Chapter Seven: The Merry
All the lights are coming on now
How i wish that it would snow now
i dont fell like going home now
i wish that i could stay
All the trees are on display now
and its cold now
i dont feel like going home now
i wish that i could stay
"You don't have to do that, honey," Gina rubbed my arm as I washed up some dishes. "It's no trouble."
"I can't just not help," I shook my head as she poured herself another cup of cocoa from the stove. "Plus, this place is just too amazing." I alluded to not just the kitchen I was standing in, but the entire home, and even the property. Gina nodded in agreement. "I don't even mind escaping to the kitchen."
"It's usually a favorite hiding spot of Naomi back home, but here, she rarely cooks," Gina leaned against the island behind me while I caught her in the window. I finished rinsing the mug in my hand and set it in the rack to dry.
"That's fair," I nodded. "I try to get her to take a day off, but it's usually a no go. I guess the secret is to kidnap her to here."
"Or get her sick," Gina mentioned. "She's the biggest baby when she's sick."
"I'll make a note of that," I smiled. "Now, I think it's bedtime for a little girl."
"But they're so cute," Gina put her arm over my shoulder as we walked towards the living room.
The house was a thing of beauty, and a work in progress, constantly adapting and evolving with the times. The kitchen was covered in stainless steel, Naomi explained her grandfather did that. The bedrooms were all miraculously different, and capable of being used by different people, but updated and wonderful. Work of her mother. It was cozy. The dining room was ridiculously formal, but I was excited for the big table to be filled with people and food. It wasn't small by any means, but somehow they'd made the large inside warm and comforting as opposed to menacing and outlandishly luxurious. I could understand why Naomi loved it here and she glowed when she talked about all of her memories here. Though that was few and far between, she couldn't help herself here, and that was wondrous.
When Gina and I reached the living room down the hall, I couldn't bring myself to pull Charlie from her chair, but paused and simply watched.
The past two nights since we'd arrived, the family tended to congregate here after dinner. Charlie, exhausted from playing in the snow, found the energy to curl up in Naomi's lap while we watched classic Christmas movies and everyone joked and talked over it. They'd sit quietly and watch the TV while Katie and Effy laughed and teased, and Gina distracted me with so many things and stories. I'd catch their quiet and be amazed by it all. Charlie's hand on Naomi's cheek sometimes when she got excited about the movie. Naomi's adjustments to keep Charlie from making her leg fall asleep. It was too much.
I watched Gina take a seat next to Effy and join in with the puzzle they were working on. Kieran read in the corner and yawned to remind us of his presence. I was stuck watching it all happen, unsure of where I should be. It was the best kind of problem.
"I think it's time for bed, sleepyhead," I strolled in finally as Charlie yawned again. Naomi shifted slightly and took a look at the tired girl in her arms. Charlie moved her hand from her chin to her chest to sign a question about Santa.
"That's right," Naomi nodded after considering it seriously. "Santa comes tonight." Charlie looked at me excitedly. She'd been learning all about Santa recently, and was intrigued by what it all meant. It would be new for both of us.
"Are you ready for bed?" I asked, swooping in and picking her up from Naomi's lap. Green eyes nodded and her head ducked under my chin. It was when her hand reached for my hair and started playing with it that I knew she was exhausted. "Tell everyone 'goodnight'," I asked. Charlie made her sign half-heartedly. Naomi made it back and offered a little smile.
"Goodnight, love," Katie stood and kissed Charlie's cheek, earning a small hug. "Sleep tight."
"Sweet dreams," Effy earned a hug as well. I got a nose-on-nose kiss before her head went to my chest again. I nodded to Gina as I moved to the other side of the living room towards the stairs that led to the East wing.
We walked past the walls of pictures of family. I loved finding new ones. I loved simply discovering the house. The side we were on was quiet, and comfortable for guests. Katie and Effy's rooms were across from our side and they shared a bathroom on the opposite end of the hall. A small living room waited at the end of the hall with windows letting in light on three sides. It was Charlie's play room in the morning, and she loved looking at the deer that came from the ridge on the south side, or the fog that rose on the west. I sipped coffee and watched her watch.
