Casey arrived at the lair and made a beeline for the infirmary, fighting back tears, as he thought about his cherished mate and the anguish he must be feeling. He entered the infirmary and saw Mikey sitting upright on the stretcher and staring at a white mass in front of him. The eggs, Casey thought despondently. Our eggs. Oh, Mikey. My beloved Mikey.
Donnie stood nearby, sadness and helplessness etched on his face. He glanced up and seeing Casey said. "Mikey, Casey's here."
Mikey said nothing, his gaze still transfixed on the mass.
"I'll let you talk," Donnie said. "I'm outside if you need me." He patted Casey's shoulder and left the room.
Casey stood, feeling awkward and at a loss for words. Something he'd never felt around Mikey before. They'd always felt relaxed around each other and able to talk about anything. But this was a different ball game. Grief did that. Made things hard and tragic and so unbearably awkward. Casey remembered the root canal he'd had the previous year. That had been awful, but this…This was significantly worse. A tooth was easy to deal with, but a miscarriage? Some people never dealt with it and it sometimes lead to the dissolution of marriages. The couples unable to cope with their grief and it tearing them apart. His own grief was raw, but it must be tenfold worse for Mikey, who'd been carrying their baby and only mere hours before had lovingly stroked his belly and declared how thrilled he was to soon become a daddy.
Casey felt like there was a great void between him and Mikey and that nothing he could do or say would bridge the gap, but he'd fucking try. He'd do anything to get Mikey to talk and to smile. They had to communicate and be there for one another. They needed one another more than anything now and needed to deal with it together. Not separately.
He cleared his throat, sat down on the edge of the stretcher and tried to hug Mikey, but he pulled away, still focussed on the white mass.
"Mikey, we need to talk," Casey said despondently. "Baby, please."
"There's nothing to discuss. I want to be alone with our baby, who Raphael murdered."
"Raph what?" Casey said and blinked in confusion.
"He caused my miscarriage by kicking me when he assumed I cheated on Leo. Raphael must die for his sins. The baby deserves justice."
"Whoa. What?"
"I want you to kill Raphael! I don't care if he's your pal. He must die!" Mikey said coldly, his gaze shifting to meet Casey's. "You'll kill him if you love me. An eye for an eye. It's the only way Raphael can atone. His life for my baby's."
"Mikey, I understand you're traumatized, but Raph's your brother! I can't do that. Revenge isn't the answer, my love, and this isn't you. You aren't a vengeful person. Come now. We'll get through this together. We'll fix…."
"Fix?" Mikey shouted, his blue eyes blazing and clenching his fists, his shoulders shaking in rage. "Nothing can fix this, Casey! Nothing can bring our baby back and while revenge may not be the answer, it'll fucking make me feel better! He killed our baby. Our sweet baby. Don't you fucking care? Why aren't you pissed, like me? Or maybe you didn't really want the baby and are happy he's gone!"
Casey's blood boiled at the insult and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. Mikey had been through hell and snapping at him would only worsen things. That's the last thing Mikey needed. He needed love and comfort and tenderness.
Casey held up his hands in a soothing gesture and said, "Mikey, I wanted the baby and I'm also devastated, but murdering Raphael's not the solution. You know that deep down. I know you want to lash out at someone, so lash out at me. I can take it. Punch me and yell at me if you need to."
"Why are you so fucking protective of Raphael? Do you love him?" Mikey said jealously.
"I've never liked Raph that way, baby. It's only ever been you!" Casey said and grabbed Mikey's wrists. He kissed them and said, "Only you. I swear on my life. Yes. I'm mad and I'm heartbroken, but I know revenge isn't the solution. It was a tragic accident and due to miscommunication. Communication and love will help us through this and we'll have more babies when you're ready. Tons of them. Baby, I love you so much and it pains me seeing you this way. My sweet, loveable Mikey. You mean the world to me. Let me in and let us deal with it together. So many couples break up when this happens and I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want to lose you."
"I love you too. I was so excited," Mikey said, tears filling his blue eyes. "And now there's nothing. What if we never have more babies?"
"We will my life. I promise, even if we adopt. Dry your tears. Things are going to be all right," Casey said and pulled Mikey into a hug.
Mikey allowed himself to be hugged and sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks, and thought, Casey and I'll get through this, but I won't allow Raphael to get away with this. I will avenge my baby's death somehow.
Casey cried too and his tears intermingled with Mikey's and they held on to each other tightly, cocooning themselves in their love, trying to comfort one another.
Mikey raised his head and whispered, "I won't kill him then, but I doubt I'll ever forgive him. How could I? I know they say hatred gnaws at you like cancer and forgiveness is good for the soul, but I can't forgive him. I doubt I ever will. I loathe Raphael. I fucking despise him. I've always been the gentlest brother, but this experience makes me want to rip Raphael's head off! I want to inflict pain on him and see him suffer, like I'm suffering. Do you understand?"
"I do. It's understandable you feel that way. I'm distraught too, but violence isn't…"
"I know. But what if there was a way of making Raphael pay without resorting to violence. Would you do it, knowing it would make me happy?"
"No. Mikey, I love you, but I don't believe that's the right path to follow. It's natural you can't forgive Raphael now. The pain's too fresh, but it's possible that you could someday. You're brothers after all and he loves you and you love him. No matter what, he's still family and still my friend. I'm furious, but I'm praying that I can find it in my heart to forgive him, because I know that I need to. Hatred is a horrible thing to carry around and is like a millstone weighing you down. I don't want or need that and you neither. Pray with me. I find that helps when dealing with difficult situations. Come with me to Church, okay? We'll go now. Get your disguise."
"I'd rather just be here with you and maybe you have a point. I'll try to forgive Raphael," Mikey lied, still determined to make his brother's life hell. "But right now all I want is you. I love you so much. We need to bury the baby."
Casey lifted his head, kissed Mikey on the lips and said, "We will. We'll have a special ceremony and bury him in my garden outside my bedroom window. I'll erect a small headstone with their name and say it was a cat or dog, who'd died, so I won't arouse suspicion in my dad."
"I'd like that," Mikey murmured, his eyes brimming with fresh tears. "What would you have named our baby?"
"Jacinda for a girl and Nathan for a boy."
"I love those," Mikey sniffed. "I like Esmeralda and Luke."
"Terrific. We'll name them Jacinda and Luke then. How's that?"
"Perfect," Mikey choked out.
Casey kissed him again and Mikey heatedly thought, yes. Raphael will pay. It'll be a pleasure making him suffer.
A/N What has Mikey in mind for Raph? Will he actually do it or will he forgive his brother?