Disclaimer: I do not own MLGN in any way.
A/N: Yeah, I know, this is a long over-due update. I had written this chapter a while ago but when I went to edit it, I decided that I didn't like it. So I ended up re-writing the majority of it three times. Anyway, enjoy!
Nanoha had noticed that Fate seemed more distant than usual lately. She had wanted to ask her about it but Fate tended to keep personal matters to herself so she was hesitant about bringing it up. But…maybe that had been a mistake, because the next thing she knew Fate had disappeared and she wasn't returning any of her texts.
Nanoha felt terrible.
She had been lying awake in bed, wondering how she could have done things differently when her phone on the bedside table rang. Against the bright backdrop of the screen she read the words:
I need someone to talk to. I'm at the park.
She made up her mind: If Fate wanted someone to talk to then she would listen to whatever she wanted to say. And afterwards, just maybe, they would be able to work things out. Things could go back to the way they were before.
She ran to the meeting spot with that thought in mind. But when she got there, when she felt Fate cling to her, crying her heart out, she didn't know what to think anymore. Words failed her. So she did the only thing she could think of.
"It's getting a bit chilly out here, hey? Do you want to come over?"
The astonished look of disbelief on the blonde's face was still vivid in her mind. She also remembered her surprise when the girl suddenly asked,
"Nanoha…W-Would you mind if I held your hand?"
It might have been the cold, but her face had looked a little red then. If that was the case, then it was no wonder that Fate's hand felt so cold when she clasped it in hers. It was okay though. The action seemed to calm Fate down and for the time being that was a good enough reason for her not to let go.
Fate didn't say much on the way there. Even now, when they were standing at the front gate to her home she was quiet. Her tired red-eyes were trained on the building before them.
"Well, this is it. This is where I live."
Nanoha carefully watched for her friend's reaction and felt the sick sensation in her stomach worsen when she saw the lack of surprise on the blonde's face. Almost involuntarily, her lips fell into a weak smile.
"Anyway, I guess there's no point in standing around. After you?"
After escorting them inside, Nanoha withdrew a key from her coat pocket and unlocked the front door. She quickly disarmed the alarm system and waited with baited breath. A minute elapsed, and when she saw no movement she finally allowed herself to relax. It looks like no one had realized that she had been missing.
"It looks like all of the lights are out. That usually means everyone's gone to sleep, including the staff." The last word made her stop. She took a breath and continued, "I wouldn't worry about it though. I mean, as long as we stay quiet I think we should be okay."
Nanoha looked to the other girl and noted the small frown on her face. Fate's gaze was tilted downwards and her brow was furrowed in thought.
"Fate…?" She carefully asked.
"Hm?"
"Sorry, but, are you okay? You've been kind of spacing out all evening."
"Ah. S-Sorry…It's not that I wasn't paying attention. I heard what you said. It's just, I was just thinking, that's all..."
She turned to fully face her. She hadn't heard Fate say so much since they left the park. Did that mean she was finally ready to talk about what had been bothering her earlier?
"About?" she asked, trying to sound calm.
"Huh? Oh…it's nothing, really."
"It doesn't sound like nothing. Do you want to talk about it? I mean, who knows, maybe I can help."
"I don't know…Maybe I'm just being silly," she sighed. Nanoha frowned.
"Silly? How so?"
"Well," Fate said hesitantly, "like I said, it's nothing really. I was just wondering about staying over tonight…"
"…Oh." she finally said, not knowing what else to say. "I-I see."
"Mm."
"So, um, what about it? Did you change your mind or something?"
"No, it's nothing like that. It's just…Is it really okay?"
"You mean… is it okay for you to stay over? Yeah, of course it is. Why wouldn't it be? I invited you, remember?"
"I know, but it's kind of late and…I mean, wouldn't your parents mind?"
"I don't think they'd mind," she told her honestly. "They're probably asleep right now so as long as we don't wake them up I can't see why they'd object."
"Still…"
"Fate. Really, it's okay. Trust me on this. If they met you right now, I'm sure they'd love you. But if it makes you feel any better, they leave pretty early in the morning to go to work so you probably wouldn't even get a chance to meet them."
That seemed to mollify her.
"Oh. I see…"
"Mhm."
"So… do they work late too?"
Nanoha met her eyes, a little surprised by the question.
"Sometimes... It really depends on the day I guess."
"I see. That must be kind of tough. It sounds like you don't get to see them too often."
Nanoha felt mixed feelings at the words. She knew Fate didn't mean anything by that – if anything, she was probably trying to be sympathetic, but all the same it touched a little too close to home for the girl.
"You know, you would think so, but it's actually not that bad. For instance, even though my dad is usually away for work, my mom really tries to be home in the evenings. And I still have my brother and sister, so it's not like I'm ever really lonely."
"Ah. Is that so?"
"Mm. I know we might not seem like it but I think we're all pretty close despite the circumstances."
She saw Fate smile, but somehow it didn't seem to reach her eyes. "I see. That's good; I'm glad to hear it."
"Yeah...Anyway, I don't know about you but I'm freezing! What do you say we go inside and warm up?"
