AVENGERS®
Deadpool©
Chapter 7
Deadpool And Spider-man: Birth Of The Motor Mouths?
Note: Sorry it's been so long for this chapter, no excuses other than I'm easily distracted – find it hard to just sit and write.
Enjoy!
- Cursed Hellion
Warning! Contains content which may offend some people, not intentional I assure you.
- Cursed Hellion
Avenger Tower.
Steve and Deadpool return to the tower, as they leave the Quinnjet hanger they are greeted by Jarvis
" Afternoon Sir, Master Deadpool – would you like any lunch or something to drink? " Steve nodded
" A coffee would be great thank you Jarvis " Deadpool started counting on his fingers
" Okay! I would like a chocolate shake, a stack of pancakes and a whole lotta chocolate sauce! " Deadpool said facetiously, Steve gave him a 'look'
" Very well! " Replied Jarvis, Deadpool recoiled
" Huh! Wow! You actually gonna do that for me? " Deadpool said surprised
" Of course Master Deadpool " Jarvis said bowing his head
" AWESOME! " Deadpool said punching the air jubilantly, Jarvis headed off to the kitchen, Steve and Deadpool followed – Deadpool leaned in close to Steve
" Hey – Cap, does Jarvis do 'anything' you ask him to? 'cause I kinda thought he was Tony's " Steve smiled
" Heh - within reason, he is proud to serve anyone involved with the Avengers, his words not mine I hasten to add! " Explained Steve
" Oh! " Deadpool shrugged then went and made himself comfortable in front of the TV, Steve followed Jarvis into the kitchen
" Jarvis, is Tony around? I would like a word " Asked Steve
" Master Stark is tinkering in his lab Sir, should I bring the coffee to you there? " Jarvis offered
" Thank you, that would be most appreciated " Steve headed down towards Tony's lab, upon entering he heard gunfire, he crouched low shouting
" TONY?... TONY! " Steve crouched down into cover, Tony stopped shooting, pulled his ear guards down and looked around. Thinking he was imagining things he shrugged and carried on shooting
" TONY!... TONY! " Tony stopped again swearing he heard something, then he noticed a blue and white arm with a red glove poking out from a table
" STEVE? IS THAT YOU? " Tony says whilst putting the gun down
" Yes! It is me Tony; what is going on here? " Steve said whilst rising to his feet
" Just testing a new weapon for Deadpool " Tony replied casually
" A weapon for Dead-pool? " Steve said raising an eyebrow
" Yeah! Pete said something that got me thinking, he said that now Deadpool was an Avenger he really shouldn't be carrying guns – so I thought I'd make some non-lethal guns " Steve nodded
" That's a good idea! " Tony smiled
" Yeah, that's what I thought, I'm hoping to make them multi-functional, kind of like Clint's arrows " Tony picks up the gun to show Steve
" Hopefully that will prove useful - I had to stop Dead-pool from using his guns while we were out, I wasn't sure if he would actually shoot the kid or just use them to intimidate him? But, I would feel better if he didn't have them. That is the reason I came down here, I wanted to talk to you about his guns but, it looks like Peter beat me to it " Steve inspects the gun before handing it back to Tony
" Well, I hope to have a prototype ready in a couple of hours - just working out the kinks " Tony said waving the gun around, Jarvis walks in and nearly gets clocked with the gun
" AAAAAAAHHHHHH! " Jarvis drops the coffee
" Wooowah! Sorry Jarvis! " Tony says, putting the gun down
" I shall get you another coffee Sir " Jarvis bows to Steve
" Thank you Jarvis " Jarvis shakily heads back to the kitchen, Steve looks at Tony
" What? I said sorry " Steve shakes his head and leaves the lab
" So?... I'll clean up the mess then huh? " Tony starts to mop up the coffee with his lab jacket.
Meanwhile. Wolverine was wandering the streets of New York contemplating spending some time back at Xavier's school for gifted youngsters, Deadpool was getting to him, especially after the interview he did, Wolverine was now receiving stares, chuckles and comments about his 'relationship' with Deadpool, he needed a break or Deadpool dead!
Just then, he spied something in the corner of his eye, it was a gang running into an alleyway.
Wolverine followed and counted five of them counting money and boasting about how they finally did it, finally robbed a store, unfortunately for them Wolverine was having a bad day, he leapt out
" Ahlrite bubs, time ta giv' back tha money! " They froze for a second before laughing
" Whut tha? HEY! DON'T LAFF AT ME! " Shouted Wolverine, they started to compose themselves
" Hey D! Hahaha tis fool thinks us scared of 'im haha "
" Yeah hahahah ah know G, dats whuts so funny " Wolverine unseathed his adamatium claws
" Ya think 'this' *motioning his claws* funny? " The gang pulled out their pistols, one of them addressed Wolverine
" 'Ah' think it's time ya left! "
" Yeah, wouldn't wanna get you in trouble with your 'boyfriend' Deadpool hahahaah " They all broke out laughing, Wolverine started shaking with rage,
" GRRRRRRAAAAAHHH! " One of them stopped laughing as he noticed Wolverine shaking with rage
" 'Oh no' I think he's getting ready to strike! " He said pointing urgently towards Wolverine
" Chill, he ain't gunna do anythin' - but tell us our shoes don't match our shirts or summin' faggoty like dat, hahahah " Suddenly he was the only one laughing
" Bub, ya reeeelee shouldna said that! " All the other members of the gang slowly took a couple of steps away from the guy that made the comment, Wolverine proceeded to leap onto the guy and thrust deeply inside him over and over again before realizing he maybe killing him, the others started firing their guns, Wolverine was unaffected and started to strike down the rest of the gang, careful not to kill them.
