Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt
Chapter 7
"You usually smile when we bust a perp, Lieu. Everything okay?" Fin stood in the doorway to her office, leaning against the frame of it with raised eyebrows and a questioning look, a bit concerned for his boss.
"Amanda stayed with me last night." she blurted out before she could stop herself, not really caring what Fin would think about the matter anyway. "When I woke up this morning she was gone."
The two raised brows turned into a frown and the detective came closer and sat down opposite to his boss. "Amanda? As in Amanda Rollins, the homeless rape vic? How did that happen?"
Olivia ran her fingers through her slightly disheveled hair, sighing in frustration as she leaned back in her leather seat. "I was walking home last night, took a shortcut through an alley and she was there. I walked up to her and I could see that she was upset, I mean, she was crying, so I asked if she was okay. Then she suddenly threw herself at me and cried her eyes out, really upset about something, plus she had a high fever, I just couldn't leave her like that so I took her to my place, she had a really rough night and, when you rang me this morning, I realized that she was gone. I... I just don't know what to do now." she decided not to tell Fin about the note that she had left on the kitchen table, thinking it was a bit too private to share.
"What was she so upset over?" Fin wanted to know.
"A close friend of hers had just passed away and... I suppose it just got too much for her. I'm just worried about her physical and mental state. I mean, her fever had gone down some early this morning but if she's out in this cold and don't get proper rest or food she's gonna get even more sick."
"Liv," Fin began, his voice turned into a caring and almost loving tone as he spoke to his long time friend and colleague. "You can't save everyone. You have to look after yourself for a change. She was upset, had a fever and probably let her guard and walls down for a while because of it. I guess she's just scared and confused right now. I mean, asking for comfort is obviously not her thing and she's embarrassed for having to face you and I think that that's why she ran."
Smiling weakly, Liv leaned forward, rested her elbows on her desk top and clasped her hands together. "When did you become so wise and full of knowledge?" she chuckled. "I figured that that was the reason but that doesn't make me worry any less."
There was a brief pause, Fin chewed on his lower lip in deep concentration and Liv seemed to be miles away, cooking up every possible awful scenario of what had happened to Amanda. "Have you ever felt this strongly about a vic before?" he finally asked and Liv was brought out of her temporary bubble of dread as she thought about Fin's question, carefully pondering it.
"I... I mean, I care about all survivors that walk through these doors, you know that." she reasoned and ran her hands through tangled brown locks once again.
"I know you do. I'm just saying that, maybe, Amanda is kind of special to you?" he grinned. "I've never seen you like this before, all worried and scared for someone you barely know. But that's not necessarily a bad thing." he quickly added.
"Well, I've never been in this situation before." the brunette argued back, unconsciously trying to justify her feelings towards the missing blonde who had somehow snaked her way into all her senses. "I mean, I've never had a homeless victim with a raging fever roaming the streets. Of course I'm worried for what might happen to her."
Narrowing his eyes Fin observed his boss from across the mahogany desk, studying her in silence for a few seconds before answering. "I guess." he mumbled, not believing Olivia's reasoning behind the real reason. "Want me to make a few calls and see if I can track her down?" he offered before the Lieutenant had a chance to butt in and ask him what he had meant by 'I guess'.
Sighing in defeat, Liv nodded. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Let me know as soon as you know anything."
"Will do." he promised, threw his boss a comforting smile and got right to his task.
It was nearly 3 pm when Fin popped his head into her office again with a sympathetic shine in his eyes and Liv knew that the news were not good. "I called all the shelters, hospitals and free clinics in Manhattan and no one, with the name of Amanda Rollins or matches her description, has seen or heard from her. I'm sorry, Liv, I know how much you want to find her safe and sound."
"Thanks, Fin, I appreciate the help." she sadly stated and placed all the paperwork she had in front of her in a neat and tidy stack. "I think I'm gonna go out there and look for her, see if I have any luck, although it's doubtful."
"Want any help?"
"Two sets of eyes are better than one, I suppose. Come on."
Amanda shivered in the cold afternoon air. There was no improvement in her fever, if anything it had gone up a degree or so, her eyes were tired and glossy, cold sweat covered her body and the clean clothes she had put on that morning didn't feel so clean anymore. The hunger pains she had experienced earlier durning the day had now disappeared as she had grabbed a half eaten sandwich from a plate that a customer had obviously left behind. She couldn't believe her luck when she spotted it and she savored every bite of it until it was fully consumed. Now she was thirsty and dehydrated.