As soon as they were both inside, Nanoha shut the door and re-set the alarm.
"Here, pass me your coat." She whispered. Fate did so, but immediately went to rub her bare arms.
"Cold?"
"Maybe just a little..."
By the way the girl was shivering, that was an understatement. It made Nanoha feel a little guilty about her earlier comment; after all, it was because of her hesitation that Fate was waiting outside for so long.
"Sorry about that. If you want, when we get to my room I can lend you one of my sweaters?"
Fate shook her head. "It's okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Once I warm up, I'll be fine."
"You know-" The question was on the tip of her tongue but for some reason the words wouldn't come out. "-um, the kitchen is around the corner, you know? I could maybe make you something warm to drink if you'd prefer that instead."
Again she shook her head. "I'm okay. But thanks for asking."
"Are you sure? Cause I'm pretty sure we have hot chocolate."
She saw the corners of Fate's mouth twitch upward. "It's tempting. But, really…I'm okay."
"If you say so…" They both stood there awkwardly. "A-Anyway, my room is over this way. Try to stay close – the furniture is kind of all over the place."
"Mm."
Fate followed Nanoha through the house until they made their way to an upstairs bedroom. Nanoha didn't think she had much in comparison to her friends. There was a queen bed in the far upper left corner, and a desk and a wall of bookshelves lining the wall across from it. Fate seemed to think differently and was eyeing the place with a curious eye.
Without saying a word, Nanoha made her way over to the bed and sat down beside it on the carpeted flooring. Making eye contact with her friend, she patted the spot beside her. Once Fate had sat down, Nanoha reached up behind them and pulled the blanket down over top of them. She heard the blonde yelp in surprise and had to stifle a giggle.
"Don't worry. It's not going to bite." She teased.
"But…"
"Since you wouldn't take the sweater, I had to resort to this. I can't have a guest catching a cold in my own home now, can I?"
Fate didn't say anything in response, but she did hug the edges of the blanket closer to her body.
If there was going to be time to talk things out, this would be it. Or so, that's what the blue-eyed girl had thought. But Fate was being unusually quiet. Another wave of anxiety rippled though her, but Nanoha decided to broach the subject anyway.
"You know, I was just thinking about what happened today." Fate's head whipped around to face her and her heart nearly stopped. Her eyes seemed so intense. They looked at her questioningly and, was that a trace of fear? "Sorry, I-I guess I shouldn't have brought it up." She didn't know why but she suddenly felt like she wanted to cry. "It's late, so you must be tired right? Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?"
Nanoha was about to get up when Fate suddenly grabbed her arm. "Wait!" Seeing her reaction the girl immediately let go, but in a much softer voice she said, "I'm sorry. It's just, I have a lot on my mind right now so, please, can we just sit here like this for awhile longer?"
Hearing that subdued tone in her voice, Nanoha couldn't find it in herself to stay no.
"Sure."
Nanoha wasn't sure how long they had been sitting there, but before she knew it she felt exhaustion from the day beginning to catch up to her. It seemed that Fate was feeling it too; at some point she had pulled her knees to her chest and was now resting her forehead against them.
"Fate?"
She reached out hesitantly and was startled when she suddenly lifted her head.
"Oh. S-Sorry, I thought you might've fallen asleep."
"It's okay. To be honest, I am feeling a bit tired."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah…" Fate closed her eyes and breathed in and out several times before she spoke again. "Um, you know…I probably should've said this earlier but…Thanks, Nanoha."
Nanoha stared back, not quite understanding her words. As far as she knew she hadn't done anything particularly special.
"I mean, even with the way things are, you still came to see me. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if you would…"
Nanoha felt an uncomfortable clenching sensation in her chest at the words. "Well, we're friends aren't we? You said that you needed someone to talk to so why wouldn't I meet with you?"
Fate opened her mouth then promptly shut it. "I don't know," she shrugged. "It was late so, I thought maybe you had already gone to sleep."
"Oh."
That wasn't the answer she had been expecting, but she supposed it made sense. After all, under normal circumstances that would be true.
She heard Fate gasp. "My text didn't wake you up, did it?"
"Not at all. There were a few things that I had to do, so I was up anyway." She could already hear the questions forming in the blonde's mind, but that wasn't the point here. "But…even if that wasn't the case, I wouldn't have been angry y'know?"
"Huh?"
"Hmm…I guess what I'm saying is…If you ever need someone to talk to, you can call me whenever you want. Even if I'm asleep and you wake me up, it's okay. I promise I won't get mad."
Fate appeared momentarily lost for words. She then sighed. "Still…Even if you say that…"
Nanoha was puzzled by the disheartened response. It did occur to her that Fate wasn't being entirely upfront about things. She didn't know why that was, but this awkwardness between them, knowing that she was hiding something from her, was downright frustrating. How could she help her if she didn't know what the problem was? Or…could it be that Fate was trying to keep her distance because she was part of the problem?
