I wasn't entirely comfortable with the pace at which certain things were progressing... but where certain things were concerned, I couldn't afford to be as careful as I might like.

One of which was the matter of Annie's allies.

The only thing I knew for certain was that there were two of them- that was all. The only person that Annie hung out with with any amount of frequency was the girl Mina Carolina, and I very much doubted that she was a Shifter (by extension, Mina's only other close friend was Millus, and he certainly wasn't a Shifter).

So I had turned to examining others of the 104th. But it was literally a needle in a haystack proposal, finding these two allies of hers by observation alone, and so I had taken more drastic steps. While I would have vastly preferred to play innocent for a good while longer, I tipped my hand; tried to get them to do the same thing, while at the same time giving me insights into others of the 104th who may or may not be of use to me.

It had worked, at least to a certain extent.

I had managed to eliminate a handful of people for certain- Jean; Marco; the Springer kid and Sasha, the potato thief; Thomas Wagner and Mina and Millus. Moreover, most of them had been passing my little tests with flying colors; they were a bit raw, but they could certainly be used when the time came.

As for Annie, I hadn't had any direct contact with her, as of yet. I hadn't, of course, told Eren and Mikasa of her identity; I couldn't predict their response. I wondered if she had told her allies about me; wondered if I would consider it a breach of the contract we had made, or feel some amount of betrayal. Regardless, they knew who we were... even if they might not know which of us was the Coordinate, if Annie hasn't told them. But I couldn't safely assume that; better to assume they knew everything she did.

I cried nearly every night, silently; neither Eren nor Mikasa had caught me, despite the huddle of bodies that was the position we three slept in. If I could put a name to the emotion, they were tears of strained giddiness, I thought. My plans were so close to fruition, so tantalizingly close that I could taste them; reach out and touch them. Yet it had never been so dangerous; I had never been under pressure quite like this. I could feel myself starting to crack, but vehemently denied that fact; I couldn't crack, not yet- not until we were safe, truly safe.

I had to last at least that long. I could last that long; I knew I could. I had to.

My plans would work. They had to, for the sake of all that had been sacrificed.

... ... ...

The barracks were crowded; I was certain that Eren and Mikasa were put even more on edge by the amount of people and the noise than I was. But Eren, despite that, seemed to he settling into military life; the night before the final exam, I stood in the corner of the barrack, watching as my friend exchanged verbal blows with the Kirstein boy, his lip drawn back in a mockery of a smile.

I knew that she was waiting for me; I had seen her follow us to our assigned barack, although hers was on the other end of the encampment. And so, when Mikasa's back was turned for a moment, I slipped out into the cool night air.

Her hands tightened around my neck before I had gone four steps- I felt the pressure of her fingers; knew she could kill me in an instant.

"I could very easily break your neck."

I forced my voice to remain level. "This isn't the first time you've held my life in your hands."

I felt her flinch; guilt lanced through me, but I kept my muscles stiff as I tried not to react to her maddening proximity and the feelings it brought crashing through me in waves.

"It's been two years since then."

"I know. I know that very well."

"Come quietly."

"What choice do I have?"

Her hands drifted away from my throat, although she kept a one-handed grip on the back of my collar. It didn't much matter; I wasn't planning to run. On the contrary, I had planned for this meeting. I let Annie guide me out into the moonlit clearing; out into the forest where most 3D Maneuver Gear training took place. Though not ours, I acknowledged, with a hint of bitterness. We learned while fighting to survive. When we had reached a suitably secluded spot, she turned me around to face her; pinned me to a tree. I forced myself not to flinch as I met her gaze.

"Why haven't you turned me in yet?"

That, of all questions, was the one I had been dreading. I had two reasons, and I didn't know which one I wanted to tell her or tell myself.

"... Because I don't want to believe this is happening," I whispered after a moment.

The girl softened, and I wondered if I was being honest or just playing her again; I actually couldn't tell the difference anymore. Oh god, Annie… I thought briefly, don't believe me. Don't believe a word I say.

"You don't have to, you know." She sounded... cross; disturbed. "I've told you this before, but Armin... we look after our own. That could very easily include you; that could include Eren, and Mikasa."

But mostly, it could include you, her eyes said, and I winced slightly.

"Annie-" I began, but she cut in; a bit of her pain seemed to have given way to anger, and I was glad of that.