With the rest of the gang down he returned to the guy who had made the comment and placed his right claws near the guys crotch, the guy's eyes widened
" Nnnnoo... pppuhleese... Imma - Imma sorry man " A sinister smile crept upon Wolverine's face
" Sorry ain't gonna cut it bub " Wolverine stood up
" What? Come on man? Ah was jus' talkin' big " Wolverine lifted up his foot
" NOOOOOO! " He proceed to drive his heel extremely hard into the guys groin
" ! " The guy screamed a scream that sent a shiver down even Wolverine's spine, he thought, for just a second, that he 'may' of gone a little too far. The guy was quivering and twitching, Wolverine crouched down and said to the guy
" Ah buhlieve tha accepted term is 'gay', not that ah am! " The guy passed out, Wolverine looked around and realized they needed medical attention, he called for an ambulance and the police, he then collected up the money and left it ready for the police to retrieve.
Wolverine watched from the shadows as the ambulance and police arrived and made sure things were okay before leaving. Wolverine thought it best to avoid going back to Avengers Tower for awhile so, decided to hide out at a bar.
Back at the Avengers Tower. A couple of hours have passed since Wolverine's ordeal. Deadpool is taking a not so well deserved nap in the living room with the TV playing in the background, Steve is sitting in his favourite chair contemplating and Tony is still tinkering in his lab.
" News just in! A group of young men were viciously attacked today. Information is limited at the moment, no news on who or what attacked them but, injuries sustained by the young men are confirmed to be claw marks. Over to Rob Flynn for more " Steve stopped his contemplating and took an interest in the news
" Thank you Lauren, I'm here at New York's, City Hospital, where, a couple of hours ago, five young men were rushed in, one of them needing major surgery for a *he winces* ruptured testicle " Steve also winces upon hearing the news
" The other young men suffered claw scratches and puncture wounds, they need to stay in over night for observation and with all being well, should be able to return home tomorrow. The police are looking for any information on the matter as the young men, have so far, refused to make any statement. The police are also appealing to whom ever made the phone call to the Emergency services, they urge you to come forward to help with their enquiries " Steve was bemused at what he heard, he thought to himself
" What would scare them enough not to say anything? Do we have a new adversary to worry about? " Before he could finish his thought the news caught his attention again
" Oh! Bare with me, there seems to be some sort of, commotion... the police they... it – it seems the police have found out something... " Just then Tony walked in
" STEVE! I've done it! I've fina- " Steve motioned for him to be quiet
" Watch this! *points at T.V* I'll fill you in later " Tony squeezes himself onto the couch next to the sleeping Deadpool
" Wow, it appears the young men are, are part of a gang... what's that …. the police have had a call from a store owner who says he was robbed earlier by these men, apparently he recognized them from some of the images we've shown... really?... okay! The police have stated that a large sum of money was found at the scene of the attack that had them confused, now it is believed the young men robbed a store and then may have been attacked by some so called hero... if that is the case... the police would like the attacker to come forward as the injuries these men have sustained are - extreme " Tony looks at Steve, who, is intently watching the T.V, Deadpool stirs
" Hmmmrrh... no MJ, Pete won't mind... hhhhrrrhhmmmm " Tony shakes his head in bemusement and continues to watch the news
" ... what's that... I have just been informed that the guy with a *he winces* ruptured testicle has said something as he woke from his operation, I quote; " the accepted term is gay ", not sure what that means? More on this later, I'm Rob Flynn, back to you Lauren "
" Thank you Rob, the numbers to call if you have any information are on screen now " Tony turns to Steve
" So what exactly have I missed? " Steve places a hand on his chin and looks out a nearby window
" Five young men were administered to hospital with grave wounds resembling claw marks, one suffered a ruptured testicle *Tony and Steve winced* they have no leads on who or what did it, then you saw the rest " Tony checks on Deadpool who was stirring, then continued
" So? A gang, rob a store, get caught by a wannabe hero and are badly injured? "
" It would seem so " Steve stood up to look out of the window with hands behind his back
" What is it Steve? " Asked Tony, Steve sighed
" I'm not sure? I have a nagging feeling, the claw marks and a vicious assault... I... I know only a handful of people capable of such violence, and only a couple of them have claws and only one of them is considered a hero "
" You don't mean? " Steve looks over his shoulder at Tony
" Where is Logan? "
" He went out after the morning news "
" And no-one has seen him since? We must find him – now " Steve headed towards the Quinnjet hanger
" I'll catch up! " Said Tony, Steve nodded and carried on, Tony shook Deadpool lightly
" Hhhhhhhhrrrrrmmmmm... hey Pete join us... hhhrrrmmm " Tony shook Deadpool again, this time a little harder
" Hhhhhhhrrrrrrrmmmmm... Pete it was MJ's idea honest... uuurrrrmmmmhhh " Tony decides to violently shake Deadpool
" WOOWAH! What the hell dude? " Deadpool repositioned himself in a sitting position