"Fate, can I ask you a question? About what happened today at the movie theatre…Yuuno said you had to leave because you had an errand to do. Is that true?" Although she didn't say anything, the way the blonde stiffened at the question didn't escape the auburn-haired girl. "Everyone was worried about you, you know? He said you looked kind of upset when you left."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah..."
Even now she could see his worried expression as he told them the news, and how pained it became when Arisa had bluntly pointed out that it was probably his fault for chasing Fate away. But they knew that wasn't fair. Yuuno couldn't take all the blame. How could anyone have predicted that Fate would react that way?
"He wasn't really sure what to make of it," she continued. "But, to be honest, I think he's worried that he said something to upset you. He thinks you hate him now."
"It's not like that." Fate said tensely.
"Then what is it like?" The moment the words left her mouth she instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to raise my voice. To be honest, I guess I've been feeling kind of frustrated. You've been acting strange lately, and when Yuuno said you were upset, I got worried. I tried texting you to see if you were alright but when you didn't reply I didn't know what to think. It…probably sounds silly, but I was starting to think that you didn't want to be friends anymore."
"What?" Fate asked, incredulous. "No, that's not true! I just-! I'm sorry…!" Her voice finally broke.
Nanoha looked down and saw that one of the girl's hands was curled into a tight fist. Realizing what was happening, the auburn-haired teen reached out to it only to feel Fate grab her hand. Nanoha winced at the tight grip, but she didn't make any effort to pull away. While it did hurt, Fate was hurting a lot more.
"Sorry…I didn't mean to upset you," she whispered.
Fate shook her head. "It's not your fault. It's not like you were the one who ran off. I don't know," her breath hitched, "Maybe there's something wrong with me."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It just sounds like you're going through a tough time, that's all."
If anything, Fate started to cry harder. Nanoha continued holding her hand, but at some point her grip tightened so suddenly that she was unable to catch the yelp before it escaped her mouth.
A heavy pause ensued as Fate quickly came back to her senses.
"Omigosh!" Fate released her hand in alarm. "I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
"Mm, I'm okay. You just surprised me, is all," she said as she rubbed her sore hand. "Though, I have to admit…Fate really has a strong grip. I guess shovelling all that snow has really paid off," she joked, but Fate wasn't laughing.
"I'm really sorry…" she said again, looking a little glum.
"Really, don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean to do it."
As Nanoha got up to get a box of tissues she tried to collect her thoughts. She truly didn't begrudge Fate for what happened, but it had her wondering: What was Fate thinking about that caused her to grip her hand so tightly? She didn't know anymore. She thought she did, but her gut was telling her that there was something more to all this.
She was instantly reminded of the time before they became friends. Now that she thought about it, even back then the red-eyed girl always seemed to possess this sad air to her. It suddenly struck her. Despite all of those times that they sat on that bench together she never once asked 'why'.
"Here." She held the box out to her friend. Fate took it gratefully and proceeded to dab at her eyes and nose.
"Sorry, I seem to keep crying in the middle of a conversation," she said with forced cheer as Nanoha sat back down.
"It's fine. At least it's better than letting things bottle up, right?"
"I guess…"
Time elapsed in silence once more. However, the heavy tension that had been there earlier was gone.
"Hey, Nanoha…?"
"Hm?"
"I know I keep saying this, but I'm really sorry about before. Not about crying, but I'm sorry that I didn't reply to any of your texts or calls. It wasn't like I was purposely trying to ignore you or anything like that. It's just, I had a lot on my mind and I needed some time to think. I didn't mean to make you think that I didn't want to be friends with you anymore."
Nanoha blinked. "Oh. It's okay, don't worry about it-"
"It's not okay." Nanoha looked up upon hearing the tone in her voice and met her eyes. "Making you feel that way is not okay."
She was struck speechless. The words were very simple but the sincerity in her voice and eyes were as clear as day. Fate really meant it and knowing that, she was touched.
"You know, it makes me really happy to hear you say that. But I still shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."
Fate looked away. "For the record, he wasn't lying you know?"
"Huh?"
"I admit that I was…a bit upset when I left. But it wasn't because of something he said. Not really. He was actually being really nice to me. He apologized for what he said during the car ride over."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah."
She knew Yuuno had mentioned it earlier, but hearing Fate reaffirm this cleared away any remaining doubts that she had. She was so relieved.
"So then, if you don't mind me asking… if what he said didn't bother you, why did you leave?"
"Well…I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. But it wasn't the only reason why I left."
"I don't understand. You aren't referring to the errand are you?"
"No. To be honest with you, there never was an errand."
Nanoha had somewhat expected that answer, but this time she didn't feel the least bit angry. Happy that Fate was finally opening up to her, she patiently waited for the girl to speak again.
"Do you remember when I told you that I had an older sister?" she finally said.
"Yeah. Her name was Alicia, right?"
"We usually get along pretty well, but today we had a big fight. Actually, all we did today was fight. I can't even remember the last time it happened."
"That sounds tough. If you don't mind me asking, what were you two fighting about?"
Fate looked uncomfortable at the question. She began to play with her hands on her lap.
"She- She wanted me to stop seeing you and everyone else."
