward in his chair. I suddenly felt very, very afraid. The kind of terror you feel when there is a noise at night when you are a child, lying in bed, and that noise suddenly confirms all your nightmares have come true. So you lie in wait for your oncoming death at the clawed hands of some horrible beast. Maybe I didn't want to know what happened... Lucien's face.. there was something wrong.

"Do you remember... the rite? The one we have every year where Tamlin renews his powers to harness and govern the entire Spring Court?" I swallowed and slowly nodded. I wasn't here for it this last time. I wondered who the terribly unlucky woman was who had bedded him this years solstice.

Lucien watched me as I nodded and shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what he was even saying. "Tamlin... he didn't finish it this year."

I stood up abruptly, my eyes widening. "What?!" Was that even possible?

Lucien suddenly looked very tired. "He couldn't find someone to bed... he only wanted you. But you weren't here. It was right after I found you in the woods with Rhysand... He was so desperate to get you back. But right before the celebration he was almost going mad... and I think it was because he knew. He knew he wouldn't be able to perform it without you."

I backed away now, my chest heaving. That was why they were so fervently hunting me... why he must have made that deal with the King of Hybern... why couldn't he have performed it with someone else? What the hell was going on? Was he really that cauldron-bent on getting me back that he got it into his head that I really was the only one intended for him? I could feel my breaths coming in short, quick gasps now. Lucien stood up and stepped forward almost as if to comfort me, then stopped short.

"The Spring Court is a mess, Feyre. We don't have our renewed magic, and without it, Tamlin is getting weaker. It's harder for him to change. His powers are waning. We needed you back."

I suddenly broke in, my eyes wild. "Needed me back for what? So I could save the entire Spring Court by fucking Tamlin? You said it yourself! It's too late! What the hell do you expect from me now?"

Lucien turned away suddenly, acting as if he couldn't bear to see my reaction from his next words. "There is a way we found out how to fix it... we found an ancient text. We can hold another Rite of sorts... but Tamlin won't do it without you. Just like last time."

My fear faded, only to be replaced by pure and utter terror. No. Please...