The Forever Kind

by rivereq

A sequel to The Rebel Kind. AH/OOC.

7. Chapter 7

Richelle Mead owns these characters.

Chapter 7: The moment when a memory aches.

...Three Days Before Rose Left School...

'Um, yeah, I'll let you know when and everything. Can you-um can you tell Meredith I'll call her later? Okay, thanks, Alberta.'

I end the call with heavy sigh and lie back on my bed cell phone still in hand. I clutch it with some last hope that Alberta would call me back and tell me never mind, not to go back home. To cancel my withdraw from school and I wouldn't have only seventy-two hours left to be here. That this was all just a dream, an illusion.Unfortunately, it wasn't and this was as real as it gets. I really didn't need this right now, especially when the only stable thing in my life seems to be falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it. At least, not anymore. I had had many fears before coming to college and the majority of them weren't likely to happen but this one, this one fear I was afraid of more than any other: it was alive and happening.

I had never thought the relationship between me and Dimitri could ever crumble. It was too stable, too grounded; we weren't like the normal couples on campus. We were different, strong and bounded together by something much more powerful than attraction. What we had surpassed the high school sweethearts who went to college together norm. We had love and it was a real, heartfelt, strong love that we would fight for. That we have fought for and now it was, well, it was fading.

And the truth was it was both of our faults.

We had let things, people and fears get in between us. I was unsure about my future and where I wanted to take my life. He was too stuck in his future to look at the present, what he had now at this very moment. And he had let someone come between us. A fear I had more than ever because I didn't know what to do about it.And now I would never know what I could have done because now, I had another fear come true; my mother.

A tired sigh escapes me as I close my eyes tightly trying to ignore the headache that was occurring. A jingle of keys and the lock moving causes me to open my eyes just as Sydney walks into the room. 'Hey!' She's got books clutched to her chest and her blonde hair still flat ironed to perfection, even in the late afternoon.

'Hey, Sydney.' I don't move from my position on the bed as she scrambles about in our small dorm room.

'So, I met up with Ivan in the student lounge and he says there's this party tonight at some sorority house. I guess it's one of his girls party or something, anyway, he said we should go... there's a beer pong tournament, I'm sure you and Dimitri can dominate.'

A light smile grades my face as she mentions beer pong. The before Sydney would never even think twice about going to a party and never even talk of playing a game that involved alcohol. The before Sydney would've quoted a bible saying and then glared at me as I got ready, like that was supposed to make me not want to go. She goes about her text books that were tossed on her bed and ready's her Mac book for another homework session but I don't say anything. I don't even move as I close my eyes once again and am reminded of how my life has taken this shitty turn into suckville. 'Hey, did you happen to catch the essay topic in English, I wrote it down somewhere but now I can't find the paper!' She sits on her bed searching her book bag.

It was common for us to help each other in English Lit. I had it a day before she did and we would help each other on the essay's since the professor used them as a huge part of our grade. I didn't even bother writing it down yesterday since the night before, I had received Alberta's life altering phone call and then withdrew from all my classes this morning.'Um, no, I didn't write it down.' My voice sounds hollow and tired which is exactly how I feel.

'Why not, it's part of the midterm, you know? I'll help you on it if you need me to...' The thing I liked about Sydney was that she was always willing to help people, even if you didn't actually ask for it. 'When I find the paper we can compare notes and stuff, get started on it... if I ever find the damn thing!'

Another thing I try to smile at was that since meeting her she has picked up on my habit of cursing. The first few weeks school started Sydney would glare and lecture me every time a curse word left my mouth, but now she was almost as bad as me. Almost. She still refused to use shit, son of a bitch and fuck, which was one of my personal favorites.

'Um, no that's okay; I don't need to do it.' This stops her with her movements. There was nothing worse than Sydney finding out someone wasn't doing what they were supposed to do, especially when it came to school.She may be a heathen now for hanging out with me so much now but she was still serious about her schooling. 'What do you mean you don't need to do it? It's part of the midterm, Rose; we kind of have to do it.'

There's a long pause of silence as I ponder over how to tell her the news of my departure but I must have been taking too long for her. She finally turns to face me, 'Rose?'

'Yeah?' I mumble.