Charlie got her own room, which meant she slept alone for the first time ever. I missed her, but it felt normal. Our rooms were connected by a bathroom with a big tub she adored and a view of the backyard that stretched for years. Charlie's room had two twin beds. One was covered with her bag and clothes, while the other she decided would be hers to sleep inside, her jacket tucked under the pillow until it was time to sleep. The room was perfectly lavender, light purple and relaxingly comfortable at every turn.
"What jams tonight, Charlotte?" I let her stand on her bed. She signed santa again and I grabbed them from the other bed. "You know, you have to sleep the whole night, and then Santa will come down the chimney in the study, right?" I asked as I slipped off her socks and pants and threw them towards the hamper. "Santa will slide down, and eat the cookies we made," off went her shirt to the hamper. She smiled at me and rubbed her tummy with a little dance. "And he will share the carrots with the reindeer. Then he will leave presents, because you were the best girl all year, and I'm positive you were on the nice list. Foot," I held out her onesie foot. Katie loved shopping for her too much, but these were warm and cute, so I didn't fight her too much on it. "Other," I held it again while she held my shoulders for balance. I zipped and kissed her forehead when I reached her neck. "What story tonight, my love?"
Muffin, she signed.
"Good choice," I pulled up the quilt on her bed for her to slide inside and grabbed the book from her nightstand. I'd memorized If You Give A Moose a Muffin, but she loved the pictures.
We settled in to read, and by the time he was asking for a nap, she was asleep. I sat with her and set the book down, pushing her hair to the side and holding her tight. I watched the snow flutter about in the dark window. I had nothing to think about, and that was strage and welcome. Things were actually working surprisingly well. Perhaps too well. That is a fear in and of itself. But we were happy. She was growing and adapting and thriving. I was employed and had a savings. Somewhat. And we had a new little group that helped us be alive and survive well. That's a Christmas miracle if I've ever heard one.
For the first time in a few weeks, I allowed myself to think of Charlie's parents. They were decades ago and lightyears away from this moment, but they were suddenly stuck in my head and throat no matter how much I swallowed and shook and shook and shook to get them out. One day Charlie would have questions, and I wouldn't have answers. I'd only known them for just over two years before they were killed. I didn't know her dad's favorite color or team. I couldn't tell her what school her mom went to, or even where she grew up. That suddenly terrified me. Fears adapt as well.
"You know, I will protect you," I whispered. "They know it," I added for myself. I listened to her breathe. "I still think your mum was crazy to trust me with something this important, but I'm so glad she did. This is the first in a lifetime of Christmases together, my little girl. And I'm going to mum the heck out of you, and make sure you don't hate me like I hate mine, and yours hated hers, and I'm sure everyone has hated their own at some point. Not us, little one. We're doing good."
I kept staring out the window as if I'd see something there in the reflection of the warm room. I pulled the blanket up on her shoulders.
"Sweet dreams, Charlie," I kissed her forehead. "I love you." I watched her for a few more minutes from the door after turning off the larger light and simply let the bathroom light stream through a crack to make sure she wasn't afraid if she woke up in the night. I doubted she'd wake. The day had been spent running in the snow, and feeding the animals, and baking. She was as exhausted as I was. I hoped to sleep as peacefully.
Gently, I shut the door behind me and moved toward my room on the end of the hall. I grabbed all of her presents I'd bought and wrapped over the past few nights, and lugged them downstairs. There wasn't many, but I figured she'd like new clothes and a few different toys.
"Let me give you a hand," Kieran hopped up from a seat in the study where he was writing. "What an elf," he chuckled to himself.
"Thanks," I breathed lighter as he lightened the stack from my hand.
"Let's try to find a place," he led me towards the giant tree in the full length windows. The bottom over-flowed with presents of various sizes and colors, all beautifully wrapped and exquisit looking.
"Goodness," I sighed. The room had been empty earlier today.
"Just a few things for everyone from everyone," he shrugged and continued to stack. There were too many boxes to count, fanning all around the tree. "Plus, Charlie's first Christmas seemed like an event your sister and Gina couldn't pass up without celebration." I sighed again.
"Last bit," Katie's voice floated in from the hall before she appeared.