The sun was almost setting, creating a gloomy and dreary blanket that heavily hung over the city and suburbs like a hovering dense weight. She began to think that it was a mistake to have left Olivia's apartment in the first place earlier that morning. If she had stayed, she would've been warm, dry, comfortable, probably well fed and hopefully somewhat fever free but the more she thought about the embarrassing moments of breaking down in front of the brunette, the more she realized that she had made the right decision by leaving. She hadn't slept so good in years and it was something she didn't want, or shouldn't get use to. It was a luxury that she couldn't afford to have so she rather stayed away from things that she knew she could never have. If you have nothing, then nothing can be missed or wanted.
She could feel the fever surging through her veins and her head turned heavy and foggy. All she wanted and needed was to get some rest but finding something that would be somewhat comfortable was nearly impossible. She thought about going back to Annie's and Sam's little hidden sanctuary, knowing that she would be comfortable and get some well needed rest there, but she quickly changed her mind as it would be too hard to go back there so soon.
Only one day had passed since her dear friend had passed and she hadn't a clue when it came to Sam's whereabouts. His final words to her had been difficult to comprehend and they had scared her in a way she didn't understand. There was something eerie and uncanny about the way he had spoken to her, as if he was planning to disappear and never come back again.
"No." she muttered to herself, "he wouldn't do that." then she wondered if she was trying to convince herself of something that was probably not going to happen. A part of her had a dodgy and dreary feeling that Sam was now gone forever but her other half forced her to believe that he would be back, they would see each other again.
She tucked her hands underneath her arms to keep the cold out, Olivia's gloves only holding so much of the bitter winds at bay and she could feel her fingers going numb. Her head was however nice and toasty, the hat seemed to be made out of a thicker material and kept her warm even during the strongerst of gusts. The snow that had fallen had now frozen onto the footpaths and created a layer of ice on the ground that was difficult to see and she threaded carefully as she placed one foot in front of the other.
The cold wind, however, felt good against her heated and clammy face but she knew it wasn't good to be out in this cold with a fever as high as hers. She had to find somewhere to settle for the night before she collapsed and she was now beating herself up for not going to a shelter earlier. She hated those places but at least she would be warm and dry for the night and hopefully her fever would be gone by the next day but it was all too late for that now and she found herself, once again, unconsciously steering towards the alley where she had met Olivia. Maybe a small part of her brain secretly hoped that the stunning brunette would, by chance, take the very same shortcut as before and spot Amanda huddled in her little sheltered corner. Just maybe.
"I'm sorry, Liv. I know you were hoping to find her." Fin comforted and placed a hand on his boss' lower arm, giving it a gentle tug. "I'm sure she's fine. She's knows how to look after herself out there. She has managed to do so for a long time."
"Thanks, Fin." Lis smiled sadly. "You're a good partner and a great friend." she suddenly stopped and turned towards the man. "There's one more place I'd like to try, it's close to my apartment actually. You don't have to come with me, I've taken up too much of your time already, I appreciate all the help, I really do."
"Lead the way, Lieutenant. What kind of partner would I be if I left you now." he smirked and winked, knowing exactly how to make his boss feel a bit better about the whole situation.
The hard snow created a cracking sound as they carefully made their way to where Liv was leading them, both hoping that the blonde would be there safe and sound, Olivia more so than anyone else. They rounded the corner and headed into the dark and dingy alley, Liv picking up the pace without realizing it, eager and anxious to find out if Amanda was there or not, hoping and silently praying that she was.
"Amanda?!" she called out, listening intently for an answer and she got it.
"Olivia?"
It was weak and faint but she recognized Amanda's voice, breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she heard it and jogged the last few yards until she spotted the slumped woman tiredly leaning up against the cold brick wall behind her, her hands still tucked underneath her arms and her hat pulled down as far as it could go over her ears.
Immediately she crouched down in front of her, ripped her own glove off, moved Amanda's hat a bit, giving her room to check for a fever with the palm of her hand. Fin had now caught up with his boss and arrived just in time to see the tender, almost motherly, gesture that Olivia just offered and just looked at the scene playing out in front of him.
As Amanda fully opened her eyes she spotted the dark and tall figure standing behind Olivia and she scurried back in fear, letting out a whimper of terror. "Hey, hey, it's okay." Liv held her hands up in a calming gesture and nodded towards the man. "That's my partner, Fin, we have looked everywhere for you, honey. You're a difficult woman to track down." she winked and pulled Amanda's hat back to cover her ears.
"You... you looked for me? Why?" the blonde wanted to know, startled by Olivia's confession.
"I was so worried after you left this morning. You had a rough night and your fever was still high and still is by the look of it." she ran her knuckles across a heated cheek. "Come on, let's get you inside." she gave Fin a nod, gesturing for him to help her get Amanda onto her feet.
