She is so very beautiful and he still can't believe how lucky he is to be married to her. He has waited for so long and today she is finally his. Their wedding ceremony has been a simple one and after a long day of festivities and celebration, they are finally alone.
Even though he had sworn never to force her into anything, somehow the sight of her tonight made his head spin. As he approaches he could see that she is very tense and nervous even as she tries to force out a smile.
He tries his best to calm her, but none of his soft caresses, kisses and whispers of words of love seem to calm her. In fact it seems to worsen the situation. She is now rigid and trembling and he could see her holding back tears.
His mind is screaming at him to stop, but try as he might he can't seem to control his body which seems to be acting on its own volition. He is hurting her, violating her, her eyes are now closed and brimming with tears as she averts his gaze and bits her lips. She is obviously in great pain, both physically and mentally, and he can do nothing but apologize
"Eowyn, my love, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" he says softly as he strokes her cheek.
"May I be excused now, my lord?" she finally chokes out after an interminable silence.
As soon as he releases her, she immediately gets up, and wiping her tear stained face, puts on her robe and heads off to clean herself.
As he watches her, he says the only thing he could, "Please forgive me, Eowyn. I love you."
She does not even turn back as she whispers, "I wish to be loved by another."
Faramir started awake, sweating and breathing hard. From the window he could see that it won't be dawn for at least a few hours yet. There will be no more sleep for me tonight, as always he sighed as he got up and took a sip of water and try to calm his breathing.
He had been having nightmares for weeks now; of his father burning, of the battle in Osgiliath, of his retreat across the Pelennor, of his mother's last days, of Boromir's last stand, and of Eowyn. Always of Eowyn's tear streaked face, trembling and holding back sobs as he desperately tried to console her, to apologize for having violated her.
I would rather die than hurt her. I would never do that to her he tried to convince himself. But what if I can't control myself? What if the nightmares I have been having about her actually came true?
His nightmares had tortured him for weeks and he had never been able to go back to sleep after. So he did the only thing he could, work till dawn or till he fell asleep on his desk out of exhaustion, and tonight was no exception.
As he approached his desk, his glance fell on Eowyn's letter and he thought whether he should write her back. Twice he had sent her a letter since the departure of the Rohirrim and twice he had received a reply. If one could call it a reply, that is.
The letter had arrived earlier that day, and similar to her previous one it was a very short one of hardly half a page long. Only a few lines acknowledging that she has received his letter and a few added meaningless written formalities. The whole thing was obviously written by her scribe.
Obviously she was too busy to reply to his letters. He wondered if she had time to even read it at all. He didn't really blame her for it though. She must have a lot to take care of; rebuilding a whole kingdom is not an easy task, as he himself knows all to well. But he had wished…he stopped himself before he could go further.
Since when have I become so emotionally pathetic? But sometimes he could not help it, he just felt so lonely. In this city where everyone has someone to rejoice with, he has no one, being the only survivor of his house. No one to talk to, no one to share his happiness and grief with.
His newly married King was obliviously blissfully happy with his Queen and had little thought for anything else. I would be too if I were him. What a blessing to love and be loved in return. His uncle and cousins had gone back to Dol Amroth and although they were very amicable to him, he felt out of place with the members of the Fellowship still remaining in Minas Tirith, like he was intruding on them.
Burying himself in his work was the only thing that kept him sane. At least that gave him purpose and feeling that he was still needed for something. However, it has not always been a walk in the park either. Although he was well loved by many in the White City, not few still had doubts about the ability ofDenethor's second son and his support of Aragorn had not made him the most popular person in the Council either.
Making hard decisions that may not satisfy everyone is part of being a leader, and the fact that Gondor has suffered a devastating loss during the Ring War meant that there are quite a large number of occasions in which such decisions had to be made. He could not possibly risk the King's reputation in such cases, it was hard enough for the people to receive a complete stranger from the North as their King, hero or no. Better for them to hate their Steward than their King. I bet I am not exactly everyone's favorite right now he thought bitterly to himself.
And as if his life was not hard enough, there were the rumors, the whispers he frequently overheard about his engagement to the White Lady.
"She is merely settling for him because she can't have the King."
"I guess by marrying his Steward, she is guaranteed to be in close proximity to the man she really wanted."
"Well at least he got the same colored hair and eyes as the man she wants. Worst come to worst, she could always pretend he is someone else when in bed, as long as he kept his mouth shut."
He couldn't really blame them for saying those things, to be honest he even believed them himself. But it still did not change the fact that they hurt him. Badly.
I should really be used to this by now he thought as he picked up the report sitting on his desk and started reading the first page.
A/N: So here comes my attempt at the next chapter. I must admit I've been quite lazy in writing lately, I got some plot bunnies but none I'm very happy with unfortunately. I hope this chapter is not too cliché or over the top angsty and all. I hope you guys don't completely hate it. Do tell me if you do though and of course, thank you for reading