" Sorry, but, I need to talk to you "
" O-kay? "
" It's about your guns "
" My Guns? "
" Yes, you are an Avenger now, so having guns is a little too... villainous " Deadpool leapt to his feet
" WHAT? But you have laser beams *motions Iron man's palm disruptor beams* and Wolverine has adamantium claws *swipes the air like Wolverine* "
" I know, I know but, I can't exactly get rid of Logan's weapons, you can keep your katanas but, I've modified your guns and I think you'll like what I've done " Tony shows Deadpool the guns
" See! You press this for tranqs, this for nerve pulse which paralyses a person for around 20 seconds, this is for rubber bullets, you also have laser guided sight and scope " Deadpool inspects the guns
" AWESOME! " Tony smiles
" I knew you'd like them "
" You're the best Tony " Deadpool hugs Tony
" Okay? Thanks is good enough " Deadpool releases Tony
" So? When do I get a cool suit like Pete's? "
" Errh? See how you fare with the guns first, then we'll talk about a suit " Deadpool nods and proceeds to pose and play act fighting with his guns, for some reason, Deadpool's excitement over getting the guns resembled a kid on Christmas, which gave Tony a funny feeling that felt like a Dad on Christmas, happy because his son is happy, Tony shuddered and quickly went to his lab to suit up and join Steve in his hunt for Logan.
Evening. Spider-man was scanning the city whilst enjoying the cool evening air.
(internal monologue) " Man! It sure is a nice night, I would love to be enjoying it with MJ right now, buuuut? Knowing the way my life goes - something is bound to happen, sometimes, I wish I wasn't Spider-man - or at least have a day off... Hahahahahaah who am I kidding? I LOVE being Spider-man " Spider-man spins a web line and swings through the city resting on a water tower (internal monologue) " Being Spider-man is cool, I mean not many people can swing from building to building through New York, I can go anywhere, anytime I want. Although now, thanks to Deadpool, I'm getting laughed at more than usual, I needed to do something Amazing! Astounding! Spectacular! to help people forget. Come on! One of you super-powered freaks must be up to something?... where's a super-powered villain when you need one? Maybe I could call Taskmaster and organise a 'job'... Naaahh, then ol' JJ would be right about me and if he found out that would make things worse... hmmmmmm " Spider-man spun a web and swung through the city some more doing acrobatic jumps, dives and spins before settling on a rooftop (internal monologue) " Maybe nothing is gonna happen tonight? Maybe I can chill with MJ?... Yeah right! Nope! Pete, you're doomed to a lifetime of pain, suffering, long hours, low pay, madness and lots of guilt! Well, unless I die in some battle with an arch nemesis!... I really need to see someone about this whole talking to myself business "
" I agree! "
" Huh! " Spider-man turns round to see Deadpool waving at him
" Only lil' ol' me! " Spider-man freezes for a moment contemplating how Deadpool had heard his thoughts and how he found him?
" HOW? WHY? *looks up at sky* You're punishing me aren't you? " Deadpool looks up at the sky following Spider-man's eyeline trying to find what he is looking at
" Who are you talking to? " Spider-man looks at floor
" … No-one - I guess "
" And people think 'I'M' crazy, jeez! " Spider-man looks at Deadpool
" What do you want huh? To knock me out again? To embarrass me? " Deadpool puts his hands out to motion Spider-man to back off
" Woah! Pete I thought we were good now? "
" Yeah, we are - sorta " Spider-man turns away from Deadpool
" What does that mean? " Spider-man gazes over the city
" Well, when people stop teasing me about being your 'boyfriend' and laughing at the Rhino incident THEN! We'll be good! "
" GREAT! That's why I'm here! " Spider-man looks over his shoulder slightly
" 'Really' and how are 'you' gonna fix this? "
" I've organized a little gathering of actors to play bad guys so we can make you look AWESOME again "
" NO! "
" Huh? But I - " Spider-man turns to face Deadpool
" No! If J.J found out I took part in an 'organized' bust that would be it for me! Thanks for the thought but, I have to do something legit "
" Oh!... Excuse me a moment " Deadpool pulls a cellphone from his utility belt, turns his back to Spider-man and makes a call
" Errh, the plans off... yeah... no!... it's a no go, repeat, it's a no go... Spider-man doesn't want to... I know, I know... come on don't be like that... PAY YOU! I never said I'd pay you! " Deadpool quickly hangs up and turns to face Spider-man
" Heh! *Deadpool rubs the back of his neck* Sorry 'bout that, so? How do we unembarrass you? "
" You know that's not a word right? And, I'm not sure what to do? "
" So? We gonna wait around for something to happen again? " Deadpool says throwing a nonchalant shrug
" Well with 'you' here! Something is 'bound' to happen " Deadpool recoils
" WHAT? Are you implying *points to himself* I'm a magnet for trouble or something? " Spider-man folds his arms
" More than implying, trouble seems to follow you around "
" We catch you girls at a bad time? " Two guys wearing balaclavas were standing by the fire escape
" Huh? " Both Deadpool and Spider-man looked at the masked guys then at each other
" You know these dudes? " Asked Deadpool, Spider-man puts a hand on his chin
" Errrmmm... can't say I do " Spider-man said shaking his head
" Sorry to intrude on your lovers tiff but, we have some business with Deadpool " Deadpool points at himself
" Me? "
" Yeah! Mr. Jameson's put a bounty on your head and we're here to collect " Said one of the masked guys
