A/N: Hi everyone! So... it's been awhile. I know, I'm sorry, but y'know, life happens.
Anyways, we're back to the grind again, so let's keep moving, shall we?
I've got an extra long chapter for you, so enjoy!
"Four days," I moaned into the armrest of my chair, resisting the urge to slam my head into the upholstery again. "Four days and we've found nothing."
"I thought you were supposed to be more patient that this." Phasma murmured, offering me another bright fluorescent tube filled with a myriad of alert medications.
"Patience is for a Jedi," I hissed grumpily, sitting up. "Do I look like I Jedi?" Phasma chose not to answer, and instead sat down again, picking up another scroll and started reading, looking far more comfortable than I felt, and to me she seemed to be practically lounging on the chair, her silver armor discarded for the black under-clothing. I fingered the vial for a moment before setting it down on the table.
The familiar buzz of the alert medications was tempting, especially considering how exhausted I felt, but I'd already taken two of these already and I didn't want to risk taking anymore. I had decided it wasn't worth sleeping until I had at least had something to show for my efforts other than a room full of discarded scrolls.
"We're missing something," I said frustratedly, raking hand through my hair in frustration. "I can feel it."
"Are you sure there simply isn't anything here?" Phasma ventured, glancing up from her scroll. "Maybe we're looking in the wrong place."
"Well where else am I supposed to look?" I snapped back. "Thanks to that idiot Palpatine and my grandfather all the Jedi archives have been obliterated. Even if the temple's location was written down somewhere it was probably destroyed because my grandfather couldn't keep his damn temper in check!" I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath, realizing very quickly that this line of thought was counter-productive. "I'm sorry, you're not the one I'm mad at."
"I don't think I've ever heard you refer to Darth Vader as your flesh and blood before," Phasma murmured, and I thought I heard a chuckle, though the rare human reaction from the normally stone-faced woman wasn't quite enough to bring a smile to my lips.
"Well just because I don't obsessively worship his burnt skull in my quarters doesn't mean I don't recognize him as my family." I winced. I really shouldn't have said that. "Don't tell my brother I said that."
"I swore I'd never do anything to cause you harm," was all she said before she settled back into her chair.
A smile did finally cross my lips for a moment before it faded, and my mind was unwillingly pulled to Him.
My grandfather.
I didn't like to think about him much. After all, what was there to think about that hadn't already been thought? I never truly blamed Kylo for his choice to to turn to the Dark Side, or his allure to it in the first place. The simple fact I'd chosen the same thing meant I realize wasn't in any position judge that mistake. And despite my hatred for my uncle, I didn't really blame him either. This power, this curse, it hadn't started with my brother or my uncle. Darkness had been in my family long before my brother and I were born. The person who'd started all this, the person who I truly thought was to blame, was my grandfather.
Anakin Skywalker.
Darth Vader.
At least, in all my power, I never believed I could do something as ludicrous as bringing someone back from the dead. Though my abilities had allowed me to push my power beyond limits of the old Jedi, I knew that if I ever became over-confident in my power, it could be my last mistake. I couldn't afford a mistake like that, not when the consequences of my last mistake had led the to very circumstances that left me where I was now. I wasn't blind to my grandfather's choices, I simply chose to ignore them. It would be a waste of time to think of my grandfather, to dwell on a past I couldn't change. After all, if I did this right, I was going to eclipse him in every way possible. When they talked of him, they were going to remember me first.
I wasn't going to be second-rate to anyone, especially my grandfather.
"I think- I found something," Phasma halting words brought out of my daze, and I sat up quickly, scrambling up over to her, only distantly remembering to avoid the ancient scrolls and not destroy them in my rush.
"What did you find?!" I asked quickly, snatching the scroll from her hands.
"I found," Phasma hissed, snatching the scroll back, but not before giving me supremely dirty look, "a planet name. It's referenced several times here in connection to a large wealth of knowledge. I've check the Order's databases and the planet is still there, along with their culture. They retreated into solitude after the fall of the Empire. Apparently there was a huge civil war during the years of the Empire, and one of the natural species of the planet was completely wiped out in the war. Apparently the Naboo flooded the oceans with toxins-"
"Wait a moment," I said haltingly, "wh-what did you say they were called?" Those people- that name- it couldn't be.
"The Naboo." Phasma looked up at me. "They live on the planet named after them-"
"Naboo," I finished, rubbing my temples.
Of course, it had to be Naboo.
It seemed I wasn't out of my grandfather's shadow quite yet.
"You know the planet?" Phasma asked, surprised. So she didn't know all of my family's history, that was good to know.
"Yes I know it. It was where my grandmother was born." I heaved a sigh glanced at Phasma, who looked curious, but seemed to realize I wasn't the mood to explain. "We've got our answer. Go to bed. We'll figure out a plan in the morning."
She turned and stared me, her gaze impassive and resolved. "You won't leave without discussing the plan with me first." It was more of an order, less a request. Under normal circumstances, and if there were others around, I might have had to punish her for her insolent tone. But considering the circumstances, I could let it slide.
