Her body wakes her at six the next morning like clockwork, fifteen minutes before her alarm can resound through the bedroom, but she burrows deeper under the covers, huddles for warmth against the bitter chill of winter and nuzzles Castle's chest as he snuffles in his sleep-
Kate forces her eyes open, almost expecting to see the source of the sound lying beside her, but she's still in her own apartment, the empty side of her bed untouched. And yet Castle's breathing still filters through the room. She shifts onto her back in confusion and the phone falls from the side of her face, dropping onto the pillow beside her head, and clarity sparks through the fog of sleep still clouding brain.
They fell asleep on the phone together. How terribly cheesy.
But alone in her apartment, tucked under her sheets, Beckett lets herself smile at the even pattern of his breathing, the comfort of having the familiar soundtrack accompanying her to bed once more. It's been years since she's fallen asleep on the phone with him, not since those few months of living in DC, and he had teased her mercilessly the next morning about drifting into slumber with the lullaby of his voice in her ear. She would welcome the teasing this time, though, would even concur to the truth of it.
After two years of sleeping alone, every night restless save for the few where she's crashed from exhaustion, forced by her body to sleep deep and dreamlessly, she's certain that the steady cadence of his breath in her ear is the cause for her first full night of rest. And she's thankful for it.
Kate has never been one to linger upon waking, not if Castle isn't around to persuade her back into bed, but she arches her spine in the sheets this morning, flexes her toes and shifts back onto her side with the phone still resting on the pillow. She's awake, no longer at risk of drifting back to sleep, but she closes her eyes, listens to the tranquil sound of Rick breathing peacefully on the other line.
Until her alarm blares to life and startles them both ten minutes later.
"Body?" she hears him mumble in confusion.
"No body," Kate whispers, cradling the phone to her ear as she slips from the sheets and pads into her bathroom. "Go back to sleep, Rick."
"Mmkay, be safe. Love you," he slurs and she grins down into the sink, can already hear him fading back into slumber.
"Love you too."
Beckett draws the phone back from her face, finally disconnects the call after eight hours and thirty-seven minutes. She really isn't looking forward to receiving her phone bill for the month. But it was worth it. Every step of progress they make, every moment she's allowed back towards normalcy with him, is worth any cost.
Despite the extra sleep she had achieved, Beckett still drags through the morning, as if the more rest she received, the more her body craved. It takes her longer than she would like to read over the recent case reports on her desk, to sign off on each one knowing she's retained every detail, and even though Esposito is kind enough to bring her a coffee from the shop down the street that he and Ryan had stopped by on their way back from a morning fieldtrip, it does little to rouse her.
It's times like these that she misses the streets, the theorizing in front of the murder board with the boys, the constant movement. She has enjoyed her years as captain, has excelled in multiple areas and opened up new avenues of change for the precinct, for the system, but there are days when she is stuck behind her desk, drowning in paperwork, when the fleeting urge to return to her position as a detective rises within her like a tidal wave.
Today was one of those days.
Kate rubs at her temples and rolls her shoulders, tries to focus on the last report in front of her, but just as her eyes adjust to the fine print, a cup of coffee appears on top of the paperwork, and her gaze flies up to see Castle standing on the opposite side of her desk with a small grin.
"I just thought… I haven't brought you coffee in forever and the boys said you were grumpy today." He shrugs and sways a little on the spot, his posture uncertain but his eyes bright. "I had hoped you'd gotten some rest, especially with my voice in your ear, soothing you to sleep."
She laughs, a little too loud and unbridled, but exactly what she needed. He always knew exactly how to nudge her out of her slump in days like this, and she reaches for her coffee with greedy fingers, savors the familiar grip of her travel cup from home back in her hands.
"Oh," she realizes after a swallow of the still hot liquid, the burst of flavors across her tongue almost overwhelming. "You made me coffee."
"I hope you weren't dead set on sticking to black," he chuckles, his brow furrowing with concern at the sudden wave of emotion she can feel flooding through her features. "Kate? What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she murmurs, pushing back from her desk to stand, to meet him on the other side. "Just - thank you."
Castle stares down at her quizzically, but offers her a smile nonetheless.
"Not a problem. Is everything okay?"
He skims his fingertips along her cheek, gliding up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and lingering there. She's growing selfish, impatient despite her best efforts; she had managed to become a hollowed out shell through the years of their separation, and now all of those troublesome emotions she had worked so hard to drain from her system are rushing back in and she's doing a poor job of keeping her head above the sea of them.
