Daryl and Carol's first night together continues, as he works to fulfill a promise. Later, encounters with others test the new couple's bond.
Warnings: Starts with a bit of smut & contains a short B*th appearance in the second scene if that bothers anyone.
7)
"Daryl?" Carol said quietly, running her fingertips over the upper demon tattoo on his broad shoulder. She been awake, lying on her side and watching him sleep by the light from the moon coming in through the window for about the last half hour or so. His messy mop of sandy hair covered half his peaceful face as he lay on his belly next to her and he was lightly snoring. She smiled at that but didn't think she'd ever get tired of being near him.
Yes. He was attractive, but that was only a small part of why she was so happy to be here with him. Okay, the amazingly good in bed part didn't hurt either—what he had done for her earlier had been mind blowing—but he had also shown her that he cared about her, her feelings, that he wasn't with her just for the physical. They'd both bared not only their bodies, but also the scars that living had left on their souls, sharing the pain that others and bad choices had caused them.
"Hmmph?" Daryl muttered, not moving.
"Are you awake?" Caryl asked, leaning in and pressing her lips to his shoulder.
"No, m'talkin' in my sleep." Daryl softly grunted, still not moving.
"Daryl!"
"Whatta ya need, sweetheart?" Daryl chuckled and rolled over so they were face to face. His warm blue eyes met hers, his mouth eased in a lazy grin, his arms going around her.
"May I ask you something?"Carol said, frowning a little in what looked like embarrassment.
"Anything." Daryl said, nodding, leaning in and placing a little kiss on her turned up nose and then started on the rest of her sweet face, cheekbone, jaw, cheek.
"When you said...about me not...during?" Carol wondered aloud, finding it a bit hard to concentrate as his hands started roaming as well, finding the curve of her ass and lightly, almost absently caressing it.
"Mmm hmm." Daryl murmured, his lips at that delicate little place where jaw meets ear, making her shiver.
"Well, how does that work?" Carol pressed, "I mean I know that what you did, with your mouth before works and what I do when I'm alone works, but should I just...is there something that I didn't do? When you were inside me? Was that why I didn't?"
That's what Ed had always intimated. That she got no pleasure from the act was because there was something wrong with her, that she was frigid and couldn't have a "normal" orgasm from "normal" sex. He never did much foreplay, just rough squeezes and pinches to her, according to him, "too small tits," and then he pulled out the tube of KY—totally uncaring if she was really ready for him. She had no say, no control over what happened to her body.
So this had been a new experience for Carol; she couldn't believe the time that Daryl had taken to prepare her, how he'd lavished his attentions on her whole body: kissed her, called her beautiful, had been turned on by how wet she had gotten for him and then had made her come so powerfully that she'd almost passed out.
"I could beat the shit outa that man for what he did to you, I really could." Daryl said with a sigh, his hands cupping her firm silken breasts as his thigh moved between hers. Glancing to the bedside clock he saw it was two a.m., they'd napped a couple of hours, and he was more than ready to start round two.
"He's gone, Daryl." Carol assured him, her hands running soothingly over his shoulders, leaning in to kiss his collar bone.
"Good. Let's make sure we exorcise his asshole ghost with a little lesson in how good it feels to come when I'm inside you..." Daryl growled.
Carol felt his hardness growing against her thigh and made a moan of agreement.
"Show me?" Carol asked. "What to do?"
Daryl reached up and past her head, snagging a condom from the nightstand and handing it to her.
"Help me with this?" he requested and Carol gave him a questioning look. Earlier she'd been reassured that what he'd said about being safe was true when he'd used one, but Ed never had, so other than the banana in sex ed class in high school she'd had no occasion to hone the technique. The chance to touch him there though was something she couldn't pass up. She used both hands to open the package and then took the small translucent circle in one hand while she pulled away from him enough that she could look down his body and see his cock, which seemed to swell in appreciation of her gaze.
"Go on..." Daryl urged softly, "You can touch me...I want you to touch me, Carol..."
Somehow going right for the money seemed a bit too bold to her, so Carol started at his neck, tracing the strong column, finding a tiny tattoo above his left collarbone, an x—was that for a kiss? Just in case she leaned in and kissed him there, and then looked down to his pectoral to the name in fancy blue script over his heart, someone important...she ran her finger over it as if she was rewriting it for him, silently asking.
