Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.
R/N: I'm so excited!
Y/N: Ohh? Might I ask the why?
A/N: Yeah, why are you so excited?
Y/N: My, I seem to have gained a parrot of sorts.
A/N: Ohh, shush. I just didn't feel comfortable with saying nothing, so I forced myself to say something.
Y/N: You rarely have to force it; you can rarely manage to shut up. Ufufu...
A/N: Okay, now you're just being mean; I do too know how to be quiet!
Y/N: Then why don't you do it?
A/N: And do what you want me to?
Y/N: So you admit to being unable to shut up.
A/N: I admit to nothing!
Y/N: Ohh, yes you do~
A/N: No, I don't.
Y/M: But you do.
A/N: Do not.
Y/N: Do so~
A/N: Do not!
R/N: I have arms!
Y/N: ...
A/N: ...That's great, Raiko, but we're having a very important discussion.
R/N: But you sound so discordant. There's no harmony; it's just endless, pointless noise!
A/N: ...
Y/N: ...Perhaps she has a point.
A/N: Yeah, maybe she does.
Y/N: That point being that you never shut up~
A/N: But I do! I just... do it while people aren't around.
Y/N: So you effectively never shut up.
A/N: No!
Y/N: Yes~
R/N: Ugh... These guys need to act their ages...
A/N: If she did that she would be dead.
Some time in the past:
I looked out the window, watching a pair of children play, before I closed the curtains to our mostly western-styled home. "...Honey, is it just me, or are people... avoiding us?"
Looking over his issue of the Kakashi Spirit News, my husband replied simply, "No, it's not."
Knitting my brows in annoyance at the simple answer, I asked, "Then what's going on?"
Folding his paper with a noisy crinkle and setting it aside, he offered, "I think you already know what, dear; you don't need me answering questions you already know the answers to, do you?"
I bit my lip, afraid of the answer that was right in front of me. Noticing this, husband got up, and slowly walked over to me, pulling me into an embrace. "Dear, it's alright. Whatever happens, we'll at least be protected. After all, we have a pair of lovely ladies with a good head on their shoulders. Between Rika and you, what could possibly go wrong? Not to mention that if things go horribly wrong we still have Rika's evil eyes for protection. You know more than me how effective they can be when they decide something to be a threat to our Rika. I'm sure that protection extends to the whole family."
Nodding slightly, just letting myself be held, I said, "Yes, you're right. Everything will turn out for the best in the end. Nothing horrible will happen to us so long as she maintains her little army."
Present day:
Deciding to take another short break from listening to old recordings, I made my way over to that statue. When I got a close look at it, I discovered that it was of someone sitting in the corner of this workshop, shielding itself with its arms, and squinting its eyes shut in fear. Said statue was wearing a lab coat, and had a small pair of round frame glasses on, too. I think it might be of a woman, too, but there's one thing that bothered me about it. "...Why does it look so scared? I've never seen a statue quite like it. Not to mention, isn't Rika an inventor? Did she make a statue on the side or something? Maybe buy it and shove it off into the corner? Was it maybe a gift?" Someone who gives a little girl a gift like that is a bit demented.
Leaving the sculpture alone, I headed back over to the work station I had left the chest at, and decided to get back to my quest for private knowledge. What can I say; I'm a bit nosy.
Looking through the rows of tapes, I found the next one to simply be a capital 'K', which caused me to raise a brow. "What, have you run out of... unique symbols to use, language? Not that I'm complaining; losing sanity over the little things isn't exactly high on my to-do list, after all.
Pulling out the tape labeled with the letter 'K', I proceeded to slide it into place, close the hatch, and press play.
Rika: I'll bet you didn't see this coming, guys.
[woof]
Rika: Aside from you, Alpha. I knew you would; you're familiar with the greek alphabet.
Raising a brow, I asked, "Greek? So this is the greek alphabet, huh?"
[meow...]
Rika: Yeah, I know, she did have a bit of an advantage, really. Well, anyways, say hello to our captive audience, Kappa.
Old man: You know, that name is going to be difficult to get used to.
Rika: I could just call you by your name if you would prefer.
Old man: No. If it isn't just because you're bein' an idiot, and it's to be my new name based off of the greek alphabet letter, I'm fine with it. 'Sides, I won't be a kappa for long, if what you say is true. [chuckle]
Rika: And you're sure you're okay with all of this? I mean, sure, you'll still be able to invent, and yeah, you'll have more flexible hands from it, as well as a potentially stronger body for it, but still.
Kappa: I think you just answered your own question, missy. 'Sides, I'm gettin' pretty old. We kappa don't age as well as other youkai do, you know. I can hardly lift anything anymore, and my mind... it's dulled over the past millennia.
Rika: So I might be doing you a big favor by doing this for you.