" Yeah! " Said the other guy
" Jameson? Why would he put a bounty on 'my' head? " Deadpool said bemused
" 'Oh I don't know?' Maybe because you punched him in the face... TWICE! SEE THIS! *Spider-man points downwards in front of himself* THIS! Is what I'm talking about! If you hadn't of showed up here, I wouldn't have to deal with this *he motions towards the masked guys* but now, you've got me *points at himself with both hands* involved in 'your' *points at Deadpool with one hand* problems "
" Cap said we were a team now "
" So why don't you call Cap and Iron Man to help you? "
" Errrh! Hello? Are we invisible or something? " Said one of the masked men
" But I wanted to help you! How was 'I' to know a bounty would be put on my head " Pleads Deadpool
" That's the problem, you don't 'think' *points to head* - you just 'do' "
" Well, fine! You stay out of this and let 'me' deal with these chumps " The masked men were getting aggravated at being ignored
" LOOK! STOP IGNORING US! " Shouted the same masked guy who spoke last time, Deadpool and Spider-man look at the masked guys
" Woowah! Wait your turn, I promise I'll kick your butts in a minute " Deadpool stated
" Okay! You take care of them on your own " Said Spider-man
" I will and – and don't you dare try to help " Challenged Deadpool, the bad guys decided enough was enough and charged towards Spider-man and Deadpool. Deadpool and Spider-man easily move out the way, the two guys fall over the side of the building. Deadpool and Spider-man stand at the buildings edge to see the two guys holding on to a ledge slightly lower down, Deadpool turns to Spider-man
" So? Wanna go grab a drink or something? "
" Sounds good " Spider-man replies
" W-W-WHAT? Y-you can't leave us here like this " Said the lead masked guy
" Yeah! " Replied the other masked guy
" Sure we can! Can't we? " Asks Deadpool
" No we can't! We're heroes remember? We have to help idiots like this "
" Awww man! But – but they want to hand me over to JJ " Deadpool says trying to convince Spider-man, Spider-man places a hand on Deadpool's shoulder
" I know, I know but, it's our heroic duty to save those that need saving - believe me! I've had to save people I'd rather not have. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility "
" Wow, that's cheesy, even for you " Spider-man playfully shoves Deadpool
" Come on already! Help us up! " Pleads the lead masked man
" You're in no position to tell us what to do! " Deadpool says wagging his finger
" But my arms are aching "
" Oh! " Deadpool and Spider-man help the two guys up
" FOOLS! " The two guys try a surprise attack, Deadpool and Spider-man again dodge the incoming attack, Spider-man lands in a crouched position
" Allow me to introduce myself; I'm the Amazing Spider-man, I have a well documented 'spider-sense' that allows me to know when you're about to attack! So? Think about how this is gonna end " Deadpool seeing Spider-man's cool pose decides to strikes a pose of his own
" Hi! I'm Deadpool, ummm I have a not so documented 'assassin's-sense' that's helped me survive a lot of fights " Spider-man looks over at Deadpool
" 'assassin's-sense'? Really? "
" What? " Shrugs Deadpool
" Riiiiiiight? So surviving this long has 'nothing' to do with your healing ability then? "
" Oh! And that " The masked men are readying for attack
" So boys? How do you plan to take out a guy who knows when your attacks are coming and a guy who can survive any attack you throw at him? " Questions Spider-man, the lead mask man replies
" Well, we weren't expecting you here but, after what Deadpool said this morning I guess we shoulda huh? We only really want Deadpool " Explains the lead masked man
" Okay! Fine! I'll just watch, if you remember I said I wouldn't get involved, but, that was before you attacked me so, as long as you don't attack me, I'll stay out of this fight " Offers Spider-man
" Really? " The lead masked guy said in disbelief
" Yep! " Replied Spider-man
" You're joking! Right? " Inquires Deadpool
" Nope! You told me not to get involved " Replies Spider-man
" Awww come on! I thought that was just talk " Pleads Deadpool
" Nope! Besides, I wanna see this 'assassin's sense' in action " Deadpool mumbled before readying himself, Spider-man gets himself comfortable before asking
" Oh! Out of interest, how 'do' you plan on combating Deadpool's accelerated healing ability? "
" What? "
" You did know he has an accelerated healing ability right? "
" ... " Both of the masked men stay silent
" Oh brother! " Spider-man facepalms, the other masked man turns to the lead masked man
" Maybe we should reconsider, you said he was some sorta mercenary that we could take out with the right moves, but, what if he's a... a - mutant? " The lead masked man pinches the top of his nose
" Ahh, to hell with it, we 'need' that money " He charged towards Deadpool calling out numbers, although Deadpool wasn't all that familiar with American football, he was pretty sure the guy was shouting audibles, not that he could decode them anyway. The guy came in low Deadpool proceeded to stamp on the guy's head and launch himself high in the air
" Oh yeah! Eat roof! " Said Deadpool
" Eat roof? " Spider-man shakes his head, Deadpool noticed the other guy and aimed towards him legs outstretched
" SUPER ASSASSIN'S HEAVEN KICK! " Deadpool lands the kick in the guy's chest sending him flying, Deadpool landed on his hands and knees but, quickly got to his feet, the guy who had faceplanted the roof was spitting out dirt and caught sight of Deadpool, the other guy also got up clutching his chest.