"Inside where?" Amanda mumbled, swaying where she stood, glad that Liv had an arm wrapped around her middle for support and keeping her from falling flat on her face. Fin helped her stand but kept his distance as he spotted the weary look in the young woman's eyes, sensing that she didn't trust him and was very cautious around him.
"My apartment. You can't be outside in this cold when you're sick. I'm taking you home with me, you can barely stand on your feet, sweetheart." the endearment didn't go unnoticed by Fin and it somehow warmed his heart to see his boss caring for this woman that she hardly knew.
"I'm okay. I... I can't stay at your place. I'm not... I don't want to be a... a burden or a..."
"You're not a burden, Amanda." Liv soothingly interrupted and made sure that she had the sick woman in a secure hold so she wouldn't fall. "Think you can walk a couple of blocks for me?" Amanda nodded shakily and fought to keep her eyes open, still swaying unsteadily on her feet. "Maybe not." Liv stated softly and threw Fin a pleading look for help and together they managed to get into a cab, travelled the short distance, got her out and up the stairs into Olivia's warm and welcoming apartment.
"Will you be okay, Liv? Do you want me to stay for awhile?" Fin offered after they had placed the semi conscious woman on the king sized bed, clothes on, even her shoes.
"I think I'll be okay, Fin. Thanks for all your help and I'll see you tomorrow."
"John is back, we can manage without you for a day or two. I'll call you if we get a case." they gave each other a brief hug and Fin left while Olivia prepared for another, presumably, sleepless night.
It took some time but she did manage to help Amanda get undressed, into the shower and changed into another one of Olivia's warm pajamas. After the exhausting task of standing for a longer period of time, Amanda felt her legs shake and buckle underneath her as she tried to take a few steps on her own. However, Olivia was close by and caught her from behind in a strong embrace, making sure she got her bearings back before slowly escorting her into the kitchen and livingroom area and sat her down on the couch. "Let's try to get something into your stomach so you can take some more meds, hmm." she cooed gently as she stroked Amanda's over heated cheek and covered her with a blanket. Too tired to answer, argue or comment, the blonde just closed her eyes and sunk into the fluffy cushions, feeling just how tired she actually was.
She didn't know how long time had passed but a light tapping on her shoulder woke her up from her light slumber and a bowl of steaming vegetable soup and a glass of water with, what she assumed were fever reducers, were placed in front of her on the coffee table. "I can't stay here. I... I have to go." Amanda mumbled, her eyes were barely focusing on anthing, her speech was slurred and her movements sloppy and uncoordinated.
"Whoa, honey! You're in no condition to leave. You need to eat, drink and sleep." the older woman softly demanded while she gently held Amanda down to stop her from causing more harm to herself. "Why do you have to leave, honey? Why can't you stay?"
It took a while for Amanda to register Olivia's question as her head was foggy and heavy, making it difficult to comprehend and focus on the words and their meaning. "It's too much." she finally whimpered, her hazy eyes making contact with Olivia's, only for a second, before she had to tear her gaze away and divert her attention somewhere else.
"What do you mean it's 'too much'? What's 'too much'?"
"Being here." the young blonde whispered, her eyes filling up with involuntary tears but she was too tired and too sick to try and stop them from rolling down her flushed and clammy face. "I... I haven't been inside a... a... a home in so long and I... I can't... I can't get use to it. It's too much, I have to go. Please, let me go." she pleaded and tried once again to stand but her weak and shaky knees wouldn't even support her light weight.
"Sweetie," Liv quickly soothed as she kept Amanda seated by scooting closer to her and began to gently caress here face with cool fingers, hearing her moan at the stark contrast of warm and cold. "That's it, just relax. I want you to listen to me okay? Can you do that?" Amanda had her eyes closed but nodded in agreement. "I'm so glad that I found you. I've been looking for you for hours and I was so worried that something had happened to you, that you were too sick and had fallen asleep outside somewhere in this cold or that you had been mugged, robbed or... or..."
"Attacked and raped... again." Amanda finished for her, eyes still closed.
"We got him, Amanda. We found the man who raped you and all those other women. He's down at the station and he's going away for a long long time."
The room turned silent and tense, almost unbearably so and Amanda took a shaky breath and opened her eyes, locking them with Olivia's concerned ones. "You got him?"
"We got him." Liv repeated with a confident smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
"He's locked up?" the brunette nodded but Amanda needed more reassurance. "He can't hurt anyone ever again? He's gone?"
"He's gone, sweetheart, he's gone. He can never hurt you or anyone else again, I promise you that." her own brown eyes filled up with tears from just watching Amanda's face turn into an expression of relief as Olivia delivered the news.