"Good, Commander. Now give me five more lifts with your left leg and we'll call this session." A bright, gentle voice reflected off the pool water.
Shepard glared daggers at the peppy young woman giving her polite instructions. If there was one thing she hated more than being told what to do, it was not being able to outperform the expectations placed on her. Every time she commanded her leg to push through the water, the damn appendage took a second to respond to her. Unacceptable. A few months ago, she was running and somersaulting through battlefields – now she was having issues doing a few simple leg lifts? She was Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy and all that jazz…but she couldn't even run a mile?
Water sloshed up and landed in her eye when her leg finally surfaced. "Ack." She rubbed her eye with a free hand. "Stupid leg."
"Just four more, Miss Shepard."
"Okay." Now that was annoying. She stood straight and stared at her physical therapist. "Listen, Penny. You know I appreciate your help, but do not call me Miss Shepard. It's just…silly. I'll do these last four leg lifts if you promise to never call me that again."
Pale blue eyes blinked widely above a confused but genuine smile. "What should I call you, then? Commander seems so formal, but Shepard just sounds odd."
"All my friends call me Shepard. Don't worry about it."
"Well…okay, Shepard."
Satisfied, the marine continued with her final four leg lifts. They hurt way more than they should have, but if there's one thing she had become accustomed to, it was pain. "Ugh, finally done."
Penny beamed at her. "Good job! Your reaction time is much quicker than we thought it would be. Remember not to strain your muscles too much – they've only started building back up again. Relax tonight. You worked hard today!"
The damnably likable young woman – she couldn't have been over 22 – hopped right out of the therapy pool and waved before disappearing. Shepard slowly waded her way toward the stairs, opting to wearily sit on them instead of getting out of the pool immediately. Warm water lapped at aching shoulders, the ends of her bright red hair floating around.
"How'd the first session go?"
A low, near-primal groan was her reply.
Kaidan laughed. "That well, huh?" He walked over to her and sat at the edge of the pool as she looked up to him mid-yawn. "Charming."
"Aren't I always?"
He reached to run his fingers through her mostly damp hair. "Always. Ready to head out?"
It hit her: she was leaving today. After one more checkup with Chakwas, she was a free woman. Well, sort of free; she had to come back for physical therapy three times a week, but still! She could go wherever she wanted. No more hospital food! The relief was palpable. She sighed happily as she slid underwater, finishing the exhale with a flurry of bubbles.
Kaidan reached to pull her back up to the land of the air-breathing. "Let's get going. I've got a big challenge for you later, if you're up for it."
Shepard perked right up and looked to him. A challenge? He knew she loved those. She smiled. "I hope it's a good one."
"Trust me; it's one you've never encountered before. I promise. Now go get dressed so Chakwas can clear you for release. I'll wait in the hallway." He easily got to his feet and headed out to do just that.
She grinned widely and pushed herself up, strength renewed. What surprise did Kaidan have in store for her?
Kaidan leaned against the hallway wall and crossed his arms. More than anything, he wanted to head into the locker room and see if she needed any help, but he knew better than that. Shepard would want to do everything for herself that she could, and something as simple as getting dressed definitely qualified for that. His lips curved into a small smirk as he imagined her reaction: probably throwing something at him and yelling at him to stop coddling her. It was hard to hold back, but he was trying. Time would tell if it was enough, but he hoped that she could tell that he was trying to let her do things on her own.
The two of them hadn't even wanted to publicly "come out" as a couple, preferring to hide themselves away, but Chakwas convinced them otherwise. She told them that people needed to see something positive, something hopeful; apparently their relationship qualified for that. Shepard in particular wasn't so sure, but Kaidan saw the logic in it. That didn't mean he liked it, though. He always did hate being in the spotlight, even if she never seemed to care – both had drawn the line at putting it on display, though. No interviews about it. None.
He checked his omni-tool's clock. Hopefully she'd finish soon. He was so ready to be away from the hospitals, the surgeries, the awkward pauses when they blatantly broke the rules just by holding hands.
A challenge, huh? Shepard sat down and pulled her pant legs on one at a time. Being too tired to even stand for such a simple task was infuriating, but it was better to reserve her energy for this challenge Kaidan promised her. He knew her better than anyone, so it had to be something good: simple enough to do in her state, but just difficult enough to make her work for it.
Blindly reaching for the shirt lying nearby, she began to think back to her early days in the Alliance. Kaidan had been doing some teaching and training while they were…apart…and it was easy to imagine he'd pull ideas from there. Speaking of which, she made a mental note to ask him if he'd heard from any of his students since things calmed down.
Maybe he'd challenge her to a match of using their biotics to toss stuff around? Hmm, or perhaps laps? No, too simple. Wait…
Trust me; it's one you've never encountered before. I promise.