"…What?"
"But, despite what she said, I think the real reason is because she's lonely."
Nanoha sat there, stunned. All she could focus on was Fate's sister telling her to stay away from them.
"Wait, hold on a sec. Sorry, but I don't understand…Why would she want you to stop seeing us?"
"I think… it's because we're different."
Her mind blanked. "Different…?" she repeated.
A guilty look crossed Fate's face. "Well, from different backgrounds I guess. She mentioned how your family was a lot richer than ours, and because of that I shouldn't trust you. I didn't agree so…"
"Oh…"
"Yeah. It happened right before I left home to meet up with you guys."
So that's why she was late.
"Sorry. I didn't know."
"It's okay. I didn't tell you guys about it, so how could you have known?"
"Mm…"
"It's kind of embarrassing, I guess." She continued. "I mean, all this time, I never knew that...well, you know." As if she read her mind, she added, "Yuuno told me. He also said that your family owns the Midori-ya."
Nanoha felt like there was a lead brick sinking in her stomach. She had anticipated having a conversation about what happened on the car-ride but she didn't expect Yuuno to tell Fate about the Midori-ya as well.
"Sorry…I guess I should have told you," she said once she found her voice. "Are you angry?"
"Why would I be angry?"
"I don't know." She shrugged.
"Well, I'm not angry. But I am curious to know why you didn't say anything about it earlier."
Strange: that was the word that came to mind. Usually by now people would have flipped out about how great it was that her family was rich. She didn't think Fate was that kind of person, but sometimes it was just so hard to tell.
"In all honesty…? It's because I was happy with the way things were. It was really nice being able to have fun with someone without having to worry about wealth or status. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really like hanging out with Suzuka, Arisa, and Hayate, but…"
"You want something more?"
"Sounds kind of selfish doesn't it?"
"Not at all."
She sighed and pulled her knees to her chest. "It's not like I'm unhappy with the way things are – I'm happy that my parent's business is doing well, but sometimes I find it difficult to make friends because of it."
"You mean…"
"People who like me for me and not just my family's money."
Fate was quiet for a moment.
"I don't know…Money aside I can't see why anyone wouldn't like you. You're kind, smart, and pretty…"
"Flatterer."
"But you like snow, so you have some strange tastes."
Nanoha lightly smacked her arm. "You just had to go and ruin the mood, didn't you?"
Fate chuckled in agreement. Still, even if she hadn't meant it, the comment had really cheered her up. Her heart wouldn't stop racing.
"You know, when Alicia told me that you guys were well off and all that, I didn't think much of it at first. But when I thought about it more, I started to doubt myself."
"You doubted yourself? But why-" It clicked. "You mean, because of what Yuuno said?"
"Until then it didn't really sink in how different we were. I began to wonder if I could ever belong or whether I was just fooling myself. That's why I left. I know it was selfish; Arisa had bought the tickets ahead of time, so I figured that you guys were probably disappointed or angry with me."
"Is that why you thought I wouldn't meet with you?" Fate twitched. "Because you thought I was angry with you?"
"Honestly, I didn't know what to think. But I really did think you might be asleep too."
"Well, you were wrong." She declared and rolled onto her back. "Like I said Fate, we weren't angry with you. We were just worried." Upon second thought, she added, "I also wouldn't worry about the ticket. You can ask Arisa about it if you want, but she won't accept your money. Not because she thinks you're poor or anything like that, but when she says she's going to treat she means it. I doubt she would even take my money."
Fate seemed to relax upon hearing that. "Ah. Is that so?" She then smiled. "She can be really stubborn sometimes, hey?"
Nanoha giggled. "Yeah, but we all still love her. Just like we like you."
"Huh?"
"I know you said you were worried about fitting in because your family isn't rich, but don't be. You're fine the way you are. You're our friend, and that's all there is to it."
She saw Fate bring a hand up to her eyes. "Do you need another tissue?"
Fate turned her head away. "No."
Now look whose being stubborn...
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine. I was just thinking about how silly I was being."
"Yeah, that's for sure. For a moment there, it almost sounded like you were making me out to be some kind of alien."
"I don't know…Not only do you love snow, but you're really horrible at video games and you love to study." She paused. "Are you sure you're not an alien?"
She shot her an indignant pout and Fate broke out into a giggling fit. Instead of making the effort to give a verbal response, Nanoha reached up and pulled Fate down beside her.
"You're such a jerk."
"I know. But at least I'm not an alien." The sound of her breathing slowed as she calmed down from her laughing fit. "You know, it's kind of comfy down here."
"Isn't it?"
"Mm."
In fact, it was so comfy that Nanoha would have been content if she fell asleep right then and there on the floor. Except she couldn't; there was still one nagging thought at the back of her mind.
"Fate?" The girl hummed in response. "I was just wondering but what did you mean when you said your sister was lonely?"
"It means just that. Do you remember when I mentioned that my parents are divorced?" Nanoha nodded. "Well, it's just me, my mom and Alicia now. We all used to be really close but after my parents separated everything sort of fell apart. My mom started working later hours at the office, so we didn't see her too much."