"What debt do you owe to humanity? What debt do any of you owe humanity?" she asked accusatorially. "You're defending the people that were content to watch you and everyone in your district die! You're defending the system that lets the weak be trampled; that teaches hatred of titans when you don't have the slightest clue as to what they actually are! You're defending people that write off thousands of lives as they tip back a glass of wine and laugh at the jesters they've hired to amuse themselves!"

"And you act as though wiping all of humanity out is the only available option!" I retorted, furious that she was being so stubborn. "I realize that you were raised to do this, but Walls, open your eyes! Think for yourself, please!"

Annie flinched back as though struck, and I felt my stomach twist. Why am I being so cruel? Because it would weaken her- that was the simple answer. It would weaken her now and it would weaken her when we inevitably met in battle.

"Why are you fighting so hard for humanity?" she asked sorrowfully; desperately. "Why side with humanity? Do you really claim to be that... pure of heart? That innocent?"

"Certainly not," I scoffed, feeling slightly insulted. "I'm not innocent or pure of heart, as you surely know."

"Then why?" she repeated, through clenched teeth; I felt a sudden and irresistible urge to be honest with her, amid it all... even if I was unsure of what the truth actually was.

"I'm acting out of self-preservation," I said simply. "Everything I do is for the sake of my survival and the survival of those I care about. The good of humanity is not a factor in my decision-making process; what will afford us the best chance of survival is."

"So you honestly believe that humanity will triumph?" she asked, her voice breathy with disbelief; I shook my head.

"Not necessarily; not as it is now. But I certainly don't think that you will, especially now that the ability of Shifters has been revealed through Eren." Plus, I can't even consider allying with you until I know your ultimate endgame, I added silently, which even you don't seem to know. Grisha Jaeger had a dozen theories, but I've been systematically disproving most of them... And I certainly can't afford reveal my endgame to you...

"I don't think we will, either," Annie Leonheart told me, much to my surprise. "Without the Coordinate, we cannot win. The others don't realize it, but Grisha Jaeger did- that's why he risked, and lost, his life awakening Eren's Shifter powers. And he also knew that with the Coordinate, we are certain to win; that's why he told us where to find Eren- because he wanted his son to survive, just like you do. And he knew that we held that chance, with the Coordinate on our side."

"That's similar to what Erwin thinks- that Eren is the only hope humanity has," I replied, letting myself think aloud. "So regardless, Eren is the key."

"And Eren listens to you," Annie said softly. "So, in the end, you are the key."

I smirked; narrowed my eyes. "That's certainly how I planned it," I admitted. "Everything I've done- everything, from the moment that Wall Maria fell, has been to that end. You're sharp to pick up on it."

"Considerably too late," she said, sounding sore. "I bought into your blind little boy act for nearly a week; played right into your hands."

I felt my lips curve slightly. "And you would have died because of it, if all had gone according to plan."

"But it didn't," she said softly; I winced, cursing myself for allowing the words out of my mouth. "Why didn't you allow Eren to kill me? I'll bet you gave him some story about being off on your timing, but you weren't; you're much too good for that. I'm alive because you wanted me alive."

"..." I didn't want to admit that I had grown attached to her. I didn't want to admit that she was the weakness I had tried so desperately to prevent from happening; the infiltration of my emotion, my humanity, into my logic and planning. So I replied with another reason- a reason that was also just as true. "Alive, you could convince your companions not to return to Shiganshina and try to seize Eren by force. Shiganshina's premature destruction would have thrown an irreparable wrench in my plans."

Annie's eyes hardened; I flinched slightly, unable to completely stuff my emotions, as I usually could so well. So, before she could speak, I pressed ahead.

"Why didn't you try again? You couldn't have truly believed that I was capable of destroying the Shifter Village in retaliation?" That possibility had kept me up for weeks after the incident; for months. My own impulsive emotionality and last-minute, hollow bluff had threatened the district as a whole, and it had been a terrible struggle to hide my uncertainty and angst from Mikasa and Eren.

"I didn't think you could, but it simply wasn't worth the risk," Annie replied sorely, and I felt my head tilt automatically to the side.

"Oh? But if you saw through my bluff...?"

