Chapter 7

The dinner went along nicely. The pasta was finished about 10 minutes after Cam arrived and he complimented her on how organized she was. Lillian blushed in response, as usual, and whispered to him a soft thank you. As dinner progressed, she started to relax. His calm composure most likely was what helped her, but cooking always helped calm her down as well. They mostly talked about their work and she found out that Cam was rather fond of cats, while she explained that she was a dog lover. When she told him how she made all of the food from scratch, including the sauce, he told her how proud Howard would be of her. He said that Bluebell should be winning more cooking contests if they had her on their team. Why they would lose any at all was beyond his understanding. She giggled and thanked him after he had said this. When he saw her smile at him, his face got flushed and he looked down at his food, concentrating on eating. When both of their plates were clean, they leaned back in their chairs as if they had just been working in the fields all day. They made eye contact and laughed, enjoying how both of them were thinking the same thing as they both held their bellies. When the laughter had died down, they looked at each other, Lillian unsure of what to say.

"So Lillian, when do I get to hear a poem by you?" Cam asked. Her smile quickly faded as she remembered that she promised to read a poem by her to him. When she looked at him though, his face was encouraging, but gentle. She slowly got up and went over to her bookcase to find her journal. She pretended to rummage through her books and notepads even though she knew exactly where the journal was. Finally, she decided she was looking idiotic by not finding it, so she grabbed the book and walked over to her bed. She sat down on it, looking at the cover of the notebook, when she felt the bed shift to her right. Cam had sat down next to her. She slowly handed the book to him and told him

"Go through and find one you'd like me to read. I can't guarantee you'll like it though."

"I'm sure I will." She hadn't made eye contact with him at all, but she could tell by his response that he was smiling. She heard him shifting through the pages, thinking about which one he wanted to hear very carefully. Lillian made sure not to look at the pages as he was flipping through them, she didn't want to know which one he picked until she had to. Finally, the pages stopped making music and she felt the journal being placed back into her hands, opened. She looked and saw the title of the poem and turned to him.

"I'm not done with that one." She informed him.

"I know. I want to hear what you have now though." He smiled at her reassuringly and she sighed. She contemplated on arguing with him to pick another one, but she knew it would be hopeless. He was more stubborn than she had thought. So, taking in a deep breath, she began with the title.

"Shake the Dust…" She stopped after that, trying to regain her composure. She had never read a poem she had written to somebody else before and she was terrified. What if he didn't like it? What if he thought she had too much baggage after hearing it? Why did she promise to do this for him? None of those things mattered now though, she had to keep going. She took in another deep breath and read slowly.

"This is for the benches and the people sitting on them,

for the bus drivers driving a million broken hymns,

for the men who have to hold down three jobs simply to hold up their children,

for the nighttime schoolers, and for the midnight bikers who are trying to fly

...Shake the Dust...

This is for the two year olds who cannot be understood because they speak half English and half God, shake the dust,

for the girls whose brothers are going crazy,

For those gym class wall flowers and for the twelve year old kids afraid of taking public showers,

for the kid whose always late to class because he forgets the combination to his locker,

for a girl who loves somebody else

shake the dust.

This is for the hard men...the hard men who want love but know it won't come...

For the ones who are forgotten,

for the ones the amendments do not stand up for,

for the ones who are told to speak only when spoken to and then are never spoken to.

Speak every time you stand so that you do not forget yourself,

never let a moment go by you that doesn't remind you that your heart beats 900 times a day...

That there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean.

Do not settle for letting these waves that settle and for the dust to collect in your veins.

Shake the dust…."**

She slowly closed to notebook and sat there in the silence. She knew that this time it was Cam's turn to break the silence, and she was going to make him. They continued to sit there on her small bed and Lillian could almost hear the cranks turning in his head as he thought about what to say.

"Why can't you do that?" He finally questioned. She looked at him, confused.

"Do what?" She inquired. He put his hand on top of hers like she had done to him earlier that day.

"Why can't you shake the dust from yourself?" She looked into his emerald eyes that always saw through her and she cried. Without thinking, she grabbed him around his waist and buried her face into his chest as her shoulders shook. It had happened so quick, she was almost unaware of what was going on herself. Something in her snapped and she couldn't do it anymore, she broke down crying. The stress and pain of losing her family, starting over a brand new life, and everything else that had happened to her, she had bottled up for so long. It began pouring out of her in waves and it wouldn't stop. She began gasping for breaths from sobbing so hard. Cam put his arms around her and she could hear his soft whispers of reassurance of how everything was alright. That he was there. They sat there together, holding each other, even after the water works had stopped. She thought Cam was doing it mostly out of fear that she would start up again, but she hoped he was doing so for reasons other than sympathy. Finally, she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes and sniffled.

"I…I'm sorry about your shirt. I didn't mean to it just…I don't know what happened." She tried to say. He smiled at her again, despite what had just happened.

"Please don't apologize to me Lillian. Especially don't apologize to me for opening up. It shows that you trust me. Now, let's get you to bed alright?" She just nodded in response, her head swollen from all of the crying she had just done. They both got off her bed and Cam pulled back the covers delicately. She got back into bed and he tucked her in. Before leaving, he kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear

"Good night Lillian. Thank you very much for dinner." She heard his footsteps get quieter as he walked to the door. The door creaked a little as he opened it and again before it closed shut. She laid there in bed, trying to organize what had just happened. Why did she suddenly break down crying like that? That had never happened to Lillian before. She had just met Cam, or so it seemed, and now she was breaking down in front of him. He must think I'm crazy she thought. But he had said he was glad she opened up to him. Perhaps he had known she was bottling up all of her emotions so he was hoping for her to cry and let them all out. Whatever had happened, Lillian knew that tonight had been a disaster. Instead of figuring out more about Cam, he found out more about her. On top of that, she was sure Cam had a horrible night, a horrible first date.

Her mind froze on that thought. Tonight was supposed to be a date. Dates were meant to be fun and help a person get to know another one better. It dawned on Lillian then. She couldn't let him leave like that. She sprang out of bed and ran outside barefoot. She heard Jake barking after her at her front door that she had left open. But she didn't care, she just kept running, hoping she wasn't too late. Begging the harvest goddess as she ran that he wouldn't be home yet, she ran despite the growing pain she felt at her side. Up ahead by the Bluebell shipping bin, she saw someone walking slowly. It was too dark for her to see who it was, so she yelled for him. It hadn't occurred to her that it might not be Cam. However, the person stopped walking and she kept running to them.

"Lillian? What are you-" Cam began but he was caught off guard as Lillian jumped into him, put her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips against his. She could tell he was surprised and confused, but she didn't care, she was too. After a moment, she felt Cam's muscles relax and he began kissing her back. His hands wrapped around her waist and he pulled her into him so that there was absolutely no space in between them. The cool air didn't faze either of them as each other's body heat kept them warm. She had to stand on her toes to reach him but she didn't care, she was dreaming. The moment felt as if it was a part of some other reality, it was too perfect. The crying that had happened only a few minutes before seemed to have happened a lifetime ago and nothing could shatter this new world she had stumbled upon. Finally, their lips separated and Cam chuckled at her

"What was that for?" He asked her smiling. She smiled back and told him

"Would you mind helping me shake the dust from my weathervane?"

**From "Shake the Dust" by Anis Mojgani. Found on The OX Zone. URL: .com/