Sydney gets up from her bed and takes the one small step across the floor to sit on mine, with her hands folded neatly in her lap. 'Why aren't you going to do the assignment? I told you I'd help you...'

Her hopeful voice gets me to finally sit up and I sigh again in tired frustration. I shrug and stand to get ready for bed, since all I felt like doing was closing my eyes and fading off to sleep. 'I know, it's just I don't need to do it after all and I'm not going back to class anyway.'

Her face shoots off in a confused but slightly concerned expression and I sit at my desk to take off my shoes. 'What are you talking about not going back to class? I thought you needed to pass it for your general Ed credits?'I nod and then my head falls into my hands and I run my fingers tiredly through my hair, a habit I picked up when I was just about ready to top over from studying. Or when I was really stressed about something. Sydney, the smart perceptive awesome roommate that she is, picks up on it. She moves to the end of my bed closer to me and squeezes my knee lightly. 'Hey, Rose, what's up? You okay?'

There's another moment of heavy silence that passes us and in that moment I don't say anything. I didn't know how or what to say really. However, I didn't need to say anything at all because living with Sydney we'd developed some kind of invisible help signal. And we could both sense when the other was using it.So in effort to relieve the heavy tension in the room, Sydney tries to push the tension away with something that normally would've made me happy. 'Hey, I saw Dimitri in the library earlier...' I nod.

'Yeah. He and Galina have some lab due and were working on it, again.' Sydney picks up on the way I say again and how it's so full of annoyance. She clears her throat nervously and swallows the attempt of trying to make me happy but my ears perk up in curiosity. 'What?'

She shakes her head no but another thing about Sydney was she could never hide her feelings. If she was annoyed you could hear it in her voice, if she was mad you could see on it her face. And if she was holding something in, something she thought would upset or hurt you in any kind of way; she tried her best to keep it from you.It was like I said though, living with her for these few months has made us closer and I knew she had something to say, something I wouldn't like. 'What is it?'

She avoids my eyes and looks to the suddenly so interesting carpet. Her hands move nervously in her lap and her mouth opens and closes like she was unsure of what to say. And it had worried me, never has she ever in the time we've been roommates held back when it came to me and Dimitri. Especially if it was to do with our relationship and all the "fornicating we liked to do so much", her words not mine.

'Sydney, what is it? Just say it, your freaking me out here...' She takes a deep breath and then releases, still not looking at me.

'It's just... Well-I...' Another deep breath before she finally looks up and faces me. 'It's just these last couple of times I've seen them in the library, I've noticed something's...'

'Okay, what kind of things exactly?' I wait with baited breath.

This couldn't be the way I find out what I have been afraid of so much recently. This couldn't be it, no way; I had to know Dimitri wouldn't do that to me. We wouldn't let this actually happen. I just wish I could've been the one to catch them so it didn't have to come from anyone else, especially my own roommate.'I don't know, Rose, you know all that stuff you were worried about? The stuff about possibly being jealous for no reason?' I nod remembering how I confided in Sydney that maybe it was just me.

That maybe I was the one seeing too much into things and being insecure about my relationship. That the few times I went to library with Dimitri while Galina was there and seeing all the signs she was throwing at him was just a figment of my imagination. That when her name came up that last time me and Dimitri had even a moment to ourselves, a moment where I was dying to be with him in the most intimate of ways, that it was just me being insecure.I mean, let's face it I had been unsure about a lot of things in the past. I was unsure about trusting my mother and her word of sobriety, of who to let in and who to live without. I was unsure about myself and the life I wanted to live five or ten years from now.

What if all the signs, flirtations and insecurities were from me? Something I had seen because I was not like Dimitri and watching him take hold of his life and who he wanted to be had put those thoughts into my head.And then she said these next few words as carefully as ever and I knew; it wasn't just me. 'I think you were right, Rose. I think-I think she does like him more than just a friend.'

A small tiny speck of relief hits me; at least it wasn't worst case scenario. Well, at least, not yet anyway. A reason I hadn't brought this up to Dimitri was because I didn't want to sound like some jealous untrusting girlfriend. I trusted him, I trusted him with my life but he didn't need the drama and I had really thought it was just me. But now that Sydney is saying something, confirming all my worries, it was real.

