The wake was expected, depressing, unavoidable.
The visit from Shawn—after everyone else had left, when it was just me and her and a last chance to tell her that she did a good job and that I was proud of her—was not so much the same.
All the things I had thought about saying to him were lost in that moment.
He walked up to her, more static than I'd ever seen him.
"She looks like she's sleeping," he commented.
I had to look away.
"Spencer."
He ignored me.
I wasn't actually sure he knew I was there.
"I like the shirt. It was a nice choice."
He bent and placed a kiss on her lips.
"Goodbye, Jules. Miss you."
He turned and left as quietly as he'd come.
I stopped him just before he reached the door.
"Thank you," I blurted before it was too late. "For catching them. I . . ."
Wanted to. Needed to. Failed to.
Silence settled in the room like a fog bank.
Time might have actually stopped.
"She deserved better," he said, his head turned just enough that I could make out the words. "But I- I couldn't give it to her. This was all I could do."
He left.
I was alone.