BANG!
Gunfire!
They looked towards the sound to see a shadow of a person, the person walked into the light and said
" I've seen enough! " The lead masked man's eyes widened with fear
" Errh – th-th-that's... let's get outta here! " The two masked men legged it down the fire escape, Deadpool looked over to the person
" FRANK! Buddy! " Deadpool threw his arms open for a hug as he approached
" ... " Deadpool stops walking and puts his arms down
" Frank?... what's wrong? " Frank Castle aka The Punisher pointed his guns at Deadpool, Deadpool put his hands up
" ... Frank? " Spider-man lands next to Deadpool and demands
" Frank! What's going on? " Punisher glares at him
" ... I'm here for the bounty " He replies coldly
" WHAT? " Squeals Deadpool
" You're not serious? " Spider-man says already knowing the answer but, hopeful he's wrong
" I'm always serious " Replied Punisher, Spider-man shakes his head in disbelief
" Deadpool, you 'seriously' need to re-evaluate who you consider a friend, so far, your 'buddy' Logan has tried to kill you and your 'buddy' Frank here, well, he wants to claim the bounty on your head " Deadpool doesn't know what to say or do, Punisher speaks
" Spider-man I know you and I haven't seen eye to eye, heh, in fact you pretty much dislike me but, this does not concern you so, please, leave us – I don't care what you tell the Avengers but, don't bring them after me " Spider-man scratches his head
" Let's think about that for a sec... So A, I leave here and tell the Avengers a story to cover this as long as I don't name you and effectively leave Deadpool to the sharks OR, B, stand and fight for a guy who has caused me nothing but grief – hmmmmm choices, choices, choices "
" And if you choose to fight, I won't go easy on ya " Deadpool speaks up after being unusually quiet, he addresses Spider-man
" It's okay, you can go if you want – after all this isn't your problem right? I'm just trouble, I don't want to burden you with this, tell the Avengers that you haven't seen me and if I beat Frank, I'll quit being an Avenger, that way you won't have anymore trouble " Spider-man felt a bit odd upon hearing his own words used, Deadpool continued
" Pete-urh Spider-man you've been good to me "
" No I haven't! In fact, I've been a bit of jerk "
" We've shared a few laughs and a few arguments but you always looked out for me, you're like – like the older brother I never had and – and to repay your kindness and the fact you've put up with me, I am not gonna drag you into this fight " Spider-man was speechless, he didn't know if Deadpool was serious or not, but, Deadpool sounded like he was sincere
" Sure, Cap' is my hero an all but, you, you're my idol dude! You and Cap' are the reason I wanna be an Avenger, I mean, I've read your comics and seen your trilogy of movies, I've even seen the various cartoon shows – in a word... you're AWESOME! " Spider-man was a little overwhelmed and confused about the comics, movies and cartoons stuff, he felt like a big guilty jerk
" Deadpool I – I had no idea you felt like that "
" Really? Why do think I always wanna hang around with you? "
" I – I don't know, I thought it was strange you appearing around me regularly but... " The Punisher sighed
" Oh for FUCK sake! Would you two pussies cut it out already – it's crap like that! That has people believing your gay, huuu Jesus " Spider-man wrestled against his conscience and his better judgement, Deadpool readied himself for combat
" Alright Frankie boy time for me to 'punish' you! "
" Heh lame - besides, you can't beat me on your own " Punisher taunts
" Oh yeah! I've spent a lot of my life alone, had many fights alone – I've survived this long alone, this time will be no different - " Deadpool felt a hand on his shoulder
" You're not alone – not this time " Deadpool looked round
" Really? You mean it? " He said in delight, Spidey* nodded
* Okay! I'm going to start using 'Spidey' instead of Spider-man from now on.
