Chapter Seven

Harry sat down in the chair opposite Snape and waited.

Snape poured another glass of brandy, sat back and folded his hands in his lap and looked across at Harry. "I was not there the night that the Dark Lord was returned to his body, but it was not because I was not summoned."

Harry held his breath and leaned forward listening.

"I have been in his service since the night I graduated from Hogwarts. I don't know how you came by the information that you have," he said picking up the brandy glass again, "but it is wrong."

Lupin sat down on the opposite end of the sofa.

Snape drank down the liquid again in one swallow. Harry grew more nervous, knowing that the man's actions were a preliminary to something he was going to hear that he thought might prove unbearable. A confession? he wondered.

Snape began to speak, talking in detail about the night of their graduation from Hogwarts, about following Lily, watching her parents die and going to her to tell her of what happened. "Your mother did not love me, but she did care about me," he said quietly. "What was seen and misinterpreted in that alley was her outpouring of grief. From then on I served two masters. I became a member of the Order of the Phoenix and a Death Eater."

He stood and walked to the fireplace. The room had grown dark with the fading light of day, the air stagnant from closed windows in the midsummer evening. Snape's face was in shadow. Harry sat motionless, his heart pounding, strong emotion rising in his throat.

Snape took a breath and turned, speaking softly, "Tom Riddle desired one thing above all else. He wanted immortality because he feared death. He also hated everyone. He hated the purebloods and their arrogance and snobbery and he hated his muggle roots. He wanted control, he wanted power and he was willing to do anything to get them. Do not be deceived Mr. Potter in believing him vulnerable because he was a half-blood. He was a powerful wizard even then. There were few that would stand up to him. Albus was one. Even now it is likely that he is the only one that can defeat him." Snape straightened and folded his hands in front of him.

Harry stared at him thinking how like an over-grown bat he looked. He understood what Snape was saying, even some of what he was not saying. The man thought that their luck had run out if it meant that the only way to defeat Voldemort was to have Harry kill him. He kept silent, waiting for the story to spin out.

"Who knew Severus that our actions would be so thoroughly scrutinized, and, may I say, judged after so many years," Remus said and stood joining Snape at the hearth. He lifted his own glass, sipped and went on, "James and Lily worked for the Order, Harry. They had strong connections to wizards in the Ministry as did wizards on Riddle's side. In actuality Harry, what Severus is saying is that he and your father shared the same type of work. Your father and Severus were actually working together, albeit from different ends of the road."

Snape snorted and turned to the fireplace. Harry felt his anger immediately surface. Remus held out a hand as a warning to Harry, stared at Snape's back and then turned to Harry. "The purebloods thought that they could use Riddle for their own purposes. They could get rid of the mixed bloods and return the wizarding community to a purer form. That, I'm afraid was a delusion on their part. It is an impossibility. There are so few of the purebloods anymore, even a wizard like Riddle, was, and still is, bound to fail. There would be no one left eventually."

Harry nodded. He remembered what Sirius had told him about the intermarriage of purebloods, how there were few of them left.

"It's true that your father worked on the more respectable side in terms of fighting Tom Riddle, but perhaps he did not have the most difficult work." He turned slightly to look at Snape's profile and said gently, "Besides we're getting distracted. Let me just say that it wasn't James so much as your mother that was deeply involved; and through her, all of us." Remus wandered back to the sofa.

He continued, "Your mother was an advocate of the mixed bloods, a staunch opponent of Riddle long before the wizarding community saw him come to the full height of his power and eventually learned to fear him. I've told you before that she was a gentle, kind wonderful woman. And she was. I think it safe to say that we all loved her."

Harry heard Snape's intake of breath and he swiveled his head to look at him. The room was now gloomily dim, but no one took a moment to light the lamps on the tables. Harry didn't move.

"She drew us all into the fight. The pureblood families supported Riddle because he persuaded them that he would rid the wizarding community of half-bloods. Mixed-bloods were literally to be treated like rodents. The purebloods accepted Riddle as their own personal exterminator," Lupin shuddered. "Sirius and I were involved too. Sirius was a gad-about. Even though he had been rejected by his family, a very well respected pureblood family, he was still capable of mingling in amongst them. He passed information to James and Lily. I, being what I am, was able to travel in wider circles, mingle with more unacceptable creatures. I passed on information as well."