"It better be, this is ridiculous," Effy followed closely.
"My niece is getting spoiled always," Katie informed her as they entered with full arms. I watched her sit them down and start to put them near the tree. "And don't you even start," she pointed at me good-naturedly. "I'm not spoiling too much. I promise it's a lot of clothes and such."
"Katie," I started, trying to politely scold.
"Come on, Ems," she put her hands on her hips. I watched Kieran slip back to his desk and turn his back guiltily. "Don't get all mad. Let us be the best Santas ever."
"Kieran, honey, can you help?" I heard Gina call from the opposite side of where I came down the stairs. He put his pen down and grumbled his way out of the room. Katie and I resumed our staring match. Effy shifted awkwardly beside us and eventually gave up to stack more.
"You're cut off," I finally relented. "No more, for many months."
"Til her birthday," Effy corrected. I shot her a glare. She shrugged and ignored me. Katie smiled broadly.
"I think this is all," Gina came in a second later with Kieran at her heals, both with arms full of boxes.
"Gina," I whined. "Please tell me those aren't all for Charlie."
"Not all," she immediately went to popping some in stockings and others onto the pile by the tree. "Some are for everyone. Most are for Charlie. I just love Christmas."
"She's a grinch," Katie informed her when she caught my sour face. "Don't mind the look, she's just full of stubborn."
"You are all spoiling Charlie," I stomped my foot. I felt as whiney as I'm sure I sounded; tiny and unforceful.
"One day isn't spoiling," Gina assured me, unfazed by my reaction.
I opened my mouth to protest, but Effy gave me a look and smile. Katie did the same. Gina followed. I crossed my arms and tried again, but the looks got more stern. I looked at the tall tree, decorated in beautiful ornaments mingled with ones Naomi made when she was seven. I caught the ones she taught Charlie how to make during our visit. We all had one on there. Stockings hung on the fireplace with care, our names sewn in and all full of oddly shaped boxes. The fire cracked beneath and the lights dimly glowed along the mantle. Presents cascaded along the floor and wall beneath the tree, some even shoved like ornaments in the branches. Something about the fact that my handprint ornament hung there with Effy's, and Katie's stocking twisted next to Charlie's beside Gina's, with Kieran snacking on carrots and drinking reindeer juice at his desk, it just felt like everything was wonderfully alive and present.
I pretended to be mad, but gave up with a smile and turned to leave them to their work.
"You're pouty," Naomi observed without really looking up from her book. The TV played to itself on mute with the fire hissing occasionally across from her.
"Have you seen the study?" I sat on the arm of the couch defeatedly. She smiled to herself and nodded. "It's ridiculous."
"It's her first Christmas," she shrugged.
"That doesn't mean she needs a million presents," I argued, playing with the fabric of my knees. I was jealous I couldn't provide it all for her.
"She's a kid who can't talk, has dead parents, and is trapped in her own mind," Naomi explained. "Let her be ridiculously spoiled by ridiculous Christmas shoppers who can't do anything else but make sure she has the best day of her life so far."
I hated when she did that. I picked at my knee a bit harder. She turned the page of her book. Sometimes that bugged me even more. She never gave me her whole attention. I only bought my daughter a handful of presents. I was inadequate. I heard them laughing in the other room. Katie called a few minutes later to see if I wanted a drink. I declined and went back to sulking.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Naomi finally asked, startling me from my distracted thinking in a circle of nothing. I nodded. She put her book on the coffee table and stood, working on the television and searching for a movie. She got it started and turned off a few lights, so the only indication of other life was the light in the hall that led towards the study. The fireplace murmured to itself.
"Would you like a drink?" she hadn't met my eyes in hours. I shook my head and she resumed her spot, rigidly. The opening credits for It's a Wonderful Life started a minute later. We were both quiet.
"You know, they're helpless to fix anything in her life," she turned to me, still not looking at me. "But they can do this. It's nice to let them do this so they think they are helping." With that she turned back to the screen. I watched her adjust her long legs. I hated when she did that.
I took a deep breath and shifted. I laid my head in her lap. A few minutes later she gradually started to relax.
"It's hard to let people help," I sighed.