- Cursed Hellion
" Against my better judgement, yeah! " The Punisher shook his head
" Big mistake Spider-boy "
" Spider-boy? Oh, it's on now! " Punisher threw a smoke bomb at Deadpool and Spidey
" Ha! Not gonna work Frank! Tony installed air filters in this suits mask " Mocked Spidey
" cough cough choke cough wish 'I' had cough air filters " Spluttered Deadpool, Spidey's spider-sense went off, but, not as effectively as usual, suddenly an object flew towards him, Spidey managed to dodge it in the knick of time. Spidey looked at where the object landed and noticed it was a knife
" HEY! Deadpool's the one with the healing ability! " Spidey then remembered that his suit was blade and bullet proof
(internal monologue) " Man, this is surreal! Why? I mean, what is it about Deadpool that makes people he considers friends betray him? He considers 'me' a friend and I've been a jerk to him since he joined. How do end I up in these situations? "
Spidey was broken out of his monologue by Deadpool shouting
" ASSASSIN'S STEALTH STRIKE! "
" Hey Deadpool! If you're gonna announce the fact your attacking it's not very 'stealth' is it? " The smoke was still making it difficult to see clearly Spidey kept low relying on his spider-sense, then he caught a glimpse of a shadow and shot both webs at it and pulled hard
" WOOOAAAAAAAAHH! " Deadpool came flying out of the smoke
" Dude! What the hell? "
" Sorry, I thought you were Frank " Spidey's spider-sense went off again, Punisher fired his machine pistols at random
" STAY DOWN! " Spidey covered Deadpool and took a couple of hits in the back, but, due to his suits bulletproof abilities he was unaffected
" Dude! You know I can survive bullets! But the sentiment is appreciated, thanx " The smoke was clearing, Punisher spotted the silhouettes of Spidey and Deadpool and took the chances to throw two stun grenades at them. Spidey's spider-sense went off again, he saw the grenades coming and web-lined them spun them round and released them in Punishers direction
" Aaah shit! " Punisher dived for cover missing the grenades explosion by mere millimetres, Deadpool rushed him, Punisher got to his feet just in time for
" SUPER ASSASSIN'S BARRAGE STRIKE! " Deadpool threw punches and kicks with lightning speed, Punisher was overwhelmed but managed to shoot Deadpool's leg with his shotgun
" AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! " Deadpool dropped to one knee, Punisher pointed the gun at Deadpool's head
" Survive this! " Spidey leapt towards Punisher shooting his webs, Punisher became wrapped in webs, much to his annoyance
" Okay! Frank the bounty hunter, time for us to go – you okay Deadpool "
" Yeah! It's healing nicely " Deadpool got to his feet and pulled out his katana and placed it to Punisher's neck
" DEADPOOL! What are you doing? " Panicked Spidey
" Give me a reason not to kill you " Punisher sneered at Deadpool
" ... You're an Avenger "
" Crap! "
" Deadpool, come on, let's get out of here " Spidey motioned for Deadpool to follow, Punisher used the opportunity of Deadpool's lapse in concentration to position himself in a way that he could use Deadpool's katana to cut the webbing slightly enabling him to use his strength to break free, he punched Deadpool sending him reeling, Spidey leapt onto Frank
" Looks like Frankie boy needs a spanking " Puisher tried to shoot Spidey, Deadpool composed himself
" Okay! Let's see what the twins can do? " Deadpool pulled out his, modified by Tony, guns nicknamed the twins
" Now, what button did he say produced the nerve pulse? " Spidey took a shotgun blast into the chest, the blast sent him flying, Deadpool meanwhile was pressing all the buttons on his guns unaware Punisher was eyeing him up for a shot
BLAAAM!
Punisher sent a shot at Deadpool, who had decided he was happy with the option on his guns and proceed to strike a pose not realizing he was shot at, Punisher couldn't believe it, if Deadpool hadn't of struck a pose it would of hit him and now Punisher was frantically trying to reload
" ASSASSIN'S BULLETS OF JUSTICE " Deadpool fired doing cartwheels and flips, Spidey froze in horror not realizing Deadpools guns were modified to fire rubber bullets
" Bang! Bang Bang! Bang! Bang Bang Bang! Bang! Take that ya Deadpool wannabe " Punisher flinched and put his hands up to cover his face, Spidey then realized that the bullets weren't deadly after being caught by a few himself
" Rubber bullets? " Spidey thought to himself
" Hey! No use in protecting ya face, ya should done that years ago hahahahahhaah! " Mocked Deadpool
" Shut up! " Snapped Punisher, Spidey webbed Punisher by the ankles and yanked, Punisher fell to the floor, Deadpool started fiddling with his guns again
" When did you start using rubber bullets? " Asked Spidey
" Oh! Tony gave them to me this afternoon *Deadpool waves guns* they can do other stuff too "
" Hmpf! You think rubber bullets are gonna stop me? Jesus, Deadpool, you're an assassin not a hero, you need proper guns " Deadpool aims his guns at Punisher
" Consider this my 'punishment' to you! Beaten by a man with rubber bullets " Punisher threw a grenade at Deadpool
FLAAASH!
