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The Intricate Ways Of Guilt

When they get back to Bobby's, very little is said about the events of the evening. Dean excuses himself first, disappearing up the stairs to go to bed, followed closely by Sam right after Ruby left, volunteering to do some more digging. Aidan doesn't follow Dean and Dean doesn't mind, he needs some time to think. When he gets to his room, he shuts the door and lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his hand down his face. Lilith is going to send an angel to Hell. He can't help but laugh at the thought of Uriel in Hell, he shouldn't, but he can't help himself. Then the shame sets in. It could be any angel, anywhere, anytime. Castiel. Anna. A bitter taste in his mouth.

Aidan waits until she hears Dean stop pacing and settle into bed before she joins Bobby on the porch. He takes the beer she offers silently and draws her into a hug, wordlessly conveying everything he feels.

"I ain't scared of you, kid, I'm scared for you. I don't like where this path leads." Bobby whispers into her hair.

"Me neither." She responds, resting her head on his shoulder a moment longer before pulling away to look at him, and then out into the night beyond. She knows what he's trying to say, what he wants to say.

"I can't promise I won't do it again, but I can promise that I won't use these abilities unless I have to." She seems small and vulnerable to him, still the girl he rescued all those years ago, and inside, he knows that part of her still is. He saw that little girl when Amun laid his hands on her and it took every ounce of control not to go to her.

"Then I guess that's all I can ask for," He says, his pride for her shining through his gruff veneer. "He'll get over it." Bobby adds. Her mouth curves into a small smile, her dark eyes betraying her pain. Her gaze returns to the darkness and they drink in silence.

*****

Dean and Sam leave the next morning, off on a hunt at one of the many schools they attended in their youth. Dean slips his hand into Aidan's for the briefest of seconds before they're out the door, easing much of the tension that had pervaded their lives since the day before. Neither speaks.

*****

He's scared, not that he wants to admit it. Dean hasn't heard from Castiel in weeks, hasn't heard from any of the angels. He can't help but wonder if that seal has already been broken. If so, then they're back to square one, their meeting with the ancient vampire in vain. He doesn't want to think of Castiel in Hell. Every demon down there would line up for the chance to torture him, souls gladly stepping off the rack to participate. Enjoying it. Like he did. He stifles that thought, distracting himself by turning to his brother. They haven't spoken in hours, driving silently, each assessing the words of the other. You're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. Dean clenches his jaw to smother the anger and pain erupting at the memories of his brother's words. He steals a glance at Sam who is looking out into the passing scenery. His face is sad and guilty, and Dean knows he meant every word.

*****

When Dean returns, he's by himself. This doesn't shock Bobby as much as it should; he had seen the turmoil raging between the brothers after he had saved them from the siren. He doesn't know what was said, but he's knows it was enough to drive them apart, even as they tried pitifully to convince him otherwise. When Bobby asks about Sam, Dean just mutters that he 'went to find Lilith' before ascending the stairs. Bobby lets him go without protest; he knows Dean will be ready to talk to him later.

She knew it was him from the moment the Impala drove up the driveway but she waits until he comes to her. She can sense his desolation and knows that something has transpired between him and Sam, especially since he's here alone. When he enters the room she allows herself to look at him over the top of the book she'd been reading. Neither says a word, she senses the fear he holds within, the fear of her rejection. He shrugs off his jacket, nearing the bed, and, when he sees no objection in her eyes, he lays down beside her. She doesn't put the book down, but she does snake an arm around him, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder.

He is glad that she hasn't pushed him away, that she's allowed him to get close. She continues to read, seemingly distant, but the hand playing in his hair tells him different. He loves her scent, familiar, comforting. He loves that she doesn't judge him.

"I'm sorry." He whispers across her skin. His voice, his words and his breath make her ache. She closes her book and puts it on the nightstand and pulls him closer, pressing her lips into his hair.

"Sam thinks I'm too weak to go after Lilith. That I hold him back. It's just…. I'm scared. I've been there, and I can't go back." His voice is hushed, spilling his secrets.

"I know. You're not the only one who's scared, Dean, we're all scared. You'd be an idiot not to be scared." She says, sliding down the bedspread to lie beside him. His eyes glisten in the dimmed light of the room and she is struck by his beauty. His scent envelopes her and she takes comfort in his presence, the warmth and safety that he unknowingly provides.

"I need you." His words are fear and lust combined and her heart races when his lips caress hers. She doesn't object when his mouth demands more and his hands begin to trace the curves he knows so well. She knows the moves his muscles make as he removes the shirts he's wearing. His hands return to her skin and she sighs, his strong hands stroking the skin beneath her tank top.

"I need you." He repeats his words, seeking permission and so much more. Her mouth is hard against his, needy and desperate. His hands are pulling the soft fabric down her hips, his lips not leaving hers. She whimpers when he pulls away to remove the rest of his clothing and he can't help but smile. He stops when she is finally naked before him, awed by the woman he loves.

"I would come and find you." Aidan says reaching up and to run her hand up his neck and through his hair, pulling him to her. He closes his eyes in relief, taking a second to compose himself before kissing her once again. They belong to each other, each knows this and tonight she will let him have her.

*****

The next time Dean sees Castiel, the angel is alive but Dean's relief is short-lived; they have a job for him. Castiel leads him through the warehouse as Dean recounts the events of the past few days, Amun and the next Seal. The angel is quiet, listening but quiet until they approach the door at the end of the hall. He turns to the eldest Winchester and Dean's blood runs cold when he sees Castiel steal himself for his next words. He looks back towards the closed door.

"We need your help, Dean." With no further explanation the angel is through the door, Dean right behind him. He is stopped dead in his tracks by the sight before him. Alastair bound before him, his expression strangely blank. He thinks his heart stops when he spots the tray off to the side, its contents all-too familiar. His gaze snaps back to the angel before him, the look on Castiel's face telling him everything he needs to know.

*****

A/N: We're almost there, thank you again soooooo much for your feedback; it helps me move this story along. Please review. I hope you like it. Cheers.