Kappa: Might be, yeah. It's a real big maybe, though. But it's a risk I'll take for a second chance at life, missy. 'Sides, even if it doesn't work out, at least it'll help ya with your research. Not like I have much to lose, and you've got plenty to gain from this crazy little project of yours!
Rika: ...Crazy?
Kappa: Well, what else would it be? Not exactly the most sane thing in the world to be cuttin' things open, puttin' gear boxes in their hearts, not botherin' to close 'em up a lot of the time, and finally gettin' a youkai to make em start tickin' again.
Rika: But I'm not crazy!
Kappa: So you say. ...'Sides, all the best inventors and pioneers ain't right in the head. It'd be stranger if you were normal.
Rika: Mom's normal...
Kappa: Then she's abnormal. And don't you be lookin' at me like that; bein' abnormal ain't nothin' to be afraid of. Just a fact of life, really. What even is normal in this line of work?
Rika: ...Making things?
Kappa: [chuckle] That was rhetorical, missy.
Rika: Ohh... Sorry about that.
Kappa: Think nothin' of it! Some of the best inventors and scientists around can't recognize those kinda questions. Always takin' things the wrong way, too. Compliment 'em, and they'll take it as an insult! Insult 'em, and they'll take it as a compliment! Always doin' the unexpected without even meanin' to, and the expected when ya least expect it!
Rika: I... see.
Kappa: So, 'bout that surgery...
Rika: R-right. Uhh, I guess Rika out...
Kappa: Ohh, you've even got a unique way to end your transmissions?
Rika: Umm... Y-yeah.
Kappa: That's swell. [chuckle]
Rika: R-Rika out...
Rika: Well, I now know what the human heart is like.
Kappa: Kappa's more accurate, but I know what ya mean well enough. Humans and youkai are pretty similar, after all.
Rika: I'm surprised you're not in debilitating pain...
Kappa: And I'm surprised that I'm still alive! Heart's pretty important after all. You did some real fine work there! Real fine.
Rika: Th-thank you...
Kappa: So, any information you need on kappa before I get stabbed by your little white friend over there?
Rika: W-well, erm...
Kappa: Yes, missy?
Rika: About... shirikodamas, was it?
Kappa: Heh. Of course that's what you'd want to know. You humans always want to know about that, don't you?
Rika: Do we...?
Kappa: Yup! The magical anus ball, and what it's for. It's a widely believed superstition among kappa that to take a shirikodama gives a kappa a boost in power!
Rika: ...Does it?
Kappa: Grade-A bull hookey. Now, eatin' the heart of your foes? That works! But eatin' the actual soul? Not so much. Only way it'd do anything is if you made a machine that ran off souls!
Rika: [writing] I see...
Kappa: So, want to see what a shirikodama looks like?
Rika: W-w-what?! You'll show me one? ...You have one to show?
Kappa: [chuckle] I don't.
Rika: But you just sai- ...I don't think I like where this is going...
Kappa: Don't worry; I'll be gentle.
Rika: But won't that kill me...?
Kappa: Only if I sever the cord!
Rika: I don't know...
Kappa: You can trust me, missy! Besides, I'm already trustin' you with my life! What's the worst that could happen?
Rika: I could die!
Kappa: And then your little eyes would bring ya back!
Rika: ...Well, when you put it like that...
Kappa: All you have to do is take off your pants, and I'll get to work!
Rika: A-a-alright... [fabric shifting]
Kappa: Underwear too, kiddo~
Rika: A-a-alr-r-right... [fabric shifting]
I couldn't help but sigh, "A bit trusting, isn't she...? Sounds like she's about to be raped, really..."
Kappa: Now, bend over for me... Put your hand on the bed, and just relax, and I'll work my magic.
Rika: W-w-what's in the b-bottle...?
Kappa: Just somethin' to help with this, missy. Don't you worry; I'll take care of everything.
[momentary silence]
Rika: Eep! Ahh... that feels... f-funny...
I stared at the tape recorder incredulously. "What the hell are they doing...? It's making me feel dirty just listening to it..."
Kappa: Almost... [squelch]
Rika: Ooh...! Wh-what...?!
Kappa: [grunt] there we go. I got my hand in there. That was pretty difficult, missy! Tight fit.
Rika: Why doesn't this hurt more...?
Kappa: 'Cause I'm that good, missy. 'Sides, I've been told my hands are pretty derned small. That goes a pretty long way in the end. [boisterous laugh] Get it? In the end!
Rika: [groan] I do...
Mom: [knocking, before door creaks opens] Rika, it's time for di- It's... Di... [thud]
Rika: Mom?! [pop] Mom, are you okay?!
Mom: I just had... a terrible nightmare.
Kappa: [chuckle] Might want to put your pants back on while she's still out of it, missy.
Rika: R-right! [fabric shifting]
Mom: ...Rika?