"The Coordinate has powers that we can't fathom," she answered simply. "Grisha told us a bit, but I don't think even he had a fantastic grasp on the implications."

"So... you don't actually know what being the Coordinate means?" I asked incredulously, and she shrugged.

"We have a vague idea, but no, not really. Probably a better idea than you, in any case."

"That's most likely true," I admitted wryly. "I know that his titan powers come in handy, but beyond that... well, I haven't needed to know, so I haven't found out."

"Because you automatically know everything that's useful to you," she scoffed, and I felt myself laugh hollowly.

"I try."

She smacked me in the chest; pushed me hard against the tree. "Bastard."

I sighed; reached up and grasped her wrist tiredly. "Annie... Annie." For a moment, I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at her; to feel safe and protected, as I had when I had been in her care. For just that brief span of time, I hadn't had to worry about food; shelter; planning. I had felt cared for. I felt safe with her, as I felt safe with Eren and Mikasa.

But I burdened myself with the safety and well-being of my dear friends; Annie wasn't like that. A give and a take, yes... but I had been the valuable thing to be protected, the precious child who didn't need to weigh life and death and live with the resulting decision. I longed to feel that way again; I longed to surrender, to ask her to just hold me, because I was confident that I could be content, at peace, just held close by Annie Leonheart for the rest of my life.

"Annie, please don't make us fight you."

"Armin, the power lies with you," she reiterated, and I couldn't bring myself to be proud of that fact. Instead, I felt tears fill my eyes; they stung with bitterness, because I couldn't tell if they were real or just conditioned fakes.

"Annie, I just... I don't want to be the one to make that choice...!" Was that the truth? A lie? Was I confiding in her? Or playing her?

I felt her soften; I felt her lean forward slightly. "I don't want to fight you either, Armin. But I will not abandon my companions, as much as you won't abandon yours. And they will not abandon the Mission; even if I thought they might, I don't know if I'd try to convince them to. You are the variable; you decide which side the Coordinate assists, and therefore which side triumphs."

A sob was torn from my throat. I knew it was true; I had manipulated every variable to make it so. And now I had to live with that.

"... I can't, Annie. The complete destruction of humanity offers us no future. You offer us no future."

Annie sighed; shook her head. "And I know that I won't be able to convince you otherwise." She let her hand slide from my chest; allowed my hand to fall, limp, to my side. She turned; murmured, "Then we'll be enemies until the end."

"Annie!" Was it strategy or emotion driving me? Was it possible for it to be both? "I haven't told the others about you. I haven't told anyone."

"... I had assumed," she said, slowly, "from the way you were acting. What of it?"

"I won't," I said, honestly. "Annie, I'll let this war play out as it will; I won't tip the scale, one way or another."

"'So Annie, wait for me?'" she guessed, somewhat caustically, and I shrugged.

"Always have a back up plan." Emotion choked me; I barely got the words out.

"... I suppose I can tolerate that," she murmured, after a moment, "being your back-up. But if you die before then, then that will be that."

"Of course," I whispered. "The same for you and yours, of course."

And, with that simple, tenuous agreement, Annie Leonheart and I parted ways.

I felt emotion swamp me as I slumped to the ground, face buried in my hands. My plans were coming to fruition at last, but at what cost...? At the cost to my humanity? As if wanting to side with Titan Shifters out to destroy the Walls denotes humanity, I thought, somewhat amused.

But no- it was the desire to love and be loved that was so painfully human; the desire that I was killing for the good of my plans and plots. It obviously wasn't dead yet, for all the pain it was causing me.

"Armin!"

"Armin!"

I looked up at the sounds of my two friends, crashing through the bushes towards me. I couldn't let them see; I couldn't begin to let them see. They were the only people left in the world that I didn't lie to; who knew me for what I was, and for what I had become. They couldn't ask me; they couldn't question it.

Because then I would have to lie to them.

So I wiped my tears; thanked fate that it was dark out. Then I straightened my back, crossed my legs beneath me, and raised my head.

"Mikasa? Eren? I'm right over here."

My two friends emerged through the undergrowth, Mikasa with considerably more grace and less noise than Eren, who dropped down beside me a moment later.

"Armin, what are you doing?! Are you hurt?!"

I smiled benignly at my friend- my dear friend. "Goodness no. I'm just thinking. It's too noisy in the barracks." None of which were lies.

