"Crackling Fire and Sparkling Cognac,
Slip Through My Arms, When Are You Coming Back?"
As fall progressed, Severus didn't regret his decision to rescind his offer to teach Sienna Defense Against the Dark Arts. Umbridge was in everyone's business, just as she had promised, and Severus felt that at some point they would surely have been caught. She was even trying to tell Dumbledore how to do his job. What a fool. Severus knew that Dumbledore put on a cooperative face for the Ministry of Magic, but behind the scenes he was working hard to lay the groundwork for a full assault against Lord Voldemort when he finally came out into the open.
Sienna continued as Severus' assistant on Tuesday and Thursday. Her performance in class continued to be flawless, and her duties as his assistant became more interesting. Severus had her conducting experiments with complex spells, trying different methods of preparing ingredients and stirring combinations, just to see if they would make any improvements to the basic recipe. Although the average student would have hated every minute, to Sienna it was fascinating work.
Christmas Break was upon them, and Severus braced himself against what he thought would be a request for a hug before going home, but Sienna didn't even show up at his office door on the last day of school. This took him a bit by surprise, and deep down he admitted to himself that he was somewhat disappointed. But his feelings were short lived when he went up to dinner that night. There she was waiting for him, at a very small table with Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid and Flitwick, and a handful of students from each of the other houses that were staying over break. Thankfully, Umbridge was nowhere to be seen. It might be a decent Christmas after all, and such a pleasantly quiet change from last year.
"I thought, since there are so few of us here that it would be much cozier if we all sat together. I would not want Miss Kaolin to sit all by herself at that long, lonely Gryffindor table, would you, Professor Snape?"
"Of course not, Headmaster," Severus agreed as he approached the table. Sienna was sitting on the end, across from the only empty spot. He had no choice but to sit there. All of the other students were at the far end of the table. Why did he feel uncomfortable? If it had been another Slytherin, or any other student, for that matter, he wouldn't have thought twice. He realized that they had never shared a quiet meal in a somewhat intimate setting before. It almost felt like a date… or perhaps, an outing with friends. Yes, that was more accurate. So why was he so self-conscious? He pushed the question to the dark inner recesses of his mind and forced himself to eat.
After a few mouthfuls Severus looked up at Sienna. "Why aren't you going home to be with your mother over the Holiday?"
"Because, when I found out that all the Gryffindors were leaving, I thought it would be nice to have the entire tower to myself for a couple of weeks. And besides, the Headmaster told me that she could come here if she'd like. She can stay in the dorm with me."
"So, is she coming then?" asked Dumbledore, who had overheard the conversation.
"Oh, yes, she's very anxious to come, she's never been here for Christmas. I'm sure she'll love the way the place is decorated. But she has some last minute things to do, so she won't get here until Christmas Eve. Then she has to go back to work at St. Mungos on the 26th. She's a healer. So we won't have much time together."
"But if she's working, you wouldn't have much time together at home either," commented Professor Flitwick.
The idle chit chat continued for a bit, then people started excusing themselves as they finished their meals. Hagrid was first. He used the excuse of feeding his many creatures, but Severus knew that there was something else going on. He had a feeling that Dumbledore was in on it, but wouldn't tell him.
The students got up in twos and threes, and left for their respective common rooms. Sienna was the only Gryffindor, and at this point, the only student left. She and Severus were still eating when Flitwick and McGonagall got up.
"I know Sibyll is still here. Probably up in her tower. I think I'll take her up a brandy," said Professor McGonagall, and she wandered off in search of Trelawney. Flitwick said his goodnights, and left with her.
"Well," Dumbledore looked first at Sienna, then at Severus, with a smile that betrayed his pleasure in the current situation. He stood up, just as Severus had taken a rather large bite of treacle tart. "I think I'll retire for the evening." Did Dumbledore plan all this? With a flick of his wand, the lights dimmed and Dumbledore left the room. It was as if half the candles blew out all at once. Now Severus was really uncomfortable. Yes, it definitely felt like a date now. He noticed that Sienna had been playing with her last bite of pudding, pushing it around in the bowl, making interesting patterns with her fork and spoon. She wasn't looking at him, thank goodness. Perhaps she felt as awkward as he did. Perhaps he would be doing both of them a favor if he just got up, said goodnight and walked out. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was as if his feet had grown roots. She finally looked up into his waiting eyes. He swallowed the last of his treacle tart hard. He left his hand near the center of the table where her hand rested right next to his, almost touching it. Did he dare to reach for it? He didn't know what to do. His life was so complicated, and he knew it would get much worse before it got better, if it ever got better, if he lived through what he knew was to come. He was usually so sure of himself. But at this moment, he had no answers, no plan. He felt helpless.