"I'll tell you...later...okay?" Daryl told her, closing his hand over hers, holding it against his heart.
Carol nodded and he released her hand. She continued to move it on down, brushing over his small nipple, circling it, watching his face, doing for him what he'd done for her. When she leaned in, her lips hovering over the erect nub, he sucked in a breath and gave a small groan; an inarticulate plea and she flicked her tongue out and over it, the salt of his skin bitter, the flesh sweet, the combination irresistible. Sucking down hard she let her hand rest on his abs, felt the hard muscles there jump against it as she continued to suckle and lick.
"Ah yeah, sweetheart...your mouth is so damn sweet..." he murmured encouragingly, hoping she'd take the hint and continue her exploration of him a little further south; hard and aching for her touch. Her hand on his belly inched lower and he gave a whimper, a little too high pitched, bringing her head up to look at him, one eye brow arched.
Daryl quirked a little side of the mouth grin at her and then hitched his hips with a small grunt and closed his eyes on a moan when her hand slid down to wrap around the base of his straining member. Carol stroked up, watching him, feeling the heat and power of him under her fingers and palm, the satin soft skin over distended veins and marble solid flesh. Every part of him was beautiful, none more so than this.
When she reached the ridge of the flared head he made that noise again, that panting higher pitched whimper that delighted her—it meant she was in control, pushing him beyond his limits somehow and it emboldened her so that, holding him firmly a few inches out from his abs, she quickly closed her mouth over him, using the same lick and suck she had at his breast, her other hand with the condom closing over his hip to hold him still.
"Oh fuck yes, sweetheart." Daryl groaned, his head falling back onto the pillow as he enjoyed her tentative but focused attention to his dick. She teased him, whether by design or inexperience he couldn't really be sure, but it was exquisite torture. He felt himself swell even further and his balls tightened up and he jerked in her mouth, whimpering again.
Carol felt a small salty spurt of pre-come on her tongue and pulled back, raising her other hand and looking up at him questioningly.
"Hurry..." Daryl panted.
The lubrication of her play made sliding the small circle onto him easier. He showed her how to leave room at the tip as a reservoir to capture his seed and she was so attentive to the lesson she made him feel like the Henry Higgins of sex.
"Com'ere." Daryl said, laying back and pulling her over top of him, positioning her so she was sitting astride him, his right hand finding her cleft and pushing through the swollen flesh there to find her clit, circling it, making her gasp.
"Daryl?" Carol said, wholly unused to this position.
"This is one way—I do this or you do this while I fill you, slow and easy, right?" Daryl told her, taking hold of his cock and fitting it to her center.
Carol nodded her assent, moving her body forward and then down, helping merge his body with hers.
"Mmm...god, you're like a fisted velvet glove, darlin'..." Daryl hummed, loving the feel of her as she moaned and shifted to accommodate him, arching her back forward and bracing her hands on his belly as he pushed up into her.
Carol felt him continue to play at her clit, the sparks of sensation slicing through her as he stretched her with his girth, the tension showing on her face, in her body as she narrowed her eyes and her forehead puckered.
"Carol, look at me..." Daryl said, focusing her attention on his face, "...this is nice, right?" he asked in a husky voice, "I can see your beautiful eyes—your sweet suckable tits—"
"Daryl!"
"What? They are...sweet..." he looped his left hand around her shoulder and pulled her forward so he could get at her nipples with his mouth, using his tongue to draw them up against the roof of his mouth, moving back and forth between each breast, ramping up until she was writhing on him. Between his mouth and his fingers and his cock so full and hard she was drowning in sensation, surrounded by him, filled by him...
"Please..." Carol breathed, her fingers digging into his shoulders so he would raise his head to look at her.
"Please what? Tell me what you want, Carol...do you want to come? Is that what you want?" Daryl asked, excited, eager to move but holding back, making sure she was ready this time.
"I want..." Carol sobbed, "Please Daryl!"
"It's all right sweetheart. Come for me—let go..." Daryl told her and then began to move within her, working for his own release as well as hers. He felt a sense of exhilaration as she wailed and clenched around him, reaching her peak as he thrust up harder, faster.
