He had been so damn submissive and dutiful even though he had hurt him. He had still come to work on time every morning. And he had covered up the agony and pain. Just his smile, the happy innocent smile that had once been so natural to him, had vanished.
"I'm so sorry," he said, "I - can't undo what I did, what I've done to you but ..." The young man looked away and made an incoherent waving gesture croaking one word: "Why?" He knew why, and so did Tom. The other one's trust and obedience had tempted him and had pushed him into abusing them. Now, the young man's eyes looked at him, "I always did what you told me to".
"I know."
"Why?" Gavin repeated and, when he received no answer, shrugged, remembering the pain - the shame and the end of it, "I put in for transfer, so you ... can't ... not anymore".
"But so late!" It sounded almost reproachful.
"Are you telling me it's my fault?"
"No, no - I'd never say that, but ... I'd like you to know that I'm sorry for ..."
The younger man shivered at the apology and bit his lower lip, "You know that would have been all it'd taken ... I ... I wanted to be near you, just near you, even if -" Even if it had meant horrible things, sadistic fantasies taken out on a body so unaccustomed to pain, sick little games tying the man to him yet keeping him at an arm's distance. He felt sorry for what he had done to Gavin and moved closer, "May I kiss you?" Huge eyes looked at him in disbelief. And he read something else in them - fear. What had he done?
"I won't hurt you. I promise," he vowed and the words made Gavin's blood run cold. Shivering, he remembered similar promises, all broken. Still, he did not back off, did not run. The older man's lips covered his and he shook under the unfamiliar softness of the touch, the gentle caresses on his arms, and he felt sick.
"Sorry," he said and pushed the other one away, anxious to suddenly throw up, "I can't do this. It's wrong". His knees nearly gave way when he staggered off and out of the office building - ready to start a new life and scared of the old - and finally he emptied his stomach.