Sienna put her hand on top of his. Severus had been so lost in thought that her touch startled him. He jerked, but didn't pull away. They just stared at each other. What was she thinking? In his mind he uttered the word Legilimens, but no memories were forthcoming. She seemed to be concentrating only on him. She was calm and unreadable, as usual.
Severus finally decided to follow his heart just a little, and flipped his hand over. His long slender fingers gently wrapped around her small delicate hand.
"Will this get me expelled?" Sienna broke the silence with a grin.
"I don't think we have to worry about it. Umbridge isn't here for the holiday."
"Thank Merlin's Beard!" Sienna heaved a heavy sigh of relief.
Severus noticed that the butterflies in his stomach had started to dissolve.
"I've never been in here when it was completely empty before," commented Sienna. "This room is huge. It feels more like a large cathedral. Bigger, actually. And I just love the ceiling, don't you?"
Severus looked up. It was dusted with stars. He could see the Milky Way strewn across the sky. It was lovely, and very romantic. He looked back down at their two hands. Well, they couldn't just sit there making small talk all night. Should he ask her back to his quarters for a drink? She was of age and could legally drink if she wanted to. But that would be too intimate. She was a student after all. No, his quarters were definitely out of the question. Perhaps his office. There was a raging fire in there no doubt. The house elves stayed busy in the castle, even over breaks and holidays. The chairs weren't very comfortable, but that was probably for the best. But in his quarters by the fire there was a love seat… No, she's a student, he reminded himself.
"Would you like to come back with me to the Gryffindor Common Room? I'm sure there's a nice fire going in there and we have several cushy arm chairs to sit in. We could discuss the next few potions you want to test. I'll take notes."
Comfortable cushy arm chairs, only big enough for one person each. Perfect. "I think I could be persuaded," Severus admitted with just the hint of a smile. "Perhaps, when you're not busy with your mother, we could take all this free time to continue perfecting the potions."
"That's a great idea!" They let go of each other's hands and stood up to leave.
"I want to fetch something from my quarters. I'll be up in a few minutes."
"I'll wait for you at the portrait. The Fat Lady would never let you in if I'm not with you."
"Yes," Severus sneered, a touch of irritation in his voice, "well, she's only doing her job."
They took separate paths as they headed out the door of the Great Hall. When Severus got to the entrance to Gryffindor Tower Sienna was standing there waiting for him. His arms were loaded down with two glasses and a bottle of cognac.
"Here, let me help you with that," she took the items from him so he could manage his way through the portrait hole, then she turned to the Fat Lady. "Wither Wings." The portrait swung open. "After you, Professor," Sienna motioned him to go first. Hermione must have told her about his last attempt at getting through. He eyed the Fat Lady suspiciously as he reached the entrance to the hole, and although she peered down her nose at him through narrow eyelids, he got no trouble from her as he started to crawl in. When he was through he turned and Sienna handed him the glasses and the bottle, then came through herself.
He was alone, in the Gryffindor Common Room, with a beautiful young lady, at her invitation. This is exactly the way it had happened once before, so long ago. He and Lily Evans… stuck here by themselves one Christmas break… such good memories. Don't expect the same thing to happen this time old chap, Severus thought to himself. She's a student, you're a teacher. Keep your distance.
They found a couple of cozy chairs and pulled them up to the fire. "I'll run get my potions book." She was back in a flash from the girls' dormitory with the large heavy book. It had been brand new only 4 months earlier, but you'd have thought it was an antique to look at it now. Severus poured each of them a cognac. She sat the book on a small table in front of the two of them.
"I've been saving this," Severus held up his glass.
Sienna took hers and looked through the rich brown liquid to the firelight. It sparkled like gold. As she passed it under her nose, her eyes grew wide and she looked at him with a mock scowl. "Are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"
Severus glared at her, obviously offended. "I would never think of such a thing!" He stood up in a huff. "That's probably what the rest of the castle is thinking, too."