Rika: Yeah, mom?
Mom: What am I... doing on the floor?
Rika: Y-you, uhh...
Kappa: You tripped.
Mom: Ohh. ...How embarrassing...
I rose a brow at the odd situation. "Is she... in denial over what she saw, or was it just too much to handle and she forgot?"
Rika: S-so, uhh... Why did you come up here?
Mom: Huh? ...Ohh. Yes, it's time for dinner. Bring your guest down with you, and we'll start eating.
Rika: Mom, he's not a guest...
Mom: W-what is he, then?
Rika: My current project! You should treat him with the respect he deserves as such!
Mom: Ohh, thank goodness...
Rika: ...Huh?
Mom: Nothing, dear.
I nodded to myself, saying, "Yeah, she definitely remembers and is in denial."
Kappa: Heh. That's sweet of ya, but this kappa don't need special treatment. Just standard treatment's plenty. Already it's more than I'm used to from humans! Feels like just yesterday that humans and kappa didn't get along at all. We even killed each other! Sometime the stupid kappa would let their desires get away from them, too, and do somethin' terrible. Half-kappa made by these unions were usually killed! It's nice to live in an age where kappa and humans can pretty derned easily coexist.
Rika: Well, if you insist... You're gonna be like family soon, so I just figured...
Kappa: Ohh, so ya wanted to treat this old kappa like family? Sounds better if ya say it bluntly like that, y'know. [boisterous laugh]
Mom: W-well, lets head on down for dinner, alright?
Rika: Rika out. Comi-~
I couldn't help but feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "So she treats all of them like family, huh? No matter what they were before? That sure is sweet of her. What a good kid."
Rika: Well, now that dinner is over, I've taken Kappa to the lab! Before we get to impregnating him, I've decided to resume where we left off!
Kappa: You know, calling it impregnating's kinda disturbing. I may be old, but I'm still a man, dagnabbit.
Rika: Ahh, well... Admittedly, I'm used to calling the subjects female regardless of what they are; I never check, you see.
Kappa: I see! And what do you mean by 'where we left off'?
Rika: W-well, erm... My shirikodama. I... I still wish to see it, if you still want to show me it. I figured it would be better to do before stabbing you in the heart.
Kappa: ...You know, if I didn't know about what evil eyes did, I might be fearin' for my life 'bout now. And yeah, suppose I should be finishin' what I started.
Rika: Y-yeah...
Kappa: Well, you know the drill; pants off, bend over, and let me get to work.
Rika: R-r-right... [fabric shifting]
[momentary silence]
Rika: Eep!
Kappa: [grunt] Still as tight a fit as ever, I see...
Rika: W-whHhy wouldn't... it be...?
Kappa: Well, y'see, puttin' things in places like these makes 'em looser over time, sweetheart.
Rika: I-I s-seEe...
Kappa: Now, where's that little- Ahah! [pop] There you are.
Rika: [pant] That's it...? It... it looks like a little glowing pearl on a shining silver string... You c-could have just described it. It's beautiful, but still... ...Looks sticky, too...
Kappa: Some things are better shown rather than told. You wouldn't've been able to imagine it in its full glory! Now, let's see about puttin' this baby away.
Rika: A-alriIight...
[momentary silence]
Kappa: [pop] There we go! Tucked away safe and sound in its little hidey hole.
Rika: Mmm... D-did you have to put your hand back in as well...? I'm not a glove, y'know...
Kappa: Do you want it comin' back out on its own?
Rika: W-well... No...
Kappa: Exactly. Had to ensure it went back where it belonged, as it would just end up comin' right back out when ya used the toilet!
Rika: ...But I haven't had to use the bathroom in years. Not since we moved to Gensoukyou...
Kappa: Ohh? You're an outsider? Never would've pegged ya as one.
Rika: But... I invent things. That's a pretty outsider thing to do...
Kappa: So what? We kappa also invent things, and we're from Gensoukyou! Also, ya should probably pull your pants back up. Ya got a nice little tush, but you don't need to be pointin' it at me like that! [guffaw]
Rika: R-r-right! [fabric shifting]
Kappa: Anyways, hows about we get on with it?
Rika: W-with what?
Kappa: Stabin' me in the heart with a big ol' barb. What we came here to do in the first place, missy! What else?
Rika: Ahh, right... Uhh... I'll go get the numbing agent.
Kappa: Nah, that's fine; I can handle a little pain. 'Sides, you said it wasn't so bad.
Rika: Aside from the initial pain and then the feelings of your insides tearing themselves up later on? Painless.
Kappa: [guffaw] Then lets get on with it. The sooner we do, the sooner I'll be an evil eye.
Rika: Alright. Alpha?