"Yes," I replied plaintively. She narrowed her eyes, as if she didn't believe me. "I said yes." I held up my hands in surrender. I was too tired to argue the point right now. I just wanted sleep, and to ignore the looming problems this new information presented.
She continued to glare at me for a moment, before Phasma set the scroll gently down away from the others and nodded slowly, getting up, and brushing off non-existent dirt off her clothing.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, and after moment of hesitation, clapped me lightly on the shoulder. It was a friendly gesture, with no malice behind her intention, and it surprised me enough that I stood frozen until long after she'd left the room. I didn't I had making much headway with Phasma in that regard, but I supposed I should be glad at least one good thing had come out of today.
When I finally got my addled brain working again, I walked back to my room with slow, lethargic steps. The medications had finally worn off and I was dead on my feet. I had no energy left to be subtle or poised, which made me even more glad for the private quarters I lived in.
When I first opened the door, it took me a moment to realize that Kylo wasn't here. There was no one in the bed we normally shared, though the sheets seemed mussed, as if someone had been laying there earlier. He must have gotten called away, even though it was the middle of the night. I shouldn't be surprised, though; he had been training more often with Snoke in the evenings.
Even though he wasn't here, I could still smell his scent in the covers, and if I imagined a bit, could still feel his warmth too. I lay down on the bed and snuggled into the fabric trying to ignore how my body ached for him, for some kind of comfort. I wished he was here, that he could hold me close and brush my hair. I needed him to tell me it was going to be fine, even though my intuition was telling me quite the opposite.
It wasn't the sleepiness, the aching tiredness in my bones from the past four days of constant searching, little sleep, and even less food. I'd found the clue I was searching for. There was something on Naboo, I was certain of it. I could feel the truth of Phasma's evidence through the Force. There was something there.
But this feeling, this hesitation inside of me was coming from something else. Naboo frightened me. The idea of going there, where this had really all begun, terrified me in a way I couldn't explain. It was a feeling in the Force I couldn't comprehend. There seemed no reason for it, no explanation I could come up with that made sense. The more I tried to think about it, the less it made sense. So against my better judgement, I ignored it and curled into the covers, shutting out the world and drifting into blissful unconsciousness.
I was surrounded by darkness, the thick viscous atmosphere leaving me paralyzed, unable to move, unable to feel, unable to comprehend anything beyond the suffocating darkness. For what seemed like an eternity I was alone in the darkness, the lack of any stimuli slowly driving me insane. Then, quite suddenly, I felt a presence behind me. Though I couldn't determine, who, or what it was, it moved slowly, almost as if was- curious. There was an innocence about, and a vague familiarity. I floated around me for a moment, almost as if it was considering me, observing me. Then it moved forward cautiously and touched my chest gently.
With a sudden, almost sickening motion, everything around us jerked suddenly, throwing us both into a sand filled arena, stone walls hundreds of feet high, and on top of them, hundreds of winged creatures, screaming at us as we fought for our lives Hundreds of lightsaber flashed around us, defending themselves against an endless army of drones, even as they marched on, slowly cutting down the battalion of Jedi. I could feel hopelessness threatening to crush us, even our desire to live grew impossibly bright.
The world jerked again, the darkness swallowing up the battle, for it only to be replaced by balcony, and below us a city, unlike anything I'd seen before, the towers reaching up, as if if they could just reach high enough, they might touch the stars above.
Then the vision changed again, and before us stood a city of round, almost bulbous looking buildings.
Before us, parade of amphibious creatures stood, a large bulbous one leading the procession as bright music played, the mood of crowds on either side joyous and cheering. White streams of paper fluttered around us as thousands cheered the parade on.
The last image was fleeting, a world on fire, the ground nothing but lava and molten rock, and as the red sky quickly faded into black, a single feeling remained, overwhelming us both. It was an overwhelming sense of sadness, anger, and most potently, betrayal. It consumed us, filling every available sense until the sheer power of the feelings thrust us apart, throwing the presence and I away from each other and into the darkness again.
I sat up, the breath gone my lungs, and for a moment I was choking once again in the foreign feelings thrust inside of me. The room spun around me viciously, and it was all I could do not to clutch my head and cry out in pain. There was too much- too much in my head, I couldn't stand it.
"Lyssa? Lyssa what's wrong?" Kylo asked, and I suddenly realized that my mind was still open to the Force, that I had no defenses whatsoever. I had no control over my thoughts, over any of part of my mind.
"Fine," I gasped back, the remnants of the foreign emotions still running through my mind, making it difficult to determine where the foreign feelings ended and I began. "Just- a bad dream."
He didn't feel convinced. "I'll be there soon."
His presence disappeared from my mind, and I lay back on the bed, breathing hard, clutching my chest, trying to calm down.