Nanoha felt the comment strike a chord within herself. Their situations weren't the same, but it now made sense why Fate seemed so interested when they were taking about her parents.
"But even if your mom works late, why can't you and Alicia spend time together?" she asked.
"Alicia is usually at the library and I spend a lot of my time at work. So you see that's one of the reasons why she's mad at me. When I do get time off…Well, you know."
"I see…"
She heard Fate sigh and shift beside her. "They're always arguing, you know? My mom and Alicia, I mean. Even over the smallest things. When that happens, I usually go to my room and listen to some music. But when that doesn't work I sometimes go to the park to try and clear my head."
So that's why. Nanoha thought. The situation didn't sound so good judging from the number of times she had seen Fate there.
"Usually they would argue and things would blow over by morning, but this time it was different. I've never seen them look so angry."
"Do you know what they were fighting about?"
Fate fell quiet for a moment.
"I think they were talking about the divorce, but I'm not really sure. Everything feels all jumbled up inside my head. I just remember feeling really angry. I ended up losing my temper and made everything worse."
"It's not your fault though. Seeing your family argue - that would make anyone upset."
"It wasn't so much that they were arguing, but the point is I didn't help. In any case, that was when Alicia said she was lonely. She said we never noticed how she felt and I guess she's right. It was there all along but I never noticed. It's really no wonder she's angry." She ran a hand through her long, blonde hair and Nanoha felt her heart tug at the desperation she saw in her beautiful red eyes. "Nanoha, she's the only sister I have. I want to make things right but I don't know what to do."
Going through a rough time seemed like an understatement now. Nanoha really did feel bad for Fate.
"Well…I don't know if this is possible but can you maybe reduce your work hours? That way you'd have more time to spend together and you won't be so tired all the time. Or do you need the money for something?"
"Well, that's the thing. I only got a job because of my mom. Since she picked up more hours to support my sister and me, I thought that if I worked and earned some money too then maybe she wouldn't have to work so hard. Maybe she'd be at home more... It didn't happen though. Even working this much…"
Nanoha was lost for words. This entire time Fate was working hard so that her family could be together again. She thought back to all of those times Fate was falling asleep when they hung out and the times she looked exhausted. It wasn't fair. Alicia was lonely, but Fate must have been lonely too.
"It's not your fault. You're already giving it everything you've got, so don't say was for nothing. I'm sure your mom appreciates everything you've done."
"Maybe…But you know, it would be nice. If I could cut back on my hours even just a little bit, I think it would definitely make things easier."
"I don't want to sound rude, but…if your family really needs the money then why isn't your sister helping out too?"
"Alicia wants to go to University, so she needs to study and keep her grades up. With any luck, she might be able to get a scholarship."
"What about you? What do you want to do?"
"…I don't know. I haven't really figured that out yet."
"Still…" Even if Fate hadn't decided on what she wanted to do yet why was Alicia the only one to receive that kind of treatment? "If you can't reduce your hours can you look for a job with more flexible hours?"
Fate smiled. "That's kind of funny. I was actually just thinking the same thing. I think…what I'll do is talk to my mom first. See what she says. If things don't work out, then I'll start looking for a new job. Of course, I don't think it will be easy but I can at least try right?"
Nanoha was impressed. She didn't think Fate would try to approach her mother about the subject. A thought then struck her; she wasn't sure how Fate would take to the suggestion but if she could help her even just a bit…
"If that's the case, if you want, I can ask my sister if they have any openings in town. I can't guarantee that the work hours will be any better, but I can still look into it if you'd like."
Fate stared back as if she was having a hard time believing what she was hearing. "You really mean it?"
"Yeah. I'd still have to ask, but I'm sure she'll listen."
"That's…amazing. Really, thank you!"
Nanoha felt her face flush at the comment. "It's nothing really." She was certain that her sister could find Fate a job but it wasn't like she was doing anything personally. Like many other things it was only possible because her family had money.
That's why…She's the one who's amazing. You're really amazing, you know that?
"Sorry? Did you say something?"
"What? N-No, nothing at all! Actually, I was just thinking. Why don't you ask Alicia to hang out with us sometime?"
Fate tilted her head and returned a curious look. "You don't think the others would mind?"
"Why would they?"
"Well, I mean…you know Arisa…"
"I wouldn't worry about it."
"You sure…?"
"Positive."
"Okay. Yeah, that's great! I'll be sure to talk to her about it. Well, that is, if she'll still talk to me."
"Well, give it a try and see what happens. That's all you can do, hey?"
"Yeah…" she said happily.
While the girl seemed to entertain the possibility Nanoha made a mental note to have a talk with Arisa later. Her gaze then landed on the clock on her bedside table. It was almost four a.m.
"Anyway, it seems to be getting really late. What do you say? Ready to call it a night?"
"Oh! Yeah, sorry about that. I guess we talked a lot longer than I thought."
"It's okay. As long as you're feeling better that's all that matters." Nanoha got up and went to the dresser. She pulled open one of the bottom drawers and pulled out a loose shirt and a pair of pajama pants. "Here, you can wear these."