[thunk]
Kappa: Ahh, that... that hurt, but not nearly as bad as I expected. Just felt like something pierced a bone... I've had worse
Rika: That would be the barb getting lodged in your sternum. Saying that it immediately is stuck in the heart is actually incorrect. However, while it's possible to remove it, you would have to remove the bone it's stuck in within the day. After that it has already grown into the heart.
Kappa: Do I wanna know how you learned all that?
Rika: Well, I, uhh... I set-up some tests for things to see just what it does. I also discovered that the only parts required to create an evil eye are the heart, sternum or whatever else it's lodged in, brain, two lungs, stomach, and liver.
Kappa: How'd ya discover all that?
Rika: I systematically started to remove organs from each evil eye I made, and used trial and error to discover under what conditions it wouldn't try to create an evil eye from the parts. If you add the parts back in it resumes growing. I theorize that I could also use the organs of other creatures in lough of the ones from the creature the heart comes from.
[long pause]
Kappa: ...I see.
Rika: You wouldn't happen to have any organs in poor condition, would you?
Kappa: Can't say I do.
Rika: Are you a smoker?
Kappa: Never did a day in my life; always knew it was bad for you. Doesn't sound healthy to inhale burning plants in the first place, now does it?
Rika: Rats... I was hoping to test that theory had you said yes...
Kappa: I realized this.
Rika: ...You sure nothing's wrong?
Kappa: Giving me puppy eyes doesn't change fact.
Rika: Fiiine... Anyways, there's nothing left to talk about, so... Rika out.
I couldn't help but snort at that. "She really wants to test her theories, doesn't she...? Kinda creepy, really..."
Rika: Well, this is strange...
[woof]
Rika: Yeah, yeah, I know... From the beginning. Right, well, Kappa is... reacting strangely to the whole process.
[woof...]
Rika: And by strangely, I mean that it's been four days and he still isn't in a coma. That's never happened before! Sure, it's rare that I even get a chance to see creatures get to that stage - usually I work with cadavers - but I'm utterly surprised by this turn of events! I wonder how long he will last? Is it perhaps because he's a youkai? He's already in horrible pain from all that's happening to him, but I have to wonder just what the ending to this will be. Will he simply... not go comatose? That would be something fascinating. I wonder just how much pain he might be able to tolerate? Will it knock him dead? Rika out.
I rose a brow at that, saying, "How interesting... I wonder just where this is going?"
Rika: Day 5: Kappa has requested something to help with the pain, which I reluctantly gave him. It gets in the way of my research some, but I doubt he would listen to me if I damage the trust between us in such a way.
[woof...]
Rika: Research is also important, Alpha. If one lets something like the pain of others get in the way of genius, one won't get particularly far.
[woof!]
Rika: Yes, there are other ways, but those ways don't bring progress as quickly. I'm looking to advance the field of evil eyes as much as I can here, and any obstruction, no matter the size, is still an obstruction! I hope to some day understand evil eyes completely, and this is unbroken ground we're talking about! I want it to be as unaltered as can be! Already the truth is being blurred now that he is taking something for the pain. I will have to continue to monitor him, and hope for the best. Rika out.
[whine cut off]
I couldn't help but shudder a bit. "Getting a little obsessed, aren't we, Rika? You're starting to sound downright evil... You were such a sweet girl back when you were just making that tank, or 'Mister Bakebake'... What happened to you? ...For that matter, what happened to Bakebake? You haven't talked about your weaponized souls project in a long time."
Rika: Day 6: He's started coughing up blood here and there. I hypothesize that his lungs are either restructuring themselves without a care for damage done, or trying to detach from his trachea. ...Or perhaps his stomach is. Anything in that general area fits the bill. Then again, the intestines are among parts unused; perhaps they are what is detaching, and blood is coming up into his stomach.
[woof]
Rika: True, blood in the stomach may actually cause vomiting. But, then again, he is a youkai. That might allow him to handle blood with ease; they are known to be quite hardy after all, even if he's old.
[woof...]
Rika: Speciesist it may be, but it is also grounded in reality; youkai are known to eat raw human. He is quite old, so I would assume that he has had human at some point.
[woof]
Rika: Yes, yes, I know that that is assuming a lot, but it's just the way things used to be, going by records. He obviously lived through that time and beyond, so it stands to reason that he has. As such, I would go as far as saying that it's more of an educated guess than a speculation.
[woof...?]
Rika: ...That's not a bad idea, Alpha. If I just ask him a few important questions, they might lead me to some interesting answers. Thanks, Alpha. Didn't think of that. Rika out.
Kappa: [cough cough] Whaddaya want, Missy...? Tryin' to sleep through the last of this. The voices and the pain ain't helpin' though.
[woof]
Kappa: Mind readin'? So the voices are... thoughts? This ain't gonna be easy to get used to...
Rika: I have some questions for you, Kappa.