One she'd never encountered before? Well, that just blew all the recruit-hazing ideas from boot camp out of the water. Shepard yanked the shirt over her head and grabbed her socks. What could it be, then? She took a brief moment to reach and touch the dog tags around her neck; Kaidan could surprise her at times, when he really tried. Excitement built again when she realized that she really had no idea what was planned.
For once in her life, it might not be a bad surprise! She yanked hair out of her face and set about finishing getting dressed.
Man, the energy she felt a mere half hour ago had been wiped away already. Shepard merely…existed as she sat on the examination table while Chakwas finished up prodding her implant.
"Well, you certainly pass all the usual checks, Shepard. Can't say I'm surprised, but it's still nice to see. Was the physical therapy as taxing as it looks, or are you just pale?"
She groaned and shifted. "Pretty brutal, but I've dealt with worse."
The doctor smiled warmly. "I'd say so; namely everything that's happened in the past few months. Just keep in mind that your biotics need to be used sparingly for a few more months. They're functional but extremely draining." Her pen scribbled down some final notes on the chart.
"So I can go, then?"
Chakwas nodded. "Yes, but two things…and one of them you won't like hearing." She paused until Shepard sat straight and met her eyes. "First, keep up with your physical therapy. It's intense, but the faster you regain and then maintain your muscle mass, the better your body will cope without the implants."
Shepard smiled weakly. "I'll be doing hand to hand in a few weeks, Doc. Just give me the word."
"That's…the other thing."
She blinked as Chakwas shifted uncomfortably. Whatever it was she was about to be told was clearly not something good. "…What is it?"
The doctor paused, and then ventured a gentle question. "Would you prefer it if Kaidan were in here for this?"
Apprehension slowly began to build in the pit of her stomach. "…I'm a big girl, I'll live. What is it?"
"You're…well, there's no easy way to tell you this, Shepard. You've been placed on involuntary medical leave. Permanently."
The foreboding she felt moments before soured into anger. "What?"
Chakwas sighed and grabbed a nearby datapad, showing it to her. "Taking into account even your amazing ability to recuperate above and beyond normal capacity, there's no way you will ever regain full physical capabilities again. You won't be an invalid, Commander, but you won't ever enjoy the same stamina or strength. Essentially, you will simply be as healthy as a civilian. Excessive stress – such as being in combat – could cause serious complications." She paused. "I'm sorry."
"So I'm just…done? The Alliance doesn't want me anymore?" Shepard would have punched the examination table if she wasn't so tired from the therapy.
"Quite the contrary! You will never be cleared for combat duty again, but you are still Commander Shepard. If desk life doesn't suit you, you'll be a young retiree with every honor possible." Her friend was clearly trying to help her feel better, and it wasn't working.
Never be cleared for combat? Never go on a mission again? What kind of life was that? It was all she'd known since enlisting – her entire life for the last fourteen years. "Desk duty? You can see me doing desk duty?"
The doctor patted her shoulder before scribbling one last note on the datapad. "No, I can't; that's why I said you'd be welcomed as a retiree as well. I doubt anyone would blink twice at you asking for a quiet rest of your life. You've certainly earned it."
"What if something else happens? What if the krogan decide to stop playing nice, or the rachni decide they'd rather not disappear to sing songs or whatever? Who's going to be able to take care of th–"
"–Do we have a problem, doctor? Commander?" Hackett stepped into the room. "I take it I'm not intruding?"
Chakwas shook her head and gave Shepard an apologetic look. "No, Admiral; I was just telling Shepard about her new…role."
"Ah."
She bristled under the simple acknowledgement. "Sir, you can't do this to me. What if something happens? Who's going to take care of it?"
"The same people who did before you, and the same people who will after you. You were a damn good soldier, Shepard; I'd argue the best…but every soldier knows that eventually their time runs out. Whether it's death, injury, or old age, one day the armor needs to be hung up." He walked over and politely motioned for the datapad. After Chakwas handed it over without question, Hackett modified a few things.
She respected the admiral in pretty much every way possible, but the nonchalant way he was editing her file – her very future – had her seeing red. "Sir, I deserve more than this."
White eyebrows rose in surprise, blue eyes beneath them held what she swore was bemusement. "The past few years have been nothing but war, Shepard. If there's one thing you deserve, it's getting a break from it all; I'm not sure you want it, though."
"I don't."
"Well, you have no choice." The datapad was handed back to Chakwas, who quietly took it to the corner terminal to update something.
Her anger stopped dead in its tracks. Damn it all, Hackett was right. She didn't have any choice. Even if she did convince the Alliance to reinstate her for combat, she'd probably keel over dead from a heart attack in the middle of the battlefield…and that'd put even more people at risk. She nodded miserably. "Sir, yes, sir."