"Huh?"
"Well, it'd uncomfortable sleeping in those clothes, wouldn't it?"
"Mm…I suppose so."
"There's a bathroom outside in the hallway, two doors down. You can change there if you want."
Fate muttered another word of thanks before leaving. By the time she got back, Nanoha was already changed and under the covers. Fate looked so confused.
"Um…Where should I?"
She gestured to the space beside her. "I thought we could share. Unless you don't want to?"
"Oh. Well, okay, sure." Fate said as she climbed into the bed. The moment she settled under the covers and her head hit the pillow she let out a small sigh of content. Nanoha giggled.
"Tired?"
"Mm…" Sleepy red eyes peered back at her. She looked really happy. "Really, thanks, Nanoha…"
"Silly. You don't have to thank me. Just remember that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?"
"Mhmm…"
She soon heard soft breathing and smiled. Compared to the many expressions she had seen from the girl that day, the peaceful expression on the blonde's face definitely suited her best.
"Good night, Fate."
She pulled the covers up on her friend and soon slept too.
Morning came soon after.
After making a phone call, Nanoha ventured out to the front steps to where Fate was. The moment she opened the door a fresh, cool breeze hit her face. It was bright outside so she had to squint at first, but she quickly found the blonde a few feet away in the middle of a phone call. To her amusement, it wasn't too long before the girl let her arms drop to her sides and let out a small sigh.
"She's not picking up?"
Fate shook her head. "I think she turned her phone off."
"I see…So what are you going to do now?"
"Well," she said thoughtfully, "knowing her, she probably stayed over at a friend's place. But I think there's a chance that she might have gone home since my mom isn't usually around at this time, so I think I'll check there first."
Nanoha nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan to me. Like I said though, if you need anything, just call."
"Right. And you know…really, thanks. I really appreciate everything you've done."
"No worries. But be sure to let me know how it goes, kay?"
"Mm! Laters."
For awhile after that, Fate couldn't shake the happy feeling inside her chest. In comparison to the night before her entire body felt light; it was like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she could breathe again. It wasn't to say she was looking forward to what was going to come next, but she felt like things were different this time. It wasn't just Chrono and Ami anymore. She had other people who cared about her, and more importantly she had found someone who she could really trust and turn to for help. Now if only she could convince Alicia to hear her out…
When she returned home she felt that familiar knotting sensation in her stomach start up again. Standing on the front steps, it looked like all of the curtains were closed and she couldn't hear any shouting. Fate took a deep breath, turned the door knob, and heard the door creak as she stepped inside. The first thing she noticed was that none of the lights were on – only the few beams of sunlight coming in through the windows lit the space.
"Alicia?" she called out.
She heard a creaking noise coming from the living room. It sounded like someone was on the couch.
"Alicia?-" She called louder, but the moment she rounded the corner she jumped back and yelped in surprise. The person sprawled out across the sofa was definitely not her sister. "Mom…?" She whispered in utter disbelief. Beside Precia Testarossa, on the coffee table, were empty bottles of various alcoholic beverages.
She rushed to her side.
"Mom? Mom! Wake up! Are you okay?" She shook the woman and felt a flood of relief when she got a grunt in response.
"Would you please stop shaking me? I'm awake," she said a little crossly and began to rub her temples.
"Ah. S-Sorry! I didn't mean to, I was – I was just worried…I thought that you…" Fate suddenly stopped, thinking that it would be unwise to finish that sentence.
Precia paused. She reluctantly opened her bleary eyes, wincing slightly in pain, before she looked up at her. Fate felt a shiver run down her spine. Her mother was one of the smartest people she knew. Though she had looked more run down and tired over the years, she always had this sharp focus in her eyes. But now, there was nothing there but tired resignation.
"Fate…?" she finally said.
"Yeah, mom. It's me."
The woman struggled up into an upright, sitting position. "Sorry. I must have fallen asleep." She winced again and a hand went to her head.
"Um, would you like me to get you a glass of water?"
"Please. Some Tylenol as well if you don't mind."
Fate retrieved the items and watched as her mother downed the drink. She seemed to be much more alert now, but in no happier mood.
"So…what happened to work?" Fate carefully asked.
"Called in sick."
The look of pure shock on her face must have been apparent, because her mom returned it with an 'I didn't really lie' look.
"Oh. I-I see…So, have you seen Alicia?"
Precia frowned. "You mean since last night? No, I haven't."
Then she's probably at Chrono's.
To say the least, things weren't going the way she had intended. She had been so focused on Alicia that she hadn't given much thought about what to say to her mother.
"Fate, about what happened yesterday," Precia started, and Fate stiffened on reflex. "I know it's a bit late, but will you listen to what I have to say?"
Though she was afraid of what she was about to hear, Fate nodded.
"After you both left, I sat down and thought about what happened. And after giving it some thought, I've come to the conclusion that I owe both you and your sister an apology." She paused, making direct eye contact with her. "Blaming everything on the divorce was a mistake."
Fate could hear her heartbeat. Mom never talked about dad.