Desperately, I began trying to reconstruct the walls around my mind, until all I could sense was the blessed silence of my brother's room. I didn't want to ponder what the implications of this vision had meant, or what the visions had even been of. I didn't understand it. Every time the Force had shown me something, the meaning and intention had been clear. This had been anything but clear. The visions had been chaotic, the blurred images leaving me more disoriented than before. I could barely recall the details of each place without making my head spin. Everytime I tried, my feelings were jerked around, the sadness and rage threatening to choke me again.
Though it was barely a few minutes later when the door slid open and Kylo rushed through, pull off his mask and setting it on the table, it had felt like an eternity, each moment a battle, leaving me utterly spent. "Your mind was completely open." Kylo said hurriedly, sitting down next to me and brushing the hair off my neck, and it was only the feeling of his hand sliding across the damp skin that made me realize I was covered in sweat. "What happened?"
"I had a vision," I managed, sitting up slowly, using the gloved hand for support, "but it wasn't- it wasn't like anything I've experienced before. It was all jumbled, chaotic. It didn't make any sense." I tried to relay some of what I remembered, but I kept stuttering so badly that Kylo placed a hand on my chest gently.
"Lyssa," Kylo whispered, "Breathe. Take your time. I'm not leaving." I nodded and focused on his hand for a moment trying again, much more able to relay the small details I was sure of.
By the end, though, Kylo seemed as confused as I was, and his lack of understanding didn't make me feel any better about it. "There was- something else. Someone was there, with me in the vision. It was a presence, and it was because of them that I was thrown into the vision, almost like it was a trigger."
"A presence?" Kylo asked, looking very worried. "Could it have been Luke?"
I shook my head, sure that at the very least, our uncle hadn't managed to breach my defenses. "I would have recognized him." I glanced at my brother then, and vaguely realized that Kylo was in his training garb, the dark outfit looser and lighter than his normal clothing. "Where were you so late at night?"
"I was training with the Supreme Leader," Kylo said, and I felt a flash of fear go through me.
"Did he sense my open mind too?" I asked quietly, trying to quell the panic racing through me. If Snoke felt my mind, I was in trouble, a lot of trouble.
"No," Kylo said honestly, "I didn't sense anything until I had already left his presence."
"He didn't sense anything." I breathed an internal sigh of relief. He hadn't seen, I was safe, at least for the moment, but if my mind had been open the whole vision, and Kylo hadn't sensed my mind until after he'd left training, then something must have kept my open mind hidden, somehow isolated from the rest of the Force. If I was right, then that only made the vision that much stranger, and it was yet another thing about the vision that I didn't understand.
"Who could be strong enough though?" Kylo questioned, bringing me back to the conversation at hand. "to pull you into a vision like that?"
"I don't know," I finally said, because I had no answer for him, "maybe if I could understand the vision I might have a sense who it could be, but the vision just doesn't make sense." I slumped back onto the bed, my arm over my face so the light would sting my eyes so badly.
"What are you doing here, anyways?" Kylo asked gently, stroking my hair softly, the smooth motion soothing my throbbing head. "I thought you would still be with Captain Phasma."
"We found something," I said reluctantly, not wanting to get into this now, because I wasn't in the mood, "a place that might contain the location of the First Temple."
"That's excellent news," Kylo replied softly, "but you don't seem too happy about it." He wasn't going to be when I told him where I needed to go. Even if Kylo had always, admired Darth Vader, we'd both agreed how dangerous it was to try and find places from his past. It was to our advantage that so few knew our full family history, and looking into our grandfather's and our grandmother's past was too dangerous to do safely.
"It's Naboo," I said finally. "I have to go to Naboo."
"I'm coming with you," He said firmly, hardly missing a beat, almost as if he been preparing for something like this to come up, but then again, so was I, because I was already shaking my head.
"You can't", I whispered softly, even though there was a part of me who wanted him desperately to come with me, but knowing that I would never be able to complete my mission with him by my side. Kylo Ren was too visible of a figure, and even though I loved my brother, but his temper was going to get us nowhere. I also needed him here to keep an eye on the rest of the Order while I was away, insuring my place here wouldn't be in jeopardy while I was gone. "You have to stay here."
"No I-" Kylo began, but I put finger gently across his lips, silencing his protest.
"You have to stay here," I repeated, managing enough energy to crawl into his lap, gently turning his head back to look at me. "You have to stay here and protect what I've built. You have to make sure Hux doesn't destroy all the work I've done here."
"I swore," He said thickly, "That I wouldn't let you go." He looked so lost and helpless I couldn't help myself, and I planted a soft kiss on his lips, settling my forehead in the crook of his shoulder.
"I'll come back," I promised fervently. "You know I always will." His arms wrapped around hips, pulling me as close to him as possible, as if he was trying fuse us together. As if we weren't bound already, so deeply I could never let go, even if I wanted to.
"You better," he murmured into my shoulder, clutching me even tighter, almost to the point of pain. But it was such a sweet pain, and I couldn't deny him now, I never could. "Or else I'll burn anyone in my way to get you back."
"I know." I whispered, clutching him even tighter. "I know."