Eren relaxed, but then grasped my shoulder. "You shouldn't go anywhere alone, you know that! We need to stay together; we always need to be together."

I maintained the smile; patted Eren's hand. "I know, I know. I just need a bit of peace and quiet once in a while. Don't worry, Eren." Again, a lie-free piece of information.

Mikasa came over slowly, looking down on the both of us. "I know you take him seriously, Armin, but I have to reiterate," she said gravely. "This is a dangerous world; none of us should be alone, no matter for how long or for what reason. If you wanted silence, we would have come out here with you and then kept watch from the trees."

"I know," I said, trying to look sufficiently repentant. "You two were just mingling so well with the other children; I didn't feel like intruding." Almost a lie, but not quite; not quite.

Mikasa huffed, genuinely annoyed; Eren just seemed relieved that I was alright. At his indication I rose; brushed myself off.

"Fine, let's head back to the barracks; I'm not making any headway here, anyway." Also not a lie.

Mikasa cocked her head; peered at me slowly, with one raised eyebrow. "Is there... anything wrong?"

I felt my heart plummet. "No, nothing wrong. A minor detail, certainly."

A lie. A blatant lie.

... ... ...

"Hey, where's Thomas?"

"I dunno; haven't seen him since... wait..."

"When was the last time you guys saw Thomas?"

"I don't... come to think of it, he wasn't at dinner last night..."

I groaned; dragged clawed fingers through my hair as I tuned out the rest of their conversation. Shaking my head as I emerged from the shallow sleep I allowed myself, I waited for the other cadets to leave before turning to Eren.

"Really, Eren? Really?"

My friend raised his chin defiantly. "You can't tell me the shit they're feeding us does it for you, Armin?"

"It does it just fine for me, Eren," I sighed. "Where's the body?"

"What's left of it?" my friend asked with a smirk, and I grimaced. "Buried behind the latrines at the edge of the forest. I'll probably go back and finish-"

"God damnit, Eren!" I snapped, and saw him flinch. With a hurried glance around, I lowered my voice. "Do you want to blow our cover, you... you idiot?! Thinking with your damn stomach again..."

"S-Sorry..." my friend stammered; surprised, and rightfully so, that I had snapped.

"Armin." Mikasa's stern voice sounded behind me, and I rounded on her. "How long do you want us to keep this up? Eren may enjoy playing at being a soldier, like when we were children, but I'm less inclined to let this stretch on for much longer."

"Do you trust me?" I hissed, irrationally desperate for the answer. "Since when do you question my decisions- my orders?"

"Since you seem to be coming undone at the seems," my friend pointed out dryly. "You seem as bad as Eren, some days."

I flinched, feeling her words like knives. "I'm under a lot of strain," I retorted. "It's all I can do to mask that in public; are you telling me I have to put on a damn mask with you two now, so you'll trust me?!"

"You've been wearing a mask with us for some time," Mikasa pointed out, truthfully. "And you've never given so much as a hint about what your precious endgame actually is. Don't you trust us?"

I drew back my lip. "No, I don't; not in this arena. I trust you with my life, with my very soul, but not with my plans. My calculations assume ignorance on your part; on Eren's part. I can't manipulate all the variables I need to without that intact."

"And I'm growing tired of that, Armin." Mikasa's voice was low and dangerous; I flinched back, feeling something deep inside me snap. "I'm tired of being treated like a pawn. I am not; Eren is not."

"Why can't you just believe the I'm acting in our best interest?!" I wailed, desperate. "Everything I've done is for the good of us- the three of us! Every sacrifice I've made, every sleepless night, every scrap of my humanity that I've shorn off and watched die! Everything is for you; is for Eren! I wouldn't be going to such lengths if it was just me on the line; why can't you see that, and just trust me?!"

"Mikasa..." Eren's voice was frail, and I felt his arms around my shoulders. Suddenly, a sob wracked me; I covered my face with one hand, humiliated and horrified that I was crying yet again. But I couldn't help it, my whole body shaking with the force of my sobs.

Was I really crying, though?

Or was this just another manipulation? A manipulation of my best friends?

I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell.

I couldn't fucking tell.

Mikasa softened visibly. "Armin... I realize that you've got a lot to worry about..." I saw her bite her lip; saw the reservations in her eyes. "I'll... make sure that Eren and I don't add to that load."