'Did he-what did you see exactly, Sydney?' I question slowly, working myself up to think the worst wasn't going to help right now.

She reaches out and squeezes my hand in hers reassuringly, her eyes wide, 'Nothing, Rose, nothing like you're thinking. It's just... It's like every time I see them in there, she's all over him. She sits right next to him, touching his arm and playing with his hair. She-she's like a girl with a crush. I mean, I've heard she likes to flirt but I don't know Rose. That's an awful lot of flirting from someone who knows he has a girlfriend.'I take a breath and try to calm myself. The truth stirring up an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sydney sighs, 'I know for a fact he didn't do anything back. I watched them while my study group was there today. He doesn't do anything that he shouldn't be but I just don't think he sees it.'

'See what?' I take a deep breath holding back the threatening emotions that want to pour out of me. Don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry, not yet. I will myself to hold it together. This really couldn't be happening, not now of all times.

'I don't think he realizes what's going on, what she's doing. I think it's like Ivan says, she flirts and Dimitri he's a good guy, you know? He's not going to think the worst of people or anything. He knows that she knows, he has a girlfriend. He's a guy they're not the smartest of the species, you know?' Her attempt at joking doesn't cross over and I feel like a complete fool. Of course he wouldn't think anything of it, he's Dimitri, and he's anti-social and timid. No girl, other than me, would openly flirt like that with him. And Sydney had a point, Galina knew, she knew that he and I are together. And as his friend, Dimitri expects her to respect that but obviously she doesn't.

The first few times I was there with them in the library, it was hard to keep our hands to ourselves. We were in love and we were happy, I was happy just to be able to be there with him. We flirted and kissed, laughed and joked around. There were subtle caresses and light kisses to the cheek, silent looks of adoration and even cheesy footsies under the table. And it was in front of her, she sat right there and witnessed it all.So he had no doubt that she would respect his relationship with me. But then, no, he had to know. How could he not see it?

I shake my head more confused than ever, It feels like the air has been sucked out of me and I stand to try and breathe. Sydney stands too and takes hold of my arm to stop my pacing of the small dorm. 'Rose?'

'She wants him, I know she does. I can see it. I can feel it when she's around Sydney, so how can he not?' She shakes her head unable to answer and keeps trying to calm me down.

'Rose, come on just breathe, okay? Try and relax.' She tries to get me to sit back down but I pull my arm from her grasp and continue pacing the room again.

All my thoughts run through my mind like a movie. 'I mean, with all this time that we're apart and his classes... and the internship the professor recommended him for... Its like-it's splitting us in half! And Alberta!' I come to a stop and face Sydney head on, my mind still swirling around everything that's happen. It was too fast, too soon, we couldn't be back here this soon. Everything was going good for once, right? I had all I ever wanted and this was just, it was just some mistake. This was all some sick twisted joke that someone was pulling on me.

'Wait, Alberta? Who's that, Rose?' Sydney sits on my bed and watches me carefully, trying to make sense of my mumbling. 'Rose?'

I finally take a breath and calm down some. My head hurting from all the revelations and how quickly my life has turned for the worst. She watches and waits for me to answer her and it's then I realize there isn't anything I can do. This is all out of my control now, I have to go home and handle business.

'Rose, please tell me what in the world you're talking about. What's an Alberta?' She reaches out grasping my hands in hers gently.

My eyes finally meet hers and I swallow the lump of emotion that was stuck in my throat. 'The call I got the other night... Shes-shes gone. Alberta told me, she left.' Sydney's eyes squint in concentration of what I was trying to say. I beat her to the punch before she can open her mouth and ask me though. 'I have to go home.' It's quiet again and as I reel this over in my head and then I come to a realization, 'I have to tell him. I have to tell him that I'm leaving.'

Sydney nods in understanding and then rises to stand in front of me. 'What about the Galina thing, Rose? Are you going to tell him about that, what are you going to do?'I swallow the lump again or at least try to but it doesn't work. It still feels like it's right there, stuck in my throat, threatening to block all the air from getting to my lungs. And I'm stuck; a rock and a hard place.

I shrug, 'I have to tell him. I don't know- How do I confront him and then tell him I'm leaving?'