"Look at me." Daryl asked, his breath coming in gasps now as he churned his hips, his hands moving to her waist and slipping down to grab her ass, helping her move against him, ride him through the end of her orgasm, watching him with wonder, both of their pupils wide and almost obscuring the blue, both realizing at the same moment...
This was different.
This was new.
This was sex with a person you knew and cared about, a person you trusted to be there beside you when you woke up in the morning, to sit across from you at the breakfast table, to laugh with about something stupid you did at work or cry with over some sad memory or shit storm in life.
They were both scared to death of screwing up and losing this.
Two weeks later...
Carol yawned, resting her chin on her hands. She glanced up at the big clock opposite the main desk of the University Library, where she toiled ten hours a week in her work study job. The money she earned here was deducted from her tuition as a scholarship, which was great, but didn't give her anything to live on, so she also worked twenty hours a week in the art labs setting up before and then cleaning up after the painting and ceramics classes as regular payroll, which gave her cash.
It had been two weeks since the first night she and Daryl had spent at Merle's apartment. She felt fairly comfortable now saying that they were dating, but still hesitant over what exactly that meant to Daryl vs. what it meant to her. They hung out with her friends from school and his family, but she had yet to meet any of the people he worked with, some of whom she knew were his good friends from the stories he and Merle told. She wasn't sure if he was holding back or the right social occasion hadn't yet arisen, but she felt like there was a part of him he still wasn't willing to share with her for some reason.
Last night she and Daryl had gotten together with Glenn, Tara, Andrea and her mystery date—the significant other they'd never met—to go bowling. It had been a wonderful night and Andrea's man had turned out to be a charming grey haired widower sage named Dale who'd bowled rings around all of them and entertained them with tales of his travels all over the States and Canada in his RV. He clearly adored Andrea and by the end of the evening the fact that he was probably twenty years her senior didn't bother any of them anymore. If Andrea and Dale were in love, more power to them. It wasn't like she was eighteen and he was forty-five. Late thirties and mid fifties weren't that far apart in life experiences.
After bowling it had been a night when Ellie was off and so could stay with Sophia and Merle, leaving Daryl and Carol free to use Merle's apartment. The four condoms in the bedside waste basket were evidence of their taking advantage of the chance to be alone together, but Carol was paying for it today, pleasantly sore in all the right places, but yawning through all of her classes and now through work.
Carol sighed, trying not to dwell on something that had happened last night in the bar part of the bowling alley when she and Daryl had offered to go fetch a round of drinks to bring back to everyone. As they were standing waiting for Andrea's Crown Royal and Coke, two women had blatantly ignored Carol to engage Daryl in conversation. The first had been one of his former conquests and the second wanted to be, having heard of his reputation from her friend.
Daryl had treated them with politeness but as they spoke, he reached out to drape an arm around Carol's shoulder in the casually possessive way Glenn had witnessed after his modeling session, indicating that he was already engaged that evening. He hadn't introduced her, claimed her as his girlfriend or even as his date, just non-verbally asserted their connection. And though she hadn't said anything to him at the time; that had bothered her.
So when she saw him enter the library with the young perky breasted blonde from drawing class who was clinging to his arm like a limpet Carol felt a slight an urge to kick the girl's ass, wondering if being with him meant she'd just have to get used to other women constantly on the make around him.
"Told you she was here." Daryl announced triumphantly as he strode up to the desk and gave a wave of his left hand towards Carol and then patted Beth's hand, which seemed stuck, tentacle-like, to his bare muscular tan bicep in his sleeveless t-shirt.
"Oh, I'm so glad I found you, Mrs. Peletier! When I ran into Mr. Dixon... Daryl... out front and he said he might know where I could find you I was so relieved! Do you have the notes from Dr. Blake's class yesterday? I was just telling Daryl I had to miss for pageant business." Beth said in a high girlish voice.
"Did you know she's Miss King County? Headin' for the state pageant next week?" Daryl said, smiling down at Beth.
As a matter of fact Carol did know. Miss Greene had been the subject of a feature story in the school newspaper's first issue of the semester which had a counterpoint op ed by the president of the Feminist Issues Association about the exploitation of women and the beauty myth perpetrated by pageants.
"I used the scholarship money from the county pageant to come here to school." Beth told them. "I want to be an art therapist and help all the traumatized children of the world—that's my platform." and her lip quivered with put on emotion as she looked back and forth between Carol and Daryl.