Kappa: [growl] I have a name ya- Right. New name. Ugh... Head's poundin'; feels like its 'bout ready to split in two.
Rika: [scritch scratch] Split... in... two... Got it. Alright, first question. Is raw meat a common meal for you?
Kappa: What...? No, not really. I like my meat cooked if I can help it. Some seasonin' helps too. Not that sushi's bad or anything, I just tend to like my meat cooked is all.
Rika: Have you consumed a large amount of human flesh in the past?
Kappa: What...? Why would you...?
Rika: I'm trying to figure out why you're in so much pain. This might be of help.
Kappa: ...Well, yeah, I guess so. Was a common thing we ate in the distant past.
Rika: Raw?
Kappa: Cooked.
Rika: Hrm... Then that rules out the blood coming from your intestines, I guess...
Kappa: ...How?
Rika: I thought that it could be so if your stomach was used to blood, but it's not.
Kappa: Well, I don't drink blood or anything, but I probably could if I really wanted to. Youkai are pretty hardy after all. We don't throw up easily. You'd probably have to poison us, as we don't get physically sick. ...Can I go back to bed now? Head's... killin' me... Ugh... [thud]
Rika: Kappa?! Are you alright? Kappa! [smack] Kappa!
[woof]
Rika: But he's not due for another day! Could he really be-
[crunch]
Rika: Ohh! He lurched! Yeah, he's definitely hatching... Wow, he stayed conscious to the last moment...
[crunch]
Rika: Let's leave the room while he does this; being spattered with gore is something I'd like to avoid. Rika out!
I chuckled a bit, finding the whole thing a little funny, somehow. "That hatching sounds like a bloody affair."
Rika: Well, this is... interesting, to say the least...
[woof]
[silence]
Rika: Ohh, shush. So what if it's rude? It's the truth!
[silence]
Rika: Yeah, I didn't expect you to look like a traditional kappa either. Real shocker, really. At least you'll fit in back home a little better, right?
[silence]
Rika: Well, yeah. What would I gain from keeping you here after I've run my tests on strength and such?
[silence]
[woof]
Rika: Ehe... Thanks. I try to be good after all. So, shall we get to the tests?
[silence]
Rika: You're welcome. Rika out.
I blinked in surprise at the abrupt end to the recording. "Is that really the end? What about the test results? Is he back to full strength or not?" I couldn't help but sigh. I really did want to know, but if it ends there, it ends there. "Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll mention it at the start of the next one."
Putting away the previous tape, I pulled out the next one, and asked, "What the hell? It's like an 'A' but without the line connecting the two angular lines... I wonder what it means? Somehow it looks kinda familiar..."
With that said, I inserted the next tape and pressed play.
Rika: That was my longest tape yet! Nearly had to start using side B, I think!
I blinked at the mention, saying, "I forgot that tapes had sides..."
[meow]
Rika: Yeah, you guys can come on out from up there now. With Kappa gone home, I can now not worry about crowding him too much. Didn't want to displease my guest after all... I knew it had to suck to be in so much pain. He was pretty unlucky, really, with how he didn't ever go comatose.
I couldn't help but raise a brow. "Rika, are you evil, or are you sweet? Make up your mind already..." I blinked when I realized something else that had been said, and looked to the dark ceiling, pausing the tape. "...Hiding in the ceiling, huh?" With that said, I turned on the desk lamp, and bent it so that I could sweep the light across the ceiling, and proceeded to do just that. "...No, nothing there... Wait, is that a hole? Where does it lead?" Heading under the hole, I looked up, and found something disturbing. The night sky was on the other side. That... creature could have gotten in at any time, had it simply went to the ceiling. ...Then again, it punched through that door like it was paper, so I guess it could have gotten in either way.
Shuddering, I headed back to the tape recorder, and I pressed play.
[woof]
Rika: Exactly. I'm sure any of you that were alive for your changes can agree with that. They sound terribly painful...
[animal noises]
Rika: Now, on to the next order of business. I have found that kappa produce interesting results, so I have decided to see what happens when I make evil eyes out of aquatic creatures! It really could bring in some interesting results, I think, and it may bring me closer to my goal of creating the perfect evil eye. So, first on our list, and likely the most difficult to find, is a seal! I've also decided to streamline things. From now on, I'm going to just start these after I've already turned the creature, unless I have reason to do otherwise.
I blinked at that statement. "A... seal? Where does one even find a seal?"
[arf]
Rika: Yes, I was getting to it, Lambda! Sheesh... Lambda the seal has come out with a flipper hanging out of the back, and a good sized body. Whiskers, too.
My eyes widened just a bit in realization. "That's why! It looked familiar because it's the symbol for Half-Life! ...Although, it doesn't have the little hangy bit on top. I wonder why that is?" Thinking a moment, I came to a conclusion. "Perhaps the hangy bit is only on the lower case letter, or the upper case, and this is the opposite?"