...

I'm almost asleep and it's pretty late when I hear the light knock on the door. I open my eyes and sigh tiredly, Sydney couldn't be back already. Ivan promised he would continue our mission of getting her drunk. It was the only thing left on her list of rebelling against her parents and I didn't feel like going out tonight with all my drama. So he decided to fill in on my roommate duty.

I get to the door after another light knock and am slightly surprised at who's behind it. 'Hey.'

He smiles sadly and gestures for entrance into the room. I let him in, I didn't want to do this now, and I had just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to get into whatever it was that was going to happen between us now. I was going to wait for the morning since he didn't have a class and we could have more time to talk but I guess not.He sits on the edge of my bed and I take my desk chair. 'Were you asleep?' I shake my head no in answer.

As soon as I do his eyes are moving everywhere around the room avoiding mine. He swallows hard and rests his elbows on his knees, we weren't touching and it was driving me crazy. We hadn't talked until the text I got earlier today that he was in the library and the one where I told him I wasn't going with him to the party tonight. He had sent a text back saying he was meeting Galina there.

'You didn't text me back, I got worried...' True but after reading that he was with her I kind of didn't want to talk to him anymore.

I don't answer him but only shrug uncaringly. It was all I could do at the moment. I was tired, confused and still thinking over everything going on in my head. I had just wanted to sleep tonight, to not worry about anything and avoid it until I couldn't anymore. I guess time was up then because he was here.He licks his lips and folds his hands in his lap. I watch as his eyes shift from concern to confusion and linger in between the two.

'I thought you were at the party?' I ask quietly.

He shakes his head no at my question, it was really my attempt to avoid the inevitable but I could never do that with Dimitri. He would push until I cracked; it was how we worked, back when we actually worked. He sighs hard and deep, his eyes still not meeting mine but concentrated on the floor. It was as if he was working up something to say.'I um-I went for a little while... and then I didn't want to be there anymore.' He clears his throat. 'I realized I wanted to be with you... and you weren't there, so...' It was such an open few words to say.

He sounded so unsure and something else, something I have never really heard in his voice before and it was a little scary to be honest. It left unsaid words and possibilities, ones that quickly drew tension into the room. I could feel it in the air; he wasn't saying exactly what he wanted to say. 'So?' It's quiet for a long few minutes before he answers me, still unable to look at me. 'Dimitri? Why are you here, I told you I just wanted to sleep?'

He nods. 'Yeah, I know, Roza. I just-I um...' He shakes head as if to rid himself of something but what, I didn't know.

He clears his throat nervously and fidgets with his hands, it was too much for me. I move quietly but quickly in front of him and grab his hands in mine. As if holding them would give him the strength he needed to say whatever it was he wanted to say but it's like it doesn't work. He takes a breath and breaks my grasp and still avoids my eyes.'Dimitri, what-what's going on?' My voice laced in concern and my mind completely blank of all the issues it held before this moment.

This moment, the one before he opens his mouth to speak. The moment of quiet tension surrounding the room like a calm before a storm approaches. The moment before he gathers all this air into his chest, releases it and then finally, finally he looks at me. And in his eyes, those eyes that usually shine with love and care, there was guilt.

A bright gleaming shine of guilt. 'She kissed me.'

It was like all the air was sucked right out of the room. The storm was here, right here tearing my insides right into pieces. It was like this tense silent storm was ripping the room apart right before me but I didn't move from my place. I was still in front of him, on my knees with my hand still holding out for him. He was still looking at me, waiting for me to react but I couldn't even move.'Roza? His voice comes out low, lower than I've ever heard. It was slightly wavy and scared.

He didn't even have to tell me who she was, I knew. I knew. And that triggers my reaction. 'I knew it. I knew it.'

At first my voice comes out low and surprised, like a whisper of some sort but then it gets louder. It gets stronger, angrier and loud. 'I knew it! I knew she-I fucking knew it!'We both rise, him after me and I'm once again pacing the small dorm room. 'I knew it; I knew that was going to-fuck!'