Snape turned slowly, the dark eyes unfathomable in the dim light. Harry felt the palms of his hands grow moist as he listened.

"Severus had an even more difficult task. He had to persuade Riddle that he was a loyal follower and still keep his allegiance to the Order. There were many," Lupin looked up at Snape, "who began to question his loyalties. Lily was never one of them. She was among the few that stood up to Voldemort and lived."

"Lupin," Snape seethed suddenly as if sending a warning. Harry could feel the sudden chill emanating from the man even though the room was muggy and overly warm.

Remus waved a hand and a lamp burst into light. "If we are to tell the story, let us do it in a straightforward manner Severus. You agreed."

Harry looked between them.

"He does not have the ability to guard himself against intrusions yet," Snape said. "If he should be possessed, then all will be lost."

"We must tell him. He has information and we don't know how he got it. Besides it's only fair," Lupin responded.

"Would you both stop talking like I'm not here," Harry spoke out suddenly. They stared at him, shaken from their attitude. "Don't you understand the damage it's caused because everyone's kept secrets from me?"

Lupin nodded quickly. "We do understand Harry. And you must not keep secrets from us either if we are to help you, and we will hold you to it momentarily. But you must understand that all of these events took place years ago. So much has happened since it's hard to sort it all out. If it's true that you must kill Voldemort, and Dumbledore says you are, then the only way to get next to him is through Severus. Everything is quickly becoming a labyrinth of intrigue. For you to be any good to us you two must trust one another. You must understand the events that occurred that brought us to this point. Severus is truly the right person to be of most help."

Harry held himself in check. He'd already decided and asked for Snape's help; he didn't have to like it. Remus was telling him that it had to go beyond that.

Snape cleared his throat and turned to Harry. "What Lupin is saying is that you need my help to kill him. If I am exposed and killed, you do not have a chance in the world of getting near him no matter how brilliant you think you have been up to this point in making your escapes."

"You see? There!" Lupin shouted and jumped to his feet. "You're doing it again. You're treating him like he was James. He's not!" Lupin turned to Harry and said with some vehemence, "Your father WAS arrogant in a way Harry. He really didn't have a healthy respect or fear of Voldemort. Most of the pureblood families didn't. He didn't like or trust Severus because of our school days and he wasn't aware of Severus' fidelity to the Order. None of us were. Only Dumbledore and Lily knew that Severus was working for the Order. As a result, he treated Severus with contempt, just as he always had growing up. And it was worse with Sirius!"

Lupin began pacing and Snape had returned to the decanter and his empty glass. He was pouring another full glass and emptying it.

Lupin stopped and watched him all the while talking indirectly to Harry. "Things went drastically wrong because of all the misinformation," Lupin mumbled almost to himself, "and Sirius always seemed to make matters worse, although I loved him like a brother." He stopped and dropped his head as if thinking about what he had just said.

Here it comes, Harry thought, wishing he could grab hold of the edge of his chair. Instead he took the glass that had sat idle in his hand through the whole conversation, raised it and drank it down. He blinked away the tears that rushed to his eyes from the fiery liquid shooting down his throat.

"There was an incident," Snape said quietly, turning in Lupin's direction. "Shall I tell it Lupin or will you?"

The two men stood in the middle of the room facing each other. Harry watched in fascination. It was clear that they were not friends; yet something had happened and they were no longer enemies.

"We let our school boy attitudes get in the way," Lupin said looking directly at Severus. "I was as responsible as James or Sirius because I never had the courage to tell them when they were getting out of line. This time it wasn't silly, painful schoolyard tricks and stunts. This time it was serious business, and serious consequences to pay. We were in the middle of a war and playing at it like a game of chess. Only Riddle was playing wizard's chess. He was busy annihilating half-bloods and purebloods who got in his way; Edgar Bones, Benjy Fenwick, the Longbottoms. It took the death of Dorcas Meadows and a few others before it dawned on all of us. I think James understood it more than Sirius, but we were still so young."

