Alternate Epilogue, Part One (Started on 05.24.13 at 12:00 AM; finished on 05.28.13 at 10:45 PM)

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Author's Note: While I did like The Expiration Malfunction; as always, there were parts I should have done differently, especially in the final chapter. Without further adieu - the new end; or at least, the start of it.
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(there is a brief silence)
Sheldon: I can only see one way out of this situation; which would be to use these weapons of self-defense on ourselves. (everyone is horrified)
Priya: No way.
Leonard: Sheldon, you're even crazier than usual!
Sheldon: So in your eyes, this whole mess is sane. All of it - camping out at an army base...Losing Raj, and Amy?
(Bernadette looks at Howard)
Sheldon: Allow me the liberty to point out that children and even babies have died. Some frequently go in and out of hospitals - some babies never even get to be taken home. But we have seen twenty plus years of highly rewarding, prestigious success.
(His friends look shyly proud)
Sheldon: We have come a long way from what we once were. And while I never thought we would discard of such progress; I would rather succumb to stress than to a poisoned bite mark that came from a lesser being.
Priya: What about our families?
Sheldon: Forget about them, Priya...They won't last long.
Bernadette: How could you say such a thing?
Sheldon: We re scientists. The words just come.
Leonard: I believe she was asking how you could be so cruel.
Bernadette: Exactly.
Sheldon: There you go with that magic again...
Leonard: Not at all. I was just wondering the same thing.
(Howard, Penny, and Priya are actually trying to smile)
Sheldon: Oh. I wasn't aware of that.
(another silence)
Penny: Aren't you gonna say something?
Sheldon: I just did.
Penny: Sheldon. How can you be so cruel?
Sheldon: Think about it. We've done very well in this freakshow; and it s all because we had a neurobiologist in our group. Those other people are doomed.
Howard: And you think we're not?
Sheldon: Oh, we are. That's why I suggest we end it now.
Howard: Sheldon -
Sheldon: I would rather die beside all of you than die alone.
(pause)
Leonard: Penny?
Penny: Yeah, I'm on it. (grabs Sheldon s arms and pulls them behind him)
Sheldon (slightly alarmed): What're you doing?
Penny: As much as it pains me to say it, I'm saving your life.
Sheldon: As I have said before, this is not life. I cannot believe that you are all choosing this hell over the sweet release of death. Here I was praising you for being prestigious...
(Penny is non-responsive as she finishes tying him to a chair)
Sheldon: I will have you know that I am a scientist. I will not be confined to this entrapment.
Penny: Yeah, you will. (leaves)
Sheldon: Somebody untie me immediately.
Leonard: Not for a thousand dollars.
Sheldon: Two thousand.
Howard: What would we do with money, Sheldon? It's a free world out there. There are no cops, no bank tellers. There are just unguarded cash machines, vehicles that are worth more than their prices, and every house in the world is first come, first serve.
Leonard: Yeah, minus all the zombies, it's what everybody dreams of. And lemme tell you, there's nobody here that dreams of untying you.
Bernadette: Sorry, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Great. I lost my girlfriend, lost my sister, got stuck here with my mother, and now my colleagues are holding me captive.
Bernadette: Yeah, life's a bitch.
Sheldon (as Priya slips out unnoticed): Thank you! My point!
(The friends look consideringly at one another before the scene becomes the next with no transition; to show Penny standing on the roof. Priya approaches her from behind)
Penny: I know you're there, Priya. I'm from Nebraska, you can't hide from me.
Priya: How did you know who it is?
Penny: Well, Nebraska sure ain't the home of the fighting hens. (looks at Priya) Plus you're the only person who, despite everything, still manages to wear perfume.
Priya: Well, if I smelled like you, I'd get shot.
(Penny gives her a lethal expression, but Priya only smiles)
Priya: Don't piss me off, waitress. I pack heat, you know.
Penny: As do I. I'm just surprised you pack heat outside the bedroom.
Priya: What?
Penny: I don't know, I think I messed up.
Priya: Wouldn't surprise me...
Penny: I beg your pardon?
Priya: Oh, come on, Penny. The only good thing you've done since I've known you is tie up Sheldon. And you only did it because your five-foot boyfriend told you to!
Penny: He's my fianc . And FYI, he's five-foot five.
Priya: So...you're his compensation?
(Penny suddenly whips out her gun and presses it to Priya's head)
Penny: Any last words?
(Priya opens her mouth)
Penny: Oh, but wait. I really don't give a damn. (shoots; then pushes her body off the roof)
(Priya lands beside the tank. Seconds later, Penny is getting off the ladder and onto the tank. She checks for zombies, then hurries into the bus. She approaches Amy, who's tied up in the back. Penny looks around and smiles in accomplishment as she grabs the walkie-talkie off of one of the seats)
(next scene shows Howard making one of the beds before Penny's voice comes through the walkie-talkie)
Penny (through the walkie-talkie): Hey. Somebody put Sheldon on.
Howard (picking up and speaking into the walkie-talkie): What's up, Penny?
Penny: I have Amy and I have the cure. Now I need Sheldon.
Howard: You're going to play with brains?
Penny: Why not? She's already dead - what more can I do?
Howard: I don't know if you can do that!
Penny: It wasn't her time, Howard. Now put Sheldon on.
Howard: Alright, hang on...(hurries out of the bedroom and into the living room) Sheldon, phone - uh...This thing is for you. (hands it out to him)
(Sheldon looks helplessly up at him. Howard pushes the button and holds it down)
Howard: You're on the air with Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Penny: Sheldon?
Sheldon: What do you want, captor?
Penny: Your eidetic memory. (her following words cause her friends to gather) I'm going to bring Amy back, and I have no idea what I m doing!
Sheldon: Then don't do it.
Penny: What is the first step?
Sheldon: You need to inject it into the cerebellum - one of three places, that is.
Penny: Okay, stop, what's the cerebellum?
Sheldon: One moment. (looks at Howard) Turn it off.
(Howard lets go of the button)
Sheldon: Now put it on the floor so I know she can't hear me.
(Howard sighs and puts it down)
Sheldon (after a brief silence): You need to untie me right now, before she does something stupid. As is her nature.
Howard: Are you going to kill yourself?
Sheldon: Not if Amy's getting cured.
Howard: Fine. But I hate myself already. (unties Sheldon)
Sheldon (into the walkie-talkie): Just wait, Penny. I'm on my way.
Penny: Good.
(Sheldon gives Howard the walkie-talkie and Howard looks at him in confusion)
Leonard: Keep us updated.
(Bernadette gives him a gun)
Sheldon: Thank you.
Bernadette (whispering): Yeah.
(Sheldon hurries from the room)
(next scene shows Penny on the bus. She looks over her shoulder when she hears gunfire, and then Sheldon boards the bus and closes the door. He approaches Penny, but stops dead in his tracks when he sees Amy. His hands begin shaking)
Penny (watching him): Be careful with that thing, okay?
(Sheldon ignores her; approaching Amy. He slowly reaches out and touches her face. Penny watches in amazement)
Sheldon: My poor Amy. My poor, poor - (Amy snarls at him and he jumps back)
Sheldon (looking down at Penny): That is not my Amy.
Penny (smiling slightly): We'll get her back, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yes. I know. But how long will we have her?
(Penny is quiet. Sheldon sits beside her and the scene slowly fades out to black.)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is more. With both life and death, there is always more. Keep your eyes peeled!