Nodding miserably, I pulled away from Eren's embrace. "Thank you... Mikasa. This'll all work, you know; you'll see. I know it'll work."

I wasn't that certain; a large portion of my plan, for once, was riding on the consent of an outside party. I had contingencies, of course, for if that didn't happen... but I didn't like the look of them. If he fell through, then I'd have to get a lot more blood on my hands than I was entirely enthusiastic about; if I had to resort to any of those horrible contingencies, I knew that Mikasa, at least, would never trust me again.

But it would keep the three of us alive; that was what was important.

"Let's go," the girl murmured. "We're late for roll, and its the day of the exam."

"Eren, Mikasa... don't pull your punches. I want the two of you in the top ten."

"And you?" Mikasa queried; I decided it would be alright to disclose my plans for just the next hour or so.

"No, I'll be holding back. I want you two noticed, not me. I'll pass the physical tests, but barely.

"Where I won't be holding back is the written test. That's where I'll make sure I'm noticed, hopefully by one Commander Erwin Smith."

... ... ...

The written test was laughably easy; I finished in a fraction of the allotted time, and so made my way back to the training grounds to watch Mikasa and Eren's physical tests.

Mikasa was, of course, flawless; I felt a brief flare of pride in my friend's skill. Eren was a bit shakier, more accustomed to fighting as a titan than a human, but he performed well enough to make the ten, at least. I grimaced slightly, remembering my own exam in the earlier group; I had intentionally slammed into a tree, upon realizing that I was doing entirely too well; I suspected that Erwin Smith would be able to tell I had thrown the results, which suited me perfectly. He was the one man that I wanted to see through my plans... at least so far as I wanted him to.

"Annie Leonheart."

I stiffened as Shadis called out the cadet on the list after Eren. I watched the girl take her place at the starting line; tense her muscles.

Annie...

Who are your allies?

I watched as the girl glided through the test course, every strike landing perfectly; every turn artfully executed. She cut a gorgeous figure in the air, her flawless grace captivating in every sense of the word. Titan powers be damned, she would be a formidable adversary. I tried to keep our last conversation from my mind; failed.

"Annie..."

She couldn't possibly have heard my whisper- and yet she did. Her gaze found me in the crowd, and for an instant our eyes met. I saw it all, in those crystalline blue depths: her torment, hesitation; the questions that kept her up at night and the longing, the fierce longing for the ability to change fate itself. I wondered if my soul was laid that bare for her, as well.

Her anchor detached suddenly; I held her gaze as she fell, unable to determine whether the misstep had been intention, as mine had been, or an unfortunate accident. Either way, she landed with laudable grace- but the fall was still a penalty that she wouldn't easily make up for.

"What was that?!"

My ears perked at the whispered question just behind me; I recognized the voice as one of our classmates, one Reiner Braun. He had definitely made my list of suspects, and his interest in Annie's sudden fall piqued my interest.

"I-It looked like she was distracted by something." That was Bertholdt Hoover; if one of them, Reiner or Bertholdt, was involved, there was an absurdly high probability that the other was as well. "Someone in the crowd."

"But none of those three should be here. Who else could break her concentration like that?"

I felt my spine stiffen to the point of breaking. Eren and Mikasa are in Annie's group... and I'm supposed to still be in my written test… Obviously they hadn't noticed that I was standing just one row in front of them; could hear every word they were saying amid the babble of conversation. With the ease of practice, I blocked out all background noise; let my vision go black as I honed in on their whispered words alone.

"If she doesn't make it into the top ten, we'll have problems."

"I don't think it's that big a deal. We'll just take the MP, then, and let her join the Survey Corps. A-And that's only if Trost fails, which is unlikely."

Trost... if Trost... fails…

"I still don't see why we're going through with Trost. We know where the Coordinate is; who he is."

"B-But he won't join us as easily as we hoped. We have to show him that he has no other choice, if a-anyone he cares about is to survive."

I felt electricity running up my spine; the longer I stayed put, the more likely it was that the two fools would spot me. But if I moved, I would attract attention to myself. Plus, their whispered conversation contained such an impossible wealth of intel that I could barely keep my ravenous hunger for the information in check.

"When Trost falls, he'll have no choice."