"I know," Naomi agreed, throwing a blanket over me from the back of the couch.
We sat quietly and watched the movie. Naomi's arm rested on my shoulder. I held it. She ran her fingers through my hair. I calmed and felt myself relax from the skittishness I'd been developing. This is what my life was now, and that was okay.
"I love this movie," Katie and Effy joined us after about a half hour of quietness. No one came to the couch though. I stretched and nuzzled Naomi's lap slightly as they picked different chairs.
"This has always been our favorite," Gina joined a few minutes later. The light turned off in the hall. She picked a loveseat and curled up with Kieran. Naomi's hands froze for a few minutes, but gradually began again. I dozed and tried to pay attention. It felt like a losing battle. Everyone was quiet. Her hands made me sleepy. The fire didn't help. The blanket over my shoulders didn't either.
"Remember when your dad made us watch this every Christmas Eve, Naomi?"
I didn't hear an answer, but I assumed there was a nod.
"I don't think we ever watched it as a family," Katie offered for me.
"It was an affair," Gina explained, voice melancholy and happy. "Cookies and milk were set out, Naomi was very particular about the chimney being put out in the study, and we had snacks and hot cocoa while we watched. You never made it to the end," she laughed slightly. Naomi was quiet against the acquisition. "Neither of you did," Gina added.
"The cocoa was drugged," Effy laughed. I watched her long legs dangle over Katie's lap. "All I remember is Mary and George in love. It took me a decade to figure out what actually happened in this movie."
"We haven't watched it in a few Christmases, huh?" Gina asked. Again Naomi was silent. Her hands paused. I squeezed the one I was hugging.
"I can't remember the last time," Effy offered.
It grew quiet again. I laid on my back and looked up at Naomi for a moment. She was staring forward like a statue, unblinking and blind. I cupped her cheek in my hand until she looked at me. I smiled slightly, the half one that I knew she understood. She went back to watching. I watched her swallow.
The movie faded for me, and I wasn't sure how much time passed before I was jolted awake by my own awareness. The room was quiet except for the flipping of the page in Naomi's book on the arm of the couch.
"They went to bed," Naomi said as I blinked and looked about confusedly.
"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes and hoarsed through my sleepy voice. Naomi checked her watch.
"Just after two," she returned to the pages.
"I fell asleep," I observed quite stupidly. She just nodded. A minute passed and a page flipped. I wondered if her leg was asleep and if that mattered because I was comfy and she was still there. "Thank you for sitting with me," I mumbled.
"I couldn't go anywhere else," she stated. I sat up finally and tried to pull my hair up slightly. Another page flipped.
"Are you ready for bed?" I asked, rolling my shoulders and turning into myself.
"I think so," she nodded, closing her book and setting it on the table. "Happy Christmas," she smiled slightly to me.
"Let's get you to bed," I held out my hand as I stood up. "You're exhausted. Too much time running around with Charlie in the snow."
"I like her. She's one of my favorite people," she muttered, lacing our fingers and following obediently.
"Good."
We reached the stairs. Naomi's room was in the main wing with Effy and Gina's. She was down the hall and to the right. I was the opposite and on the left. We hesitated for a moment, awkwardly, as if I hadn't spent the past hour asleep on her leg.
"Let me walk you to your room," Naomi offered. "This house is sometimes creepy at night." Before I could object we were walking up the steps quietly. It was unnecessary, but I was glad she was with me.
"Let me check on Charlie," I whispered as we made it to the end of the hall. I cracked the door slowly, and listened to her breathing. She was curled in a tiny sleeping ball in the middle of her bed. "Asleep and safe."
"I might have tired her out too," Naomi smiled as the door softly clinked behind me. "She doesn't show it. She's amazing."
"I'm quite attached," I agreed as we moved towards my door. "She's going to lose it tomorrow when she sees the presents." Naomi smiled again, wider this time.
"Christmas is my favorite time of year," she whispered. "It's the only time everyone believes in magic. It's the only time I believed in things I couldn't understand."
"I think you're passing that on to Charlie," I assured her. I bit my lip because I wanted to kiss her.
"This is your place," she sighed at my door.
"Yes," I agreed. "Would you like to come in?"