Carol swore the girl had even manufactured a tear that slid dramatically down her cheek.
"Well, now that's a right lovely sentiment Miss Greene." Daryl smiled, patting her hand again.
"Now ya'll must call me Beth, Daryl!" Beth preened at his attention, her Crest white smile going wide, the little braid in her lustrous golden locks bouncing.
"You got your notes here, sweetheart?" Daryl asked Carol and Beth's face fell a little at the endearment he tendered to the other woman.
"They're on my PC—I can e-mail them to you." Carol told Beth, trying not to feel like she'd had an end run done around her. The notes were what she did that for the people in her study group, of which Beth was not a member. She was at best a C student and was struggling in the academic non-studio art-ed requirements because she simply missed too much class in favor of her outside interests.
"Oh, that would be wonderful—you're a doll, Karen!" Beth said with an air kiss, trying to steer Daryl back to the door, chattering to him about a new restaurant that she'd been wanting to try if he was free now for a late supper.
He, however, was like the proverbial immovable object. Extracting his arm from her hand Daryl took a step back and leaned on the counter.
"Don't you have something to say to Carol?" Daryl asked in the same voice he used to admonish Sophia when she let her wants obscure the need for courtesy.
Beth looked blankly at Daryl, over at Carol and then back to Daryl who raised an eyebrow.
"What? Well, look at you the politeness police," the girl said to him, frowning. She looked back at Carol, "Carol doesn't care, do you? I certainly don't think she'd want to be a third wheel at our dinner date..."
"I think you've got a few things backwards, Beth." Daryl snorted at her. "The reason you found me out on the quad is that I was already on my way here to pick up Carol for our date."
Beth frowned even harder, the idea not computing.
"You're dating? Are you sure?" Beth sputtered, making Carol and Daryl exchange a mutual look of raised brow disbelief.
"I'm sure." Daryl said solemnly and reached across the desk to take Carol's hand.
Carol felt a surge of warmth, wondering at his sudden need to declare their relationship publically, but happy he was doing it. She knew she could've done the same thing, but being with Ed had conditioned her to let the man take the lead, something she was constantly fighting with herself to leave behind.
"Well...oh...well, all right...I suppose that's all right..." the young blonde said, her dark brows drawn together, still looking somewhat confused. "I mean—like you go to dinner and stuff?"
"Dinner, bowling, movies, bed..." Daryl drawled laconically and then looked over at Carol, "That about cover it darlin'?"
"We also go for rides on your motorcycle." Carol said, tapping her pen to her chin thoughtfully, "And there was that concert, but we didn't stay until the end."
"My fault—I just couldn't get into Gregorian chant." Daryl said sorrowfully, kissing the back of her hand.
"You made it up to me later." Carol cooed with a satisfied smile, knowing they were laying it on thick, but pissed off that the girl found the idea of them together so unlikely.
"Your shift about over?" Daryl asked, and when Carol nodded affirmatively he leaned all the way across the desk and gave her what could only be described as a lip smacking downright dirty hot kiss, heavy on the tongue, totally inappropriate to their surroundings.
"Oh... well...I guess I'll be going then." Beth said limply, still looking perplexed, backing away as they continued to kiss and fleeing.
When they finally came up for air there was a short burst of applause from the other patrons and a reprimand from her supervisor, the Reference Librarian at the desk across the way, and Carol was sent to shelve a cart of books before she was allowed to leave. Daryl was requested to wait for her outside the building, obvious visions of what mischief they could get up to in the stacks in the forefront of the librarian's mind.
Half an hour later when Carol finally came through the doors wearing her leather jacket, ready to go, she found Daryl sitting backwards on one of the wooden benches at the edge of the quad, reading a dog eared copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, grinning at her.
"You got me in trouble." Carol accused petulantly, not realizing quite what she'd said until he went white and dropped the book. She quickly hurried over to him, scooping up the book and sitting down next to him, taking his hand.
"Sorry—Deja vu all over again..." Daryl muttered with a grunted chuckle of derision.
"No I'm sorry—I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying—how I phrased it." Carol apologized, wondering if that was what Phil had said, as if it had been all Daryl's fault somehow, refusing to accept any of the responsibility.