"That's what Annie thinks, at least. He'll have to see the reason in joining us."

Somehow, I knew that the 'he' they were talking about- that Annie was talking about -was not Eren, but me. Annie knew that I had the final say as to which side Eren backed (the morning's argument notwithstanding). This attack on Trost- for an attack it had to be -was her attempt to convince me that there was no future with humanity.

But... Annie... there's no future without humanity, either.

Suddenly, my collar was grabbed; I let out a squeak of surprise, finding myself dragged backwards and then spun to face the very two people I had been eavesdropping on just a moment before.

"It is him!" Bertholdt Hoover exclaimed. "You're supposed to be in testing!"

I smiled meekly. "I-I know," I said, trying to make myself look as confused and harmless as I could. "I-I finished early, so I thought I'd come and watch Eren and Mikasa's tests!"

"Annie's gonna kill us..." Reiner groaned, without releasing my collar. I cocked my head.

"Annie...? Oh! D-Did you guys come to watch Annie?"

Reiner gave me a distasteful look, and I realized the charade was useless. He knew exactly who I was, what I knew, and what I had just learned. So I let my expression settle into a self-assured smirk.

"Well? What do you plan on doing to me, with all these witnesses? If I call out, Eren will transform; I don't think you want the existence of Shifters revealed quite yet." I wouldn't, of course; I didn't want Eren's powers to be revealed as much as they didn't want it. But I doubted these two would call my bluff.

Annie would have; not these two.

Reluctantly, Reiner placed me back on my feet. "The real question is, what will you do, now that you know?"

Turning, trying to quell my violent shivering so that I could at least maintain my composure for my exit, I glanced back over my shoulder.

"I'll do what I do best- plan."

... ... ...

I returned to the barracks after that; found them deserted. I remembered the first time I had been there, with Annie; when that blessed deception of mine had been intact. Without thinking, I went to the corner bunk and crawled onto it, wishing she was there to lift me up.

Annie… Her scent comforted me; convinced me, for just a moment, that I didn't have to plan or plot anything, let alone the defeat of her and hers. I wanted to crawl beneath the sheets and never emerge, simply bury myself in her scent and hide from the world.

"Oh! Armin!"

I glanced up at the voice; smiled tiredly at the potato thief.

"Sasha."

She looked just like the first time I had seen her- arms and mouth filled with stolen food, red-faced at having been caught. I held out a hand.

"The price of my silence."

Suddenly, recognition lit her eyes. "W-wai... Wait, y-you couldn't be...?!"

But I shook my head. "That was all a dream, Sasha; just a dream. Forget all about it; it'll drive you mad, if you don't."

She was looking at me carefully, now; it disturbed me less than it should have, her sudden recollection. "But... no, no! I'm certain! It was you, Armin! T-two years ago...!"

I sighed; Sasha had been a complication to begin with, but such a minor one that I had let her be. Hopping off the bed, I took a piece of meat from her; bit into it before speaking.

"Don't make me kill you, Sasha. There's been too much sacrifice already. Just forget two years ago; this is the reality of the situation."

"B-But..." the girl began helplessly, and I shot her a baleful look.

"Don't over think it, Sasha. If you value your own potato-thieving life, just don't over think it."

... ... ...

"The top ten graduates, in order, are as follows!" Shadis barked out, and I felt Eren stiffen beside me. His was trembling with genuine excitement- I noted the disassociations appearing within his personality, acknowledging that the longer we kept up this game of soldiers, the worse his mental state would become. And mine as well… I thought wryly. Best to end this... soon…

"First in the class: Mikasa Ackerman!"

My friend lifted her chin as she stepped forward, her air one of disinterested pride.

"Second: Bertholdt Hoover!"

His shifty eyes were on me as he went meekly forward; saluted a bit shakily. I wondered if his timidity was an act or his real personality; wondered if he, like me, couldn't tell the difference anymore.

"Third: Reiner Braun!"

He seemed genuinely pleased; didn't spare me a glance, but strutted forward and saluted boldly. Disassociation perhaps, like Eren is developing...? But... far more severe…

"Fourth: Eren Jaeger!"

I felt my friend come alive beside me, his face lighting up. I hardly had time to touch his shoulder- in both warning and congratulation -before he bounded up to take his place in line.