"I'm okay," she sighs, ignoring the consequences for just a moment and drifting forward, into him. Her forehead collides with his clavicle, her nose clashing with his chest, and after a breath of hesitation, Castle curls an arm around her back.
It's just like the sleep, she realizes. The more she's allowed, the more she wants.
"Just tired," she lies, soaking in the sensation of his warmth, the scent of his aftershave lifting from his chest to greet her, and the reassuring weight of his arm around her ribs and his hand splayed between her shoulder blades.
"If you're having trouble sleeping, we can talk on the phone like we did last night more often," Rick mumbles, pressing his cheek to her hair, and Kate grins into his chest.
"Thanks, Castle. May take you up on that offer," she decides, raising her head to stare up into the worried shade of blue consuming his eyes. "And if I recall, I wasn't the only one to fall asleep with the phone still pressed to my ear."
Golden flecks of amusement emerge to circle his pupils, illuminate his entire face, and Kate takes a careful step back before she can give in and fit her mouth to his.
"Hey, I was writing and you already know that during the few instances in which I have written in bed, it has been with you sleeping next to me. Your breathing and those cute little noises you make in your sleep create a calming soundtrack."
Beckett rolls her eyes and leans across her desk to retrieve her coffee once more. "So how late did you stay up?"
"I think the last time I checked it was around four," he murmurs, his brow scrunching. "Maybe four-thirty."
"How are you awake and in a pleasant mood?" Kate demands, but Castle looks overjoyed at the question.
"Because I wrote for nearly five hours straight last night, Beckett," he exclaims with glee, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. "I haven't written like that in… way too long."
She bites her lip, but Rick is still beaming with excitement that's contagious, seeping into the air and filtering through her skin, tugging her lips up into a proud grin. He's writing again.
"And while I would love to stay longer, I actually have a meeting with Gina in half an hour-"
"About a new book?" Kate asks, her brow hitching with the assumption, her heart quickening with hope. She wants this for him, wants him to reclaim this beautiful part of his life that drew them together in the first place, that drew her from the depths of her grief all those years ago and sustained her through those long nights of agony.
"Maybe," he cautions her with a supplicating hand. "Gina has been surprisingly understanding about my lack of inspiration these last couple of years, but Black Pawn will be wary to work with me again. Today is more of a consultation, just to see if there's potential."
"There is," she assures him with confidence, reaching out to give his bicep a quick squeeze. "You're their most successful author, Rick, and more importantly, you're a brilliant writer with plenty of stories left to tell. They'll see that, snatch you back up in a heartbeat."
The nerves flicker in his eyes, but they calm at her certainty and his lips quirk with shy delight. "You think so?"
Beckett nods. "I have no doubts."
"I better go then," he murmurs, the grin on his lips blossoming into a broad smile that he smears to her cheek. "Are you busy tonight? Even if you're off late, you could come over for dinner if you want, and I can fill you in on how it goes."
Her heart palpitates, skips and stutters like a teenager girl who was just asked out on a first date.
"I'd love that," Kate affirms, walking with him out of her office and towards the elevator, ignoring the curious glances that are steadily becoming less frequent.
"And I'll text you beforehand," Castle promises, slowing before they can reach the lift. "Let you know if we're celebrating or drowning my sorrows."
She rolls her eyes, nudges him into the elevator with her hip. "We'll be celebrating."
The doors slide closed on Castle's smile, the brilliant sparkle in his eyes that was appearing more often now, slowly emerging from behind the eclipse of shadows that had claimed his features, and Kate hides her grin in her coffee cup as she strides back towards her office.
"Yo Captain." Esposito intercepts her, signaling her towards his and Ryan's adjoining desks, and Beckett changes her route, comes to a stop at Ryan's chair.
"What is it?" she inquires, catching the look they share, the soft smiles adorning both of their faces. "What?"
"We just wanted to congratulate you," Ryan informs her, keeping his voice mercifully low.
"Yeah, we talked to Castle the other night when we were over for Madden and he didn't say much, and we don't know if you guys are official or not-"
"But you're both happier," Ryan finishes for his partner with his kind eyes alight.
"And don't worry, anyone who tries gossiping around here answers to us," Esposito throws in, his chest subtly expanding while Ryan nods his agreement.