"How can they?" Sienna asked, trying to calm him down. "No one knows you're here except me. Besides, I was only joking. I only said it because this is pretty strong stuff, and to tell you the truth, I've never had any alcohol before. Two sips and you'll probably have to carry me up to my bed."
"I should leave." He felt increasingly uncomfortable as he took a swig. "The Fat Lady knows I'm here, and you know what a rumor mill those portraits have going out there. It'll be all over the castle by morning."
"If you leave after a respectable amount of time, they'll have nothing to talk about."
Severus stood there, not yet convinced. He took another swig in an attempt to calm his nerves.
"Please don't leave yet. I'm sorry I said it. I was only joking, I swear. I'm sure your intentions are strictly honorable."
He could see the regret written across her face. She stood up and reached for his hand, and his anger melted with her touch.
"Please stay," she whispered.
"Oh, all right." Severus slowly lowered himself into the chair. "But only for a little while." He let go of her hand and refilled his glass. He noticed that she hadn't touched hers. "Well, aren't you even going to try it?"
"OK, but don't say I didn't warn you." Sienna took a sip and started to cough. "Oh, my GOD!" She sputtered. "How do you drink this stuff?" she asked amid more coughing and sputtering. "I think I'll stick to butter beer, thanks." And she put the glass down next to Severus' bottle.
Severus, in an effort to save the evening from complete disaster, called for a house elf to bring her up a glass of water and a butter beer. She gratefully thanked him and they began to discuss the next few potions that they would be working on over the break. It wasn't long, however before that one sip of cognac had taken its toll, and Sienna had to say goodnight. They stood together, and he started to reach for the bottle and empty glasses, but she stopped him.
"I'll hand them to you after you crawl through," she said.
"Oh, right." Severus hadn't realized it while he was sitting down, but he wasn't very steady on his feet. He didn't usually drink, and then it was almost always oak mead or a touch of fire whiskey. Sienna was right, the cognac was strong stuff. He had consumed 2 glasses of his own, then emptied her unwanted glass into his and finished that as well. No wonder he was tipsy. Perhaps tomorrow night, he would also stick to butter beer.
He turned towards the portrait hole, but lost his balance. Sienna reached for his arm to keep him from falling, and he grabbed her waist for security. Before he knew it they were wrapped around each other in an embrace. She's a student, she's a student, she's a student… This didn't feel like just another innocent hug. Perhaps it was the alcohol. Yes, tomorrow night it was definitely butter beer for him.
"I'd better go," he whispered as he managed to untangle himself. She was looking at him with a touch of disappointment in her pale green eyes. "Would you be so kind as to hand me the glasses?" He crawled through the hole and turned around. She passed the glasses and the bottle to him.
"See you at breakfast," Sienna called after him, as he weaved his way down the hall into the darkness.
Severus woke up the next day with the Mother of all hangovers. He lay in his bed, flat on his back, looking up at the ceiling, cursing his foolish behavior. What was he thinking last night – taking cognac up to Sienna? Was he out of his mind? What if they had both gotten drunk? Merlin knows what could have happened. The hug at the end of the night was bad enough, but the thoughts that had entered his mind at the time were shameful! He embarrassed himself just thinking about them. She's a student, for goodness sake. Of course, she is of age already – but the student/teacher relationship must not be taken advantage of. Besides, what if Voldemort found out how he felt – come to think of it, how did he feel? Wasn't it just the alcohol that took over last night? Severus searched his mind, then his heart. He felt a physical attraction, of course, although he wasn't quite sure what she could possible see in him, since he was old enough to be her father.
He remembered wrapping his arms around her tightly, caressing her with a spark – no, a fire! He remembered burying his face in her hair and breathing in deeply to relish the warmth, the softness, and the light aroma of lavender. Did her lips touch his neck? He thought surely they did, and he reached up to lightly feel the spot as it tingled with the memory. And he remembered the look of disappointment in her eyes as he came to his senses and pulled away. A warm wave washed over him. Yes, she had definitely wanted him to stay.