"Instead of focusing on that, I should have been focusing on you girls. It's difficult to admit this but, I came to the realization that I know very little about either of you. I don't know who your friends are…I don't know what you do…I haven't gone to any of your school events in so long, it's really no wonder why you two hate me."
She looked absolutely miserable. Fate couldn't bear to see her mom like this. So she pushed her own insecurities aside, and went up to her and pulled her into a big hug. Her mom went as stiff as a board.
"I don't hate you…" she whispered. "I missed you though. And I think Alicia did too."
Fate let out a surprised yelp when her embrace was returned with bone crushing force. It was a bit uncomfortable but she didn't have much time to dwell on it because a peculiar sound caught her ears. Somewhere by her right shoulder she heard light sobs.
"Mom…?"
Not knowing what else to do, she continued to hold her and listened as the sobs began to subside.
"Thank you, I'm okay now." Precia said several minutes later as she finally released her. "Really, some mother I am…I'm the one who is supposed to be taking care of you and yet…"
Fate opened her mouth to say something but she stopped when Precia held up a hand.
"Please let me finish. I acknowledge that I haven't been a very good mother, but if you and your sister will give me another chance I would like to try and make things right. For starters, after giving it much consideration, I've decided that I will be cutting back on my hours in the office. That way, I can spend more time with you girls. I mean it this time."
"But…is that really okay?" She asked.
"I don't see why not. If they take issue with it I can always switch companies. I've had a few job offers."
"That's not…"
"Hm?"
"I-I meant…what about the money?" she trailed off, hoping she would understand.
"Oh." Precia's eyebrows shot up. "Actually, that was another thing that I was hoping to talk to you about." Then she did something unexpected; she gave her a warm smile. "Fate, I'm proud of you for what you've done, but I don't want you to be worrying about such things anymore."
"I don't understand…"
"We're okay money-wise. So whether you want to keep working or not is up to you, but if you do, from now on I want you to keep the money for yourself, alright? To be honest, I would be happier if you spent more time going out and enjoying yourself. You're going to be working your whole life anyway, and if all you do is work, you'll just make yourself miserable. You can take it from me on that…"
Fate couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was too surreal. Everything would have been perfect but what was this nagging feeling at the back of her mind?
Alicia.
"What about Alicia?"
Precia's brow furrowed in thought.
"When your sister comes home I think we will need to have a talk. If you see her, could you pass that on for me?"
Fate was hesitant. "Are you still angry?"
"You mean angry enough to throw her out? No. You're both very important to me. I just think that we're long overdue for a talk, that's all. And knowing her, she's probably still upset with me. I doubt she would talk to me even if I phoned her."
"She turned off her phone."
"Oh…"
"But I think I know where she is."
"Really?"
"Yeah. In fact, I'll head over there now."
"Alright. I'll stay here and wait then. And…um, I guess I should clean this mess." Precia said as she eyed the pile of bottles.
"Kay, sounds good. See you later then!"
"Yup. Laters…"
Fate phoned ahead of time to give Chrono the heads up that she was coming over. Her suspicions ended up being correct. Alicia had stayed the night at the Harlaown household.
Chrono was there to meet her at the door when she arrived.
"I don't know about this, Fate." He said as he let her in. "She's not…well…Really in a talkative mood if you get what I mean."
"Yeah, I'm not really surprised. But at the very least, I have to try, right?"
Chrono shrugged. "She's in the guest room. I'll be around if you need me."
"Kay. Thanks Chrono."
"Don't mention it." He gave her a small pat on the shoulder and left her to it.
Fate found the guest room easily enough. From the way he had described her sister, she had almost expected to hear sobbing of some kind but strangely enough it was quiet. Fate opened the door and cautiously peered in. She found Alicia curled up on the corner of the bed, back against the wall. From the moment she stepped inside to the moment she closed the door, blood-shot red eyes were locked onto her every movement.
"Alicia?" Her face was stained with tears. Fate felt her heart go out to her. "I, um, I was just wondering how you were doing." When Alicia didn't respond, she switched to plan B. "Do you mind if I take a seat?"
Not expecting a reply anymore, Fate took a seat on a chair by the desk.
"You know, if you don't want to talk to me, I understand. But there was something that I wanted to tell you." She took a deep breath. "I wanted you to know that I thought about what you said. You asked me, what made my friends so special. Well…they're my friends. They care about me and I really like hanging out with them. It's a lot of fun. But I wouldn't say that they're more important to me than you. You're both important to me. So I'm sorry if I made you feel otherwise. I mean, you're my older sister. There's no way someone could replace you."
Alicia averted her gaze and took to staring at the floor.
"Oh, and guess what? I also got a new job. Nanoha's family owns a café in town and they're going to expand it. They were hiring people so I applied. Not only are the hours are more flexible, but I also decided that I'll work less from now on. That way, I'll be able to spend more time with everyone. Pretty cool, huh?"
Alicia's jaw dropped. Her expression screamed 'who-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-my-sister?!'.
"Yeah, I'm serious."
She coughed. "What, um, caused this change? What about mom?"