He sighed and eased his stance for a split second. "I don't like this any more than you do, Commander, but the facts don't lie. You won't be fit for combat situations. If you want my opinion, I say retire with honors and go sleep for a few months. It's what I'd be doing if I was in your shoes."
She quietly saluted him, a bitter but understanding glint in her eye.
"I'll be in touch." Hackett saluted in return and headed out of the room.
The doctor finished her work on the terminal before walking to stand next to Shepard. "It isn't the life you had planned, no doubt, but let me say that I'm glad to see that you still have this option. It has been an honor and privilege to know and take care of you, Shepard."
"Karin." Shepard looked up. "Stop calling me Shepard, and why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?"
"I'm not saying goodbye; I'm only telling you it has been an honor. We'll be seeing each other three times a week until your therapy is completed." The warm smile sent her way made Shepard feel a tiny bit better. "I insisted that I remain your primary physician."
She smiled back. "Of course you did…alright, doctor, is there anything else or can I light out of here and get really drunk?"
"I recommend not getting drunk, but you've never listened to my medical advice before. If your facial scarring begins to reappear, contact me immediately. I want to know if the repairs continue to hold." Chakwas helped Shepard stand and motioned to the door. "I'll see you in a few days, Kaelia."
The simple gesture of saying her first name helped shake off the last of the shock. "I will. See you around."
"Hey, ready for your challenge?" Kaidan smiled widely as she slowly headed toward him. As she got closer and closer, his smile faded. "…Lia? What's wrong?"
Shepard was trying hard not to look as lost and frustrated as she felt, but clearly she was doing a horrible job of it. She gave him a weak smile. "Not here. Where are you staying?"
He frowned, but led her outside. The sun felt amazing as it began to dry the last of her pool-dampened hair. "Is everything okay? They didn't find any complications, did they?" They walked across the street – everything was still littered with debris, it made her sad – and turned left.
"No complications. I'm as free as I can be. Freer than I expected, really." A bitter note snuck into her voice; she couldn't help it.
"Ah, shit." Did he know? He sounded like it…
Kaidan pulled her between two buildings to talk away from prying eyes, but they were both clearly disturbed by the eerie similarity to their farewell before the final push toward the beam. "Sorry." He lightly tugged her hand and they continued down the broken sidewalk instead.
"To tell the truth, I've been living at the hospital. Part of that challenge I wanted to give you involved deciding where we stay."
Shepard paused in front of a half-destroyed tree, looking over to him in confusion. "What is this challenge? I'm tired, but at this point I'm more curious than anything."
He scratched the back of his head with his free hand, brown eyes darting to inspect the cracked bark on the tree; classic nervous-Kaidan signs. She squeezed his hand to get his attention again.
"It was, uh. Well, we can either find a clean hotel room for a few days or take a quick shuttle to my family's orchard in the interior."
She stared at him. What kind of a stupid choice was that: stay in a city still reeling from utter destruction or head out away from people? "That's…not much of a choice, Kaidan."
Kaidan blinked and took a step closer, shoulder brushing hers. "My, um, mom is still there."
"Oh." Well, that changed things…or did it? From all his stories, his mother just seemed like your typical housewife, kind and doting. It couldn't be that bad, could it? She tilted her head. "Why is that a challenge? Is your mom going to yell at me for dragging her baby into danger at every corner?"
"What? No, of course not. I just wasn't sure if you were feeling up to it."
If he was going to be such a worrywart for much longer, Shepard might have to box his ears. "Chakwas said it best, Kaidan: I'm not an invalid and I'm not going to be. Stop treating me like I'm a glass doll."
He had the good grace to at least look admonished at her tone of voice, a sigh floating from his lips. "Fair enough, I'm sorry. It's just…hard to believe all the danger's actually passed, you know? I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."
She understood all too well. The two of them had spent the past three years running all over the galaxy, helping avert one universe-ending catastrophe after another. Her eyes drifted to the pistol on Kaidan's hip before noting her own gun snugly holstered against her thigh. Actually quieting down and not expecting Geth, Cerberus, Thresher Maws or Reapers to jump from behind every tree and start shooting at them was proving…difficult for them both. Shepard decided it was time to pull out that humor-laced bravado he claimed to love so much about her.
"Well, the only shoes right now are the boots we're wearing. Come on, let's take that shuttle. I could use some quiet, and really want to be as far from the hospital as possible."
Kaidan nodded and gently pulled her hand. "The station's just around the corner."
"Think the Reapers left me any apples?"
"Maybe applesauce."
"I'll take it."
A/N: We continue to near the end! I've got a pretty clear picture of where we're going, and it should be three more installments. That said, I never know when my muse is going to drag me kicking and screaming through the mud and inspire a few more scenes. Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed so far, and special thanks to dorothytu again for being the bestest beta reader evar.