[arf]
Rika: Yes, yes, we'll test your power after I finish this up. Anyways, Rika out.
Raising a brow, I said, "Wow, compared to the one on Kappa, this one's tiny!" Moving on, I put away the tape, and took out the next. "An 'M'? I wonder what this one will be? Maybe it'll be like the exact opposite of an 'M' and be a 'W' in use!" I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the joke I told at the expense of the letter 'M' as I inserted the next tape into the recorder.
Pressing play, I began to listen with rapt attention.
Rika: Mu!
[moo]
Rika: [giggle] Mu!
[moo]
I couldn't help but raise a brow at the odd exchange. "What the heck...?"
Rika: This is Mu, the bull! She's-
[woof]
Rika: Fine, fine, he's my newest evil eye. Happy?
[woof]
Rika: Moving on! The mutations this time are horns and a cow-style tail, which is surprising, as Mu was just a calf when I bought her-
[woof]
Rika: Him. Jeez, this is really hard to remember! Maybe I should have just gotten a female calf.
[moo...]
Rika: Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean any harm by that. It's just hard to remember your gender is all.
[woof...]
Rika: Well yeah, of course Kappa's gender was easy to remember; I talked to him for a good while, and he... did things to my butt!
[moo?]
[woof]
[moo]
Rika: [sigh] Anyways, that's about all there is to it. Rika out.
With that said, I opened the hatch on the front, and took out the tape. With that done, I put it away, and pulled out the next tape in line. " 'N', huh? I could make some pretty poor jokes on that one, but you know what? I won't. I'm better than using racial slurs as joke material."
With that said, I put the tape in and pressed play.
Rika: Well, now that I have my huge cow, it's time to get back onto my current subject! Aquatic wildlife. That seal made for some pretty interesting research. How about a frog? And, just as I expected, it came out pretty different! For one, it actually has legs. Strong legs, in fact. Inside the mouth is another interesting detail. You see, it has a long tongue that can easily stick to things! So very sticky...
[ribbit]
Rika: Sure, I didn't have to feel up your tongue, but I feel that it was pretty helpful, Nu. It's really thick, too... It's like a sticky meat rope that stretches and can snap back with a little effort! I rather like it.
I rose a brow. "Mu and then Nu. I'm sensing a pattern here. I wonder if it will continue?"
[ribbit]
Rika: Aww, no need to be embarrassed, you know. It's just the truth! It's a pretty versatile organ! I could imagine it being pretty useful in combat, with how strong you now are. It's at least as strong as a human arm after all. I know I'm not strong enough to beat it in a tug of war.
[woof]
Rika: Hey, that's kinda mean! I am too pretty strong for a woman! I pick up heavy sheets of steel all the time! My arms are pretty muscular, too!
[moo]
Rika: See? Mu thinks I'm strong!
[woof]
Rika: ...True, I guess Mu does hardly know me. Still, though! It's something, isn't it?
[silence]
Rika: [sigh] Well, anyways, Rika out.
I stretched a bit, cracking my back this way and that, before removing the tape and putting it away. With that done, I went for the next tape. "...Okay, seriously? Screw you, ancient language. I'm not even sure how to describe this one! It's like a sideways message that says 'bracket capital I bracket'! ...Huh, I managed to describe it. That sure was unexpected."
With that said, I put the tape in and closed the door, pressing play.
Rika: Deciding to compare the changes between a frog and a toad, I had my friends grab for me a toad! A nice big one. Makes a slightly different sound, too. Instead of going ribbit, it kinda... croaks!
[croak]
Rika: Just like that. [chuckle] Thanks, Xi.
[croak]
Rika: Anyways, the perceivable changes in the body shape are a more flabby, fatty body.
[croak?]
Rika: Well, it's true; you're fat! What, do you expect me to lie to my records?
[croak]
Rika: Well, I won't.
[croak?]
Rika: Because I need my records to be accurate. I'm not lying about your fatty, flabby body. Besides, why do you care? You're a toad! Toads are supposed to look like that! Isn't such a look attractive to other toads? Shouldn't that be a good way to look for a toad?
[croak]
Rika: What do you mean 'I'm more aware of myself now'?
[croak]
Rika: Ugh... Whatever. The point remains that I'm still not going to lie to help you forget what you look like. If you really want me to, I'll just see if plastic surgery would take. Of course, I'm not a doctor, so anything I do would likely leave you horribly scarred for a time. After that, your regeneration would fix up what I've done to you. It might even revert the changes for all I know.
[...croak?]
Rika: Of course I'd do it. I've never had a chance to test youkai regeneration, after all. It could be an interesting learning experience.
[woof]
Rika: Right. Wrapping things up. Uhh... Well, her skin is quite warty, I guess. Slimy skin, too. With that said, I guess it's about time I say Rika out.