I yell as he reaches out and tries to grab my shoulders. I'm too fast for him though because he kind of chases me in my pacing to try and grab me. 'Roza!'He's calm and collected and I don't understand it. He just said to me the worst thing possible and he's still so calm. How could he be so fucking calm? 'Roza, please, just listen to me for a second. Please!'

I stop and face him, my throat clogging up again with that huge lump of emotion getting stuck. 'She kissed you?' He nods. 'She kissed you and she knew, she knows that we're together!'

He nods again and this time is able to grab both my arms to steer me toward my bed.'Roza, please, let me explain.' I finally sit and wait for him to talk. He takes another deep breath and then sits next to me, still touching me gently as he goes into it. 'We were standing together, next to each other when Sydney asked me to dance and so I went. I danced with her and then when the song finished, I went back to where Galina was to get my drink...'He closes his eyes, like he knew what he was going to say next was just going to piss me off and hurt me all over again. He sighs before opening them and looks to me with nothing but the plain truth in those brown orbs. 'When I got there, I leaned in to get my cup behind her and before I knew it... before I could react, she kisses me.'

Now he just watches me and waits for a reaction. I take in his words; replay them like a movie inside my head. I imagine him walking up to her and leaning in. I imagine her taking the advantage and going for it and then I imagine what he does after but nothing comes to play. It's quiet as he's still watching me, waiting for me to lose it but I surprisingly don't.I'm unusually calm as I ask him. 'What did you do? Did you-did you kiss her back?' I move to turn my whole body toward his and watch him. 'Dimitri, did you kiss her back? Tell me.' I'm practically begging.

'No. I didn't, Roza, I swear I didn't.' He doesn't hesitate to answer me and I feel sort of relived. Sort of.I swallow the storm within me and look away from him. He squeezes my arm to get my attention though, so I look back to him waiting. 'But I-I did feel something...'

'What, what did you feel?' He swallows hard and closes his eyes for a few seconds before they're back on mine.

'I'm not sure exactly but it was something, Roza. I just-I don't know how to tell you... How- how to explain myself.' I close my eyes tight as ever and try to breath.What was he saying? What did all this mean? How could he not know what he was feeling?

All these questions and no answers, no nothing. What am I supposed to do now?I lick my lips from the betraying tears that fall and try to breathe again. It was going to take a whole lot of will to ask my next question and I wanted to prepare myself for the answer, even if the answer was going to hurt me.'Do you-do you like her?'

'Do you feel something for her? Is that it, Dimitri, do-do you have feelings for her?' My voice cracks into a broken whisper at the end of the question.

His eyes water instantly but nothing falls and I can't help but cry now. I just let go and let the tears fall. I sniffle and tremble and think about where I am right now and how the fuck I got here. How did any of this even happen and where exactly did it all go wrong? He shakes his head and moves his eyes away from mine. He scrubs at his face with both hands and breathes deeply like he's holding back from bursting.

'I don't know, Roza, I don't know what I feel toward her.' It comes out cracked and broken, and I reach for his face to see his eyes.

We were both crying like now, except he was a lot stronger than me and held it in but the truth was out there now. And I was a tad relieved that I didn't have to hold it in anymore. To hold in all that suspicion and jealousy and whatever else I was carrying around for what felt like ever. He still avoided looking directly at me but kept talking and the more that he spoke, the more I realized; this was both of our faults.

He swallows and I wipe my eyes again. I hated to see him so uncontrolled and emotional that was my part in the relationship. I was strong but he was the one who was able to keep his emotions in check, unlike me. 'It's just- it's just all this space has come between us, Roza. All of my classes and commitments to the internship, the work and the labs, and all the time I was spending with her instead of you. It's my fault.'It was but it was mine too and I wasn't going to just let him name himself. I had a hand in this as well.

I shake my head no and tilt his chin up to face me directly. 'No, it wasn't just you. It was me too; I know it was, I was so unsure and afraid about everything. You know, about my major and a career and my classes. Just everything, I got too caught up in the parties and helping Sydney-' He shakes his head now and a flash of what Olena once told me goes off in my mind. "You mean as much if not more to him. It's why you're protecting each other..."

'No, Roza, that's okay. It's okay that you didn't know what you wanted to do. You were just glad to be here, that's fine, it's not your fault you didn't know. I understand that part, I do.'