But he felt, as logic took over, that it would not only have been dreadfully inappropriate, it would have been inexcusable. He couldn't let it happen again. He had to make sure she knew it was a fluke, a mistake. As hard as this was to admit, he would have to apologize for his behavior. But unlike the incident the previous spring where he had accused her of something she didn't do, he felt this was different. This was completely on his shoulders. It was his behavior that was out of line… Oh, who am I kidding? Severus finally admitted to himself. It was my behavior then as well. What had changed were his feelings for her. He had grown to care for her deeply. And if an apology would get him back on the right path with her, he felt it was a small price to pay.
He put on his bath robe and headed slowly out the door and down the hall to his office. He knew exactly which book contained the best hangover potion, and he prayed that he still had all of the ingredients. As he struggled down the hall he found to his surprise that the door to his office was already open. Sienna was inside with a potion brewing.
"I figured, with the condition you were in last night, you'd need something this morning. I found 3 different recipes, but I thought this one held the most promise." She pointed to the recipe he had planned to use. She was stirring a small cauldron over the leftover coals from the previous night's fire. They were just hot enough to simmer the potion effectively, and she ladled some out into a large ceramic mug.
"Give it a minute to cool off."
"How did you get in here?" Severus tried to put on a face that was less miserable than he felt on the inside.
"I figured in your condition last night, that you either forgot to put the lock spell on the door, or your spell was not properly executed. Either way, I could get in." Sienna looked quite pleased with herself.
Severus sat down and took a deep breath. "About my behavior last night," he began rather sheepishly. "I apologize. It won't happen again."
"Yes, I think from now on we should steer away from the strong stuff." Sienna donned a coy smile. "Otherwise, you never know. I might try to get you drunk and take advantage of you."
Severus started to chuckle but his head hurt so much he had to stifle himself. Sitting there in her chair, calm and happy, Sienna looked like an angel to him. "Why on earth are you so determined to be my friend, no matter what I say or do?" He was truly puzzled now. He had been asking himself that question for quite some time. What did she see in him that none of the other students saw? That he didn't even see in himself?
"Just a sucker for lost causes, I guess," she laughed. Severus wasn't amused. At this point, he felt like she could have been serious. "No, really, just before I left the ashram, when I was 15, I had a vision. I saw myself older, walking with a man beside a beautiful lake. There was a huge castle up on a hill behind us. We were talking and laughing. He was obviously someone I cared for very deeply." Severus tried to picture the scene in his mind, as Sienna continued. "The first night I came here, the night I was sorted, I saw you at the staff table. I recognized you immediately. You were the man in my vision. I knew then that someday we would be great friends and I've just been doing what I can so far to help make that happen."
Severus was looking directly into Sienna's grayish green eyes. He didn't mean to do it, but subconsciously he wanted to see her vision for himself, because it sounded so beautiful. Legilimens, he thought. And then he was there, by the Black Lake, Hogwarts Castle behind him, watching a slightly older version of himself, with a touch of gray running through his shoulder length black hair. He was walking alone with Sienna. She had forgotten to mention that they were holding hands. They started laughing. Then the vision Severus pulled Sienna to him and they kissed. A long, passionate kiss! The real Severus gasped and blinked hard. When his eyes came back into focus he was looking at the real Sienna. She was furious. He could feel the power of her anger radiating from her. It reminded him of Dumbledore when he got really mad. He had no idea that she was that powerful. Severus knew immediately that he had overstepped his boundaries.
"What—just—happened?" Sienna growled through gritted teeth.
"I…" Severus stammered. He didn't know what to say. He just wanted to share the memory. But it was odd, too. He had never seen a memory of a future event before, much less one that included him. "I didn't mean to—I couldn't help myself."
"You saw it, didn't you?" Her voice was calm and quiet, barely above a whisper, but the rage was still there.
"Yes," Severus was still looking into her eyes.
"All…all of it?" Her anger was beginning to mingle with distress.
"Yes," with this he looked down to the papers on his desk. He felt two inches tall.
Sienna was shaking now. He could still feel an incredible energy field radiating from her. "You were not supposed to see that. Not yet. You're not ready yet." An angry tear streamed down her face. She pushed it aside with the back of her hand. She seemed irritated with herself for crying. "This changes everything." She pushed the mug towards him from across the desk. "Here's your potion." Then she turned as another tear found a path down her face, and stormed out.
"Miss Kaolin," Severus pleaded. "Sienna!" He had never called her by her first name before. He hoped that it would help, but she was gone.