Lupin frowned, turned away and continued to talk, almost in a whisper. "They couldn't reach Riddle- James and Sirius- but they could reach Severus. Lily disappeared one night and Sirius followed her, tracked her. James was busy on another errand…" Lupin circled the table and picked up the decanter. He filled his own glass while walking towards Harry and then reached out and filled Harry's and Snape's. Together all three drank the contents back and stopped.

From some distant corner of the house, they could hear the faint sound of a music box playing. It was as if the ghost of Harry's mother was sending a message to them; that she was there and listening.

Snape took his turn, his eyes staring off into the distance as if he were not present with them. "She came to me. She played such a dangerous game. She wanted revenge for what the Dark Lord had done to her parents and so she protected Potter and Black and Pettigrew from the real work; the dirty work. She took risks, she arranged-we planned- his assassination. We did it together."

Snape's attention returned to the room and he stared at Harry and said, "My service to the Dark Lord was to find the potion that would bring him immortality. My oath to her was to find a way to poison him. But because of Black and your father we missed the opportunity, the chance to kill him, and it put her in great peril."

Harry was beginning to feel the effects of the two glasses of brandy and found that Lupin had refilled his glass once again. "Why do you call him that?" he asked suddenly. "Remus calls him Voldemort, why don't you? If you are not loyal to him why are you afraid to speak his name? Have you been at it so long you've finally gone over?"

Snape took two long strides and towered over Harry, glaring down at him. His hand was outstretched and twisted into the front of Harry's robe. "You know what it is like when he possesses you Potter, I know you do," he snarled. "Don't be thick. I walk a thin line everyday and have since I was seventeen years old. Do you think I would so easily give him the opportunity to discover my purpose? I want him dead more than you shall ever know, but I cannot face him and have him see it in my eyes or hear it in my voice."

They were interrupted suddenly by Molly Weasley opening the door and announcing, "Supper will be ready soon. Are you finished with your business?"

Snape continued to stare Harry down, Harry turned slightly when the door opened and Remus was reaching in his pocket for his wand.

"Get out!" Snape snarled.

"Leave us Molly!" Lupin warned. He didn't look at her but was watching the two of them.

Molly looked at Lupin and then at Harry with a shocked expression and backed out of the room quickly.

"Is that it?" Harry spit back finding bravery in the brandy he'd been drinking.

"You're worried that'll he'll enter your mind and find you out? If he's so clever why hasn't he learned of your purpose before now? Or are you afraid I'll give you away?"

"That's enough! Lupin leapt forward and pulled Snape's hand from Harry's clothing. "We are not accomplishing anything here. Harry!"

Harry pulled back, regretting his words.

"Of course I am afraid, as should you be if you had any brains," Snape said coolly. "That is why you will surely die. I have spent a lifetime learning how to handle him. You ARE like your father if you think that you can speak his name so easily, if you can confront him and walk away unscathed. You have been lucky so far Potter. Your mother was humble and incredibly brave. She denied him three times and in the end he killed her." Snape said his eyes sizzling in anger. "She deserves more from you. She deserves to have you take this seriously." YOU-NEED-TO-BE-TERRIFIED because I think your luck has run out." Snape took a step back. "And if you die, we are all next in line."

Harry sat the half-empty glass down. He knew what Snape was saying. The man was angry because their lives rested in his hands. He suddenly found himself feeling light-headed and sweaty. "Professor, I apologize," he said feeling his tongue growing thick. He remembered the moments in the Atrium at the Department of Ministry as Dumbledore and Voldemort dueled. He remembered the agony of having Voldemort possess him. He knew that he had been minutes from insanity then and looked now, with renewed respect at the man in front of him.

Except that he was weaving slightly and tasting the brandy trying to resurface.

Afraid of embarrassing himself he spoke quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I was sorry that day in your office when I got nosey and looked into the Pensieve and I'm sorry now. But our conversation will have to wait. If you'll just excuse me." He turned and hurled himself towards the door, flung it open and headed up the stairs for the nearest bathroom. He was afraid that he had lost the only opportunity he would ever get to understand what had happened over sixteen years before.