'It is, Dimitri. I'm not like you, you know? I didn't plan for my future or think about those things, I just kind of go along with it.' He wipes my eyes now and then we just take a moment to look to each other.

I'm still crying, sniffling and wiping and being a complete mess of emotion. He just looks at me, with so much understanding in his eyes I almost want to kiss him but the reminder sets me back a little. I lean away and wipe my face, and try to collect myself enough to get calm. It's quiet again and this time the tension isn't so tense, it's more undecided. And it lasts for what seems like ever.

'So what do we now?' I shrug at him to answer. I really didn't know to be honest.

'I think that depends on you and whatever it is you're feeling for her.' I sigh. 'You have to figure that out, Dimitri.'

He nods and then licks his lips before taking both of my hands in his. 'I don't-I don't know what exactly it is I feel but I do know, it's not love Roza. 'I may be a little mixed up but I know who my heart wants: I love you. I'm sure of that.'

I pull away gently and look to my hands to avoid his gaze. I was afraid if I got stuck in it then it would be so much harder to say what I had to. 'How can you be so sure though? I mean, you let her get between us; she kissed you because she thought she could. You gave her some kind of reason to do it. How do you know you still love me the same way and not her?'

He breathes heavily and then his long gentle fingers touch my chin moving my head up to look at him. He smiles lightly and then touches my lips with the tips of his fingers. He was speaking without having to actually speak, letting his eyes do the convincing for him. Those eyes just make me cry more except it's not like before. It's not as hard or as heavy, it's a light cry with only tears and no choking feeling in my throat. He wipes my eyes and leans his forehead on mine, and just stares at me. I believe him and what he said; I do but taking the next step means working through all this and figuring it out together.

And that was something I couldn't promise him at the moment.

When that settles inside me I now know what I have to do will possibly drive us even further apart than we are now. I couldn't take him back home with me. He had a life here and even though it's caused some friction between us, that didn't mean it was fair to make him choose. And I wouldn't have asked him to anyway. He belonged here; he knew what he wanted and was going for it.Me? Well, I was just going with the flow. I just wanted to be with him and have my own life but it was time to deal with things now. My fun was over and although I don't resent Meredith or anything like that, it still hurt to know I couldn't stay here with Dimitri.

There's a long silence now and we both sit just looking at each other and holding hands. He wanted to work this out and so did I but I wouldn't have time for it. We would end up right back here, being angry and letting things and people come between us. I didn't want to lose him but I didn't want to hold him back either.I clear my throat and squeeze his hands in mine. He squeezes back and kisses my head. It's all I need to lean into his chest and breathe. 'You know, whatever I need to do to make this up, Roza, I'll do it.'

I nod and breathe him in. My head in his chest I could feel the vibrations through him as he speaks, and I will myself not to lose it again. His lips touch my head every now and then, and his promises surround us. 'I'll do whatever it takes to get us back to where we were, when we first got here, remember?'I nod. 'I want that again; I want us to be normal again. I'll change lab partners and I'll wait on the internship, I can always try next semester. I can get it then, I know I can.'

He grabs my head and picks it up to face him. He looks at me with so much love in his eyes I have to blink to stop from getting stuck in them. 'And I won't miss a date, not one date with you. I won't take you for granted anymore, Roza, I swear. Things will be different now. I'll even drop some class-'

I don't let him finish as I look up to him and shake my head no. 'I can't.' I whisper.

He looks to the floor before looking back up to me with confusion. He rises before I can say anything and looks at me hard and long. 'What do you-what? Do you not want to work on this?'He watches me as I stand and move away from him. I needed the distance to get this out; if he was in such short reach I didn't know if I could get through it. 'I thought-I thought we would work this out? At least try to-'

'I know and it's not that I don't want to because that's what I want more than anything but-' I cut myself off and take another deep breath. I release it slowly. 'I know what you said and I do want to figure all this out but I can't. I just can't...' He looks to me as silent as ever and waits, he waits for my good reason to not try. 'I'm leaving.' He stills, like he's not even breathing still. He's so quiet and still, and waiting, waiting for me to keep explaining but I'm not quite sure how. So I just tell him. 'I withdrew from all my classes this morning, I have to go back... my mother's gone and-and Meredith needs me.'