" Damn it! I can't see " Punisher tried to get to his feet but Spidey jumped and kicked him in the back
" Oh no you don't! " Spidey landed with his back to Punisher, Punisher tried to sweep Spidey, Spidey flipped over him, Punisher then swung a punch at Spidey
" Ya know! It amazes me how many people forget I have a spider-sense! But, being the intelligent man you are, using smoke bombs and the such to interfere with it, throwing a punch at me makes even Rhino look like a genius! Hahahahhahaa! " Deadpool started recovering from his temporary blindness
" Hahahahahahaa! Yeah! You tell him Spidey "
" ... " Punisher threw a few more punches and kicks, Spidey dodges all of them successfully, he lands on the roofs billboard
" Wow! Mr. Talkalot sorry to interupt you, but you may wanna grab a weapon " Punisher turned round to see Deadpool coming at him
" My turn! ASSASSIN'S FIST OF RESTITUTION! " Deadpool punches Punisher in the chest with a modified straight fist, Punisher was sent flying
" Seriously Deadpool, what's the deal with the ludicrous naming of moves and shouting them out? " Asks Spidey
" Huh? Oh! I've been watching a lot of anime " Deadpool replies casually
" Anime? " Spidey says quizzically
" Don't tell me you don't know what anime is? " Questions Deadpool
" Japanese animation, but, I've never really seen any " Shrugs Spidey
" WHAT? DUDE! *Deadpool recoils shaking his head* You're missing out on so much! "
" 'Really?' " Spidey says crossing his arms unconvinced
" Yeah! It's cool they like have cool names for special martial arts moves *Deadpool throws some punches and kicks* and stuff. They have special abilities, super powers, crazy strong enemies *Deadpool strikes a muscle pose* that they have to overcome – you really need to see it! "
" Sounds stupid!... And unrealistic! " Deadpool addresses you the reader
" Stupid? Unrealistic? Did he not realize I just described his life? Jeez, I swear I'm the only sane one in a mad world! Of course, I look crazy to everyone else, if only they knew the truth, if only ...? "
" Errh, Deadpool "
" Yeah! "
" Who are you talking too? "
" The truth! " Deadpool says pointing to you the reader
" Riiiiiiiight? Say, where's Frank? " Meanwhile Punisher had retreated to the fire escape, a few floors down, where he had left a back-up bag of tricks, including a rocket launcher! Punisher equipped himself with two shotguns strapped to his back, two machine gun pistols, grenades, bullet chain and a pair of tonfa.
" Here Frankie, Frankie, Frankie... I know I left him here somewhere? " Jokes Deadpool looking around the rooftop
" Well, keep an eye out, he may be planning an ambush " Spidey says concernedly
" Maybe he gave up? " Shrugged Deadpool
" Unlikely. Does that sound like something Frank would do? "
" No, not really " When Frank was ready he picked up his rocket launcher and made his way to the roof
" Okay boys... It's time to end this! "
" A ROCKET LAUNCHER? Is that really necessary? "
" Heh, you seem to be knife and bulletproof so, let's see you survive this! "
" FRANK! You don't wanna kill me, do you? " Punisher pauses
" ... No, but if you continue to stand in my way I'll have no choice " Deadpool alternates between pointing at the rocket launcher and Punisher's groin
" Say Frank, are you tryin' to compensate for something? Hahahahahaa! " Mocks Deadpool
" ... laugh it up! You two seem to take this as a joke and try to make a fool out of me *points to self with thumb* " Punisher says disgruntled
" I'd say we succeeded in that! Hahahahahaah! " Retorts Deadpool clutching his ribs
" Hmpf - no more! Spider-man last chance to leave, you and I both know Deadpool is a rabid dog that needs to be put down, let me take him out! " Spidey looks at Deadpool
" No! Deadpool's a... a - can't believe I'm saying this, a friend! Besides what about the bounty? How will killing him help? And what about his accelerated healing factor! " Questions Spidey
" Hah! There is a way to beat that... *waves rocket launcher* Incineration! As for the bounty, well, It's dead or alive! " Spider-man recoiled in horror (internal monologue) " Damn! He really intends to kill Deadpool, can't let that happen! Gotta work with Deadpool to take him out, so we can escape hmmmmmm..."