"What would you do? If that happened to you?" Daryl asked slowly, watching her closely out of the corner of his eye.
"To us," Carol corrected and Daryl let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Happened to us."
"I don't even know if it could. It never happened with Ed and we didn't do anything to prevent it."
"Could a' been him, not you." Daryl reasoned.
Carol nodded, realizing she should be taking more responsibility for birth control in this relationship. There were plenty of options in addition to condoms that she should investigate...and that would also be a reason to have the tests that Ed had forbidden her during her marriage.
"It's not the best time—you're in school, we haven't been together very long..." Daryl said slowly, breaking her reverie.
Together, Carol liked that.
"It does feel too soon to be thinking about things like this...but as soon as we started sleeping together it became a possibility, didn't it?" Carol sighed. She really did need to make an appointment with a gynecologist, vowing to ask Andrea for a recommendation.
"If it happened? And we're careful so it shouldn't, but if it happened?" Daryl asked, knowing it wasn't fair to ask her to commit to something so tenuous, but needing an answer from her anyhow.
Carol looked deeply into his eyes, searching her heart and then finally said what she knew to be true, for her at least.
"It wouldn't be like before...it'd be a good thing to me, Daryl."
Daryl stared at her for a few beats and then gave her a close mouth pleased but suppressed smile; nodded and then leaned over to kiss her quickly on the lips.
"We should go, Mom needs to get to work n' Soph n' Merle will be champin' at the bit." He said with forced lightness, feeling something too deep to be expressed, standing and pulling her up with him.
Carol nodded in agreement and handed him his book, shouldering her back pack as they headed for the bike, holding her hand to her abdomen in an unconscious gesture.
"Hey Sis, you believe in that last wishes shit?" Merle asked Carol as they sat on the couch for Friday night movie night. Daryl and Sophia were out in the kitchen making popcorn—in an actual pan, not the microwave because that was the way Ellie always made it, with oil and salt and butter—while Carol scrolled through the films they had saved on the DVR and the ones On Demand, looking for one that they all would enjoy, which was no easy task. Merle had already rejected anything from Disney and Daryl had vetoed anything rated above PG.
"Like a will?" Carol asked distractedly, trying to decide if Sophia would be traumatized by anything with an animal dying or in mortal peril, then realized it wasn't just the kid, she would. Out went Marley and Me, definitely Old Yeller, The Red Pony and The Yearling.
"Nah—already got that nailed down—I mean like somethin' I wanta do, one last time..." he let his voice trail off, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and putting his hand on her knee, inching it slowly higher.
Carol immediately stopped what she was doing and raised an eyebrow while she looked down at his hand. She covered it with hers, grasping his middle finger and bending it back until he winced.
"Merle, I'm going to chalk this up to the heavy duty pain killers I know you're taking and calmly ask you to remove your hand before I call Daryl over here and let you explain why you have a broken finger, okay?" Carol's voice was calm but with an edge.
"Now that you and Derle actually done the deed I'm just disappointed that you ain't willin' to do me a solid and send me off with a smile on my face." Merle said mournfully as he withdrew his hand from her leg. Carol released his finger as well.
"Did you actually think I would sleep with you?" Carol said, now more amused than angry, knowing that Daryl's request for the use of his apartment had tipped off Merle that she and his brother had indeed "done the deed."
"You know it wouldn't be the first time little brother n' I shared a woman." Merle said in a low voice and shrugged into a smirk.
Any verbal response to accompany Carol's open mouthed face of shock was interrupted by Daryl and Sophia arriving with the popcorn, divided into three bowls, Daryl juggling two.
"So you find one we'd all like?" Daryl asked, passing one of the bowls to Merle, keeping the larger one for him to share with Carol, plopping himself down beside her. Sophia settled in on his other side with her own smaller bowl and a juice box.
"Your gal ain't quite made up her mind there Derle." Merle said with snarky amusement, enjoying baiting Carol. "Seems she's pretty particular."
"Frozen!" yelled Sophia.
"I said no fu—reakin' Disney crap!" Merle vetoed adamantly.
"How 'bout Princess Bride?" Daryl suggested, grinning at Carol who was glaring at Merle, and then picked up the remote and clicked through to the film, "Got some romance, sword fights, vengeance, and rats of unusual size — something for everybody."
"Yay! Princess movie!" Sophia said happily, bouncing around enough that about a third of her popcorn spilled out onto the couch and floor.
"Almost as bad as Disney crap..." Merle muttered petulantly. "You gonna let these women rule the roost baby brother? You whipped? You lettin' this little gal lead you around by your...nose?"
"Speaking of rats of unusual size." Carol muttered and shoved the popcorn bowl back onto Daryl's lap. "I need some air." and she stood and headed for the outside door, closing it with a snap behind her.
"What'd you do?" Daryl's eyes turned to Merle suspiciously, setting the bowl down on the coffee table.
"Whaaat?" Merle protested with an air of false innocence, drawing the word out, looking extremely shifty.
Daryl hit play and pocketed the remote so Merle couldn't change channels.
"You stay here and watch with your Uncle Merle." Daryl told his daughter, standing and grabbing the small garbage can near the end table, handing it to her, "And pick up that popcorn you spilled, please honey?"
"Okay daddy." Sophia said, looking around, frowning, "Is Miss Carolanna coming back?"
"I'm gonna go check on her." Daryl told her. Merle grunted and crossed his arms over his chest, making Daryl notice how thin they looked in the short sleeved tee. Merle had always been the burlier of the two Dixon boys, but these days big brother had the weight and muscle mass of a pre-adolescent, as if he'd regressed to being a teenager, the cancer robbing him of his vitality pound by pound.
"Okay." Sophia said agreeably as she began scooping up the fluffy white popped kernels she'd spilled and dumping them in the trash, adding, "Tell her to hurry or she'll miss too much princessing."
Carol was outside sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs around the now cold fire pit. At least once a week they'd had a campfire and roasted hotdogs, marsh mellows, even corn and potatoes. Daryl claimed knowing how to build a good fire was a basic survival skill and you never knew when it might come in handy, so they took turns laying the wood and starting the fire.
There was no fire tonight.
She sat with her thighs raised up tight against her chest, her arms wrapped around her bent legs, totally closed off. Daryl could feel the waves of confusion and anger rolling off her.
"He's always been an asshole." Daryl said without preamble, "Cancer just removed his filters. I'm sorry for whatever—"
"He said you'd be okay with sharing me." Carol said in a small angry, hurt voice.
"He said what?"
"He said you'd shared women before and that I should do him a solid." Carol repeated, and then her tone turned bitter, "Tell me, do I take on both of you at once, or consecutively—one at a time? Different days?" She wiped the tears off of her face and looked up at him, the anger and pain clear now, "Was that what this has all been about, Daryl? Finding someone you could rope into caring about you and your family so much I'd be willing to fuck you and your brother?"
"God damn it!" Daryl seethed, furious at Merle, but also pissed off at her for doubting him, doubting what he felt about her. "How can you think that? Don't you know—"
"Is it true? Did you?"
"Not like what you're saying—not on purpose—I didn't find out until way after the fact that he sicced 'em on me—said it was to build up my confidence, give me sure thing...after Phil left... Didn't know he'd already been with 'em—just two that's all." Daryl told her. Merle hadn't told him until years later what he'd done. At the time Daryl had thought he was a hot shit stud talking the honeys into his bed. What an idiot he'd been.
Daryl came and knelt at Carol's feet in front of the chair.
"He's jealous, Carol. Of what we have. What he'll never have. He's jealous and mean and alone and dying..." Daryl said with gentle adamancy, moving his hands to rest on the arms of the chair, almost but not quite embracing her. "Please Carol, you have to believe me, the only bed I ever want you to want to be in is mine." he let his hands drift up to smooth up and down her upper arms, "The only touch mine..." he lifted her chin, "...the only kisses you give for me..." he stared into her eyes, silently asking her to believe what he was telling her; asking permission to kiss her.
"Daryl, what do you want from this? From us?" Carol asked, putting her fingers over his lips. "We spend all of our free time together, I sleep here to watch Sophia and Merle or stay with you at Merle's almost every night of the week that I don't have early class or you work. My life has become so intertwined around you and yours in the last month... and I've just let that happen without really considering what it meant."
"Aren't you happy?" Daryl asked, his mouth twisting into a frown.
"Yes, I am very very happy." Carol told him, giving a sad little smile at his earnest expression. "But I have trust issues—you know that—and what he did tonight, what Merle said to me pushed all the wrong buttons...that was the kind of thing Ed accused me of Daryl—bringing men into our home when he wasn't there, more than one man—and then he would 'punish' me."
"When the bastard almost killed you." Daryl said flatly, wishing he could punch Merle in the face for doing this to her, undermining what he had been trying so carefully to create between them.
"He controlled me Daryl—everything I did was for him-nothing was for me."
Daryl looked at her, trying to understand what she was getting at, a sick feeling starting in his gut.
"It's too easy for me to do—that's my pattern—I let someone else's needs become mine and I lose myself in them...in him..." Carol looked down at him, her eyes filling. "I'm wasting the rent money I pay Mrs. McCloud, I'm never there...I'm already so attached to Sophia I know her every class and after school thing as well as I do my own...I even care about your asshole brother so much it's gonna rip my heart out when he..." Carol stopped, the tears spilling over, taking a breath, "I just...I need some space, Daryl..." she choked out.
Daryl went cold. She was leaving him. He'd just found her, just let her in and she was leaving.
What about what I need? Daryl screamed inside his head. She was leaving him...
"I'll tell Soph you don't feel good—run you back to Woodbury." was what he said out loud, his voice dull and quiet and his gaze downcast.
"No—Daryl, I don't mean right this second." Carol said, reaching out and taking his face in her hands and making him look at her. She saw the hurt there, the fear of abandonment he tried so hard to hide from everyone. She kissed him then, trying to show him how much she cared about him, that this wasn't even really about him, it was about her, what she needed to do to feel like she had control of her own life.
Daryl returned the kisses hungrily, his relief apparent in the way he held her tightly.
"I've got exams coming up this coming week; I have a lot of studying to do." Carol explained, resting her forehead on his, "I also need my eight hours of sleep every night..." she chuckled. When she stayed at the apartment with Daryl sleep was not the thing uppermost on either of their minds.
"What days—your tests?" Daryl asked, rubbing his scruffy cheek against hers.
"Next Wednesday and Thursday." Carol told him, hoping he understood that meant she'd be studying every night until then, so she'd have to have the time to herself.
"So after tonight I'll see you in a week." Daryl said with a stoic nod. He could do this. Give her space. As long as he knew she was coming back.
"And we're still on for Thanksgiving?" Carol asked; kissing him again, tenderly, sweetly thanking him for understanding and accepting.
The November holiday was the week after. She had to make an appearance at her father and step mother's brunch, bringing her new "beau," as Mary put it, but then they had planned to have the real meal at Daryl's mom's with her, Sophia, Merle and several of his fellow firefighters and their families. It was the first time he was meeting her family and she had been nervous about asking him, not wanting him to feel pressured, but he had readily agreed. It was also the first time she would be meeting his work friends and she was nervous about that as well. They were pretty much even in the "Oh shit it's our first real family holiday together" contest.
"Still on." Daryl told her, nuzzling her neck. "Stay with me tonight? Just to sleep?"
"If I'm in your bed you know we won't just sleep." Carol said, pulling back to look at him skeptically. He knew she tried to be quiet, but when push came to shove she was just plain loud in bed. Unwilling to traumatize Soph or titillate Merle they restricted their sexcapades to the apartment. When she stayed over at the house either he wasn't home or she slept in Sophia's room on the upper of her new bunk beds.
"If I don't get to see you for a week I need you here with me tonight." Daryl pleaded. They couldn't just go back to the apartment and leave Merle and Sophia alone without Ellie who was gone to the hospital on night shift.
"You have to promise, just sleep." Carol said, knowing she'd be embarrassed as hell if either Sophia or Merle heard them fooling around, especially after what the elder Dixon had asked earlier.
"I just want to hold you, honey." Daryl murmured, and then he quietly admitted something he'd felt but had been unwilling to admit to her, "I sleep better when you're with me."
"Me too." Carol said in a small quick voice and she snuggled against him, her heart doing a funny little flip, kissing his neck where her face came to rest.
"Gonna be a long week." Daryl sighed, his arms going around her.
Well, they're muddling through. This relationship stuff is new to both of them and it's hard to overcome old patterns as Daryl especially will soon see...
Thanks for reading!