There's this long lingering silence that covers us and smothers the moment. It last for I don't know how long but he still just stands there. It's then that I can tell he is in fact still breathing but he doesn't speak or move. He just stands there, with this sad look in his eyes and I've never felt emptier. 'But what-what about us? I mean, what does- what does that mean for us?'

I release a breath to gain some kind of control. 'It means I have to go. I have to take care of her now, she needs me, Dimitri. My mom hasn't been home for a few days and Mer is by herself, I need to go.' My voice cracks again but I hold in my cries. I was tired of all these emotions and I was tired of dealing with sadness and pain. I was just plain tired, of everything. It wasn't fair, I had promised myself I wouldn't let my mother take anything more from me and yet, here she is taking him. The timing couldn't have been worse.

'But what about us Roza?' He almost screams as he pleads with me and by the look in his eyes, I know this is just going to cause more pain between us.

'I don't know.' I cry as I say it and he huffs as his body becomes rigid. He was getting mad now but I couldn't do anything about it. 'Please, don't get mad, it's out of my control. I can't stay here, I can't.'

He breathes through his nose, I've grown to know that that's how he calms himself before he gets frustrated and the action makes me miss him already. 'So that's it, then?' He says while throwing his hands up in frustration. 'What are we supposed to do now, Rose?' Rose. I haven't heard that name leave his mouth in so long, I almost don't remember it. I take a step forward and reach out to him but he doesn't move closer to me. I drop my arm but keep moving to stand in front of him. His head was down to his chest and he wouldn't look at me.

I take his face in my hands and smile sadly. 'We have to deal with this, there's nothing else to do now.' His eyes move to the floor but I continue talking anyway, willing him to look at me. 'I'm going to go home and deal with my responsibilities, and you're going to stay here to finish school. I think the best thing we should do is take some time for ourselves.' Before I even finish the sentence, he's shaking his head no and stepping away from me. I reach out to grab him but only come back with air. 'Dimitri, please...'

He shakes his head like he doesn't to hear this. 'Don't end this, Roza!' He pleads running his hands through his hair. It just makes everything that much harder for me, for us.

'I have to. I'm really sorry, Dimitri, but I have to.' He turns away from me and begins taking deep breaths. 'I just think we need time to figure things out, for ourselves.'

He huffs again but turns around and glares this time. 'To figure out what, Roza? I know what I want-' He snaps.

'Do you? Are you sure because you just admitted that you were mixed up?' He breathes through his nose again and then his back is to me once more. 'I just-I want you to be sure! I know you love me, I know that and I love you too but we can't just go back to how things were so quickly.' I swallow and prepare for him to get even angrier at me but it was just like I said.

We couldn't just forgive and forget so easily. We had to work at it and I wanted to more than anything but how? How can I do that without being here? How can I do that and then fix everything wrong at home? It was impossible, I couldn't be two places at once and he knew it. There wouldn't be time for either of us to take so we could fix this; it just had to be this way.I sigh again and watch as he stands next to my door with this undefined look on his face. He was hiding from me or maybe holding back his anger, I wasn't sure. 'I want you to take some time and figure things out, about your feelings toward Galina and your love for me. Dimitri, this can't happen again. And who knows if it does that you won't be the one who gets kissed? What if you're doing the kissing or what if it's me?'

That was a cop out, I knew, I would never do anything like that to him. 'I just don't want to be driven apart more than we already are, I can't deal with that. I have too much to fix back at home right now and that's where I need to be.' His hands are at his hips now and his face shifts into a stoic calm. 'I just feel like this is what has to be done. For the both of us, there are too many things in the way right now.'

He looks down to the floor for a long minute before finally looking up to me and then nods only once. And it was with that I knew that he was angry with me. 'Please don't be mad, Dimitri, I don't want to leave like this...'

His eyes move again, they circle the room and then when they land back on me, I cringe. He swallows hard and then glares hard at the floor, 'If that's what you want, okay.'

And then with that, he turns and leaves my room.

So I tried this in DPOV but it did not work and I'm not too happy with this one either, but I try. However there will be a DPOV (maybe) coming very soon. Sorry if this sucked and thanks for reading! (: