Chapter 7:
Love Me Tinder….
A/N: Hello again! Miss me? I felt really bad about not updating for long until just yesterday so I decided to do all of my homework just to reward you all with another chapter. Hopefully you all enjoy it because this one has been one of my favorites to write thus far so with that being said. Enjoy!
"Are you tired of not knowing how to talk to girls? Are you just that guy that hides in his room and avoids social interaction like Gremlins do sunlight? Well today we will put an end to that and I, Zeustron, will make a man out of you." The voice from the youtube video boomed ecstatically through the phone speaker, much to the annoyance of Shadow who disliked the video from the start.
"I can't believe this is what I have resorted to." The ebony hedgehog growled bitterly underneath his breath as he just glared angrily at his phone screen. He felt so desperate at this point, it had been a couple of days since the secret santa party at Rouge's house and ever since he had gotten Amy's number, he hadn't been able to work up the courage to send her a text or anything. Yeah, that's right, the same hedgehog who single handedly went head to head with Black Doom and legions of soldiers both human and alien was completely nervous about texting a girl. He tried to rationalize his hesitation as he was waiting for the perfect time to message her, he just didn't want to text her right off the bat and seem so whiny and desperate. Shadow wanted to wait so that when he did message her he wouldn't be some bumbling idiot like he was at the party. As time went on however and the minutes turned to hours and then those hours turned to days, he slowly started to realize that if he didn't get some kind of help he was never going to be able to text the pink hedgehog.
If that happens than all of my efforts would have been in vain, Shadow thought as he paused the lame video, set his phone down on the dresser, and got up off of his bed and looked out of his apartment window at the massive, sprawling city of Westopolis. The sun was out and the city as usual was all hustle and bustle since it was early afternoon. There were no clouds out so the sun was in full effect, casting it's warm rays of light down to the city below. Shadow just stared out the window, pondering about what he was going to do about his predicament.
I honestly don't have a single clue as to what I should do. Shadow brooded as he continued to think of all the various ideas of what he should say. Many words and sentences came into his mind but each one was worse than the last. "Hey", "hey what's up?", "how are you?", just very generic openers and he was afraid that none of them will do. Plus on top of that it's been two days since he had gotten her number. That's a lot of time that has gone by and she was probably wondering what the hell had happened to him. He could just picture her worried expression as she wondered if he had been poisoned, kidnapped by some random foreign government, eaten by some cannibals, stranded on the top of mount everest. The list went on and on and that's when the ebony hedgehog shook his head and suddenly got a hold of himself. He was overthinking literally everything and whining about his situation instead of doing something about it. For chaos sake he was the ultimate life form, he should be fighting his problems head on not letting them swallow him whole. Unfortunately, he couldn't do this alone. The ebony hedgehog was stubborn as a mule but even he recognized the fact that this was one battle that he would need help winning. Without thinking any further, Shadow raced over to his bed and picked up the phone and texted Rouge.
"Hey, what are you doing? I need help with something." A few moments went by before he heard the sound of his phone chiming, indicating a response from the bat. He quickly unlocked his phone and opened her message.
"I'm not doing anything since Knucklehead is at work. Does this something involve Amy?" Shadow sighed in defeat, he didn't like the fact he was asking for help but sometimes you just can't go it alone.
"Yes, I haven't texted her yet even though I got her number at the party. I don't know what to say." Shadow didn't even have to wait longer than ten seconds before his phone chimed again and he looked at the bat's response which was just a simple, "on my way.".
"God, I hope this works." Shadow prayed as he laid down on his bed and let his body sink into the mattress, the cushions providing some comfort to the ebony hedgehog's rather tense body. He felt so wound up about this whole thing and he just wanted his mind and his heart to be at peace, but it seemed fate had different plans for him.
I hope I can still make this work, Shadow thought to himself as he continued to lay down, his eyes looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought. Apparently, he was so lost in thought that he didn't even realize how much time had gone by and that there was a knocking at the door. A voice then suddenly screeched from the other side.
"SHADOW! DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT!"
Oh shit, Shadow frantically leapt out of bed and quickly unlocked the door and opened it to reveal Rouge in her usual attire with a very irritated expression on her face.
"Sorry." Shadow apologized as Rouge quickly passed him and entered his apartment.
"It's okay, just listen next time. For chaos sake I was out there banging on the door for at least five minutes." Rouge complained as she entered the living room and sat down on the couch. The bat couldn't help but look around, it was a rather nice place, small but cozy and not much furniture or decorations. Just the standard couch and tv along with some cabinets.
"Nice place Shadow." She complimented as Shadow took his place on the couch beside her.
"Thanks, but it's only temporary." Shadow responded as he placed his phone on his lap.
"What do you mean by that?" Rouge questioned, wondering what exactly the ebony
hedgehog meant by his words.
