Miss Pauling soon came across a red and white spotted mushroom as she was navigating through the grass. Feeling exhausted, she leaned against the steam and paused to rest. "Who are you, private?" a voice commanded. Startled, Miss Pauling step out from under the cap and looked up to see a large blue caterpillar. This particular insect would have been just an ordinary creature, expect it just happened to look like the BLU Soldier, complete with his helmet covering over his eyes and a cigar he was puffing. The smoke curled around Miss Pauling, who coughed and swatted away the smoke from her face.

"Excuse me?"

"I said who are you? State your business!"

"Well, the thing is…I don't know who I am exactly." Miss Pauling told him. The Soldierpillar let out a "humph!"

"Not good! How does one expect to go into battle when he doesn't know who he is?!"

"Might I have a chance to explain myself?"

"You may proceed." The Soldier said as he took another puff of his cigar and exhaled.

"I have been constantly changing sizes all day, from the size of a doll to the height of a skyscraper. I have also had my patience tested since I've arrived here. Nearly everyone I've met is completely insane, so to speak." Miss Pauling was used to dealing with mentally unstable individuals; her job was basically keeping the mercenaries of RED and BLU in line. But here in this land, it was damn near impossible just to ask a simple question!

"I see…" the Soldier said, mulling on her explanation. "But that's not an excuse not to go into battle. Here, look at these plans I devised." He tossed her a packet of papers. Miss Pauling caught them and read the title aloud.

"The Jane Doe Attack?" she eyed him, questioning his methods.

"Read it!" he commanded. Miss Pauling opened to the first page and began to read.

"Private A shall hide behind a large rock, ready to fire. Privates B and C shall run around like a gaggle of geese as the enemy is alerted of our presence. Once the enemy is within firing range, Private A shall unleash a rainstorm of bullets."

"Stop reading private! Now, how did you think that plan of action shall help us win the good fight?"

"I don't think it's a sound plan."

"Then your question has been answered." The Soldierpillar said.

Miss Pauling was confused. How did the Soldierpillar's attack plans help her figure out who she is? The Midwesterner saw her confused look and decided to ease her worried mind.

"Basically it means this, private: You are a rather observant individual and you know how to get yourself out of a scrap. Thus, by not following the plan, you are already ahead of the game. Got it, sweetheart?"

She didn't quite understand his logic, but she nodded as if she understood. "I do feel a little better, thank you." The Soldierpillar smiled.

"Good, now that is what I wanna see!" he chuckled as he took another hit of his cigar.

"Now that that is settled, I was wondering if you've seen a Scout around here."

"That's a negative, miss. I have not moved from this spot since yesterday morning! Plus, Scouts are cowards when it comes to battles, always runnin' away…" he grumbled.

"I don't suppose you know a way for me to return to my original size." Miss Pauling asked.

"Don't you enjoy the view?"

"Yes, but I would rather be my normal height. Being this small is rather…inadequate." said Miss Pauling. Suddenly, the Soldierpillar let out a rather load scream.

"How dare you say this height is inadequate?! I am perfectly happy being this height! If it is not up to your standards miss, then you are dismissed!" He slide off the mushroom and began to slide past Miss Pauling. "One side of the mushroom will make you taller, the other side will make your smaller." he said, ignoring her.

"Which side are you talking about?" she called to him. The Soldierpiller slid right up to her, glaring down at her. "Figure it out for yourself, cupcake!" he angrily said and went on his way.

"What a rude individual." She said and stared at the mushroom. Miss Pauling went over and grabbed a chunk off the left side and right. Placing the right piece in her pocket, she held up the left piece to her mouth and bit into it. After chewing and swallowing, Miss Pauling waited for something, anything to happen. Before she knew it, she shot up toward the sky and was soon high above the canopy itself.

"Guess I bit off more than I could chew." Miss Pauling said to herself.

"Ugh! What a terrible pun!" The voice was coming from a white dove that was atop Miss Pauling's head. It fluttered down from its nest and was now eye to eye with her.

"I know, I agree with you."

"Don't try to butter me up, you wench! You're here to eat my eggs!"

"I beg your pardon?"

The dove scoffed at Miss Pauling. "You're going to eat my eggs! I shall peck at you until blood appears…Oooh, blood! I can hardly contain myself!"

The morbid little dove started to peck at the tip of Miss Pauling's nose. She tried to shoo it away, but the dove was persistent! Miss Pauling remembered she had the other piece of mushroom and quickly took it out of her pocket. No sooner than she ate it, Miss Pauling started shrinking back down to earth. She was back to her normal size, and quite relieved too. She tossed the rest of the mushroom to the side and started down the path, which did take her out of the woods.