Spidey jumps down near Deadpool and looks at him, nods and starts to move away, Deadpool acknowledges and copies so that they are at either side of Punisher's field of vision (internal monologue) " Wow! Deadpool actually understood – wait! What am I saying? Just 'cause he's a little crazy, doesn't mean he's an idiot! "
Punisher had trouble watching both of them, a few moments of staring pass before Deadpool made a quick dash towards Punisher in turn, giving Spider-man a chance to web the rocket launcher and pull it from Punisher's hand, Deadpool stopped dashing, another stalemate. Punisher whipped out his shotguns and aimed them at Spidey and Deadpool, Deadpool went low while Spidey leapt high in the air, Punisher fired each gun but both shots missed, Spidey came in hard and fast from above kicking him in the head, Deadpool started fiddling with his guns again
" Seriously Deadpool, again? Did you not 'read' the manual? "
" Manual? " Spidey ducks Punisher's attempt at hitting him with a shotgun like a baseball bat
" Jeez... You came out here without knowing how your guns work? " Spidey kicks Punisher in the chest knocking him to the floor
" I only got them today! And like I'd read a manual "
" True, but your assistance would be most welcome " Punisher is growing increasingly angry, he makes his way to the rocket launcher, Deadpool gives the guns a once over
" Okay! Think I got the right setting " Spidey intercepts Punisher and stamps on rocket launcher crushing it
" THINK? You're not filling me with confidence, Oh! And make sure you hit Frank and not – repeat – NOT me! "
" Wouldya let that go already? I have apologised for that, I even punched J.J for you – so if ya think about it, this bounty is kinda your fault "
" WHAAAAAAAT? " Spidey faces Deadpool, Punisher tries to tackle him, Spidey backflips, Punisher ends up hitting the floor, Spidey continues
" How the hell did you come to that conclusion? I didn't say Deadpool old chum, to make up for tranq'ing me, go punch jolly ol' J.J in the face! "
" Not in so many words - "
" Not in ANY words! " States Spidey, Punisher got to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth
" Don't you two ever SHUT UP? " Spidey and Deadpool looked at each other and answered
" Nope! " Punisher grumbles
" Besides how boring would it be if we were silent? " Asks Spidey
" I'd be fine with that! " Sneers Punisher
" Think about the reader's Frank " Says Deadpool, Punisher frowns
" What? " He says baffled
" He thinks this is some sorta illusion – that we don't exist, merely a figment of someone's imagination " Explains Spidey
" Riiiiiight? " Punisher pulls out his machine pistols
" Okay motor mouths! Prepare for your funerals! "
" Oh! And me without my tux " Spidey jests
" Wait! 'Motor Mouths' we should total call ourselves that! " Says Deadpool thinking about future endevours
" What? No, no way are 'we' having a name " Spidey says folding his arms
" Aww come on! You know you love it! " Pleads Deadpool
" ... What are you guys on? Seriously? I want some! 'cause you seem to take everything as a joke and are quite happy to have an argument with each other in the middle of a fight! It's like you have no care in the world. How do the villains deal with this? AARRRGGHH! I AM THE PUNISHER DAMN IT! " Both Spidey and Deadpool fall silent, stunned at Punisher's uncharacteristic outburst
" You know Deadpool I think that is the most he has said all night? "
" Maybe it's past his bed time? "
" SEE! AAARRRRRGGGGHHH! " Enraged Punisher starts to fire his machine pistols, Spidey takes cover on the billboard, Deadpool takes a few hits while lining up his shot at Punisher's head
" Okay cranky Frankie! Time for a nap! " Deadpool fired his guns, he hit Punisher in the head
" OH YEAH! RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES! DID YOU SEE THAT? " Deadpool asks excitedly
" You know, for an assassin you seem awfully surprised you hit him? " Suddenly Punisher went into spasms
" Huh! That's not what I wanted! That total screws up my line, I wanted tranqs " pouts Deadpool
" Errh! Deadpool? What have you done to Frank? He's like a fish out of water " Spidey jumps down for a closer look
" Hahhahaa! Oh! Well, this must be the nerve pulse something or other " Slowly Punisher stopped spasming, Spidey questioned Deadpool
" What has happened now? "
" Tony said it would paralyse someone for 20secs, never mentioned the spasms "
" And what happens after the 20 seconds? " Deadpool tapped one of the guns on his chin, pretending he was thinking
" ... I don't know?... But it's non-lethal! "
" Good!... That's - That's good... Okay, let's get out of here " (internal monologue) " Just like that it's over and boy! Am I glad that's over! Tony's done a great job with making Deadpool's guns effective and non-lethal. No casualties, no embarrassing mistakes, all in all - a success! Maybe Deadpool isn't so bad after all? I did say I'd give him a chance so – what the hell is he doing now? "
Deadpool walks over to Punisher and looks him in the eyes
" Remember what happened here today! You mess with me, you mess with the Avengers! Bitch! " Spidey shook his head
" Deadpool come on! Before the paralyses wears off " Deadpool looks over at Spidey
" Right! " Deadpool walks over to where Spidey was, Spidey grabs him and spins a web. As Spidey swings through the city he feels a twinge down his right side increasing in pain with each swing. Luckily, Spidey made it back to Avenger's Tower before the pain go too much. Spidey and Deadpool enter the living quarters in high spirits
" Hahahaaah! We sure showed him " Spidey says joyously
" Yeah! I loved it when I hit him with my 'Assassin's fist of Restitution' aaahahahahhahahahah! " Boasts Deadpool
" Arrrhhhuuh man! Think I might of broken a rib "
" From laughing too hard? "
" Hahahaha-arrrgguurrh! Nah, Maybe from that shotgun blast " Spidey and Deadpool head in to the sleeping quarters, Tony and Steve were in the living room
" Errh Steve? Should we be concerned that; A, they are getting on and B, do I want to know what an 'assassin's fist of restitution' is? "
" Relax Tony! I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, in fact be glad that Dead-pool and Spider-man are getting on "
" Hmmm... I guess you're right " Tony said sitting back down, Steve smiled slyly
" Tony, I'm always right hahaha! " They both chuckled before returning to there previous activities.
Next Time: Deadpool in love?
Note: Me again! Okay! To those of you who follow this and get bored waiting for me to do my chapters, which currently come every month, would you prefer me to cut the chapters down in size so you have something to read every week or two? Feedback on this would be appreciated.
Thanx to anyone who reads this story and again sorry it takes me so long!
- Cursed Hellion