"That's not exactly important. What is though is the matter at hand." Shadow quickly cut
off the small talk, he was never a fan of it. He just wanted to get down to business so he could go back to doing things on his own.
"Well you sure know how to talk to a woman." Rouge giggled, earning a dark glare from
the ebony hedgehog beside her, deflating her joke. "Okay fine, we'll need to work on that at some point. For right now, give me details as to what is going on."
Shadow sighed, knowing that he was going to have to swallow his pride and accept that he did need help otherwise he wasn't going to do anything. He quickly explained the events of the past couple of days from the time he got his number up until now when he was wallowing in self pity that he couldn't do something as simple as message a girl. When he finished, he hung his head low and just stared at his phone with a blank expression. Rouge compassionately placed a hand on Shadow's shoulder.
"Shadow, it's okay to be nervous. It's natural. You just can't keep letting it eat you up inside. Remember our conversation in the kitchen at the party? I said you needed to channel your fear into confidence and that I would help you." Shadow looked up at her, and he could see in her eyes that she truly meant what she said with those words. She was a friend willing to go out of her way to help him, and he was very grateful for that.
"Thank you Rouge, but like I said. I don't know what would be a good way to start things off with her."
"Well how about this, what kinds of things does she like? I know you remember the dinner we all had." Rouge said hoping to get Shadow to recollect things that could possibly help him. The ebony hedgehog sat there on the couch for a moment deep in thought, he looked like a contestant on Jeopardy with how long he sat there trying to remember bits and pieces of the conversation.
"I remember her mentioning that she was a photographer, and that she wants to open her own flower shop." Shadow answered, finally breaking the silence that hung in the air.
"Good! You remember some of her interests." Rouge exclaimed, earning a void stare from the ebony hedgehog.
"Okay, I'm not understanding. How is this material supposed to help me? I'm not just going to be like "Hey you should take some pictures of me sometime." or "How's the flower shop coming along?". Those just sound lame."
"Well if you would have let me explain a little further you would have heard me say that you could always use a pick-up line." Rouge said in a snarky tone, the void look on Shadow' face quickly turned into a confused one.
"A pick-up line?"
"Yes silly, don't you know what those are?" The bat asked, baffled that the hedgehog didn't know what a pick-up line was.
"No not at all." He replied, scratching his fur nervously. "Am I supposed to?"
"It is a very strong weapon that one should have in their arsenal when it comes to dating Shadow, they work like a charm when you are attempting to break the ice." Rouge explained, hoping to make Shadow realize just how important said pick up lines really are.
"Give me an example." Shadow demanded, eager to know just what this weapon could possibly be.
"Okay, how about this." Rouge cleared her throat before giving Shadow a flirtatious look. "You remind me of the twenty one letters of the alphabet." Shadow tried to hold in his laughter but he couldn't. How could she be so stupid? There are twenty six letters in the alphabet. The ebony hedgehog kept on chuckling to himself until he got his laughing under control before looking at the bat beside him.
"Rouge, there are twenty six letters." Shadow informed her before she giggled, still in character with this whole demonstration.
"Oops, I forgot. URAQT." She gave him a wink and sat back and watched the blush on Shadow's face form slowly but surely.
"Oh my chaos, that was so cheesy." He mumbled, hoping the blush would vanish quickly.
"Exactly! It works like a charm. Now how about you use one on Amy? I'm sure she'd enjoy it."
"I would, but I don't know any." Shadow said as he picked up the phone and unlocked it, his fingers hovering above the keyboard ready to type a message.
"That's why I'm here you goof. I'm here to help you. You said she was a freelance photographer right?" Rouge asked, receiving a nod from the hedgehog. "Why don't you try this. Hey girl, are you a camera, because every time I look at you, I smile."
"Um, doesn't that sound just a little bit creepy?" Shadow asked, wondering how something as stupid and cheesy was going to work but Rouge just gave him an annoyed expression.
"Only if you think about it that way. Anyways, go ahead and try it. The worst thing that could happen is that she would laugh it off." Shadow turned his attention from her and to the phone that was open on the draft message he was going to send to Amy. These were unknown waters he was treading on he knew that much. However, he didn't know what was going to happen until he did something. Underneath the helpful and watchful eye of Rouge the bat, the ebony hedgehog slowly typed up the cheesy pick up line that Rouge had given him. His finger hovered over the send button for a few seconds, nervous as to what her reply would be but before he could think any further, he pressed it and shortly thereafter the message was delivered.
"We have a lot of work to do." Rouge acknowledged after watching Shadow hesitate on sending the message.
"What do you mean? I did what you said!" Shadow yelled, tossing his phone on the couch and standing up.
"It means that in order to date Amy, you're going to need a lot of help." Rouge declared, standing up as well only a couple of feet apart from the ebony hedgehog. He was stubborn but she wasn't one to back down either. "When was the last time you went on a date with a girl?" Shadow just stood there, his crimson irises focused on Rouge but no words came out. He remained silent, and it was resounding silence that gave Rouge the answer she had come to expect.