"Fifth: Jean Kirstein!"

"How the hell did Jaeger beat me?" Jean grumbled as he passed me, and I smiled slightly. I had grown fond of the smart-aleck fool despite myself, in a detached sort of way.

"Sixth: Marco Bold!"

The freckled boy was all smiles as he took his place beside his best friend Jean; he, too, I wished circumstances would have allowed me to befriend. Such a gentle, noble soul... unsuited to this filthy, violent world…

"Seventh: Sasha Blaus!"

The potato thief shot me a brief look; I smiled slightly, mouthing 'Congrats.' I wished her no ill; I hoped she wouldn't decide to interfere.

"Eight: Connie Springer!"

The first to approach us; the first to try to befriend us, foolish though that was. I hoped he would live a long and happy life, after all this was over.

"Ninth: Krista Lenz!"

I didn't know much about the tiny blonde girl, but she seemed far too fragile for the role she was to play in the world. I think everyone, including her, was surprised that she had made the top ten.

"Tenth: Ymir!"

For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end whenever I looked at the freckled girl; I watched carefully as she took her place beside Krista, placing a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder and smiling. Why does she unnerve me so badly...?

"The highest written test score was achieved by Armin Alert!" Shadis announced, and I acknowledged him with a slight nod; felt a flicker of pride despite myself. No... no. This isn't real... my score doesn't matter, only the results of that score…

I noticed Annie, a few people away from me in the crowd, scowling slightly. After a moment, I couldn't resist; making myself as small as I could, I slipped up beside her.

"Did you throw the test on purpose?"

"Like you did?" she asked, and I shrugged.

"Sure."

Annie Leonheart sighed. "No. No, this certainly wasn't part of any ingenious plan of mine. Something distracted me in the middle of the test."

"I wonder what that could have been," I murmured, and she shot me an annoyed look.

"You're a real jackass, you know that?"

I laughed slightly. "No one's ever said it in as many words."

"More people should."

I shook my head ruefully. "I'm not about to argue with that..." I murmured. Then I let myself lean slightly sideways, until I was pressed to her side. "I'm tired, Annie."

"I'm not surprised."

"Can I rest here? Just until the end of the ceremony?"

"... Just until the end of the ceremony."

"Thanks, Annie."

Thomas Wagner never showed up for graduation.

... ... ...

"Military Police, here I come!" Jean cried cheerfully, toasting Marco. "We're gonna make the two best Military Policemen Sina's ever seen, Marco! And we'll never have to worry about getting our heads bitten off by any damn titans!"

"I'm so pumped!" Connie exclaimed, bumping fists with Sasha. "This is gonna be amazing! And we all get to stay together, too!"

The whole 104th was atwitter with celebration and congratulation, especially those who had made the top ten. Annie was sitting with Mina, Millus, and a few others; Ymir was as drunk as was physically possible, leaning heavily on Krista; Berthold and Reiner had socialized for a while, knocked back a few drinks, and then retired to the barracks early.

I felt like I wanted to throw up.

Eren was just as excited as the others- mild to moderate disassociation, I was now certain. He would have to be handled with more care than usual. Mikasa seemed to have noticed, too; his hostility toward the other recruits had momentarily vanished, although I suspected a few spiked drinks had helped a bit with that. But even Mikasa was talking somewhat amicably to Sasha; exchanging tips with Marco; not punching Jean in the face when he complimented her hair.

She was smiling, if shallowly; if hesitantly.

They were both letting themselves have a taste of camaraderie; of lighthearted cheer.

Just for the one night.

I wanted to join them; I wanted to let it all go. But I couldn't, and I knew I couldn't. So instead I wanted to disappear; I wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep, perhaps steal Annie's blanket and hide in her scent, just for the night. I wanted to feel safe, just for the one night.

But I couldn't do that, either. I had to stay; I had to stay and watch over my friends.

And so I did, feeling myself slowly suffocate among the gaiety and freedom.

... ... ...

I slept alone that night, several feet from my companions instead of pressing my body against theirs, as I usually did. Mikasa seemed unnerved by this, but I assured her that everything was fine; I could sense mistrust festering in the back of her mind, and that burned me far worse than the fires of hell I was certainly bound for. I didn't sleep well, needless to say, and dragged myself from the bed before dawn stained the sky. I headed for the showers, hoping to clear my troubled mind.