"Well, that was-"
[...croak]
Rika: You're welcome, Xi.
I paused, before saying, "Well, that was... interesting, to say the least. A toad made pretty through plastic surgery. Or maybe just torn to pieces and made to look like a pile of scar tissue. Either way, Rika still wins, as she gets to experiment on one of her eyes with consent. ...On that note, I wonder if she has experimented on any of them without consent? It seems like something she might do, if her past actions are any indication."
With that said, I took out the tape and put it away. With that done, I pulled out the next tape. " 'O', huh? I could make a pretty weak sexual joke, perhaps even making use of Rika's fisting in it, but that would be in pretty poor taste. Not to mention inaccurate, as I somehow doubt that Rika got off is so little time."
With that said, I slipped the next tape in and pressed play.
Rika: Well, that was unexpected...
[croak]
Rika: Ohh, right. Before I get to that bit of awesomeness, I should say that Xi's surgery went fantastically, all things considered! Just a few stitches here, some liposuction there, a bit of trimming of the excess skin here, and she looks like Frankenstein's monster with a facelift!
[croak]
Rika: I know, I was expecting you to look worse as well... On the plus side, I now know how to make evil eyes vaguely prettier.
[croak]
Rika: True, you are healing pretty well. Should be able to remove the stitches soon! Then you'll look less hideous.
[croak...]
Rika: Ohh, be quiet you big baby. Anyways, as I'm now done, I suppose I should say my goodbyes! Rika out.
I blinked in bewilderment, before saying, "Didn't she not-"
[woof]
Rika: ...Ohh. Ohh, that's right, I never talked about Omicron!
I couldn't help but chuckle at her oversight. "Yep, that's pretty much what I thought." After a moments pause, I added, "...Omicron, huh? Fits with the letter 'O' for a change. I like it!"
[woof]
Rika: ...Where's Omicron?
[trumpet]
Rika: Ahhhhh! Duck and cover!
[...woof]
Rika: ...I don't even know how she managed to sneak up on me like that either; she's huge!
[trumpet]
Rika: Right, right, I'm supposed to be talking about you! Well then, I suppose I should introduce you to Omicron, my elephant-based evil eye! I decided on an elephant because Omicron was a big name, and I needed a big animal to match it!
My eyes widened a bit at that. "Where the hell would she even find an elephant?!"
[woof]
Rika: I'm talking to the tape recorder, silly. Who knows who might make use of my tapes some day! What if a complete stranger were to infiltrate my compound and listen to these tapes one day?!
[...woof]
Rika: That's because the idea's exciting! What if he were to sweep me off my feet, and try to take me away from it all?
[...trumpet?]
[...meow]
Rika: Of course I'm alright in the head! I haven't hit my head on anything in years! Anyways, I'm sure you're wondering where I got an elephant!
Nodding, I answered, "Yes I am."
Rika: Well, you know how the land is surrounded with the mountainous wastelands?
Shaking my head, I said, "No, not really..."
Rika: Well, Gensoukyou is surrounded by unsettled wastelands. Quite a lot of land, really. One time I even found a lake filled with blood out there!
Blinking, I asked, "How is that even physically possible?"
Rika: I'm honestly not sure how such a things is possible, though. The vampire living there said that she found the lake that way, so she wasn't much help. Apparently it wasn't coagulating simply due to being celestial blood!
I rose a brow, and asked, "What's a celestial?"
Rika: I'm honestly not sure what a celestial is, but apparently they're like angels, and they live in the clouds over Gensoukyou! Although, their blood not coagulating on contact with air seems like a bad thing, really.
I blinked again, and asked, "How is it even possible to live in the clouds?"
Rika: Anyways, I ordered my eye squad to search for the largest animal they could find, and inject them with a serum that I made that allows this machine I made to sniff them out, so to speak. Really, no sniffing is done. It just tracks them like blips on a radar.
Furrowing my brows, I asked, "What about my question?"
Rika: Turns out that it worked really well! We ended up with several interesting finds! A panther, a water buffalo, and an elephant were the only ones of note, however. One said that they saw a dinosaur in that lake with all the mist, but they didn't have a chance to tag it.
Pausing a moment, I asked, "Hello?"
Rika: It was a liopleurodon, going by what they said. The lake's pretty big, so I don't doubt it, but still... That could be a pretty interesting evil eye, if I ever do manage to catch it.
Blinking in realization, I said, "Wait, this is just a recording..." Somewhat confused, I went on to thought aloud, "...Did I just have a conversation with a recording? ...Wait, did she say that there is a dinosaur living in this land?!"
[woof]
Rika: Ahh! Right, right. The mutations from the norm this time are grey skin, big floppy ears, and the nose. It makes for a pretty interesting evil eye, all in all. Anyways, I'm out of stuff to say about Omicron, so I guess Rika out.