"Exactly. I'm going to help you Shadow become so irresistible that you'll have Amy in no time. Now you just have to do what I say. You are about to undergo some serious training." Rouge quickly grabbed Shadow's phone that was on the couch before the hedgehog could react.
"What the hell is this, bootcamp?" Shadow said in a smartass tone as he tried to wrestle the phone out of Rouge's grasp, to no avail. Her grip on his phone was equivalent to that of Thor's on his hammer, it wasn't going anywhere. After a couple of moments of tugging back and forth, Rouge retained control of the phone and quickly went into the app store.
"Yes actually. This is going to whip you into shape Shadow. I'm going to walk you through on how to be the perfect guy. However, the present finding will all be up to you. You have to be able to do that. Your first lesson though, will be on how to talk to girls."
"Didn't we just do that?" Shadow whined as he plopped back down on the couch, regretting his decision on inviting Rouge over.
"That was one girl Shadow, we need to get you more comfortable so you don't act like you did at the Christmas party. Don't think we haven't forgotten about that." Rouge chuckled thinking back on Shadow and his nervous breakdown. Shadow just wished the mattress would just turn into a carnivorous beast and eat him alive. That would be ten times more pleasant than have to go through this vigorous training program that Rouge had planned for him. Speaking of which, just what was she doing with his phone?
"Rouge, what are you doing with my phone?" Shadow inquired, watching the bat type away on his phone.
"Well if you are going to get any sort of experience we need to get you a Tinder." Rouge replied as she continued typing away on his phone.
"How in the hell is a tenderloin going to help me?!" Shadow barked, wondering just what the hell Rouge was talking about. This bat was driving him up the walls, just what was she scheming?
"Not a tenderloin Shadow, Tinder. It's a dating app." Rouge informed the socially inept hedgehog as she revealed the phone to show that the app was downloading on his phone.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" The ebony hedgehog screamed as he launched himself from the couch to grab his phone. Rouge sidestepped rather easily and Shadow crashed to the floor, landing on his stomach. He felt like the kid who belly flopped off the ten foot diving board, he just didn't want to move plus he didn't think about what would happen if he missed. His stomach was in pain but after a few seconds his regeneration kicked in and then afterwards he didn't feel anything at all. He got back up to his feet and gave Rouge an evil glare.
"This isn't a good idea." Shadow stated as Rouge looked up at him and gave him a smile.
"I promise you, that when everything is all said and done. You'll thank me. This is to help better prepare you." Shadow just growled and folded his arms in protest, he really hated this whole situation. If I would have just worked up the courage to say something as simple as hello, I wouldn't be here right now. Instead I have a bat messing around on my phone making a dating profile for me. My life has become a mess, Shadow thought glumly as he turned his back on Rouge and let her do whatever it was that she was doing.
As long as things go well, I'll leave things to her for now. Shadow closed his eyes and just prayed that she would hurry up. She had already taken forever and his patience was already shot from everything that had taken place. He just wanted to sleep the rest of the day away and pretend that none of this ever happened.
"Yoo-hoo! You got to really stop zoning out, I finally finished your profile." Rouge hollered at Shadow who opened his eyes and squinted at her.
"You better not have made a fool out of me." He replied darkly as he grabbed back his phone and looked at his profile. His jaw dropped at Rouge's work. What had she done? There were various pictures of him on a motorcycle, holding guns, and playing his guitar and his description was between parodying himself and also being truthful. It was actually quite remarkable. He had to reread the description and couldn't help but laugh internally at it.
"Who would win, an entire army of aliens determined for world conquest? Or one edgy boi? I think you know the answer. Guns, motorcycles, and rock music are my favorite. I'm no faker, I'm the coolest and I'm the Ultimate lifeform, also a musician.
Favorite song: I Am...All of Me by Crush 40
Favorite movie: The Dark Knight
Looking for someone to help me go out and enjoy what the world has to offer."
"Well...what do you think?" Rouge asked with a smile on her face, pleased to see that Shadow could at least see the humor of it all.
"I think this is your best work yet." Shadow chuckled as he handed the phone back to her. "So now what do we do?" He asked, wondering what the next step to his training was.
"We swipe and then we-." Before Rouge could finish Shadow's phone chimed, indicating that there was a new message for him to read. Perplexed, Shadow looked at the phone and his heart nearly stopped, there was a message from Amy. The pink hedgehog had finally responded.
"Oh chaos." Shadow whispered to himself as Rouge looked over his shoulder to see what was going on.
"What did she say?" She asked as he opened the message, and it said…
A/N: And I'll stop it there for now, you'll just have to find out what it said next time. Next chapter is going to be full of all sorts of things. Such as what was Amy's reply? How is Shadow going to handle Rouge's training? And how successful will Shadow be on Tinder? Well until next time, leave me a review and I hope to update shortly. Signing off!