"Yeah, they talk trash, they get banned from the espresso machine."
Beckett laughs, wishes they weren't in the middle of the bullpen, wishes that she could embrace them both and express her gratitude for their understanding, their approval and fierce protectiveness, not only for her, but for Castle as well.
"Thank you both," she murmurs, reaching down to pat Ryan's shoulder and offering Esposito a solemn nod. "Once things are sorted, we should all do dinner. Like we used to."
"Jenny would love that," Ryan enthuses. "Sarah Grace and Annabelle would love to see Aunt Kate and Uncle Rick again too."
"Jenny's pregnant again, right?" Espo asks, leaning over his desk to refrain from broadcasting the news. "You want to get in on the pool, Beckett? Boy or girl?"
"Stop making bets on my unborn child, Javi."
"After losing the pool to Lanie about those two," he nods towards Beckett and the travel cup still cradled to her chest. "I have to earn my losses back somehow."
Kate huffs, unsure if Esposito is referring to the bet that had existed since Castle had first shown up in the precinct nearly ten years ago, or if a new one had been concocted since their separation. She turns once the boys begin to bicker, not necessarily wanting to know, and heads back into her office.
For the first time since her promotion, it almost feels normal again, with Castle stopping by the precinct and her chat with the boys. She can almost forget the last two years, the lack of fulfillment that has plagued her career, but Vikram waiting in her office halts the foreign sense of peace from falling over her.
"Vikram, did you need something?" she inquires, brushing past him to take a seat at her desk. Something tells her he is one of the few who has been banned from the espresso machine.
"I think getting back together with Castle is a bad idea."
Kate goes still, her fingers tightening around the cup she places beside her paperwork on the desk, Castle's words ringing like alarm bells through her skull.
If I were writing the story, he wouldn't be on your side.
She cuts her gaze to the defiant but nervous man in front of her, staring him down with her best interrogation glare, waiting until he begins to squirm on the spot to speak.
"Why?"
"Look, I have nothing against the guy-"
"Oh? Because now that I think about it, you've been protesting my marriage since you came into the picture," she points out, but Vikram shakes his head.
"No, I wasn't – that was only because you hadn't wanted him to find out about the investigation, I was only following your lead-"
"Well, there's no investigation now, so what's the problem?" she snaps, curling her fingers around her pen to resist the urge to coil her hand into a fist.
"I'm simply concerned that there could be a chance that LockSat is still watching you," Vikram murmurs in a hushed tone. "And if they see you back with Castle, your partner, the guy who helped you bring down Bracken, who boosted your closure rate throughout your years as a detective, they might get ideas, view you as a threat all over again."
Beckett scrapes a hand through her hair, but shuns the thoughts that flood and gather at the gates to her mind, ignores all of those reoccurring images of Rick in danger, ruthlessly murdered by LockSat, that had motivated her to stay away from him for nearly two years.
"Maybe you're right," she concedes. "But I sacrificed two years of my marriage for a lost cause. Rita told me I had to make a choice when all of this started, that I had to choose between Rick and pursuing the investigation. I made the wrong one last time. I won't do that again."
"Captain-"
"If LockSat comes after me, so be it. I appreciate the concern, Vikram, but I'm done allowing someone else to control my life, to keep me away from the one thing I want."
Vikram sighs, but nods his understanding. The prospect of LockSat turning her and those she loves into a target tears her apart piece by piece, but if they come, she'll be ready. And Rick will have her back. It won't come down to it, she won't allow it, but she would rather fight with him, die for him, than spend another day forcing herself to stay away from him.
"I figured you might say that, but I also figured it couldn't hurt to share my thoughts on the matter."
"It may if you don't back off," Kate quips, curving an eyebrow at him in warning, one that Vikram heeds.
"Understood. I actually had another reason for coming in, though. Just wanted to let you know I strengthened the security level on your desktop and I'll scan the station's systems a little more frequently, just to be safe."
Beckett offers him an appreciative nod at that, adds a thin smile as Vikram turns to go. Castle may loathe him, but she thinks with time, and an excessive amount of effort from Vikram, they could learn to have an amicable relationship, reserved solely for the times they managed to end up in the same building.
In the meantime, she would ask the boys to aid her in keeping a closer eye on the tech analyst to ensure Castle's theory isn't actually correct. Her suspicions have risen, despite her doubts remaining high, and if Vikram is a plant from LockSat, she'll kill the man herself.