The showers, though communal, were deserted at such an early hour. I stripped down to my skin and turned the water on as hot as I could stand it; wondered, briefly, if I could scald away the coating of lies plastered across my skin, the slimy film that existed only in my mind. Turning my face up toward the water, I closed my eyes; took a deep breath, feeling water invade my lungs but undisturbed by the sensation. I smirked as my body failed to react; took the assault as if it were already dead. I really am a walking corpse, then... my body has stopped wanting to live…

"Armin."

I opened my eyes; blinked away the water and then looked over my shoulder, heedless of- perhaps even relishing -my nakedness as I faced my enemy.

"Bertholdt. Didn't sleep well?"

He shook his head. "Worse than usual. You?"

I smiled tiredly. "The same."

His eyes were mournful; I felt my muscles flex involuntarily beneath his gaze, aware that my whole body testified to what sorts of hell I had lived through. Bertholdt flinched; I turned slightly sideways, so that my scarred back wasn't quite as visible.

"Are you going to kill me?"

The Shifter looked away. "L-Like Jaeger killed Thomas?" he asked softly, and I couldn't stop myself from chuckling.

"Not exactly. I don't think you would eat me."

The tall boy looked at me with pleading eyes. "Why do you have to make this so difficult? We wouldn't even have to attack Trost if the Coordinate would just join us! Why are you forcing us to get more blood on our hands?!"

I shrugged. "Because it suits me and mine. That's the reason I do anything."

Bertholdt hissed softly. "Damn your riddles!" he spat. "We do this because we have to- you do it because it suits you! Do you have any idea how many lives your stubbornness is going to cost- is going to force us to take? I didn't think anyone was capable of such voluntarily atrocities!"

I remained untouched by his words; I knew they should have hurt me, but they simply didn't. "It isn't voluntary- none of my actions are voluntary. I simply look at the situation and determine the course of action that affords us three the best chance of survival, and that is the course that I take. It doesn't matter what I want; all that matters is what's best for them."

My enemy looked down, seeming ashamed; I closed my eyes, too, feeling the boiling water bounce off my scared back. Then he looked up at me, his eyes once again imploring.

"Answer me one thing honestly, no riddles. I'll answer one question in return."

"Lying is my trade," I said, honesty. "Would you really trust a deal like that?"

"But you have your honor," the Shifter replied evenly. "The fact that you haven't just turned us in proves that. Annie hasn't told us much, but I've pieced together some of it- you made a promise to her that you haven't broken."

I flinched, for the first time in the conversation. "Alright... I'll accept your terms, if you'll trust me on that basis."

Bertholdt nodded, seeming satisfied. "Alright. Here's my question, then: if we win at Trost, will that be enough to convince you that your best chance of survival lies with us; enough for you to ally with us?"

I had considered that possibility before, and did my best to answer honestly; to cling to what little honor and pride I had left. "Yes. I would, in fact, consider it the only option left open to us if that occurred."

His expression eased slightly. "Alright, your turn."

There were a thousand questions I could have asked: "What is 'the Coordinate?'" "What role did Grisha Jaeger play in all this?" "When will the attack on Trost be?" "Why do you need the Coordinate so badly?" "What do you have to do with the Ape and its plans?" I could have asked anything, and been guaranteed an answer.

But what I ended up asking was, "Will Annie be fighting at Trost, as a Shifter?"

Bertholdt looked surprised; obviously, he had expected me to ask something far more significant. But it was the final variable in my planning for the attack on Trost; I needed to know if we would be fighting her directly. After a moment, the Shifter managed to get his surprise under control enough to reply.

"That... depends upon you," he said quietly. "If Eren transforms to fight on behalf of humanity, Annie will transform to counter him. If not, we have no reason to risk that."

I nearly wailed aloud- yet another decision that rested on my shoulders; another call I had to make. Although, to be fair, there wasn't that much question about which course of action I was going to take.

"If Eren doesn't transform, Trost will be lost."

"Undoubtedly."

"And then we'll have no choice to join you."

"By your own admission, that would be the logical next step."

I sighed; turned away and back toward the stream of water, which had long since gone cold. "Very well, then. So be it."

"... I'm sorry, Armin."

"... I'm not. I can't... afford to be."