"Mom's cool with it."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. She said she was going to cut back on her work hours too."
Alicia rolled her eyes. "She always says that."
"Yeah, but I think she means it this time. She also said that she wanted to see you. You know, to talk?"
"I don't know Fate…" she sighed and ran a hand through her hair.
"She said she wasn't angry."
"Are you sure about that? I mean, I said some pretty awful stuff. Not just to her, but you too."
"It's okay-"
"It's not okay." She sighed. "Sorry, didn't mean to snap. It's just, I don't know. I thought I knew what's what but maybe I'm just jealous after all."
Fate blinked. "About…?"
"I mean, even though we look alike we're totally different. Everyone seems to like you more. I bet even mom likes you more."
"What? Hold on a sec! Why would you say that? If anything, I bet she likes you more."
Alicia arched an eyebrow. "You're not really serious are you? Have you seen us together? All we ever do is fight."
"Yeah, but, still, you're really smart…You're all anyone ever really talks about. I mean, in comparison I'm kind of dumb."
Alicia snorted. "I doubt it has anything to do with genetics, Fate. Have you ever considered, just for a moment, that your grades are lower because you're always working? If you spent more time towards studying I'm sure you could do just as well."
Fate bit her lip. Well, when she put it that way…
"I guess?"
"That was a compliment." She grinned. "Sorry, I really side-tracked there. Anyway, I guess what I really meant to say is...that I'm sorry for saying all of those things to you. It wasn't really your fault, I know you're busy. I just had a lot of things going on and I sorta took it out on you… I shouldn't have. Do you think you could forgive me?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Even for the picture?"
Fate had to stop and think about that one. "Well, you might be able to persuade me if you replace the frame."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Really? You mean it?"
"And I'd also like to know the reason why you broke it too…"
"Ah…" Fate noticed Alicia cringe a little at that. "If you don't mind, can I give you an IOU on that?"
"Sure, I think I can live with that."
"Then you've got yourself a deal." She gave a content sigh and fell back onto the bed. The bright smile on her face was hard to miss. "To be honest, I'm really glad to see you. I feel a lot better." She admitted.
For some reason Fate was reminded of her situation with Nanoha earlier.
"Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Hey, Alicia…?"
"Hm?"
"Are you really not going to talk to mom?"
She was quiet for a moment. She then sat up.
"I guess I really should, huh? Chrono might not be happy if I bunked here indefinitely. You'll be coming too, right?" she asked as she went to grab her things. Fate had heard the uncertainty tone in her voice.
"Yeah, of course. Here, I'll help you."
After Alicia was changed they thanked Chrono and left for home. Fate felt grateful that she and Alicia were on good terms again. She didn't know what she would do if things hadn't worked out.
"Hey, I forgot to mention."
"Hm?"
"Would you be interested in meeting my friends sometime?"
"You mean, Nanoha and…"
"Yeah! I could introduce you to them if you'd like. I think they'd like you. What do you think?"
"Erm…Well, that's really nice of you Fate, but can I maybe think about it? There are a few things that I still need to take care of first."
"Oh. Oh, yeah, for sure. No worries. Just let me know if you're ever interested."
"…Yeah."
When they were almost home, Alicia's steps began to slow. Seeing her hesitation, Fate slipped her hand into hers. Alicia silently squeezed her hand in response.
"Mom, we're back." Fate called as they stepped inside the house.
True to her mother's word, she was waiting for them. Precia didn't say anything, but Fate immediately noticed the different air to her. The sharp, yet unreadable focus was back in her eyes. Only this time, they were trained on her twin beside her. Alicia returned the sharp look with a stubborn one of her own. For the longest time the two stood there and stared at one another.
Fate felt her stomach churn nervously at the rising tension in the room. She brought Alicia home because she trusted their mother. Surely she wouldn't go back on her word now? She was shaken out of her thoughts when she felt light trembling in her hand. That's right; she wasn't the only one who was scared. Not knowing what else to do, Fate gave her older sister's hand a reassuring squeeze. It had only been a split second, but suddenly, without warning, Alicia pulled out of her grip.
She watched as her sister walked up to the taller woman and came to a stop a few steps away from her. She heard the start of a word and strained to hear the rest.
"Mom…" Alicia struggled for the words briefly before finally saying, "…I'm sorry."
Anything else that she was about to say was cut off when Precia pulled her into a tight hug.
"What the hell were you thinking? I was so worried!"
` Alicia blinked, but the tears were already falling from her eyes.
"Sorry…! I'm sorry!"
Fate continued to quietly watch the pair from the side. Any remaining anxiety she felt melted away and was replaced by exhaustion.
Even though mom and Alicia still can't forgive him…I don't think it was dad who drove us apart. Instead of telling each other how we felt, we avoided each other and yelled at one another. Even though we're all that we have left, the only thing we managed to do was isolate ourselves. Myself included…
She was snapped out of her thoughts when she saw her mom reach an arm out to her. Without any hesitation she leapt into the group hug and let out a laugh.
I know it's not going to be perfect, but maybe now we can finally move forward.