Stroking my chin, I said, "Well, we seem to be nearing the end of this list of tapes. I wonder how this will end? Did she succeed in making the ultimate evil eye, or was she doomed from the start? Then again, I would imagine that a dinosaur would make for something along the lines of the ultimate evil eye, so maybe she succeeded in that."
That said, I put away the tape and took out the next. Blinking in surprise, I stared at what looked like a 'T', but with the bottom line on either side instead of the middle. "Pi? Hey, I know this one! It looks kinda like pi, but more bulky! Is this the upper case of pi, perhaps?"
With that said, I slipped the cassette into the recording device, and I pressed play.
Rika: Well, we're starting to run out of characters, huh?
[woof]
Rika: Well, I can't help that there are so many creatures I want to turn! There just aren't enough characters is all...
[woof]
Rika: No, I don't want to stray from the path I have taken!
[meow]
Rika: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
[woof]
Rika: Right! Today we have a special treat for you! Pi!
I let out a sigh. "That was terrible..."
[woof]
Rika: Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself.
[...quack]
Rika: It was a joke, pi; I'm not planning on eating you. Anyways, if you haven't guessed already, Pi is a duck!
[woof]
Rika: True, I guess there are numerous quacking animals out there. Anyways, Pi has a nice feathery coat, feathered wings, and a bill. Reminds me of Delta, really.
[chirp...]
Rika: Don't be like that, Delta! She's just as good as you are, just at different things! All of you are special in my eye. You're my children after all.
I blinked in surprise at hearing that, before asking, "When did Rika get old enough to start considering her creations her children? I thought she was still a kid...
[woof?]
Rika: Alpha, you're special because you are such a good team leader. Beta, because you're such a good huntress. Gamma, nothing can pierce your thick shell. Delta, nobody is as swift in the air as you are. Epsilon, you can shatter glass with your voice. Zeta, you are quite strong. Eta, you can spin such a fine web. Theta, nobody is as valuable to the human village as you are. Iota, you're a slippery one, and are good at gathering food. Kappa's not here, but he's probably even smarter than I am. Lambda, you're a swift swimmer. Mu, nobody is quite as fast as you are when you charge. Nu, you're a good jumper. Xi, you're the prettiest of us all. Omicron, you could stomp any of us flat. And Pi? You're just plain sweet.
[animal sounds]
I couldn't help but smile a bit at that. "That was really touching... She really cares about her evil eyes..."
Rika: Alright, that's enough hugging. Rika out.
That done, I moved on to the next tape in line. " 'P,' huh? I wonder what it is? Po? Pu? Pau? Palpha? Well, whatever it turns out to be, we'll find out soon enough, I suppose."
Doing as I have done numerous times before, I switched the tapes, and pressed play.
Rika: My god was that ever stressful...
[woof]
Rika: Yes, yes, I know. It's not good to use the word god lightly in such a light; the gods are liable to smite you or something. Wouldn't that be terrible? All that work and then either all my food loses its nutritional content, I'm cursed, or I simply shrivel up. I mean, those are the three gods around here, right? Two for autumn and one for curses. You would think that more people would respect them... They're real live gods! In the flesh! Why wouldn't any-
[woof]
Rika: Ahh! Right, I should stop getting side-tracked. Back to my story of how I got Rho. Now, knowing that there was a liopleurodon in Misty Lake, I decided that I would try and catch it! It took a lot of effort but... I actually failed to catch my target. Instead, I caught a catfish that was a couple metres long. But that wasn't the end. No, after we decided to give up on the liopleurodon, and simply started to carry the catfish home, something massive leapt out of the water! The sheer shadow it cast as it was flying through the sky... I thought it was the liopleurodon, but it turned out to be the biggest catfish I had ever seen! It dwarfed the other catfish! It must have weighed at least a ton... There was no way that we would stand a chance against something that large! So we ran, taking the catfish with us! Both of them! One we carried, while the other one was flopping after us for quite a ways! Eventually we managed to get inside our base, and I think we lost it. Why was it so angry?! We didn't do anything!
[blub]
Rika: Wait, what? That was your father, the king of the lake?
[blub]
Rika: You're half-mermaid? You sure don't look it...
[...blub.]
Rika: Yeesh, sorry! You're a very pretty half-mermaid!
[blub]
Rika: Anyways, with that out of the way, let's get on with the mutations. Nothing too abnormal. Catfish whiskers, orange spotty skin with a sheen to it, and a flipper on her rear.
[blub]
Rika: Ehh? You want to go home? Well, I guess I can allow it... Also, do you know of any dinosaurs that live in the lake?
[blub]
Rika: What? Why should I forget about it?
[blub]
Rika: Fine, fine, I'll stop asking questions about the liopleurodon... Anyway, with that done, Rika out.